Would you date a hearie

rebeccalj said:
Communication is the biggest challenge. Deafies and hearies think differently. We process information differently. It would be like an English person dating someone who speaks a foreign language. You can do it but it's difficult.

I need the lights on, or a candle, in the bedroom so that I can lip read. Some hearies aren't comfortable with that.

I read body language, to assist in my communication, and some hearies don't like knowing how transparent they are. They don't like being anticipated all the time. In my experience, deafies just accept transparency.

I'm dating a hearie and he is, by far, one of the best men that I've ever known. He is starting ASL lessons in a couple of weeks.
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Now that is interesting how have you two communicated up to this point, if you don't mind me asking about your relationship
 
AlleyCat said:
Very good point, and it's one I think about often. While things may be going great now (4 years), will it always be the same? Will he always try to help me in social situations? Will it get old and tiresome for him (and even I?) It's a concern I have.
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with me... your concern's nonexistent :cool2:

IMO - relationship should not take that MUCH EFFORT to maintain. It's very silly to me. It's just a divorce/break-up waiting to happen.

That's just how I am. that's why my relationship was short-lived last year. She's high-maintenance. I'm low-maintenance. Low + High = Asynchronous Gears
 
Jiro said:
with me... your concern's nonexistent :cool2:

IMO - relationship should not take that MUCH EFFORT to maintain. It's very silly to me. It's just a divorce/break-up waiting to happen.

That's just how I am. that's why my relationship was short-lived last year. She's high-maintenance. I'm low-maintenance. Low + High = Asynchronous Gears
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Well Jiro I mean you are so optimistic and all
 
Bottesini said:
Ah! Does it pay more, or just more interest to you?
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it's definitely gonna pay less than my current job because I don't have extensive experience in it but it will pay off in the end.

so it's more of an stable interest to me - something I can live with for a long time. I definitely don't see myself doing what I do now for 20+ years. It's unsustainable. I will be easily replaced by somebody younger and smarter. Not a pleasant thought.
 
Jiro said:
a change of career. I'm trying to find a job in geography/transportation field.
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And I am sure you know there are Federal agencies that deal with those activities you long for.....
 
Tousi said:
And I am sure you know there are Federal agencies that deal with those activities you long for.....
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yep. I turned it down cuz my current job pays twice more and I was in a dire need of $$$. I'm working on paying off my bills and it's stabilizing slowly.
 
ember said:
I don't know the whole story but that sounds to me like that could have been handled better with communication and understanding and a little bit of sacrifice and compromise but I wasn't there so thats just my opinion
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Yup, the year before that I went to THREE of her families thanksgiving and my family was the day after.
Oh, the same was for the year before that but two.

This certain year - my family didn't really want to celebrate it on a different day, neither would theirs. So. Ah well. My ex was totally fine with it though.
 
ember said:
I don't know the whole story but that sounds to me like that could have been handled better with communication and understanding and a little bit of sacrifice and compromise but I wasn't there so thats just my opinion
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Have you ever been to a 'Deaf event' or anything where you didn't speak the language? Its hard to explain but being in a room with people and not being able to communicate or feeling left out of the conversation is very frustrating!! and to have this problem in a relationship is too much of a hassle as far as I am concerned for both parties. Since my hearing loss I have lost a lot of friends due communication problems. You shouldn't have to sacrifice or compromise communication as far as I am concerned but then again thats why I now spend a lot of time solo :giggle:
 
ember said:
Now that is interesting how have you two communicated up to this point, if you don't mind me asking about your relationship
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I lip read and speak but it is still difficult to communicate what is in my mind because I never seem to have the right hearie words. It has presented a lot of challenges but I am going to start to write him when I need to express myself to him until he can do ASL. It was his suggestion.

I let him read some replies to a thread that I started about two weeks ago so that he could understand how challenging it is communicating in English. Jillio provided some incredible feedback and he now understands.

He told me he doesn't care if it's written ASL or if the grammar isn't correct. He will try to understand and, if he doesn't, he'll circle things to discuss with me when he sees me in person. I think it's wonderful, finally, to not have to accomodate hearies but to have a hearie accomodate me. It's new for me to have someone immerse themselves in our world and our language.
 
Jiro said:
with me... your concern's nonexistent :cool2:

IMO - relationship should not take that MUCH EFFORT to maintain. It's very silly to me. It's just a divorce/break-up waiting to happen.

That's just how I am. that's why my relationship was short-lived last year. She's high-maintenance. I'm low-maintenance. Low + High = Asynchronous Gears
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Well, your concern's realistic. If I'm already thinking things a little negatively, I only wonder what's down the road. If a person is truly happy in their relationship that they think of nothing else, and someone else is busy thinking of how things aren't as wonderful as they could be, that's a problem waiting to happen. I'm just trying to take things 1 day at a time. As I said in my earlier post, we've been together 4 years. I'm in no rush to get married just yet. I'm in no rush to buy a house with him just yet. I guess I need to feel totally convinced for myself that I'm where I want to be.
 
ember said:
I read here what she has to give up over and over and over again or sacrifice but relationships are a two way street .... what about you
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two way street.. it's little different. Let me ask you, what is your favorite thing in the world.. motorcycle? or? hobby? or thing that you like to do all the time?
 
blank canvas said:
Have you ever been to a 'Deaf event' or anything where you didn't speak the language? Its hard to explain but being in a room with people and not being able to communicate or feeling left out of the conversation is very frustrating!! and to have this problem in a relationship is too much of a hassle as far as I am concerned for both parties. Since my hearing loss I have lost a lot of friends due communication problems. You shouldn't have to sacrifice or compromise communication as far as I am concerned but then again thats why I now spend a lot of time solo :giggle:
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No I have never been to a deaf event, but I have been to several foreign countries and I attend spanish events in an attempt to learn spanish and there the idea is to speak spanish there is hardly any english to get dialogue down so yes I know what its like feeling left out.

you have every right to feel the way you do about communication but sacrifice and compromise in communication and everything else comes with any relationship hearie or deaf
 
Jiro said:
Low + High = Asynchronous Gears
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oooh.... Low + High don't mix well.. it's a grinding gears..it's like not pressing the clutch peddle and while trying shifting the gears, $1000.00 bye bye.
 
ember said:
No I have never been to a deaf event, but I have been to several foreign countries and I attend spanish events in an attempt to learn spanish and there the idea is to speak spanish there is hardly any english to get dialogue down so yes I know what its like feeling left out.
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Imagine having that feeling on a daily basis... and trying to develop a relationship through this
 
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