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deafbajagal

deafbajagal

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I moved to a new area in August of this year with a pretty strong deaf community there. Unfortunately, for the first time I feel like an outsider because of the attitude of most of the deaf people here. I think because the deaf community is so large and strong that they do not see the need to welcome new deaf people into the community or something. I've gone to a few of the social outings and did manage to meet new people.

The same thing is happening at my job (which employs a lot of deaf people) as well. I've been teaching at the school for almost three months...and yet there are deaf (and hearing) staff members in my own department (as well as other departments) who have not been courteous enough to introduce themselves to me. I still do not know some of their names and what they teach exactly. I've gone out of my way to be friendly and tried to introduce myself to others (as I usually do anyways), but at this point I'm ready to tell all of my co-workers to go fuck themselves.

This deaf community is cold and distant, unlike most deaf communities I've seen and even grown to be part of. I'm surprised by it since I expected it to be different. I was hoping to join a community where I could make good frirends and raise my girls in a loving environment. I'm homesick for the community I did become a part of and grew to love.

Good thing I didn't buy the "Home Sweet Home" rug just yet.
 
The same thing happened to me when I first started working at my job. It wasnt until after a year of working there, I was able to finally make friends. I dont know why it is like that but u know what? I find the same thing in the hearing world too. :dunno:

U know what is so funny? Ever since I married my hubby, I havent been invited to many social events as I used to. I dont know if it is cuz my hubby is hearing or I just became a boring person. I guess at this point, I dont care anymore and just do my own thing. I still have my close circle of deaf friends and I have been hanging out with my hearing neighbor a lot lately.
 
What's this new area you speak of?
 
It is too bad that you dont work at where I work, cuz we could hang out and do stuff!
 
shel90 said:
The same thing happened to me when I first started working at my job. It wasnt until after a year of working there, I was able to finally make friends. I dont know why it is like that but u know what? I find the same thing in the hearing world too. :dunno:

U know what is so funny? Ever since I married my hubby, I havent been invited to many social events as I used to. I dont know if it is cuz my hubby is hearing or I just became a boring person. I guess at this point, I dont care anymore and just do my own thing. I still have my close circle of deaf friends and I have been hanging out with my hearing neighbor a lot lately.
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Exactly. I noticed that a lot of them were being snobs to the fact that my kids are hearing- and they were making a big deal how they have deaf kids and deaf spouses. Then they are like, "but your kids can sign as well as deaf people, right?" RME.

I don't know what the problem is...I make friends very easily, even in an exclusive hearing environment. This is actually the first time I've encountered a situation like this one.
 
deafbajagal said:
California.
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I do find it much more difficult to make friends in large Deaf communities - they have cliques - they are not friendly to newcomers - their first question to me is Where did you go to? I didnt go to Gallaudet or NTID so therefore I was shot down before I could even make it to the first gate :giggle:

Like Shel, I have my own circles of friends who I keep to - I keep in very close touch with my best girlfriends living across the country - we talk often on VP but yes it would be lovely to make new friends whom you could grab a coffee or glass of wine at local resturant and just gab hours away.

I think you will make new friends - it just takes time for you Baja - too bad you dontl ive in my area or I would have taken you out to meet many to ensure that you have a great time!
 
You re not alone!!! Now I am forcus on my only family :)
 
deafbajagal said:
Exactly. I noticed that a lot of them were being snobs to the fact that my kids are hearing- and they were making a big deal how they have deaf kids and deaf spouses. Then they are like, "but your kids can sign as well as deaf people, right?" RME.

I don't know what the problem is...I make friends very easily, even in an exclusive hearing environment. This is actually the first time I've encountered a situation like this one.
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I agree - they always think my deaf brother is more cooler as he has a deaf daughter and my two daughters are not deaf - but that is a cultural value in Deaf Community which I am not at ease with.

I am from California so I know what you are saying.
 
Gemma said:
I do find it much more difficult to make friends in large Deaf communities - they have cliques - they are not friendly to newcomers - their first question to me is Where did you go to? I didnt go to Gallaudet or NTID so therefore I was shot down before I could even make it to the first gate :giggle:

Like Shel, I have my own circles of friends who I keep to - I keep in very close touch with my best girlfriends living across the country - we talk often on VP but yes it would be lovely to make new friends whom you could grab a coffee or glass of wine at local resturant and just gab hours away.

I think you will make new friends - it just takes time for you Baja - too bad you dontl ive in my area or I would have taken you out to meet many to ensure that you have a great time!
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Aww, thanks Gemma. Oh, I forgot about the whole, "So what year did you graduate from Gallaudet?" question that they ask right off the bat...of course, I didn't go there so many of them did give me the "look" when I told them. Pffft.
 
Gemma said:
I do find it much more difficult to make friends in large Deaf communities - they have cliques - they are not friendly to newcomers - their first question to me is Where did you go to? I didnt go to Gallaudet or NTID so therefore I was shot down before I could even make it to the first gate :giggle:

Like Shel, I have my own circles of friends who I keep to - I keep in very close touch with my best girlfriends living across the country - we talk often on VP but yes it would be lovely to make new friends whom you could grab a coffee or glass of wine at local resturant and just gab hours away.

I think you will make new friends - it just takes time for you Baja - too bad you dontl ive in my area or I would have taken you out to meet many to ensure that you have a great time!
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I noticed the same thing in certain Deaf communities regarding having a Deaf family or not. There is one community here in MD that is exactly like that and I avoid it. I am involved with a different more friendlier Deaf community.
 
shel90 said:
I noticed the same thing in certain Deaf communities regarding having a Deaf family or not. There is one community here in MD that is exactly like that and I avoid it. I am involved with a different more friendlier Deaf community.
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Yes I know a few people from that MD community you are referring to - I find myself really at ease with folks who were raised oral then took up on ASL in later stage of life and embrace it yet remain very open to diversity, not cling to old traditions or values. These people tend to be very adaptable and understanding of differences yet pass no judgement onto. That is where I really feel most comfortable in but it is difficult to find.
 
deafbajagal said:
I moved to a new area in August of this year with a pretty strong deaf community there.
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You been there for only 3 months. Miracles don't happen overnight. :)

Give it time and in the meantime--explore the new area, take a tour of the museum, check out the local sights and continue to go to the Deaf socials.

Eventually overtime they will realize and see that you are going to be a contributing member of the Deaf community and welcome you. :)

But then again......you are in California. :lol:
 
I agree with Byrdie. Give it time. When I joined my local Deaf Community, it took awhile before people started to embrace me -- especially since I grew up oral and was just beginning to learn sign. Now that I've been a part of this Community for the past 13 years, I'm happy to report that I've made alot of dear, close friends. I'm sure you will too. :)
 
I know, I wish peeps would be more friendlier to newcomers to the scene too.
But I did not have that big of an issue when I first moved to FL - there were some friendly deafies off the bat. I did not get 'invited' to more exclusive/informal events, though - still an outsider in St Augustine. To be honest, I didn't feel 'click' with most of them even though they are nice. I clicked more with other peeps, and I can't complain. Others are seeing how much fun I'm having with my friends, and some actually came up to me to say hello when they didn't show interest in the beginning. Haha!! Bama, you'll find your niche as you settle into your position. Dont give up. It could take up to a year for everyone to become more familiar with you. There will be cool peeps. There will be distant peeps. It happens. You really want to hold out for the cool peeps :D dont waste your energies on peeps who don't go out of their way to say hello to you, but do keep on being the NICE lady you are!
 
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