What do you do when hearing family comes over?

green427

Active Member
yes, late deaf so trying to work out what's best. Just wondering what most people do that works.
1) You are lucky that your husband is trying to accommodate you, even if it is not working.

2) You are pretty much doing what we all have to do....sit there and wait for it to be over. You can only try by speaking one-on-one, but if you can't read lips well, pull one person at a time into a quiet area. I've done that, and hearing people appreciate it when you actually make an effort to listen to them.

We don't host parties larger than 5 hearing-only people, period. Anything larger than 5 is usually a mixture of deaf & hearing or all deaf.

If we are invited to large hearing-only parties, we usually have a good excuse not to go....however, we must attend family events, which doesn't happen often.
 

whatdidyousay!

Well-Known Member
When I was teenager I would run upstairs to my bedroom when my uncle and his family came to visit my mother. He smokes a cigar and he smelled like hell!
 

pyroom

New Member
I try to avoid them. Everyone usually ends up frustrated having to repeat everything 5 times to try and include me.

If I have to go I definitely wear my HA, and I come prepared to do nothing all night (bring sunflower seeds, my guitar, charge my phone, it depends on the situation). My usual strategy is to try to get people to break into smaller groups and initiate the conversation myself. If for some reason I can't do that, than I sit quietly and just try to catch the topics. If I catch one that is interesting I'll try as hard as I can to participate, but I usually end up unable to find an opportunity to talk.

If there's younger people there, they're probably bored too. You can always play tic tac toe with them or something.
 

BecLak

Well-Known Member
The best way for me when i was oral, was one on one and taking command of the conversation, that way you can generally anticipate your responses. Basically this way you 'bluff' you can hear them. Or use pen and paper or smartphone note app., which is what I prefer now with non-signers.
 

LindaBob

New Member
I do try to tech them to sign. They try to learn but some have a really hard time. They just can't see! We do have a big advantage as far as cheating g at games tho. Ha. Jk.
 

LindaBob

New Member
Husband is doing better and better. Last night he offered to 'terp without being asked! He's great!
 

SeaJenSurf

New Member
You avoiding your family is no worse than them avoiding you. If your family were to avoid you because of communication barriers, you and everyone else on this forum would be in an uproar. If your family tries, you should too. And don't rely on your husband to interpret. It's not fair to your husband.

My husband and I are deaf. My husband is profoundly deaf, I have a CI and can get by. I do not interpret for him (he is an independent man and is not attached to my hip at parties). But, I keep to deaf etiquette and sign what I say. If he becomes interested, I will sign both sides of the conversation. But, when he has one on one conversations, he does it with remedial sign language, typing on a phone or computer or good old pen and paper.

So... Why not have a laptop out to open the door to conversations with your family?

Another thing that worked for us was hiring 1-2 interpreters. We hired interpreters for big events like college graduation and our wedding reception. That way, we each had an interpreter at any time. Then at our wedding, we had extra. It was the best I ever saw deaf and hearing mingle.

Don't be upset about being the one to solve the communication barrier problem. Most hearing people don't have much or any experience with deaf. They simply cannot anticipate our needs.
 

shel90

Audist are not welcome
Premium Member
Either I sit there quietly or I try to pick two people for small group converations. If there is a large group conversation going on, I will not get involved.
 

vsquared

New Member
hi

I am new to this site and I am not HOH, but I am very interested in learning about Deaf Culture. Thanks for letting me in. These are important challenges to deal with. It's interesting to see all the different replies.

It would be like me going to a foreign country where I don't know any of the language.
 

vsquared

New Member
I like this answer

You avoiding your family is no worse than them avoiding you. If your family were to avoid you because of communication barriers, you and everyone else on this forum would be in an uproar. If your family tries, you should too. And don't rely on your husband to interpret. It's not fair to your husband.

My husband and I are deaf. My husband is profoundly deaf, I have a CI and can get by. I do not interpret for him (he is an independent man and is not attached to my hip at parties). But, I keep to deaf etiquette and sign what I say. If he becomes interested, I will sign both sides of the conversation. But, when he has one on one conversations, he does it with remedial sign language, typing on a phone or computer or good old pen and paper.

So... Why not have a laptop out to open the door to conversations with your family?

Another thing that worked for us was hiring 1-2 interpreters. We hired interpreters for big events like college graduation and our wedding reception. That way, we each had an interpreter at any time. Then at our wedding, we had extra. It was the best I ever saw deaf and hearing mingle.

Don't be upset about being the one to solve the communication barrier problem. Most hearing people don't have much or any experience with deaf. They simply cannot anticipate our needs.
This answer has varying approaches. I remember my sister hated to interpret for her husband, both hearing, when they went down to the South American country where we're from. This was surely partially due to the fact that she is not completely fluent in Spanish nor trained as an interpreter. I am an interpreter--but in the Spanish language, so I know what it takes.
 

Bottesini

Old Deaf Ranter
Premium Member
I am new to this site and I am not HOH, but I am very interested in learning about Deaf Culture. Thanks for letting me in. These are important challenges to deal with. It's interesting to see all the different replies.

It would be like me going to a foreign country where I don't know any of the language.
Except you would have to do it constantly for your whole life, with your own relatives...
 

Pythias

Member
I go and usually get a useful exchange 1 on 1 with a couple of people if I stay outside or in some room people aren't really using. After a while trying with the group, I usually give up and just play on my phone or sit quietly and think about whatever I have in my thought queue.
 

LindaBob

New Member
You avoiding your family is no worse than them avoiding you. If your family were to avoid you because of communication barriers, you and everyone else on this forum would be in an uproar. If your family tries, you should too. And don't rely on your husband to interpret. It's not fair to your husband.

My husband and I are deaf. My husband is profoundly deaf, I have a CI and can get by. I do not interpret for him (he is an independent man and is not attached to my hip at parties). But, I keep to deaf etiquette and sign what I say. If he becomes interested, I will sign both sides of the conversation. But, when he has one on one conversations, he does it with remedial sign language, typing on a phone or computer or good old pen and paper.

So... Why not have a laptop out to open the door to conversations with your family?

Another thing that worked for us was hiring 1-2 interpreters. We hired interpreters for big events like college graduation and our wedding reception. That way, we each had an interpreter at any time. Then at our wedding, we had extra. It was the best I ever saw deaf and hearing mingle.

Don't be upset about being the one to solve the communication barrier problem. Most hearing people don't have much or any experience with deaf. They simply cannot anticipate our needs.
Very thoughtful reply. Good point! Always hoh but late deaf and learning the ropes as it were. For now I will try, with residual hearing and lip reading. My husband mostly does like you, signs if he can and I can at least get the topic. That helps. I don't want to either exclude them or be excluded myself. Mostly just so wondering what others do to help bridge the gap!
 
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