Adjustment to late onset deafness
- Thread starter jillio
- Start date
- Joined
- Sep 14, 2006
- Messages
- 14,492
- Reaction score
- 2
Ouch. Well, I am happy that you are taking charge of what is happening to you and I hope that your family is supportive of you.
I don't like it when hearing pity me because I rarely can understand music or why I like country music (everything else sounds more or less like static to me) yet I prefer punkish or goth styles to cowboy boots.
A lot of hearing are like why do I need sign when I have good speech. :roll:
- Joined
- Jun 10, 2009
- Messages
- 6,634
- Reaction score
- 3
DS, my husband is very supportive. Extended family members don't understand and I withdraw from them more and more. I don't necessarily consider that a bad thing. Why put out effort to be involved with people who don't understand or listen? 
What does being able to voice have to do with using ASL? If you can't hear their voice, why would they expect your voice to help?
What does being able to voice have to do with using ASL? If you can't hear their voice, why would they expect your voice to help?
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2008
- Messages
- 43,645
- Reaction score
- 504
DS, my husband is very supportive. Extended family members don't understand and I withdraw from them more and more. I don't necessarily consider that a bad thing. Why put out effort to be involved with people who don't understand or listen?
What does being able to voice have to do with using ASL? If you can't hear their voice, why would they expect your voice to help?
They don't understand if you can talk you can't hear. They think the two go together.
Sallylou, I feel for you. I'm nearly 40 and I'm losing the higher range frequencies. I can hear background noise just fine, but voices are a challenge. I hear it, so I know that someone is speaking, but it doesn't always resolve into words. I'm in the process of learning ASL now so that I'll have it when I need it. I'm at a point where my hearing loss is interfering with my ability to function and communicate, but isn't severe enough for my insurance to feel that anything should be done about it. My kids are getting really tired of constantly being reminded to face me when they speak and also of repeating everything 2 or 3 times until I get it. Of course, late onset hearing loss runs in my family, but no one ever learned ASL. They just bluff and pretend they understand what's being said to them.
- Joined
- Sep 14, 2006
- Messages
- 14,492
- Reaction score
- 2
DS, my husband is very supportive. Extended family members don't understand and I withdraw from them more and more. I don't necessarily consider that a bad thing. Why put out effort to be involved with people who don't understand or listen?
What does being able to voice have to do with using ASL? If you can't hear their voice, why would they expect your voice to help?
Yes. definley. When I go to family gatherings, I notice that I do better when I can move around and talk to everyone on an individual basis than if we all sit at the table. I just tune out everything and nod in the right places if I'm at the table.
And voice and ASL, oh I know! I tell hearing my signing suffers when I use my voice and that you shouldn't be using your voice while signing in it. Also, signing while speaking isn't going ot help if one can't hear the voice. If I have my CI off, voice isn't going to help me.
I know one hearing guy in my warlock's guild on WoW who dropped his ASL class because the teacher won't use her voice and she requires everyone to just sign.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Jun 10, 2009
- Messages
- 6,634
- Reaction score
- 3
Welcome, Babette. Glad that you joined us here. 
Bott, it's more than thinking that voice = hearing. When I tell someone that I can't hear, she/he thinks that turning up the volume will help. It doesn't matter how loud a sound is, if it's in a range I can't hear, I can't hear it! It's not a hard concept. I don't know why people can't understand it. :roll:
End of rant for tonight.
Bott, it's more than thinking that voice = hearing. When I tell someone that I can't hear, she/he thinks that turning up the volume will help. It doesn't matter how loud a sound is, if it's in a range I can't hear, I can't hear it! It's not a hard concept. I don't know why people can't understand it. :roll:
End of rant for tonight.
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2008
- Messages
- 43,645
- Reaction score
- 504
Welcome, Babette. Glad that you joined us here.
Bott, it's more than thinking that voice = hearing. When I tell someone that I can't hear, she/he thinks that turning up the volume will help. It doesn't matter how loud a sound is, if it's in a range I can't hear, I can't hear it! It's not a hard concept. I don't know why people can't understand it. :roll:
End of rant for tonight.
You can rant here! This thread is for you. I think they should hear a demo of what you hear so they know what parts of speech are missing for you.
Experience is the best teacher.
Welcome, Babette. Glad that you joined us here.
Bott, it's more than thinking that voice = hearing. When I tell someone that I can't hear, she/he thinks that turning up the volume will help. It doesn't matter how loud a sound is, if it's in a range I can't hear, I can't hear it! It's not a hard concept. I don't know why people can't understand it. :roll:
End of rant for tonight.
Amen. Volume is only half the ball game. Clarity is what really matters when it comes to comprehension. If you can't get the message clear, then doesn't matter how loud it is, it won't make sense.
It's important for us to remind hearing people that in a noisy environment we can't make out speech regardless of how loud they yell. We need visual/tactile methods instead.
I wish there were some way my kids could hear what I hear. Then they'd understand why I need them to enunciate and face me. They're boys, 11 and 13, and are at that age where they walk out of the room still talking, or keep facing the computer/TV while they speak.
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2008
- Messages
- 14,503
- Reaction score
- 19
I go through this with my kids (14 & 15). I had been losing my hearing since birth, but lost it all 3 years ago. I sat both kids down and had a heart to heart with them and explained what I needed them to do. For the most part, they listened. They do slip up as most teens will do, but they have been very good about it and they are home all day as I homeschool. We still have regular heart to heart talks just so they know how things are for me and if I need them to do other things. It also give them time to talk with me about anything.
I'll have to give that a try. I know they want to help and to be understood, they just forget because they don't experience it. I've also been incredibly fortunate to have a best friend who is deaf and is helping me cope with all of this. I feel like such a whiny-butt griping about about my loss (I still have 70% hearing) when he has less than 10%. However, we both know mine is going to get worse and he's teaching me ways to adapt. I was pretty stressed about it at first, but now I'm starting to see that even a total loss of hearing wouldn't be the catastrophe I had believed it to be. He has some problems that keep him from going out of the house much (not related to hearing loss) and most of his interactions with people are through internet chat and social networking sites. In person it's not too bad because he reads lips and body language and I can still hear men's voices fairly well.
I did have a big meltdown on him when he was feeling well enough to go out for ice cream. There was a very noisy birthday party in the restaurant and with all the background sound I just couldn't hear him. And since he can't hear the volume of his own voice, he didn't realize how softly he was speaking. I ended up in tears and I think he thought I was going to tell him off, but instead I asked "Is this how it is for you all of the time?"
So far mostly what I have is frustration with what's going on.
But, there is the bonus that he never complains about my snoring. LOL
I did have a big meltdown on him when he was feeling well enough to go out for ice cream. There was a very noisy birthday party in the restaurant and with all the background sound I just couldn't hear him. And since he can't hear the volume of his own voice, he didn't realize how softly he was speaking. I ended up in tears and I think he thought I was going to tell him off, but instead I asked "Is this how it is for you all of the time?"
So far mostly what I have is frustration with what's going on.
But, there is the bonus that he never complains about my snoring. LOL
Comparing your hearing to his doesn't help either of you. You're still adjusting. Don't feel guilty. This isn't about "who's deafer." It's about your adjustment process.
On another note, my Internet socialization has definitely increased. And any in-person socializing has been increasingly more and more in my own home, where I can control the sound level (for the most part).
I imagine these are common among deaf/hoh who are just getting into signing and other adaptive ways of communicating.
sally, sorry I am late in answering your question 
I respond with a combination of things like - well, for me, it's important to learn about various cultures and languages, and I fairly routinely come across people here who sign and I want to communicate better. For me also as someone who is hoh, whether or not I lose more of it in a physical sense, I focus on actually GAINING something else if I show respect for and desire to learn ASL. There is the possibility that I could make new friends - but beyond that, in a broader sense, there is much more than my metaphorical or physical "little world"; seeing how we can connect is more important than maintaining separation.
and for me as a Jew, I understand about the importance of language/culture/heritage; I can relate to the loss of these things, to oppression.
-ASL, certainly Spanish, Lao, Hmong see to be fairly routine in my area, with the spoken languages being concentrated especially in certain areas, but I just was able to use some Spanish couple days ago in trying to determine closing hour at local mall.
I respond with a combination of things like - well, for me, it's important to learn about various cultures and languages, and I fairly routinely come across people here who sign and I want to communicate better. For me also as someone who is hoh, whether or not I lose more of it in a physical sense, I focus on actually GAINING something else if I show respect for and desire to learn ASL. There is the possibility that I could make new friends - but beyond that, in a broader sense, there is much more than my metaphorical or physical "little world"; seeing how we can connect is more important than maintaining separation.
and for me as a Jew, I understand about the importance of language/culture/heritage; I can relate to the loss of these things, to oppression.
-ASL, certainly Spanish, Lao, Hmong see to be fairly routine in my area, with the spoken languages being concentrated especially in certain areas, but I just was able to use some Spanish couple days ago in trying to determine closing hour at local mall.
FxAvatar
New Member
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2009
- Messages
- 92
- Reaction score
- 0
I'm 42, my name is Michelena but I go by Mickey. I have just finished my 5th week in ASL & Chemical Dependency. I am working towards my life dream of working with our older generation. I am a psych minor. I was okay waking up completely deaf on New Years Eve. I still look at my non-hearing as a blessing in many ways. But for now I sit and cry more and more. I leave my classes on campus in tears. 5 weeks ago I was supposed to have a note taker because no one would volunteer to assist me.
From the first day of semester I had gone to disability support asking, begging to get help. Finally last week I lost it. I was going by the syllabus and went to lab as was required only to find no one there. Then I said okay I'll go to class. The room was dark & not a soul. I was upset because this affects my grade. I went up to dss (disability support services) and was polite at first then so mad I wanted to punch a few people. I tried explaining that I have this feeling of being lost. The lady I spoke to is an interpreter. She knows I'm deaf. I gave her a report from my adui but was told that's impossible especially since it was not signed. I said okay I'll bring in letter from my doc. Which I did. The whole time she would turn away and speak. I kept saying "I can't hear you, please turn around." so she did. But she would make it so I could not see her lips. At that point I was angry.
I have no idea how loud I am, but knew I was getting louder and louder so she went to get the her boss and he came in with an attitude. I got a bigger one and told him exactly what I think of him and how ignorant he and the staff are.....I knew at that point I hit a nerve. I told this him that he has no right to interfere in my education.
I talked and talked, or actually yelled loud enough you could hear me buildings away. He had the audacity to inform me that I'm faking a hearing loss. That all I need is an FM unit. Now I have a service animal, my Bubba. He is a Staffordshire. Half pit & half American Bull dog. I kept this guy on the defense (psych does help). When I was talking he told me to shut up. I looked at him and said no, you will shut up...listen and not say another word until I give you permission. This man has never had anyone talk to him this way. At that point he stepped forward and my baby Bubs sat up, locked eyes with him and got up sat next to my feet. He is a good boy.
I made sure to tell him that this college takes Federal Funds and He & his staff has made a deaf person sit in a class with hearing (1 hoh in asl) and I sit lost, scared, confused and I will no longer take being treated as a piece of dirt on their shoes. Now I also explained that I will be hiring a lawyer and I will get The Justice Department involved and watch your fat*** sweat.
I have been trying to deal with all these emotions. But for me I have tried in both classes to be friendly, to be part of the groups (each class). Instead people in both my classes have told me they don't want me to be near them.
That is hurt deeply. I'm a person who would & have given food, clothes, paid for places to stay, given computers, help with resumes, etc. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I have tried to communicate. I've tried to stay strong. But I finally broke. It has been like these people are taking my soul and tearing it & me apart.
I finally broke when sitting in ASL the cliques (everyone but me) signing. Well one thing I learned from deaf family is the swearing. Where they went wrong is spelling my name, pointing and calling me names I don't like to use. They spell Bubba and point at him and finger spell insults about him. I sat and watched them at that point. Call me what you want but don't her my baby in any fashion. He gives his heart too. Does therapy work...He loves to love people. Anyway Thursday I walked into class and told my teacher that I will not participate in group today. I signed as best I could being in tears. I told her I wanted to be left alone. I'm invisible until they have an assignment then when they run out of their buddies they come over to me and act like they will catch cooties.
I treated all of them the way they treat me. I told signed no to each one as well as don't touch me, I want to be left alone. Don't come to me. I was crawling inside myself and wanted to be left alone. Today when I took my perceptive test and I told the instructor I know I was rude yesterday & I'm not sorry. It was time they get what they give. She looked at me in horror. Good thing we were signing because I know myself enough to know I will get loud & don't care who hears what. I told her that they got what they give. I also told her they got that for ten minutes I get that five days a week and I'm tired of these children destroying my sense of self-worth. I told her I refuse to be treated like dirt....I'm intelligent, kind, outgoing, etc... I had tried for a 5 weeks to be friends, or at least talk to these people. But they refuse to acknowledge me, including the HOH (born that way). I smiled within when I watched each face shocked, confused, & they read my body language correctly because I scared them.....She wants me to apologize to the class, I said no. I owe no one an apology including you because you have worked with deaf community for more years then I'm old. That also happened on the day they were learning how to get the attention of a deaf person. I told her I will not let anyone touch me in class because I'm not a lab rat. I normally do not act like that. Well haven't since I was a kid. But as a kid I swung at people. I explained that when I'm sitting with my signing dictionary and I do not look up its best & safest to leave me be.
I told her I could care less if she takes points off for my Class room behavior. I'm tired of all of it. I'm a proud woman. I did get an 83 on my perceptive test this morning. I had 3 hours sleep out of 48 hours trying to grieve. My husband grieves with me. He wears ear plugs so he can understand better. I had been so mad that whole week because the people have been learning about deaf culture and how many times hearing treats deaf individuals.
I'm so sorry I write to much. I'm scared, confused, and lost. I have found that people I had thought were nice really aren't. When they come to talk to me, I tell them I have gone deaf. They turn and walk away. That's very hurtful.
I found a group who welcomes all; hearing & hoh as well. Tomorrow my husband is taking me there. I told him I need to learn from others who have gone through trials with hearing/hoh/deaf. I need to be around people who are true to themselves.
I stop on as often as I can. My two classes on campus expect me to hear videos and everyone else. If it wasn't for my husband I would be totally lost.
I must go. Thank you all for being here. I want to pop in much more often. But with so much homework and non understanding Instructors and DSS accusing me of lying is so painful, I spend more time crying then getting home work done. Please wish me luck. Monday my group (Bubba & I) have a presentation on Huffing. I bought each person in chemical dependency a chalk board & chalk because I am going to force them to respond to me by asking them questions on huffing. I was a proud hearing woman, proud hoh woman, and now a prouder deaf woman who needs guidance.
I'll pop in soon. Mickey & Bubba. Until we meet again online Lots of hugs to everyone and thank you for sitting through this mess of emotions. I signed up for ASL because I wanted to work with elderly deaf. Now I had a crash course in the treatment people put others through.:jaw:
As someone that is having issues hearing the instructor in college and new to the HoH world, I wanted to toss you a tip that I have been using that could be changed a bit to help you out as well. As I still have most of my hearing, when it works, I have started recording my classes on a digital recorder. I know that the school is to provide you with support like note takers and such, but I for one am not a person to rely on strangers as my sole source of help.
I started off the semester with taking the digital tape recorder into class to record what is said so that I can play it back later on headsets with the volume up a bit more to my liking. It helps me refresh what I did get and fill in anything I may have missed since my hearing can randomly drop out when it wants too and I am stuck hearing a solid tone while everyone else is chatting away. Even when I can hear, I still have issues with some voices. If I cannot understand something on the recorder, I have a hearing roommate that has helped me out. This role, your hearing husband could do for you. If you find that you cannot get a note taker, then you can fall back on the recording (and I would record it anyways so he can double-checking the notes anyways).
Just don’t let them force you to use the recorder all the time, after all, they get funding to support your needs, your husband does not.
quirkylibra
New Member
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2009
- Messages
- 1,702
- Reaction score
- 0
What type of recorder do you have? I have tried this with 2 different recorders and I can't seem the understand what my professor is saying. I used the CART, but with the kind of vocabulary that I am learning, I would like to have a way to fill in things that don't make sense.
FxAvatar
New Member
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2009
- Messages
- 92
- Reaction score
- 0
I use a Olympus DM-420. It has 2 mic's so each ear is recorded, with a mic jack for large hardware, and headphone jack (the mic's are really good on it). It stores as WMA or MP3 (your choice).. It can be jacked into the USB of my PC and I can store and copy the sound files any way I like, works like a usb storage drive when connected to the PC.
