BabyPhat21
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- Joined
- Mar 6, 2003
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MUNCIE, Ind. - Men are idiots. Or, at least, we often feel that way. As far as I can tell, there is simply no way to ask out a woman without wanting to bash in your head with a fairway wood afterward.
"God," the man moans between swings. "I am an utter moron."
No doubt even Shakespeare tripped over his tongue when the time came to approach his personal Juliet. It doesn't matter how much men plan their words in advance. We can stew all we want -- the end result is always a rushed jumble of non-sense. Who'd have thought that casually suggesting dinner and a movie could make grown men feel 14?
But as much as I wish it wasn't true, there's just no way to avoid the stomach-churning requirement. Many men have tried, but nothing besides straight-up asking ever yields the desired result.
Some men -- myself among them -- say in moments of frustration that we wish 21st century women would take the burden off our shoulders and ask out men they like.
We are lying.
Sure, we'd be delighted if the women we like would save us the trouble, but we have no desire to learn methods of artfully refusing the ones we aren't interested in.
No, if a man is interested in a woman, he has to take the initiative himself.
Some men -- myself among them -- have tried using email or instant messages to avoid nerve-wracking face-to-face or telephone encounters. That way, the words are sure to come out exactly as planned. This is a profoundly bad idea.
Women can sense a lack of testicular fortitude a mile away. And I think they like knowing that they are worth the risk of embarrassment; a man who won't take a chance probably isn't worth their time.
Besides, as Sebastian said in "Cruel Intentions," e-mail is for geeks and pedophiles. Neither is the first impression you want to have on a potential mate.
Some men -- myself among them -- have tried to avoid the issue altogether by inviting a woman to a night out, but not making it clear whether it will be a date or not. This is mind-blowingly stupid.
It leads to a "non-date," a shadowy event that lurks halfway between being a date and... not. Non-dates are non-fun. You end up sitting in a restaurant, staring at your partner across the table and wondering what the hell is going on. No one makes a move, because no one knows what is expected.
Clearly, non-dates are a non-answer.
Some men -- myself among them -- have tried following the path of least resistance. In this strategy, the man spends a lot of time "hanging out" with the woman in question until "something happens."
In my experience, "nothing" ever "happens." Or, if it does, you wish it hadn't.
Men, it seems, have only two choices. We can either suck it up and ask a girl out, or we can sit around pathetically wishing, but never asking.
So, plan your words, gather your courage, hide the five woods and do what you gotta do.
"God," the man moans between swings. "I am an utter moron."
No doubt even Shakespeare tripped over his tongue when the time came to approach his personal Juliet. It doesn't matter how much men plan their words in advance. We can stew all we want -- the end result is always a rushed jumble of non-sense. Who'd have thought that casually suggesting dinner and a movie could make grown men feel 14?
But as much as I wish it wasn't true, there's just no way to avoid the stomach-churning requirement. Many men have tried, but nothing besides straight-up asking ever yields the desired result.
Some men -- myself among them -- say in moments of frustration that we wish 21st century women would take the burden off our shoulders and ask out men they like.
We are lying.
Sure, we'd be delighted if the women we like would save us the trouble, but we have no desire to learn methods of artfully refusing the ones we aren't interested in.
No, if a man is interested in a woman, he has to take the initiative himself.
Some men -- myself among them -- have tried using email or instant messages to avoid nerve-wracking face-to-face or telephone encounters. That way, the words are sure to come out exactly as planned. This is a profoundly bad idea.
Women can sense a lack of testicular fortitude a mile away. And I think they like knowing that they are worth the risk of embarrassment; a man who won't take a chance probably isn't worth their time.
Besides, as Sebastian said in "Cruel Intentions," e-mail is for geeks and pedophiles. Neither is the first impression you want to have on a potential mate.
Some men -- myself among them -- have tried to avoid the issue altogether by inviting a woman to a night out, but not making it clear whether it will be a date or not. This is mind-blowingly stupid.
It leads to a "non-date," a shadowy event that lurks halfway between being a date and... not. Non-dates are non-fun. You end up sitting in a restaurant, staring at your partner across the table and wondering what the hell is going on. No one makes a move, because no one knows what is expected.
Clearly, non-dates are a non-answer.
Some men -- myself among them -- have tried following the path of least resistance. In this strategy, the man spends a lot of time "hanging out" with the woman in question until "something happens."
In my experience, "nothing" ever "happens." Or, if it does, you wish it hadn't.
Men, it seems, have only two choices. We can either suck it up and ask a girl out, or we can sit around pathetically wishing, but never asking.
So, plan your words, gather your courage, hide the five woods and do what you gotta do.
