Would you rather question

Would you rather...


  • Total voters
    11

Dolores

Member
Just a thought that popped into my head. i may even delete it later.
 

AlleyCat

Well-Known Member
I don't want either option either, but I chose #1. My ex-husband and I were best friends before we married, and we survived a divorce, and are still best friends. I think we should just not have gotten married in the first place. I'm glad he and I are still best friends. He has always treated me well.
 

DeafDucky

Well-Known Member
Neither really.

I've watched a friend go through a marriage for I think 16 years- loved their spouse unconditionally but over the years the spouse didn't exactly treat them well...and it felt like there wasn't much "love" back...or if there was.. funny way of showing it. To say the least it was damaging to my friend....
 

Dolores

Member
I think everyone will choose "niether" if they had the option. My thought was "if you absolutely had to pick one." Granted that probably wont ever happen, but if given those choices and nothing else, id marry the guy who treated me well. Ive seen abusive relationships in friends and family. They destroy your soul.
 

femme Fatale

Official AD Nutcracker
Not sure why you narrowed it down to those two options, I would think one would be indecisive to choose either. I have broken off engagements involving both though.
 
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saywhatkid

Huked on fonix werx!
Premium Member
I couldn't be in love with someone that treated me badly. Infatuated? Perhaps. In love for life? No way.
 

DeafDucky

Well-Known Member
Well if I had ONLY those choices.. then I'd go with choice A. Not be in love with the person but treated well. Sometimes being treated well is a form of love- and I'd be doing the same for the other...
 

Dolores

Member
Not sure why you narrowed it down to those two options, I would think one would be indecisive to choose either. I have broken off engagements involving both though.
Im not entirely sure either. It just sort of popped into my head at the time.
Ending relationships is never easy i imagine. For there to even be a relationship in the first place you have to feel something akin to love and care for the person. Im sure it hurt about the same both times you had to break things off, even if it was in different ways.
 

Dolores

Member
Well if I had ONLY those choices.. then I'd go with choice A. Not be in love with the person but treated well. Sometimes being treated well is a form of love- and I'd be doing the same for the other...
Aw, that is so true. Its so weird that we always seem to forget there are all different kinds of love. And all of them can be fulfilling in their own way. Id much rather have option one, too. I may not be exactly as happy as i always hoped, but at least i could be content that im free and not abused.
 

Dolores

Member
I couldn't be in love with someone that treated me badly. Infatuated? Perhaps. In love for life? No way.
What if you didnt realize right away that you were being treated badly? Like you were together ten years before it started to dawn on you that somethings not right?
 

DeafNerdMommy

Well-Known Member
My ex is the first one. I didn't love him, not that way, but more as friends. But he treats me like a princess. Even today he does. He bought me a good coated blue rose. It's worth $500!!!!
 

femme Fatale

Official AD Nutcracker
...For there to even be a relationship in the first place you have to feel something akin to love and care for the person.

Right? You definitely have the idea that concerns me, but doesn’t apply to everyone (If I chose either of the above choices, god forbid... :lol:) But I have to feel something with that person, that’s how I know. Then others can do fine in a less fulfilling manner. No one relationship is better over another as long as it makes them happy, be it liberal or traditional.

The thing is, I was the aggressor during the second choice, it’s not always on a man. But I see your point to bring to light the above two choices. :)
 

Dolores

Member
Right? You definitely have the idea that concerns me, but doesn’t apply to everyone (If I chose either of the above choices, god forbid... :lol:) But I have to feel something with that person, that’s how I know. Then others can do fine in a less fulfilling manner. No one relationship is better over another as long as it makes them happy, be it liberal or traditional.

The thing is, I was the aggressor during the second choice, it’s not always on a man. But I see your point to bring to light the above two choices. :)
I completely agree with you. What makes one person happy wont be the same as the next.
And i get what you mean about "its not always the man." I grew up with some pretty unhealthy relationship advice, and its taking me, even though i know im wrong when i do it, a long time to undo bad habits.
 

SneakerNet

Retired
Premium Member
My ex is the first one. I didn't love him, not that way, but more as friends. But he treats me like a princess. Even today he does. He bought me a good coated blue rose. It's worth $500!!!!
But did you give him something in return? It's nice to see him treating you like a princess. For me I would do the same thing but not like I keep on giving her expensive stuff and get nothing in return.... this would be unbalance relationship... you know?
 

AlleyCat

Well-Known Member
But did you give him something in return? It's nice to see him treating you like a princess. For me I would do the same thing but not like I keep on giving her expensive stuff and get nothing in return.... this would be unbalance relationship... you know?
He may have given her a really nice rose, but not everything is monetary. If there's mutual respect and understanding (and even gifts from the heart) that CAN be enough. Giving expensive stuff should be from what you desire to do, and NOT expecting your partner to do in return.
 
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DeafNerdMommy

Well-Known Member
But did you give him something in return? It's nice to see him treating you like a princess. For me I would do the same thing but not like I keep on giving her expensive stuff and get nothing in return.... this would be unbalance relationship... you know?
No I didn't get him a gift back. He asked me not to. I am his only friend and he gets happy knowing I am happy.
 

Rick .T

New Member
Just a thought that popped into my head. i may even delete it later.
Don’t know how you could begin to love if your not treated well? Sound like attraction instead of love had an aunt who married guy loved her but her response was she loved him but was not in love with him??? Took me years figuring that out
 
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