I have been hearing disabled my entire life. I have a bordering-severed hearing loss that has required me to wear hearing aids since i was 6 years old.
I was fortunate that my dad was in the military and that they'd cover my hearing aids and that, coupled with speech therapy, allowed me to pass as somewhat normal in mainstream schools. When I was little, I did take a few sign classes, but my parents never kept up with any of that and honestly, my mom never made me wear my hearing aids. I lived a LOT of my childhood in silence and isolation.
I was also terribly teased and attacked by the other kids. Because I had these big hearing aids in my ears, I was an easy target. They'd pick on me, try to start a fight, punch me in my ears to try to break my hearing aids, or just completely ignore me altogether. I had a couple friends in Junior High and maybe a handful in High School, but I wasn't ever very popular and I spent a lot of time alone, reading books, playing video games, etc...I was fortunate that I excelled in school and could just read the books to get good grades. That allowed me to go to a pretty advanced college where things really started to fall apart.
My family was never sensitive to my hearing. I was always accused of selective hearing, not paying close enough attention, but when i was a kid, the hearing aids offered weren't very good. There was a misconception for the longest time that these things corrected your hearing. But they don't, not really, and with a total lack of resources to help me to communicate with others (no ASL classes, no others with hearing problems to talk to, etc...), I was pretty much cast as an outsider.
Now, well into my adulthood, having worked about 15 years out of college, I came to the recent conclusion that a lot of my loneliness, isolation, and depression is at least partially a result of denying that my hearing disability is a "problem." I grew up being ashamed of it, fighting it tooth and nail, not willing to use it as an excuse for anything. In a word, I was pretty bullheaded.
But what I found as an adult, working in a highly competitive creative industry, is that the same bullies are there...taking advantage of my hearing, or accusing me of not paying attention, not listening, and this has resulted in numerous layoffs. I've struggled terribly through adulthood, not really wanting to go to loud noisy areas because they just weren't fun (like bars and such).
So that means I've spent almost my entire life single. I never thought it would be like this. i thought I'd be normal like everyone else. When I realized at 23 I was gay, that was a big blow to my self-worth, on top of the disability.
Recently, I've yet again gotten into a situation at work where a miscommunication was used to bully me. I was brought into a room with two directors in the company over a miscommunication and a mistake made by one of the directors. They both proceeded to attack me, accusing me of lying and attempting to create a toxic environment in the department I'm in. I live constantly in fear that if I miss something it might cost me my job. I've only been here 6 weeks now and I've been threatened that this wasn't a fit twice now. My hearing was called out as a specific issue and the other issues brought up were all very much a result of people speaking too fast, talking too softly and when I'd ask them to repeat themselves, they'd get annoyed with me, making me feel ashamed of asking anything again if I didn't get it a second time.
When I applied for this job, they asked me what my greatest weakness was. And I said it was my hearing. I don't always get everything, and I may misperceive what's being said. I said the best way for me to understand what people need is to look at me, speak loudly, clearly and slowly, and let me acknowledge what was requested. They hired me.
I'm almost 40 and I'm so alone, and ashamed of myself. I've always been aware that my hearing was a challenge, but I never realized how my quality of life was severely impacted by it. I don't really go to work for fun anymore. I g to make money so I can pay my bills and go home to go to bed so I can go back to work again. I don't have many hobbies anymore, I tend to just zone out and watch tv or read something or go on the internet.
I never reached out to the hearing disabled community because I'm not fully deaf and don't know sign language. I'm also ashamed to say that I didn't want to be perceived as "one of them" though I realize now people have been taking advantage of my disability when all I ever wanted to do was make others happy with the work I'd done.
I've seen therapists over the years but it was never brought up. Instead my childhood abuse (a whole other story) was the focus, but no resolution or improvement in my moods really happened.
I've lost so many friends and so many jobs because I denied this was a problem. I finally stuck up for myself this week and brought HR in over the situation. I was so scared to do it. I couldn't sleep at all the night I was attacked (yet again). When I finally got to talk to the HR person, I couldn't stop crying. Even now when i think about it...when i think about how those kids used to beat me up because I was the weak one. How coworkers and managers have ignored me, refused to share information, or perceived me as somehow less a valuable member of the company, it makes me so sad. All I've ever wanted is for someone to appreciate me. But everyone is so competitive these days, they look at me as an obstacle they can easily beat down using my hearing as a tool.
I'm really not trying to blame all my troubles on that. I hate the idea of using my hearing as an excuse for these situations. But it would be foolish of me to deny that it isn't a major factor in my life. Nobody ever promotes someone with a disability, certainly not someone who can't function without hearing aids.
I really wish I could find a career where I can feel like I'm not constantly on edge, watching my back, afraid I missed something or that I made a mistake. Nobody has ever mentored me or guided me in anything. I've only ever been admonished for issues that 100% of the time were a result of my hearing loss.
Sorry, i've gone on a really long time...but if you're still reading, can any of you tell me what your quality of life has been like? Especially for those of you who haven't exactly had the resources available to you to be able to communicate with others very well? Is this depression, constant anxiety, isolation, a common issue among people with a hearing disability? Or am I just imagining all this and using my loss as an excuse? I just want to find some answer. Thanks.
I was fortunate that my dad was in the military and that they'd cover my hearing aids and that, coupled with speech therapy, allowed me to pass as somewhat normal in mainstream schools. When I was little, I did take a few sign classes, but my parents never kept up with any of that and honestly, my mom never made me wear my hearing aids. I lived a LOT of my childhood in silence and isolation.
I was also terribly teased and attacked by the other kids. Because I had these big hearing aids in my ears, I was an easy target. They'd pick on me, try to start a fight, punch me in my ears to try to break my hearing aids, or just completely ignore me altogether. I had a couple friends in Junior High and maybe a handful in High School, but I wasn't ever very popular and I spent a lot of time alone, reading books, playing video games, etc...I was fortunate that I excelled in school and could just read the books to get good grades. That allowed me to go to a pretty advanced college where things really started to fall apart.
My family was never sensitive to my hearing. I was always accused of selective hearing, not paying close enough attention, but when i was a kid, the hearing aids offered weren't very good. There was a misconception for the longest time that these things corrected your hearing. But they don't, not really, and with a total lack of resources to help me to communicate with others (no ASL classes, no others with hearing problems to talk to, etc...), I was pretty much cast as an outsider.
Now, well into my adulthood, having worked about 15 years out of college, I came to the recent conclusion that a lot of my loneliness, isolation, and depression is at least partially a result of denying that my hearing disability is a "problem." I grew up being ashamed of it, fighting it tooth and nail, not willing to use it as an excuse for anything. In a word, I was pretty bullheaded.
But what I found as an adult, working in a highly competitive creative industry, is that the same bullies are there...taking advantage of my hearing, or accusing me of not paying attention, not listening, and this has resulted in numerous layoffs. I've struggled terribly through adulthood, not really wanting to go to loud noisy areas because they just weren't fun (like bars and such).
So that means I've spent almost my entire life single. I never thought it would be like this. i thought I'd be normal like everyone else. When I realized at 23 I was gay, that was a big blow to my self-worth, on top of the disability.
Recently, I've yet again gotten into a situation at work where a miscommunication was used to bully me. I was brought into a room with two directors in the company over a miscommunication and a mistake made by one of the directors. They both proceeded to attack me, accusing me of lying and attempting to create a toxic environment in the department I'm in. I live constantly in fear that if I miss something it might cost me my job. I've only been here 6 weeks now and I've been threatened that this wasn't a fit twice now. My hearing was called out as a specific issue and the other issues brought up were all very much a result of people speaking too fast, talking too softly and when I'd ask them to repeat themselves, they'd get annoyed with me, making me feel ashamed of asking anything again if I didn't get it a second time.
When I applied for this job, they asked me what my greatest weakness was. And I said it was my hearing. I don't always get everything, and I may misperceive what's being said. I said the best way for me to understand what people need is to look at me, speak loudly, clearly and slowly, and let me acknowledge what was requested. They hired me.
I'm almost 40 and I'm so alone, and ashamed of myself. I've always been aware that my hearing was a challenge, but I never realized how my quality of life was severely impacted by it. I don't really go to work for fun anymore. I g to make money so I can pay my bills and go home to go to bed so I can go back to work again. I don't have many hobbies anymore, I tend to just zone out and watch tv or read something or go on the internet.
I never reached out to the hearing disabled community because I'm not fully deaf and don't know sign language. I'm also ashamed to say that I didn't want to be perceived as "one of them" though I realize now people have been taking advantage of my disability when all I ever wanted to do was make others happy with the work I'd done.
I've seen therapists over the years but it was never brought up. Instead my childhood abuse (a whole other story) was the focus, but no resolution or improvement in my moods really happened.
I've lost so many friends and so many jobs because I denied this was a problem. I finally stuck up for myself this week and brought HR in over the situation. I was so scared to do it. I couldn't sleep at all the night I was attacked (yet again). When I finally got to talk to the HR person, I couldn't stop crying. Even now when i think about it...when i think about how those kids used to beat me up because I was the weak one. How coworkers and managers have ignored me, refused to share information, or perceived me as somehow less a valuable member of the company, it makes me so sad. All I've ever wanted is for someone to appreciate me. But everyone is so competitive these days, they look at me as an obstacle they can easily beat down using my hearing as a tool.
I'm really not trying to blame all my troubles on that. I hate the idea of using my hearing as an excuse for these situations. But it would be foolish of me to deny that it isn't a major factor in my life. Nobody ever promotes someone with a disability, certainly not someone who can't function without hearing aids.
I really wish I could find a career where I can feel like I'm not constantly on edge, watching my back, afraid I missed something or that I made a mistake. Nobody has ever mentored me or guided me in anything. I've only ever been admonished for issues that 100% of the time were a result of my hearing loss.
Sorry, i've gone on a really long time...but if you're still reading, can any of you tell me what your quality of life has been like? Especially for those of you who haven't exactly had the resources available to you to be able to communicate with others very well? Is this depression, constant anxiety, isolation, a common issue among people with a hearing disability? Or am I just imagining all this and using my loss as an excuse? I just want to find some answer. Thanks.
xxxxx hope things get better for you xxxxxx Keep your head up ;0)