Gatorboy00
Member
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2003
- Messages
- 144
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Y'all!
I'm from the South and proud of it!
Follow those rules while you're visiting the South to avoid an ass whoppin' from the Southerns.
1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's
just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something
they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.
2) Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther
Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.). Or we
will just HAVE to kick your ass.
3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here,
it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr.
Pepper, 7-Up or whatever-it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can
lead to an ass kicking.
4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you
(e.g., Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and
generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll
kick your ass.
5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex,
Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally we do
sometimes have small lapses in judgment (e.g., Carter, Edwards, Duke, Barnes,
Clinton). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We are not dumb enough to
let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried
to do that, we would kick their ass.
6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to
Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up
the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you
visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your ass.
7) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell
up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here, or we'll kick your
ass.
8) Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will
instantly know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God
intended-with gravy. And don't put sugar on your grits or we'll kick your ass.
9) Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot and you
will get your ass kicked.
10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we
know better. Many of us have visited Northern dungholes like Detroit,
Chicago, and DC and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it
here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets
kicked.
11) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way
because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't
understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are
saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or
we'll kick your ass.
12) Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR
lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic
beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.
13) Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We
hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such
things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet
little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your ass
just like they did ours.
14) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in
the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy,
smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or Baltimore. Make fun of
our fresh air and we'll kick your ass.
15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us
how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is
kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our
barbecue, and you will go home in a pine box....Minus your ass
Live long the South!
Heritage, Not Hate!
I'm from the South and proud of it!
Follow those rules while you're visiting the South to avoid an ass whoppin' from the Southerns.
1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's
just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something
they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.
2) Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther
Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.). Or we
will just HAVE to kick your ass.
3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here,
it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr.
Pepper, 7-Up or whatever-it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can
lead to an ass kicking.
4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you
(e.g., Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and
generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll
kick your ass.
5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex,
Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally we do
sometimes have small lapses in judgment (e.g., Carter, Edwards, Duke, Barnes,
Clinton). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We are not dumb enough to
let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried
to do that, we would kick their ass.
6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to
Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up
the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you
visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your ass.
7) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell
up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here, or we'll kick your
ass.
8) Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will
instantly know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God
intended-with gravy. And don't put sugar on your grits or we'll kick your ass.
9) Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot and you
will get your ass kicked.
10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we
know better. Many of us have visited Northern dungholes like Detroit,
Chicago, and DC and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it
here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets
kicked.
11) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way
because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't
understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are
saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or
we'll kick your ass.
12) Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR
lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic
beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.
13) Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We
hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such
things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet
little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your ass
just like they did ours.
14) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in
the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy,
smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or Baltimore. Make fun of
our fresh air and we'll kick your ass.
15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us
how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is
kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our
barbecue, and you will go home in a pine box....Minus your ass
Live long the South!
Heritage, Not Hate!
