I do have a set of hearing aids. They're setting in the center console of my truck. I never wear them because I hate them. There's alot of reasons but mostly I live in texas and the heat index was 109 today. I guess what's at the core of this is partly an identity thing, partly severe frustration. My parents won't even accept a vrs call, and while I've had some success doing vco, it's still awkward for them. They've made little to no effort to try and meet me half way on a lot of this. My wife and kids and I use a combination of sign and voice with each other. Both kids are too young for pen and paper to be effective. I'm more talking about my extended family. They're really resistant to changing the way in which they communicate with me. I can't really blame them, that's got to be hard on them because they don't really know who I am now. Like me losing my hearing didn't make me a different person, but they don't know how to handle me really. Plus you guys have to remember that you've had years to get numb to the "nevermind I'll tell you later". It's new for me. It's ungodly frustrating still. I can control and modulate the volume of my voice, problem is sometimes I dont know I need to. 5 he volume I pick for what I think is happening in the room isn't quite right (I was already loud anyways, 2003 - 2013 spent yelling at people). really though, me being too loud is hardly the reason, it's just an added problem.
So, I guess the new topic is, how do you overcome the stigmas placed on you by people you've known forever when these things change. My idea was obviously to force them to figure out how to interact with me or don't bother. I don't really see that as being s3lfish, but I see where you guys are coming from.
To address the immersion side, the amount of frustration I feel when I can't convey an idea is above an beyond. Forcing myself to in turn, figure out how to interact with my family seems like a necessity right now. I don't know how to figure this out without trying something different to see what I can learn. I'm not trying to be selfish, I'm trying to avoid the falsehood that things aren't any different by forcing those around me to accept that they have. Working out together how we can best interact, sooner rather than later, and moving foward. Talking about the situation brings comments like " well, it'll get better". I look at these people and go... no its ****ing really not going to get better... I can't hear you now and I'm jot going to be able to hear you tommorrow. So how do we do this?
Talking doesn't seem to be bringing me foward with this and my family and friends... so something in how this is being done needs to change. Something in how we are dealing with this needs to change. So if not going non vocal to force the situation to resolve itself, what's the suggestion? Cause talking is bringing out a lot of denial and platitudes, but little in way of results.
Sent from my SCH-I545 using AllDeaf App mobile app
Well forcing people to interact with you by going voice off isn't exactly going to get any better results, either. That is just going to frustrate everyone further. You have hearing aids... you may hate them... but they're a tool to help and aid you. The transition is difficult, yes. I was born Deaf to a family who is mostly all hearing. Growing up my father forced me through Voc rehab and many other things. I went to a regular school, though I grew up speaking Romanian, English and was taught ASL growing up. Yes, Voc rehab helped me with the formation of sounds and words ect. now... but growing up, it was a huge pain in the arse... being different from everyone else. Being little and feeling "left out" of everything. I didn't socialize much... I kept to myself mostly... They thought I was socially withdrawn blah blah. I'm a social friggin butterfly! I wasn't socially withdrawn... :roll: What was it? I was so worried about what you just mentioned... I was worried about what everyone else thought... I was worried about the social stigmas or what everyone attached to my Deafness. You know what I think about it now? Who gives a flying FU*K?! If people don't accept that, it's not your problem. It is something you can not change. You need to learn to deal with it yourself and accept it, and also learn to not worry about what other people think. If other people don't want to learn to go the distance to communicate with you or accept you for who you are ( deafness included ) then they are obviously people you don't need to interact with. If they're family ( extended included ) interact with them only when needed... period. You're an adult... you have full control over who you interact with when you want to interact with them. If they're your wifes family, explain to her they're ass tarts and she should be standing by your side and talking to them. If she isn't... well then you have a bigger problem. If I was married to someone and they felt my family was being disrespectful to them and they talked to me about it, you're damn right I'd be getting onto my family about it and straightening that out! That's unacceptable...
To me, it sounds like you need to work on some personal acceptance. It sounds like you haven't fully accepted what has happened to you. It also sounds like you need to grow up a little... sorry, blunt honesty. Now that you're deaf, welcome to the community... we tend to be blunt like that. Sorry, there's no cookies or cake... just blunt honesty. Most of us have been ridiculed, picked on, made fun of, and treated like we're retarded a good chunk of our lives... you can either 1) Whine about it as you're doing or 2) Be an adult, look them in the eye... dish it back ( My favorite ) or 3) Take it like an adult and be a brick wall and walk away... ( Sometimes I do this but I prefer dishing it back ) This is no different than kids being made fun of for glasses and being called four eyes in elementary school except the adult version. People are cruel and lack empathy... that's life. People are also stupid... that is also life... Just go read the Deaf / Hearie story thread... :roll: We deal with that crap... EVERY DAY... Believe me, you're going to notice it more and more sadly... Sometimes it will make you laugh... sometimes it will make you want to punch people in the face... it's the sad truth. However, it's a reality you will have to face.
You are lucky enough to have hearing aids. You have young children you have to think about with all of this. Do not miss out on their growing up just because you hate the hearing aids. There are things that you will not want to miss. Do I enjoy my C.I.? Hell no... It's annoying... I wear it for work simply because I have to... working in triage demands it... Once I leave, it's off. Around my family sometimes I wear it because it can be quite frustrating around a large Romanian family... ( I admit we have loud big mouths, I'm not going to deny it...
) Anyway... All I'm saying it, sure they're not exactly comfortable at first, they take getting used to just like glasses or anything that we aren't born with... I was with a girl when I got my C.I. years and years ago... When I first heard her voice... it was the most amazing thing I can remember... I hate her now... she is a cheating ass tart... but hearing the voices of my parents... and my GF at the time... such an amazing memory. I'm sure you will not want to miss hearing your children's voices.
There are many stereotypes attached to the Deaf community... How do we deal with them? We get over them... we push on and don't let them get to us... Who cares what people think... we bond together... that is why we have each other... the Deaf community is a strong one... Go out and find some other late deafened people for support... take some ASL classes... lots of places hold deaf meet and greets... put yourself out there for some friends... get that support... That's all I can suggest. Introduce those people to your family... Maybe having those people around will instill the idea in their minds... Other than that, all I can tell you is that you're going to have to stand up, stand strong and deal with it like we all do... because it's something you're going to have to get used to... we all deal with it every day... Yes it's frustrating... but we all pull through... like I said, our community is a strong one. We all have to toughen up and take it from annoying people who don't understand all the time... People who refuse... every day... Eventually your family will come to understand... but forcing them to come to terms by going voice off in such a drastic way is not going to help the situation. These things don't just cure themselves or come to terms poof right away. Obviously you're still coming to terms with your deafness... so are they.
