Walking on cracked eggshells

[Liza]

Don't you just hate it when you feel you have to walk on cracked eggshells around peeps who expect certain responses from you and practices the one way door policy instead of it being two way door?

One thing for sure - I am certainly not going to do this with anyone else - especially not on a message board, of all places. If I sense such a thing in an interaction with another poster, I am less motivated to participate in such discussions with that person.

Just a thought I wanted to share with y'all. Feel free to share your experiences.

 

[Babyblue]

Yes. Especially when they ask something and you try to be honest. The answer that you give is NOT what they want.
But they asked! So it is a lose lose situation.

 

[Liza]

Yes. Especially when they ask something and you try to be honest. The answer that you give is NOT what they want.
But they asked! So it is a lose lose situation.

Yep
It just aint pleasant to discuss with someone like that.

 

[Babyblue]

Been there done that. It is uncomfortable at times but if I'm ask for an opinion on something I will answer as honestly as possible. Sometimes If the situation is weird I will simply tell the person to do what they think is right.

 

[Gemma]

Yep - I am very very guilty of being a person pleaser all of my life until last year. I always did or said based on what I thought others wanted to hear or expect from me.

I no longer do that - I have gotten negative reactions from people who saw me trying to please them but it is my fault because I allowed them to think otherwise of me.

 

[Hear Again]

i'm the kind of person who likes being real. i don't like people who beat around the bush, sugar coat things or walk on eggshells to avoid hurting someone's feelings. sometimes i'm a little too direct, but in all honesty, i think people appreciate that more than fake emotions.

 

[Sharky99]

All ya have to do is be tactful and honest as possible right?? And somehow find an answer that would express what ya are saying in your own opinion, regardless of how other folks preceive this? I wonder, indeed....

 

[Hear Again]

All ya have to do is be tactful and honest as possible right?? And somehow find an answer that would express what ya are saying in your own opinion, regardless of how other folks preceive this? I wonder, indeed....

exactly. tact is the key to expressing one's opinion without offending another person or hurting their feelings.

 

[Maria]

 

[Oceanbreeze]

i'm the kind of person who likes being real. i don't like people who beat around the bush, sugar coat things or walk on eggshells to avoid hurting someone's feelings. sometimes i'm a little too direct, but in all honesty, i think people appreciate that more than fake emotions.

I'm the same way. You take what you get. I'm not into sugar coating. I won't go out of my way to hurt someone, but at the same time, I believe in honesty. If you can't be honest with someone, then you have no basis for a friendship. That's in IRL.

As for forums, I can be abrasive. I'm not gonna please everybody and I also am not gonna try to. If you don't like something I say, there's an ignore button. You won't hurt my feelings, believe me.

I learned a value lesson a few years ago after I got sick and nearly died. Life's too short to be kissing everybody's ass.

 

[Hear Again]

I'm the same way. You take what you get. I'm not into sugar coating. I won't go out of my way to hurt someone, but at the same time, I believe in honesty. If you can't be honest with someone, then you have no basis for a friendship. That's in IRL.

As for forums, I can be abrasive. I'm not gonna please everybody and I also am not gonna try to. If you don't like something I say, there's an ignore button. You won't hurt my feelings, believe me.

I learned a value lesson a few years ago after I got sick and nearly died. Life's too short to be kissing everybody's ass.

very true and i couldn't agree more with the bolded statement.

ever since i lost my hearing, i learned alot about what it meant to be assertive and to advocate for my rights.

prior to then, i was very insecure and overly concerned about the way others felt about me. now i could care less. i am who i am and i make no apologies for it. if you don't like me or the opinions i express, you're more than welcome to feel that way.

besides, if i were to spend my time worrying about how everyone felt about me, i'd be a pretty miserable person 24/7 and that's no way to live.

 

[Mrs Bucket]

For me, I have learned sometimes it is much better to learn more about the other person and why they respond in such a manner that makes me wonder about their reactions instead of invoking their reactions purposely.

I do get to know the person much more this way and get to appreciate them much more.

I call it my own personal growth as I used to be the type of person that caused other people to feel the need to "flower their words" around me. I sought it within myself to learn about what really triggered my own emotions and I now know and realise the effects it can cause on others.

It is not fun so I am able to appreciate my own personal growth and take the time to get to know others before I arrive at an assumption about others.

 

[shel90]

I'm the same way. You take what you get. I'm not into sugar coating. I won't go out of my way to hurt someone, but at the same time, I believe in honesty. If you can't be honest with someone, then you have no basis for a friendship. That's in IRL.

As for forums, I can be abrasive. I'm not gonna please everybody and I also am not gonna try to. If you don't like something I say, there's an ignore button. You won't hurt my feelings, believe me.

I learned a value lesson a few years ago after I got sick and nearly died. Life's too short to be kissing everybody's ass.

I am the same. I grew up pleasing people so I wont have anyone mad at me. Done with that. Sure I can be abrasive too but life goes on!

Yea, my feelings wont be hurt especially on here cuz to be honest with you all, I have a life outside of AD with issues much more serious than someone hating me here on AD. LOL!

 

[shel90]

very true and i couldn't agree more with the bolded statement.

ever since i lost my hearing, i learned alot about what it meant to be assertive and to advocate for my rights.

prior to then, i was very insecure and overly concerned about the way others felt about me. now i could care less. i am who i am and i make no apologies for it. if you don't like me or the opinions i express, you're more than welcome to feel that way.

besides, if i were to spend my time worrying about how everyone felt about me, i'd be a pretty miserable person 24/7 and that's no way to live.

Ohhh, tell me about it. One of my friends lives her life like that...it is frustrating to see her dictate how she lives her life based on what others think of her. Not for me.

 

[Jolie77]

What do you have to lose if you are constantly worried about what other people thinks about you? Nothing.

I used to be like this being worried about what other people thought of me. I was afraid that if I said something, I could be harming the friendship or making enemies. I learned that it is not worth your time to be worrying every minute about how to say things to please others. By worrying about it all the time really does take control of your life. That is why I did not want to live like this at all.

Understandably, There are some people who have thin skins and are extremely sensitive. However, On this case, Sometime we just have to have a thick skin to bounce back cuz walking on the eggshell is not always a fun thing to do.

The key is to proceed with respect. If someone does not like what you've said, That is their problem, Not yours.

 

[Hear Again]

What do you have to lose if you are constantly worried about what other people thinks about you? Nothing.

I used to be like this being worried about what other people thought of me. I was afraid that if I said something, I could be harming the friendship or making enemies. I learned that it is not worth your time to be worrying every minute about how to say things to please others. By worrying about it all the time really does take control of your life. That is why I did not want to live like this at all.

Understandably, There are some people who have thin skins and are extremely sensitive. However, On this case, Sometime we just have to have a thick skin to bounce back cuz walking on the eggshell is not always a fun thing to do.

The key is to proceed with respect. If someone does not like what you've said, That is their problem, Not yours.

jolie,

i'm having difficulty understanding your post. it seems like the bolded statements are contradictory. could you explain further? thanks.

 

[Hear Again]

Ohhh, tell me about it. One of my friends lives her life like that...it is frustrating to see her dictate how she lives her life based on what others think of her. Not for me.

i know. i used to have a best friend who was the same way. she was miserable all of the time and very insecure. i finally had to make the difficult decision to end our friendship because i could no longer take it anymore. as you know, i suffer from bipolar and one thing my tdoc suggested i do is to remove everyone in my life who acts as a trigger for my depression (mainly those who are overly concerned with how others view them). this best friend was certainly a trigger, so inasmuch as i wanted to continue being her friend, i could no longer afford to have her affecting my moods due to her behavior.

 

[Jolie77]

jolie,

i'm having difficulty understanding your post. it seems like the bolded statements are contradictory. could you explain further? thanks.

I'm sorry for confusing you, lol

What I meant is --

What do you have to lose if you are constantly worried about what other people thinks about you? Nothing.

If you're the kind of person who is straightforward and not being afraid of saying something and if that person gets angry at you for whatever you said; You shouldn't be worrying too much about it because it is who you are. You have nothing to lose because you only know what you know.

I learned that it is not worth your time to be worrying every minute about how to say things to please others. By worrying about it all the time really does take control of your life.

With that said, By walking on the eggshell is only when you get to really over think yourself. It also leads to frustrations, resentments, and it also leads to bitterness. That's what I meant by if it overtakes you, it can control your life.

Does that clear it up for you, Hear Again?

 

[Jiro]

I'm an egg breaker.

 

[Hear Again]

I'm sorry for confusing you, lol

What I meant is --



If you're the kind of person who is straightforward and not being afraid of saying something and if that person gets angry at you for whatever you said; You shouldn't be worrying too much about it because it is who you are. You have nothing to lose because you only know what you know.



With that said, By walking on the eggshell is only when you get to really over think yourself. It also leads to frustrations, resentments, and it also leads to bitterness. That's what I meant by if it overtakes you, it can control your life.

Does that clear it up for you, Hear Again?

yes, it does. jolie!