Should people be shunned for not living up to their potential?

Mimsy

Mimsy

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Say you have a cousin who went to pre-law school in university, graduated early with straight As, and was accepted into a prestigious Law School. His family was thrilled and basically prepared him for success all his life. At the last minute, your cousin says "I don't want to be a lawyer, I want to be a paralegal". For whatever reason. His family keeps telling him that he's not living up to his potential. But he's happy going for paralegal studies instead of doctor of jurisprudence.

Question, is the family correct in trying to make him see that he's wasting his potential since paralegal is no where near where he has the ability to become?

Is it ok if a person doesn't live up to their intellectual potential as long as they are happy in a "lesser" field or career? Or it is accurate/fair to call them a waste of a brain.
 
No, it's not fair. Also, people can change their minds and might decide to change their careers several times during a life time. Who is to say what one's true "potential" is? As long as a person is doing something useful, who is to say that one career field is better than another? Sometimes income level and a professional title is confused with being "better."

Careers shouldn't be determined only for their intellectual level. There are other factors involved, such as temperament and desire.

Some parents live their dreams thru their children. It's not "fair" but it happens. As time goes by, the child will gain more fulfillment in the career choice, and the parental disapproval will become less important. It takes time but if the parents really care about the happiness of the child they will eventually come around.
 
I feel family has the right to expect more and try to make a family member do better. But if the choice is less than what the family expected then the obligation to accept a contrary choice has to be accepted. The nolawyer will still be a good person, still be a family member.
 
I have two kids, and I have no desire telling them what to do with their future. It IS their future not mine, and I do NOT own them even though they were from us. So far, I have taught my oldest son that there is consequences, risks, rewards. If they work very hard, the consequences will be very likely positive. If they don't hard, then they may have to live on street. It is THEIR choices not mine.
The reason behind why I do this way, I don't believe in expectations and I do NOT want them to do whatever just to make me happy. The only thing that I ask them to do is excel in school until they graduate from high school, after that, I mind my own business and let them grow themselves.
The truth is success only happens when one truly loves what they are doing and often way better off than just doing for somebody else.
 
Each person is entitled to their own future. You know a parent may tell you if you chose to go to school for paralegal, not lawyer, we'll not support your tuition. Parents have this right because it's their money. However, it's sad when parents want to control their kids because they have money.

I don't know who is paying for tuition here.

I don't know if parents know anyone who is or was a lawyer/paralegal so they're trying to warn him.

Also, I'm sure a lot of people worry. Years ago, you would live on a paralegal salary. In the future, paralegal salary will not get you by.
 
Be all that you can be....Do we somewhat "owe it to ourselves"?....And the saying..."I would of....could of.....should of"....

Life is a funny thing....but it's what we make it. And not forgetting that we have to live with ourselves......and "ourselves" will be with us until the very end. The Poem "The Man in the Glass" comes to mind here....

"When you get what you want
In your struggle for "self"....
And the world makes you king for a day.
Just go to a Mirror....
And look at yourself....
And see what that man has to say....

For it isn't your father, mother or wife
Who's judgement upon you shall pass.....
The one that counts the most in your Life....
Is the one looking back from the Glass..."

He's the one to please, nevermind all the rest.
And you've passed your most dangerous test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

Never chat the man in the glass. Be honest with yourself.
 
Oh, its mimsy. SORRY.

Trust in yourself knowing you are OK as long as you know what you want to do something with your life, not anyone's since they are not in your mind.
 
Mimsy said:
Say you have a cousin who went to pre-law school in university, graduated early with straight As, and was accepted into a prestigious Law School. His family was thrilled and basically prepared him for success all his life. At the last minute, your cousin says "I don't want to be a lawyer, I want to be a paralegal". For whatever reason. His family keeps telling him that he's not living up to his potential. But he's happy going for paralegal studies instead of doctor of jurisprudence.

Question, is the family correct in trying to make him see that he's wasting his potential since paralegal is no where near where he has the ability to become?

Is it ok if a person doesn't live up to their intellectual potential as long as they are happy in a "lesser" field or career? Or it is accurate/fair to call them a waste of a brain.
Click to expand...


No, it's not right to trash someone for not wanting to be something or other. Because their life belongs to them, and they are the ones that have to live their life and be happy or unhappy with it.

Other people can make a gift to help pay for tuition if they want to, but that does not give them the right to dictate another person's life. Careers are things that, these days, can change many times in a lifetime.

I suspect Mr. Money Mustache would give these people a conniption fit. But this man and his wife, saved their income and bought their early retirement. Someone might say that they are not "living up to their potential." But who is to say they are wrong? They are happy and they are living their lives on their terms. And likewise, who is to say anyone is wrong with the job or career they choose, or lifestyle they choose? No one can really say. Your life is your own and you know your own mind and your own dreams better than others.

Try to define what you want your goals along the way to be. What do you want your life to LOOK like at age 25, 35, 45, 55, 65, etc? What do you want to be doing? (Far more than just in terms of jobs.) What are you interested in (beyond only jobs)? What makes you happy? Forget money considerations in answering these questions. Now... what do you need to do to make your life look that way? It might include a career of one sort or it might not.

Look beyond career as a life-long vocation. It can be, but almost everyone gets tired of a job track eventually. There's more to life than that. So look beyond it. Design your life. A job or a career is only a *tool*, to help you purchase the life you want. As soon as it's done that, you don't need the job or career track anymore. Unless you really are still interested in the job itself for some reason, which is fine, too.

Defining oneself according to one's job title is very American. It's also not really who a person is. My suggestion is to break out of that mold. Use your job and/or career track as a tool, but don't define or constrain yourself with it when you live your life.

*gets off soapbox*
 
I don't know if this live up to their potential in order to make a lot of money which parents wanting their son to be a lawyer. If the son said he would like to be paralegal, instead of being a lawyer.

I think he was thinking of making the job a little more easier to work with the clients and the lawyer boss. Being a lawyer take a lot of work and responsibilities to fight for the clients' rights or prosecute someone in the court. If the son like being a paralegal which he said he is happy to be one. Then let him become what he want to do with his career choice.

What about in emergency ambulance paralegal instead of being a doctor in the hospital? They are not wasting their brain on this but are able to handle the crisis if someone is hurt.

I think parents should listen to their children when it comes with finding a right field for a career. It is same with us when we were kids, the parents expect us to do what the parents expect us to be in the mainstream schools without having no accommodations. The parents need to listen to us when we need help with accommodations. That is why most parents turn a deaf ear on us (both deaf and hearing). That is why it is not fair on this.

Am I making this sense to you? :hmm:
 
I am going thru this now. My daughter is at college majoring in Astrophysics and wanting to work for NASA. She is starting her junior year and has changed her major to web design. I was a little disappointed because I know she can do it and I believe she would have been great working for NASA. There are fewer females majoring in math and science, so I believe there would have been some great job opportunities for her.

My thought on this is....Did she need to be pushed a little by us just because she had too much homework? She does not work and we are paying her way. She has loads of time to study.

BUT......we didn't push. I told her how I feel but also told her that I knew she would do great at web desinging too. I have been told that she is really good at it.

I think as parents we worry about their future, but their happiness always needs to come first.

All I can hope for is that all three of my children are healthy, happy and yes be able to support themselves in the future.
 
Angel1989 said:
I am going thru this now. My daughter is at college majoring in Astrophysics and wanting to work for NASA. She is starting her junior year and has changed her major to web design. I was a little disappointed because I know she can do it and I believe she would have been great working for NASA. There are fewer females majoring in math and science, so I believe there would have been some great job opportunities for her.

My thought on this is....Did she need to be pushed a little by us just because she had too much homework? She does not work and we are paying her way. She has loads of time to study.

BUT......we didn't push. I told her how I feel but also told her that I knew she would do great at web desinging too. I have been told that she is really good at it.

I think as parents we worry about their future, but their happiness always needs to come first.

All I can hope for is that all three of my children are healthy, happy and yes be able to support themselves in the future.
Click to expand...

I can relate....my 16 yr. old could graduate early...but he says there's "too much work involved"....(homework)....he wanted to get out of the college classes he was taking also...but the Principal helped me to finally convince him to remain....He's young and just trying to spread his wings a little.
 
Ok, I can see you figured it out that I was referring to myself. So my cousin, I mean me...(I was ashamed to let you know it was me in case you'd bash me ,but I should be able to take a few bashings at my old age of 19, but 20 on this coming 31 December, can't wait!!)

Here comes the looooog info, run away from this if you get bored.

NYU on scholarship, so no money from my parents. I entered at 16 and finished my B.S. degree in Animal Science a semester ahead, so graduated early. I planned on being a veterinarian. Early acceptance to Cornell which is far from home, to study for my DVM (Doctor of Veterinary Medicine). My parents were thrilled to pieces even though they expected this from me. Yes I did want to be a DVM, but my anxiety disorder got in the way. And I NEED my dog with me, but he wouldn't be able to come.
So I decided to to to a vocational college to become a veterinary technician, which is like a nurse in the veterinary world. They're educated people who help heal animals. DVM starting salary is $85,000 a year. Vet Tech starting salary is $41,489 a year.This is what I'll be doing as vet tech:

Vet Techs may be able to practice skills autonomously, including examinations and minor surgery on animals, without the direct supervision of a veterinarian.


Dependant on their scope of practice and training, they may also be called upon to operate diagnostic screening equipment, including electrocardiographic, radiographic and ultrasonographic instruments, including complex machines such as computed tomography, magnetic resonance imagers and gamma cameras.

Vet Techs are likely to assist the vet, or perform by themselves on behalf of the vet, medical skills such as observations (e.g. taking and recording pulse, temperature, respiration etc.), wound and trauma management (e.g. cleaning and dressing wounds, applying splints etc.), physical interventions (e.g. catheterizations, ear flushes and venipuncture) and preparing and analysing biological samples (e.g. performing skin scrapings, microbiology, urinalysis, and microscopy).


Vet Techs would commonly assist veterinarians in surgery by providing correct equipment and instruments and by assuring that monitoring and support equipment are in good working condition. They may also maintain treatment records and inventory of all pharmaceuticals, equipment and supplies, and help with other administrative tasks within a veterinary practice such as client education.

Yes, I'll be making less money, and even though I do/did want to become a DVM, the Vet Tech 18month-2 year program is more suited to me at this time of my life. I will still be caring for and healing dogs and loving them, but I won't be Dr. Mimsy and my parents told me I'm a waste of a brain.:cry:

This has been a debate in my house and thanks God my brothers (and SIL) understand my reasons and are supportive and proud and happy for me. My parents love me but they feel it's a waste of potential, liker a terrible sin. They are ignorant, because they told me I'm going to spend my career picking up dog shit. They are so wrong. Yes, I will gladly pick up dog poop, but there's so much more to it, it's a science to care for an animal's health. I left my Canine Chemistry book on the dining room table and I hope they look through it.

Anyway, my answer to this debate was, at first, that they have the right to criticize me for "not living up to my potential", because it's their job as parents, but after reading these posts, I don't think they shoulod tell me I have a wasted brain. My brain is NOT being wasted. (Is it? Still a bit of uncertainty/insecurity in me.) What I DO know for certain is that I'm going to love what I do in this career. I may not be the top banana, but I'll still be helping those sweet animals.

The funny thing is if my parents knew I posted this here, they'd want to come and debate that they should put me down for my choice because it means they care for me and want me to go right to the top. I'm already a nervous wreck as it is for many years and they're making me worse. But I know they love me.
Thank you for your opinions.
 
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Sounds to me like you've got it figured out and know what you want. Go for it, Mimsy! :)
 
Go 4 it Mimsy. I'm not going to bash anyone.
Every one has its own unique journey in their life. I am seeing it now all from last 12 years. You might not be able to find job and stay there until your retirement. The chances of like this going to happen is very slim nowadays.

American has changed so much, we all have the appetite which is called innovations. So, your interesting and activities will change over the course of your life. It may or may not what you want. It does not mean that education is worthless, it can help you though your journey.

There is documentary that has 12 episodes about "America: The story of us". I would suggest watch every episodes start with first one not anywhere in middle. There is so much in these documentary that I don't know until now. It will show that Americans in history has success and failure. If you failed, oh well just move on try again. There is successes in every failures.
I said last 12 years because earlier than that I was living on SS checks, it gets me nothing, seriously NOTHING and complaining is not going to help.
 
way to go, mimsy, I know you will make lot of differences in animals lives and co workers and more!
 
Just because a person has potential to accomplish something, it doesn't mean that person wants to do it or it will make them happy.

I know some people who had potential to do a lot of things... and they went for it. Yet, they ended up being unhappy with what they were doing and wish they did something different.

A family friend's son was working for a huge business company out of state. He was working really hard and making good money. He was living up to his potential. One day, he just quit... and decided to move back home to live with his parents.

There are a lot of PROs and CONs between working as a lawyer and a paralegal. Maybe, that person prefers what being a paralegal offers than what being a lawyer offers.

I had potential to be store manager when I was working at the video rental store years ago. I decided not to because of the long-term things I didn't like. Plus, I was happy where I was compared to where I would be if I had become store manager.
 
rockin'robin said:
Be all that you can be....Do we somewhat "owe it to ourselves"?....And the saying..."I would of....could of.....should of"....

Life is a funny thing....but it's what we make it. And not forgetting that we have to live with ourselves......and "ourselves" will be with us until the very end. The Poem "The Man in the Glass" comes to mind here....

"When you get what you want
In your struggle for "self"....
And the world makes you king for a day.
Just go to a Mirror....
And look at yourself....
And see what that man has to say....

For it isn't your father, mother or wife
Who's judgement upon you shall pass.....
The one that counts the most in your Life....
Is the one looking back from the Glass..."

He's the one to please, nevermind all the rest.
And you've passed your most dangerous test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

Never chat the man in the glass. Be honest with yourself.
Click to expand...

the best quote ALL year!
 
mimsy, i hope you will come around here. I do enjoy reading your post, and learn something about your issue.

ignore others who think you should do better but you know your limits but i know when you reach to age 24 or so then you will see things change then you d be more comfortable to change anywway.
 
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