If only it were that easy. Any time for myself has to be here at home as I cannot leave my children in charge of my mother. My mother in law argues that I do not "need" ASL and that I am only looking for attention in "thinking" that I need this.
As far as meeting someone outside of the deaf club social times, they are all so much older and are not very sociable at all. The younger ones (30-50) do not go to the socials as they usually have jobs. My evening are taken up with 2 seniors going through "sundowners" and the only time I see hubby.
I'm not looking for sympathy or anything. It's just easier to give up, than to keep dealing with this family at times. I will still do what I can, but I can not actively seek places to learn. I can't afford to go to the night classes (even if I could get out of the house) and the colleges here do not offer ASL classes. If they do, it's over $300 for the course and if I can't afford the $150 for the night school, how can I afford $300-$500 for a course at the college? Since I am not looking for a job any longer, I cannot use the services of VR. My local Deaf Service Center had a sign language class, but did not focus on the ASL grammar, just PSE. I go over those notes and such with all the books I have, but I am having problems retaining the info as it's just me. There is a local mall that has a Deaf chat time, but it's when I have to take MIL, son & myself to weight loss group.
Dealing with being an "on-demand" driver for MIL (who is legally blind, has an in-operable brain tumor and now has to have a knee replacement redone and has a ruptured disk in lower back), doing all of her housework, the caretaker of my mother who has dementia and liver cancer, wife to a wonderful man with brain damage and memory problems, mother to a child with massive learning disabilities and a child who is trying so hard to grow up to help out around the house as much as possible. He wants to get a job, so he can help with bills, but that means, yet another person to drive daily for.
Mother and MIL are not sick enough for respite care and MIL would refuse. Mother, in her current mental state, cries if I go out somewhere without her.
Emotionally I am drained daily, mentally I will not even talk about, but I think I am as strong as can be, physically, I am getting worse, but doing the best that I can. I have always looked to AD as my release, as most people here know what I go through and can make me feel better about things. AD also grounds me enough to know that there are others who are also struggling and I can know that I am not alone and others also need some release of their own and possible understanding and support.
