Speech: A blessing or a curse?

[Frisky Feline]

Sometimes, I had to turn my voice off for my daughter. She needs to work on her eye contacts with me and more ASL. More and more days that I use ASl with my girl. I wish I did not use my voice when she was born. My boy has no problem picking up ASL. Voice affects people's visual processing weakness. jeez.

 

[shel90]

Sometimes, I had to turn my voice off for my daughter. She needs to work on her eye contacts with me and more ASL. More and more days that I use ASl with my girl. I wish I did not use my voice when she was born. My boy has no problem picking up ASL. Voice affects people's visual processing weakness. jeez.

It was the same with my daughter. I regret using my voice with her when she was born.

 

[inmate23]

Sometimes, I had to turn my voice off for my daughter. She needs to work on her eye contacts with me and more ASL. More and more days that I use ASl with my girl. I wish I did not use my voice when she was born. Voice affects people's visual processing weakness. jeez.

It was the same with my daughter. I regret using my voice with her when she was born.

Maybe its a girl thing as well

 

[jillio]

Maybe its a girl thing as well

Nope, not a girl thing.:P

 

[jazzy]

This is terrible how he had to make the priority to speak for his family. The thing with family members is they expected him and other deaf people to talk so that hearing family members don't have to go through sign language at all. That is damaging to the human soul.

I had a hard time trying to explained to my Mom and my Dad about the need to sign, but they preferred me to talk to them and they talked to me. They refused to learn ASL because I can talk with my funny deaf accent. They had the easy way out. That was why I was not happy about it both in mainstream schools and at home. It was and still is not fair on the deaf child or deaf adult.

I am so sorry you had to go thru this. I had a big fight with one of my sisters few months ago over this. She think I don't want to learn how to speak nor wanted to have CI. I told her, simple I do not have this "gift" to read the lips or speak well as others do have. CI will not work on me. Really pissed me off and almost cut them off but I had to stay together for my mother's sake. (my mother was only one who understood me and do it my way)She felt hurt that I do not want to be part of this family which it was true at first because I was and am still tired of being treat this way from them.Now my mother is gone, I have to honor her wishes that I will stay in contact with my siblings.

Now I see some friends of mine who are dealing with same things, alike my deaf friend. I felt so bad for him because his parents put guilty trip on him when they told hm, "we worked so hard to make you to learn how to talk and read lips and it will upset us if you stop do them" I was alike "What". Where is happiness? there is no happiness if we try to please parents and others. I am getting so tired of this, you know. oh well.

 

[rebeccalj]

So cute! That is not surprising because too often our deafness was blamed for our personality traits when it had nothing to do with it. Important your daughter understands who she is and stays true to herself when she is older instead of trying to change her personality to make people who do not understand happy.

Excellent post Shel. I think, in my case, I was just stubborn.

 

[rebeccalj]

It has been mentioned many times by various people on this forum that hearing people automatically assume you can hear, hear more, or hear better because you have the ability to speak well.

It has proved to be one of the major causes of frustration in communication, not actually the mode of communication, but on that assumption alone.

If you remember, growing up the only one deaf, in an oral-only, hearing only family and then married into a hearing family, also being the only deaf yet again, I had learned the subtle art of bluffing my way and 'pretending' to hear. I had this down to such a fine art that everyone around me were truly fooled. Now it has been a difficult task to convince them of the truth. Yes, they have seen my audiogram, but still cannot fully comprehend that what is on the graph is how it is for me. Everyday is like a Wheel of Fortune game and a code-breaking exercise for me. What I am trying to tell my family is that I am tired of it and want to stop as much as humanly possible. Any practical suggestions as to how I get my family to understand where I am at. BTW, an update.....they are being more accepting (I love them for it), just still not comprehending the reasons.

Coping well in an hearing world is both a blessing and a curse because hearies assume, wrongly, that you hear better than you really can. By coping we've also set ourselves up for misunderstanding of the challenges we face daily.

Since I have become more open about the challenges that I face with communication life has improved as I'm no longer embarrassed for being unique and hearies are remarkably understanding and adapt.

I think the best thing that you can do is continue to educate your family while staying true to the identity that works for you.

Completely off topic but do your ears vibrate/feed back when you yawn or open your mouth wide (I'm always having to do that to pop my ears)? I believe you and I have similar loss so I was curious. When I yawn, sometimes there is a noise in my head/ears? that is like feedback.

 

[rebeccalj]

I understand from what angle you are coming from, but this is where we need to educate family members, the public etc - that whether a Deaf person decides to use speech or go voice off, it should not make any difference, we are still equal human beings and it is just plain wrong for them to think otherwise.

I agree completely. The perception of the Deaf is so twisted with some people I just shake my head sometimes.:roll:

 

[rebeccalj]

Thank you. Your speech journey echos my own. However, although it is a great skill to have it is like what Shel90 said 'it is a double-edged sword'. It tires me a great deal to speak clearly day in, day out. I am honestly tired. I want the choice to go voice off, something that was not afforded me when I was young and growing up.

I'm the same way. My voice is *SO* tired from trying to articulate what I mean at work, everyday, that I just need down time.

 

[BecLak]

Coping well in an hearing world is both a blessing and a curse because hearies assume, wrongly, that you hear better than you really can. By coping we've also set ourselves up for misunderstanding of the challenges we face daily.

Since I have become more open about the challenges that I face with communication life has improved as I'm no longer embarrassed for being unique and hearies are remarkably understanding and adapt.

I think the best thing that you can do is continue to educate your family while staying true to the identity that works for you.

So true, thanks.

Completely off topic but do your ears vibrate/feed back when you yawn or open your mouth wide (I'm always having to do that to pop my ears)? I believe you and I have similar loss so I was curious. When I yawn, sometimes there is a noise in my head/ears? that is like feedback.

Funny you would mention that. In fact, yes, I get that almost everytime I yawn, and sometimes tinnitus (but only on rare occasions). Most of the time I feel pressure, and my ears ache when I am tired.

 

[rebeccalj]

Funny you would mention that. In fact, yes, I get that almost everytime I yawn, and sometimes tinnitus (but only on rare occasions). Most of the time I feel pressure, and my ears ache when I am tired.

It's the most bizarre thing (ie: feedback). I have ringing in my ears all the time. Not constant but regular and sometimes it seems so loud that I ask my kids if they can hear it.

I'm very happy for you that your family is trying to re-learn how to communicate with you.

 

[Speedy Hawk]

I am so sorry you had to go thru this. I had a big fight with one of my sisters few months ago over this. She think I don't want to learn how to speak nor wanted to have CI. I told her, simple I do not have this "gift" to read the lips or speak well as others do have. CI will not work on me. Really pissed me off and almost cut them off but I had to stay together for my mother's sake. (my mother was only one who understood me and do it my way)She felt hurt that I do not want to be part of this family which it was true at first because I was and am still tired of being treat this way from them.Now my mother is gone, I have to honor her wishes that I will stay in contact with my siblings.

Now I see some friends of mine who are dealing with same things, alike my deaf friend. I felt so bad for him because his parents put guilty trip on him when they told hm, "we worked so hard to make you to learn how to talk and read lips and it will upset us if you stop do them" I was alike "What". Where is happiness? there is no happiness if we try to please parents and others. I am getting so tired of this, you know. oh well.

In bold part, it same with my parents when I stopped wearing hearing aids most of time at 16 and completely when I was 18. I only wore aids for them cos they want me too and thought I can understand speech when I cannot. I hate when they keep guilt trip me, I had to say "I never asked you do this, I never had choice in this, don't guilt trip me please!"

 

[jillio]

In bold part, it same with my parents when I stopped wearing hearing aids most of time at 16 and completely when I was 18. I only wore aids for them cos they want me too and thought I can understand speech when I cannot. I hate when they keep guilt trip me, I had to say "I never asked you do this, I never had choice in this, don't guilt trip me please!"

Well, I am just happy that you found the courage, once you were old enough, to live with your deafness the way that you are comfortable. So many people let their families and hearing friends and associates control that even as adults.

 

[Speedy Hawk]

Well, I am just happy that you found the courage, once you were old enough, to live with your deafness the way that you are comfortable. So many people let their families and hearing friends and associates control that even as adults.

Thanks. There was no way I gonna let them control me about aids. Enough is enough. I want have my own choice to wear them or not.

 

[Lavender]

My speech is about 90% blessing that's becuz I was born hearing for abt 4y. I didn't get an 'terp for job interview.

 

[KristinaB]

My tinnitus was so bad today that I had to stop talking and just totally "zone out" and rest quietly. Think pop corn in a pan with a metal lid, but change the popcorn kernels to ball bearings popping in there. Very uneven sounds, but just "pop, pop,...popopopopop, pop" like that. Very metallic sounding and just driving me up a wall. Most times, it only sounds like ball bearings in a pie tin being spun around. Oh, and even with those sounds, I have music going constantly in my head. Right now, I have renditions of my finger warm-ups from piano lessons going.