Search results

Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.' The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me...

A Virginia State trooper pulled a car over on I-64 about 2 miles south of the Virginia / West Virginia State line. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Beckley , WV to do a show at the Shrine...

MORAL FOR TODAY.........keep reading for the new revelation in the donkey's story......... One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be...

This information is for Catholics only. It must not be divulged to non-Catholics. The less they know about our rituals and code words, the better off they are. AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass. CHOIR: A group of people...

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would...

YOU MIGHT BE A KANSAN IF............. You can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from adistance. Without thinking you wave to all on-coming traffic. You don't put too much effort into hairstyles due to wind and weather. There's a tornado warning and the whole town is...

JOKES TO OFFEND EVERYONE What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ? The position of the dirt bag Why is divorce so expensive? Because...

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded...

THE OLDER CROWD A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. 'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 'that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?' 'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior...

THE WELFARE OFFICE A young man walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi, You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is...

Love The Irish Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me...

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely i can't look that old? Well...you'll love this one. My name is alice smith and i was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his diploma, which bore his...

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were interested, both...

It's time to re-evaluate our involvement. Every day there are news reports about more deaths. Every night on TV is photos of death and destruction, chaos and lawlessness. Why are we still there? We occupied this land, which we had to take by force, but it causes us nothing but trouble...

Voted Best Joke in Ireland John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast...

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.' The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.' Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know...

SMART ASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during an airline flight. 'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied. SMART ASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to...

Our Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. My wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?' Maria: 'Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.'...

A blonde city girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the...

In Washington , D.C. an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital and was well known among the elected officials. He motioned for his nurse to come near. "Yes, Father?" said the nurse. "I would really like to see President...