Spanking kids can cause long-term harm: Canada study

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Jiro

If You Know What I Mean
Premium Member
Yes. When my step son was 5 he was sent home early because he punched his teacher. I spanked him for it. I set him down and I told him I was going to punish him for unacceptable behaviour because I love him. After I spanked him, I hugged him and made him promise he would NEVER do that again. Then, he had to write a letter of apology. His mother did not spank him and was chastised by her entire family for not spanking him (one of the reasons he punched his teacher and was unbearable to deal with - he did other stunts similar BEFORE I started to spank him). After the spankings started for unacceptable behavior, his counselor at school noticed a drastic improvement in his behaviour. That is "spanking". It is not "whooping the tar outta em".
I seriously doubt his behavior "improved" was due to your spanking and I find your use of spanking in this case very odd. Spanking is typically and usually used right after a problem... not at much later time but hey - I'm not the one raising him.

Yes. By claiming another parent has more "knowledge" than any other parent is "preaching"
she basically does and that is a fact. have you raised one from Day 0 to end (usually age 21)? You said you're happily divorced which means you're no longer raising that stepson.

To say that you're as qualified as parents giving birth to one and raising one to the end..... I'm sorry but

lol. Even I wouldn't say such thing and I would be asking them for advice all the time.
 

Reba

Retired Terp
Premium Member
A few observations:

My brother and I were spanked. TCS was spanked. We spanked our daughter. None of us have any cognitive disabilities or abusive tendencies as a result.

When spanking is used properly as part of an overall discipline plan and not as an emotional reaction to frustration, then I don't see anything wrong with it.

Most of the spankings that I've observed (or participated in) have been nothing more than a few occasional swift swats to the butt.

When I was a kid, sending me to my room would never be a punishment. I enjoyed playing by myself.

When I was teenager, my dad punished me by not allowing me to watch TV or going out with the family for our weekly pizza night for several months. A spanking would have been less painful.

Usually spankings taper off as the child gets older.
 

Steinhauer

Well-Known Member
As far as spanking contributing to the community - I can give an example.

My stepson would usually be outside playing when I was home watching him. He had several friends that lived on the same street and would either be out on his skateboard or his bicycle. I knew his friend's parents, and we each would take turns watching "the kids" when one parent was at work and couldn't do so. Spanking was discussed, and we all trusted each other to spank if appropriate - a full report was always given when that parent returned home.

There were two older girls that lived up the street that became interested in "boys" (a looong story and a different story) that started hanging out with the younger boys trying to get them to do stuff that no little boys should be made to do. In any case, one of my stepson's female friends started hanging out with them and after all the parents collectively shut those two older girls down and they no longer "hung out" around our kids, that female "friend" tried to punish everyone by taking my stepson's bicycle, dismantled it and tossed it over a cliff.

He was in tears - he knew she did it but had no proof. That is the cue for a parent to step in. I approached her and told her in a very matter of fact way that she may be able to fool my little boy, but there was no way she would ever be able to fool me.

That was all it took. Her friends ratted her out. Later that night, I was visited by her father, he had her by his side and said "My little girl would like to tell you something".

That was when she apologized and admitted to trashing the bike and said she would be buying him a new one. Her father and I stood on my front porch and no words were needed to be exchanged - he had spanked her.

edit to add: They were playing again about a week later. One of the most important things I learned from it, was hold no grudges. Once the punishment is over - it's a clean slate.

I still see her once in a while around town - she is about 18 now. When she sees me, she runs over and gives me a hug, asks me how I am doing etc. etc. When that incident comes up, we both just chuckle about it.
 

Steinhauer

Well-Known Member
I seriously doubt his behavior "improved" was due to your spanking and I find your use of spanking in this case very odd. Spanking is typically and usually used right after a problem... not at much later time but hey - I'm not the one raising him.


she basically does and that is a fact. have you raised one from Day 0 to end (usually age 21)? You said you're happily divorced which means you're no longer raising that stepson.

To say that you're as qualified as parents giving birth to one and raising one to the end..... I'm sorry but

lol. Even I wouldn't say such thing and I would be asking them for advice all the time.
snickering .... :giggle:

Mr. Mom :laugh2:
 

Reba

Retired Terp
Premium Member
how old do you think?
Depends on the child but I would think spanking after elementary school age is rare. Mostly during the toddler and pre-school ages (usually an immediate single swat to the butt), tapering thru kindergarten-second grade.

TCS says that he got spanked more often, until he was about 14, usually 2-3 swats at a time. I asked him if he deserved his spankings. He said, "Yes!"

Did he turn out warped? I think not. :)
 

Jiro

If You Know What I Mean
Premium Member
As far as spanking contributing to the community - I can give an example.

My stepson would usually be outside playing when I was home watching him. He had several friends that lived on the same street and would either be out on his skateboard or his bicycle. I knew his friend's parents, and we each would take turns watching "the kids" when one parent was at work and couldn't do so. Spanking was discussed, and we all trusted each other to spank if appropriate - a full report was always given when that parent returned home.
I'm sorry but if anybody spanked my child - no matter if he/she disclosed it to me about it, I will make sure that person will get spanked by a judge.

NONE of my friends and I would ever agree to discuss about spanking nor spank each other's children.

There were two older girls that lived up the street that became interested in "boys" (a looong story and a different story) that started hanging out with the younger boys trying to get them to do stuff that no little boys should be made to do. In any case, one of my stepson's female friends started hanging out with them and after all the parents collectively shut those two older girls down and they no longer "hung out" around our kids, that female "friend" tried to punish everyone by taking my stepson's bicycle, dismantled it and tossed it over a cliff.

He was in tears - he knew she did it but had no proof. That is the cue for a parent to step in. I approached her and told her in a very matter of fact way that she may be able to fool my little boy, but there was no way she would ever be able to fool me.

That was all it took. Her friends ratted her out. Later that night, I was visited by her father, he had her by his side and said "My little girl would like to tell you something".

That was when she apologized and admitted to trashing the bike and said she would be buying him a new one. Her father and I stood on my front porch and no words were needed to be exchanged - he had spanked her.

edit to add: They were playing again about a week later. One of the most important things I learned from it, was hold no grudges. Once the punishment is over - it's a clean slate.

I still see her once in a while around town - she is about 18 now. When she sees me, she runs over and gives me a hug, asks me how I am doing etc. etc. When that incident comes up, we both just chuckle about it.
Especially in this case - I would be very irked by a parent spanking a child in front of me and in public. It's public humiliation and a form of abuse. Please leave spanking to inside your house, not in public. I generally don't like spanking a child at much later time. It doesn't make sense to me but hey - that's just me and how I was raised.

I don't believe she got her head screwed on right because of spanking. I believe it was because her dad was notified about it and was involved in her life. We all know that parental involvement is always a critical factor in disciplinary regardless of spanking or not (we can just agree to disagree on that part) but it's a clear fact that lack of parental involvement leads to problem child (I think we can agree on that part).

and of course.... parents have their own style because it's what they know the best by learning from their parents but to say that "if a child is disobedient at an early age and you do not spank them, that is a disservice to them and a disservice to the community. They will grow up and be an absolute unbearable person to deal with - much like you and your "superiority" complex on many issues" is just plain dang wrong and I think you should apologize for that comment.
 

Jiro

If You Know What I Mean
Premium Member
Depends on the child but I would think spanking after elementary school age is rare. Mostly during the toddler and pre-school ages (usually an immediate single swat to the butt), tapering thru kindergarten-second grade.

TCS says that he got spanked more often, until he was about 14, usually 2-3 swats at a time. I asked him if he deserved his spankings. He said, "Yes!"

Did he turn out warped? I think not. :)
:)

I think I've been spanked by my dad probably 5x in my entire life. and thousands times by my mom. My dad's deep cold stare and disappointment were very punishing enough for me. I can't remember when did my mom stop spanking me. I think probably around 7th-8th grade??? :dunno:

I didn't get spanked in the butt by a hand although my dad did. as typical as it is in Korea and Asian cultures, we Asian children get spanked on our hands by a spatula or bamboo stick and we get our stuff/rooms trashed around :giggle: (I don't know why I'm laughing)
 
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kokonut

New Member
Depends on the child but I would think spanking after elementary school age is rare. Mostly during the toddler and pre-school ages (usually an immediate single swat to the butt), tapering thru kindergarten-second grade.

TCS says that he got spanked more often, until he was about 14, usually 2-3 swats at a time. I asked him if he deserved his spankings. He said, "Yes!"

Did he turn out warped? I think not. :)
That's the problem with some people. When done right and properly as explained in here some will accuse indirectly of you being child abusers, etc, etc, by twisting it and use terms like "defenseless children" only proves a certain lack of insight here. Many of us were spanked as little children and we're doing just fine. Some have been abused horribly as a result and that I'm sorry it has ever happened when it should not have been like that. As long as spanking is done non-abusively, not out of anger, done judiciously and sparingly whenever certain circumstances warrant it. People make it sound like if parents follow that they will cause children to turn into social psychopaths, have their ruined lives or become mentally unstable lots (name your hyperboles here). Not so. There is a line when it comes to spanking and I think many of us recognize that.
 

DeafCaroline

New Member
so i am guessing you're saying little kids can defend themselves if they are not defenseless? that if someone 2 or 3 times their size hits them, they are capable of defending and protecting themselves?

it really does sound so disturbing when one say hitting a child is acceptable as long as it doesn't leave a visible mark.
 

sallylou

Potterhead and Janeite
Premium Member
My father was abusive. My brother says that is was good for him. He only says this because he doesn't want to deal with the emotional damage. It's a form of denial. Really, our lives would have been so much better if we hadn't been abused. That's really sad so he can't go there.
 

kokonut

New Member
DC, you're twisting it. Again, as long as it is done non-abusively in a prompt, rationale, and non-explosive manner. Reba was spanked when she was little and she turned out just fine as a very well adjusted adult. The same for the many of us.
 

Beowulf

Well-Known Member
Premium Member
DC, you're twisting it. Again, as long as it is done non-abusively in a prompt, rationale, and non-explosive manner. Reba was spanked when she was little and she turned out just fine as a very well adjusted adult. The same for the many of us.
YOU are twisting it. Spanking is just a demonstration of power over someone weaker. There are other methods, period. :roll:
 

DeafCaroline

New Member
Twisting how? If I hit you but not hard enough to leave a visible mark, would you still try to file charges against me for assault? Even though I hit an adult (you), not a small child?

If your answer is yes, then you're twisting things around to suit you. It's not abuse if it's a parent hitting a chid but it's abuse if it's an adult hitting another adult. It's a fallacious argument.
 

KarissaMann05

Active Member
Premium Member
Hey KarissaMann
Just to compare notes and shed light on the situation. What do you consider a spanking offense? a time out offense? a grounding? removal of toys or other things? extra chores? a stern talking to?
I don't have any child yet. It's always best to study parenting before having a kid, IMO. I read or watch new things some time to time. But, it's also better to be prepared unexpected situations.

IMO, it's so stupid to ban anything that "hurt" children no matter how soft it is, because so many parents will go to jail! Blah. Like, they tell you that you're soooo bad bad bad bad parent for spanking your children! You deserve a jail time! Do pro-spanking parents really have to go to jail for it? Blah.
 

Beowulf

Well-Known Member
Premium Member
Twisting how? If I hit you but not hard enough to leave a visible mark, would you still try to file charges against me for assault? Even though I hit an adult (you), not a small child?

If your answer is yes, then you're twisting things around to suit you. It's not abuse if it's a parent hitting a chid but it's abuse if it's an adult hitting another adult. It's a fallacious argument.
Not if you hit him in a calm, rational, non-explosive manner. :giggle:
 

DeafCaroline

New Member
I don't have any child yet. It's always best to study parenting before having a kid, IMO. I read or watch new things some time to time. But, it's also better to be prepared unexpected situations.

IMO, it's so stupid to ban anything that "hurt" children no matter how soft it is, because so many parents will go to jail! Blah. Like, they tell you that you're soooo bad bad bad bad parent for spanking your children! You deserve a jail time! Do pro-spanking parents really have to go to jail for it? Blah.
No, but it might help to take a parenting class to learn about how to effectively disclipine without having to resort to hitting.
 

Jiro

If You Know What I Mean
Premium Member
so i am guessing you're saying little kids can defend themselves if they are not defenseless? that if someone 2 or 3 times their size hits them, they are capable of defending and protecting themselves?

it really does sound so disturbing when one say hitting a child is acceptable as long as it doesn't leave a visible mark.
ssshhhhh........

1-3 spanks on the butt not done in abusive, violent manner is ok. if that's abusive to you, ok. no need to keep on harping about this. every parent has their own disciplinary method and as far as i'm concerned, this form of corporal punishment is allowable by law and it is not considered as abuse by many reputable organizations that protect children.

However I do not believe a corporal punishment should be delivered by anybody else other than parents. I would view it as assault and child abuse. Do not ever touch someone else's child. Period or you will be dealt with.
 

KarissaMann05

Active Member
Premium Member
No, but it might help to take a parenting class to learn about how to effectively disclipine without having to resort to hitting.
Well, true. Still, you should realize without spanking is not always effective... I mean, what would someone do if spanking-free parenting class is not much helpful?
 
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