About Parents?

[hearingaidmama]

I am a Mommy to a beautiful little girl with bi-lateral hearing aids. I need advice about what to do/not to do as she grows and even now! As far as education, socially, emotionally everything. I just want to be the perfect mother and support her in everyway imaginable. Also, is there any way to get into contact with other parents with HOH kiddos?

 

[deafbajagal]

Big hugs! Welcome to Alldeaf!

 

[sallylou]

First of all, throw the perfect parent expectation out of the window. It's unrealistic and all your child needs is a good enough parent. That's a realistic expectation. Why pressure yourself and make yourself crazy? My kids are turning out to be kind, well-adjusted people despite my imperfect parenting. Yea, I feel guilty sometimes, like all mothers, but I must have done something right.

I'm going to defer to the people on this forum who are qualified to explain about deaf education and have experience with rearing deaf kids. Welcome to AD!

 

[hearingaidmama]

"Perfect" was the wrong word but I "good enough" is to. I want to be way more than good enough. I want to do my personal best at parenting and that's what I intend to do. The whole hearing/deaf/HOH community is completely new to me and would like to learn as much as possible in order to support my daughter the best I can.

 

[Bebonang]

First of all, throw the perfect parent expectation out of the window.

My mother was not perfect in the eye of my deafness and isolation. That is the reality.

Just be there for your child with ASL and meeting other deaf and hard of hearing children. If your child has problem with trying to learn in the classroom if not having the accommodation like ASL interpreters or captioned/closed captioned movie or program with the teaching courses. When the child is young in the elementary school, they will have special education hopefully with ASL to help them learn English, Science, History, Arithmetic and gym. In mainstream high school, that is worse when they don't have ASL interpreters plus special accommodation like closed or open captioned film to study what the teachers want us to learn. Lipreading is not accurate which I had said many times. I tried to lipread and failed to understand what every student and the hearing teachers said in the past (almost 40 years ago). So no body is perfect including hearing parents.

 

[jillio]

Gotta agree with sallylou. There is no such thing as a "perfect parent". The thing to strive for is to be open minded enough to recognize when you have made a mistake, recognize it, and correct it.

If you want to do what is in your child's best interest, however, I would suggest that you stick around and see what the Deaf on this forum have to say about growing up as deaf children. They are the only ones that know what it is to be a deaf child. And then make your decisions based on what you learn from them. And remember, that will often be in conflict with what you, as a hearing person, thinks. But your child is not hearing, so a hearing perspective will not tell you what you need to know about your deaf child.

 

[DeafTim]

I had very bad experiences in my life. I want to share them with you. As a boy, I had to watch tv without CC (Closed Captions). I missed out so much. So make sure your tv has closed captions. That is very important.

In pre-school and elementary, I was in deaf classes all day. (Best times of my entire life) I wonder what my teachers are doing these days. They were awesome to me. I miss them.

In Junior high, I attended hearing classes. I failed miserably. That is when my depression started.

In High School, I was still attending hearing classes. I felt like I was being picked on by the deaf program teachers. It was hell and miserable. When I was 18, I was still a freshman and I just dropped out. It was the best decision I've ever made. I got my GED. Of course I was accommodated. I was so proud of myself when I got my GED.

I am so glad I can share my experiences with you.

 

[Jiro]

hhhmmmmm.... looks like we're getting an abnormal influx of hearing parents

 

[jillio]

hhhmmmmm.... looks like we're getting an abnormal influx of hearing parents

Yep. And the way the question was phrased is very suspicious. Not many new parents will ask about "socially, emotionally, educationally." Hope that isn't what is going on, but it might be time for mods to start comparing IP addresses.

 

[hearingaidmama]

I guess you don't get too many hearing parents around here? I'm not sure what is suspicious about my post but if me being here makes anyone uncomfortable I am willing to let the door hit me in the rear. I am not sure that this is the place for me anyways seeing as my daughter only has moderate, high frequency loss not profound. She can hear well without the hearing aids, just misses some sounds in the high frequencies. Like birds chirping, sounds like th, s, sh.

I'm just trying to find a place to share and gain information in order to support her...yes, socially, emotionally and educationally (even though that sounds weird to some of you guys?).

Deaftim- thank you for sharing those stories with me. School is what fears me the most.

 

[jillio]

I guess you don't get too many hearing parents around here? I'm not sure what is suspicious about my post but if me being here makes anyone uncomfortable I am willing to let the door hit me in the rear. I am not sure that this is the place for me anyways seeing as my daughter only has moderate, high frequency loss not profound. She can hear well without the hearing aids, just misses some sounds in the high frequencies. Like birds chirping, sounds like th, s, sh.

I'm just trying to find a place to share and gain information in order to support her...yes, socially, emotionally and educationally (even though that sounds weird to some of you guys?).

Deaftim- thank you for sharing those stories with me. School is what fears me the most.

Actually, we get a lot of hearing parents around here.

If you are for real, just ignore our suspicions. It really doesn't have anything to do with you personally. Its about someone else. If something hincky is going on, it will be detected soon enough. But like I said, if you are for real, it is nothing for you to worry about. So stick around and see how things work out for you.

We have people with all levels of hearing loss on this forum. Not that socially, emotionally, educationally is a weird concept or perspective at all. Just that most parents new to all of this are more focused on a singular concern and don't consider socio-emotional issues.

 

[ash345]

I guess you don't get too many hearing parents around here? I'm not sure what is suspicious about my post but if me being here makes anyone uncomfortable I am willing to let the door hit me in the rear. I am not sure that this is the place for me anyways seeing as my daughter only has moderate, high frequency loss not profound. She can hear well without the hearing aids, just misses some sounds in the high frequencies. Like birds chirping, sounds like th, s, sh.

I'm just trying to find a place to share and gain information in order to support her...yes, socially, emotionally and educationally (even though that sounds weird to some of you guys?).

Deaftim- thank you for sharing those stories with me. School is what fears me the most.

she may only have moderate high frequency loss... but that doesn't mean that ASL would not be a good tool for you guys to acquire. I would look into different schools to see which will suite her the most. Look into some schools that cater to dhh kids.

 

[hearingaidmama]

I would love her to learn ASL but right now we are going through the . She won't get school services until 3 years old (from birth to 3 they think at home is the "natural learning envoirnment") and then 3+ she'll get school services.

Since (even with the hearing loss) she does not have a speech delay. There are only 2 schools in the area to choose from. . We choose the school for hearing and speech since her main form of communication is speech.

We have seen genetics at to try to find the cause of the hearing loss and they are speculating (until the blood work comes back) that she has a connexin 26 gene mutation which is causing the hearing loss. This is one of the reasons I feel it would be beneficial for her to learn ASL because there's always a chance of the hearing loss being progressive. Why not learn now to be safe?

Thank you to everyone who was kind!

 

[jillio]

I'm going to recommend that you go online and locate a simulation of hearing loss that you can listen to. You will be amazed at how much even a mild loss causes you to miss. I have the tapes that I play for parents of newly diagnosed children to give them a realistic idea of just how much or how little their child is actually hearing. I don't know the website since I use the tapes, but I know they are available online. A google search should find them for you.

Even though speech is her main form of communication, ASL will readily fill in those gaps that she will still have from hearing. That will be especially beneficial when she starts school. It is very, very difficult for a child to use hearing alone in a classroom because of the natural environent of a classroom. While you don't think she needs ASL now, the earlier she learns it the more a benefit it will be when she really needs it because she will already be fluent.

They don't have any early intervention services at all in your area? Philadephia is a relatively large area. I would think they would have more than one EI program. Is it possible that you just weren't told about EI services?

 

[Jazzberry]

<snip>

School is what fears me the most.

Hi hearingaidmama! I grew up with a hearing loss. School is important, but so is being included in family conversations including those that happen around the dinner table.

I wasn't and when I tried to be, at best I was ignored. You said you want to be the best mom you want to be so I don't think you will do that to your little girl intentionally -- but I thought I'd mention it anyway.

At your daughter's current degree of hearing loss, I would guess that she will do will at one on one conversations. I suggest being on the lookout to see how she does in group settings -- with family, friends and later school.

(ETA: I also had a very difficult time hearing what other kids were saying unless I was in a one on one situation. Luckily for me the kids I made friends with when I was probably only 2 or 3 were willing to talk much louder for me and we mostly lived in the same neighborhood for about 10 years. But in school and other neighborhoods that I lived in when I was older I didn't get that cooperation and I couldn't hear most of the conversation. IMHO, that caused social deficits. At any rate, it certainly wasn't fun. )

If she doesn't hear well in groups settings IMHO that can make acquiring some of the social knowledge and social skills often taken for granted more difficult. It can also make it more difficult to acquire language including grammar. And I use the word acquire vs. learn intentionally. It seems to me that in our society we expect kids to absorb a lot of knowledge passively vs being explicitly taught it. And if they can hear well or are fluent in sign, I think most kids can. But if they fall in between, they will flounder without intervention.

I was born in 1959 and hearing aids weren't as good while I was growing up as they are now. I missed a lot and most of the time no one stepped in to help close the communication gap. As a result I had lags in certain areas that I hoped I closed later in life -- but obviously I'm sure that you would prefer your daughter learn these things on the same time table that most kids do.

I regret not being taught ASL while I was a child and having that be one of my resources to connect with others.

It's possible that with your child's degree of hearing loss and the current state of HA technology that she may do well in group situations -- but I suggest being on the lookout for that.

AFAIK, its common for hearing loss to increase vs stay stable and since its easier for children to learn foreign languages than adults -- if you can I'd suggest teaching her at least some ASL now. It could be a fun for you both!

FWIW, I'm new to the thread and this post just reflects my personal opinions. I have no formal training in education or hearing loss issues.

ETA2: I got interrupted while writing this post and now I see that you, jillio and ash345 already started talking about the advantages of ASL. Wasn't ignoring you all -- I just write slow!

 

[hearingaidmama]

Does anyone know the simulated hearing loss website? I've been dying to understand more of exactly what her hearing loss is like? Everything I've read would categorize her as mild-moderate.

Another quick question. She had an ABR which showed moderate high tone loss only, but the behavioral tests show an extremely slight loss in low frequencies as well. Does anyone have knowledge on ABR vs. behavioral screenings as far as accuracy? I woul like the ABR more accurate since she was sedated. I can see how being uncooperative (she just turned 2) could have an effect on the accuracy of the behavioral tests.

 

[jillio]

Does anyone know the simulated hearing loss website? I've been dying to understand more of exactly what her hearing loss is like? Everything I've read would categorize her as mild-moderate.

Another quick question. She had an ABR which showed moderate high tone loss only, but the behavioral tests show an extremely slight loss in low frequencies as well. Does anyone have knowledge on ABR vs. behavioral screenings as far as accuracy? I woul like the ABR more accurate since she was sedated. I can see how being uncooperative (she just turned 2) could have an effect on the accuracy of the behavioral tests.

Google the simulation of hearing loss. I'm sure you can find it that way.

We have discussed the accuracy of the various testing procedures on several threads. I suggest using the search feature to pull those posts up.

 

[jillio]

I found an early intervention program for you:

Clarke School has a Philly campus serving kids birth to 6. Give them a call. They would be right down your alley since you don't want sign at this time.

I'm surprised that you were under the impression that there was no early intervention available in your area.

 

[ash345]

Does anyone know the simulated hearing loss website? I've been dying to understand more of exactly what her hearing loss is like? Everything I've read would categorize her as mild-moderate.

Another quick question. She had an ABR which showed moderate high tone loss only, but the behavioral tests show an extremely slight loss in low frequencies as well. Does anyone have knowledge on ABR vs. behavioral screenings as far as accuracy? I woul like the ABR more accurate since she was sedated. I can see how being uncooperative (she just turned 2) could have an effect on the accuracy of the behavioral tests.

BHI: Hearing Loss - Hearing Loss Simulator from BetterHearing.org

 

[hearingaidmama]

She recieves early intervention from the already. What I said was that it's not in a classroom setting until 3 years old. Right now she recieves auditory-verbal therapy provided in our home from the .

The early intervention program like I said before, feels that the home is the best enviornment for learning until age 3. At age three she will start attending regular classes at and hopefully mainstream by kindergarten.