Separate or Divorced couple

do you think they should talk about themselves or just the kid/kids?

  • themselves

    Votes: 2 10.0%

  • only about the Kid/kids

    Votes: 12 60.0%

  • depends

    Votes: 6 30.0%
  • Total voters
    20
J

JeepGirl

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Do you think a separate or divorced couple should keep in touch regarding about themselves or only about their kid/kids?

My next door neighbor is going thru a divorce but is separated right now. She has her son with her and her husband has been bugging her about what "she" has done and how "she" treated him but she told him she doesn't love him anymore and if he wants to talk, he has to talk about her son, not her. He says "they're" still married and he has a right to talk about her. She told him they're no longer living together anymore and she's in the process of getting the divorce finalled. She said her husband still loves her but she doesn't love him. She had her reasons. She said her husband even welcomes himself into her house and she told him he wasn't welcome in the house anymore that they should be outside talking. Her husband wouldn't even let her in his house so why should he come in hers? IMO, I think she did the right thing if she's comfortable that way. Its her house, her life, and her son is in the middle of this. She asked me if she was doing the right thing and I specifically told her that if they're not together anymore, he should only be speaking for his son, not her. So, I decided to ask you all what your opinion is.
 
Well - it seems to me this way...when a divorce is granted, that's it. There is no reconcilation, no intimacy, nothing. Just casual talk and child care discussion if there are any kids from the marriage.

I know some people put high hopes on getting back together after a divorce, but then there are some that will just not work out. It may be due to actions by one spouse, lack of communication or it was time to divorce.

I have a couple friends that are divorced, and they have remained friends - but friends only. They have their own separate lives, their own relationships, etc., etc.

A divorce is the end of a relationship - and it should stay the end. Period.
 
Oh good thread RebelGirl, I'll be back to post....
 
I vote about their kid/kids... accord your description...

As what you described about your neighbor, she don´t want to live with her husband but allow him to visit their kids but he can´t accept it and want to talk about her, not their kids... which is no good.

I would vote depend if a wife and a husband who agrees to live separate and want to remain friends for their children´s sake and they can talk general like good friends and also about kids....
 
my vote is only about the Kid/kids

when i was 9 years old my parents got divorces and support me and my brother till reach me at 18 years old.

mostly parents must knew about words as "D" divorces and let support kids till reach 18 that life for that.
 
It should be about the children that's it, I was going to post about my experience but, I rather to remain private....
 
If she doesnt love him then it should be talk about her son not her. Her hubby should be accept talk about their son not her.
 
i vote kids only. if someone is already divorced.. move on, nothing you can do anymore. just talk about kids only if there are kids in ur lives.
 
I voted depends because every situation are different. However, I reckon her hubby should just talk about the kids because she doesn't want to be with him anymore and wants to be divorced. No use in beating your head against a brick wall if the wife or husband do not want to be reconciled.
 
Miss-Delectable said:
No use in beating your head against a brick wall if the wife or husband do not want to be reconciled.
Click to expand...


Exactly!!!! ...
 
I believe in divorced couples to talk only about their children since their intimacy relationship ended by divorce. I was divorced from my first husband and now am married to a wonderful 2nd husband. My ex husband and I last talked two or three years ago only because our daughters are adults. When we talked in the past as divorced parents, it was only about our children. It is easier this way. My 2nd husband only talk about their children with his ex wife.
 
RebelGirl said:
Do you think a separate or divorced couple should keep in touch regarding about themselves or only about their kid/kids?

My next door neighbor is going thru a divorce but is separated right now. She has her son with her and her husband has been bugging her about what "she" has done and how "she" treated him but she told him she doesn't love him anymore and if he wants to talk, he has to talk about her son, not her. He says "they're" still married and he has a right to talk about her. She told him they're no longer living together anymore and she's in the process of getting the divorce finalled. She said her husband still loves her but she doesn't love him. She had her reasons. She said her husband even welcomes himself into her house and she told him he wasn't welcome in the house anymore that they should be outside talking. Her husband wouldn't even let her in his house so why should he come in hers? IMO, I think she did the right thing if she's comfortable that way. Its her house, her life, and her son is in the middle of this. She asked me if she was doing the right thing and I specifically told her that if they're not together anymore, he should only be speaking for his son, not her. So, I decided to ask you all what your opinion is.
Click to expand...

Which house they lived together as married couple before? It sound like wife's, well the title of this house still belongs to husband's as a join owner until its up for sale or she pay him off first?? I can understand he walk in whatever he feels like!!!

How long have they been seperated for? How about giving a time-frame first, it will give him a time to get used to know he is not welcome after that.

Bottom line, they are still married couple although estranged in the eye of the law.

How about apply for a R.0 if she want a space for herself?
 
Good thread there, Rebelgirl :thumb: I agree with DreamDeaf, she nailed it perfectly. ;)

I voted discuss only about the kids, nothing else. I've seen plenty of divorce couples fight for their own agenda, it isn't about them two anymore, it's about the kids. There's no intimate relationship anymore, there's no dates, there's no kisses, there's no sex favors. It's extremely frustrating when one ex doesn't move on, when both parties agrees to the divorce. I know how that is, Rebelgirl. ;)
 
Opal said:
Which house they lived together as married couple before? It sound like wife's, well the title of this house still belongs to husband's as a join owner until its up for sale or she pay him off first?? I can understand he walk in whatever he feels like!!!

How long have they been seperated for? How about giving a time-frame first, it will give him a time to get used to know he is not welcome after that.

Bottom line, they are still married couple although estranged in the eye of the law.

How about apply for a R.0 if she want a space for herself?
Click to expand...

She actually moved out and bought her own place.. her husband kept the house

they've been separated for quite some time, bottom line is she wants a divorce period. R.O. isn't gonna help prevent him from coming on to her... she's not complaining but just want him to stop and try to at least be friends but he wants more than that. She's already gotten a lawyer and it is almost finalled. the question is.. is he going to keep on after the divorce? I just hope that he can change that and realize he can't do anything but to be there for his son.
 
Thanks everyone for your vote.. It does give me perspective of what I can suggest to my friend. thanks!
 
When a couples going thru divorce and separating, they SHOULD NOT see each other, This guy and this woman should move on and go different way and don't speak to each other.

When a couples with kids going thru divorce and separating, they SHOULD NOT see each other like sexual relationship, intimate or anything, etc, they should talk about the benefits for the children ONLY, just children, nothing about family, just children...

I agree with Cheri's comment...
 
Just talk directly about children comes first prior discussion most the welcomed.

Unless if talk about btwn the relationship accord that already near come the finalized the divorce.. Isn't worth talk personally into the carried away..
"Bad News" around in the house.. If wishes move out.. step side away no discussion further personal.. only talk about general issue related the children!

I've done casted the vote for kids!
 
I voted "depends" for in general and then I realized u wanted the poll to be about your friend? If that's the case, then in your friend's situation, I would vote kids only.

I know some people who remained friends with their exes and get together with them with their kids and catch up on news like buddies so if it is a mutual agreement, that is fine.

I only speak about my daughter with my ex husband cuz I learned my lesson that if I share too much info about myself, he will use it against me. I was hoping we would have a platonic friendship but he seems to hate me so much so I just keep things on the surface.
 
Oh well,... i guess i can tell ya what happened.. so 4 yrs ago, i got finally divorced for a reason.. so he did warned me if i still dont go back with him and he will steal my daughter away from me.. and i still doubt it.. he still have a gf , it doesn't bother me at all but i dont undy why he beggin me to go back with him.. he did asked for foreplay and etc like that.. i puzzled why he beggin me more than talk abt my daughter.. so i still refuse go back with him for a reason i have rights.. it depend on pplz who wanna more than that. but really hard but be carefully.. my ex hubby did abused me and grabbed me and kiss me.. and he keep tellin me to do anything for him as he will be there for me but not for my daughter.. i thought it would be nice to be nice with him but still not working.. i still fight over that to make him wake up and be there for my kid.. but he always cancelling on my daughter every others weekends.. i never tell my kid whenver time is for father to pick cuz if i told my kid and then next day who said cancel on my gurl.. so it already hurt her feeling.. i decided to not tell my kid whenever daddy cant come to see you u know what i mean.. so for now, i still stand up and fight over him to wake up but doesn't work at all.. so i always focus on my kid than my ex hubby cuz he isn't important to me but it important to kids cuz there must come show a love to kids as kids will know what to do than plm with parenting.. i dont undy what wrong with some single parents wanna go back with relationship or something would trick.. Out world would be trick.. the reason is my ex hubby still trying to wash my brain but i stilll not listen his talk cuz i already know that he can trick me to be bad one but i refuse biggest time.. so once i was have a boyfriend but it not worked out but my ex boyfriend was more furious with my ex hubby but i told him not worry abt my ex hubby cuz he is not worthy and just let him be whatever he like to do.. so my ex bf fell in love with me and my daughter for awhile but our relationship doesn't work at all.. so he was very upset at that time i dumped him on day cuz i dont have any feellin for him.. the important thing is i can find any man who i can feel love for someone who i can be with.. plus who can accept for who am i and focus on kids cuz kids is coming first and relationship is coming second.. if kids not around, it would be fine with that.. so i was happy to have him but not today ha...
i know it is not funni at all.. just be carefully if ur neighbor's ex hubby keep come and talk to her.. just watch him out of it if it would happens.. The better thing to instead kids to see what up with singles parents doing something happens.. cuz it would not good for kids to see what up with both of em.. the way was my daughter caught her daddy grabbed me and hurt me.. and my daughter just started cried and told him get off and don't hurt my mommy.. i do know that my daughter dont wanna to see who would hurt from like that way... I guess those would be work but i can tell u something if u askin me some of question and i will be happy to be here to talk with ya abt thing like that.. hugz
 
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