You know - after all the excitement here on AD and in real life (IRL), I got to thinking...
Relationships can seem complicated, but can also be very simplistic - yet there are so many factors that can make or break a relationship. In a way, it's pretty sad.
I will do it this way - when I say partner, I mean any of these: spouse (husband or wife), lover (same-sex) and boyfriend/girlfriend.
Now - over the years, I've had quite a few partners - some of which I have remained friends with (2 are very close), some I'm cordial with and chat whenever I see them, and then there are two that I do not want to have any contact with.
In these relationships, I have had people warning me, telling me things - beware of this, beware of that, you know what, you have to know this, you better watch for that, and all that jazz... and I've had people telling my partners about my past, giving them warnings, telling them things about me...
Recently, there was a bit of a drama IRL - a good friend of mine went into a new relationship recently - and yes, you guessed it... quite a few people went after her partner, telling her about my friend's past - and I can tell you, no, they were NOT nice about it... in other words, they really stabbed my good friend and brought up a lot of her past issues. The new partner broke it off, and cited these sources as the reason why... of course, my friend got very upset and wanted to know why people had to bring the past up. Of course, I had no ready answer for that, but luckily, this new partner contacted me and I was able to tell her the truth - many of the 'facts' she had heard were very skewed and not all true - I was able to straighten some things out and contacted my good friend about what was going on. Now, they are both talking, and taking it easy - and I am relieved about that.
I know of another 'drama' that is still on-going - and I am sad about it... because this is another 'drama' that not need have happened, either. In this, I know that one person was 'very upset' about an ex-friend hooking up with the first person's EX-partner. Please understand me, this happened AFTER they broke up. In this, she has made things very unpleasant for both the ex-friend and ex-partner, yet she keeps stating that she's VERY HAPPY with her new life... go figure. However, she will not leave her ex-partner alone, and keeps contacting that person over and over and calling the ex-friend names and slandering that person's good name.
IMHO, there is no need for that - if they are no longer together, there is no need to keep harassing the ex-partner and then going after the ex-friend, just because they're dating each other. I believe that if you're happy in your new life, you should be able to move on and look forward to what the future brings you. In other words, shut up and move on.
As for the first scenario, I believe that the past belongs in the past - and that's where it should stay. It doesn't matter if you do or don't like that person, you leave his/her relationship alone. You don't need to be contacting the new partner and telling stories, bringing up the past and all that jazz. Let them talk - they will get around to it sooner or later, or maybe never.
Now, I know I'm not perfect, but I've tried to support people in their relationships, whether I approved of it or not - I do not feel that it's necessary to 'warn' or tell the new partner of anything. It's up to them - and I mean it. It's sad, though... because I've always thought of those people who would bring up the past or tell stories as looking for attention - and not caring if they hurt anyone - because in the end, they're the ones who gets into trouble. And I mean big-time trouble.
Let me give you a true example - this actually happened to me not too long ago. Someone came up to me and wanted to know why I was talking about her behind her back - and I was confused, because I had not seen or heard from that person in a long time. I told her the truth, that I had not said anything, and it was not my place to do so. She then told me who had told her, and we both went to see that person - and of course, that story-teller nearly peed in her pants... she had not expected me to show up at her door, with the knowledge of what she had done. After a lot of hemming and hawing, she admitted that I had not said anything, and that because I was not around often, she thought it was safe to name me as the person talking about the other person.
Now, what I am pointing out here - it is not a good idea to start talking about someone - either bringing up that person's past, or telling stories, or harassing someone else about that person. Why? It will all come back to bite you in the arse, and people will point fingers at you...and you will find yourself losing friends because of your own actions.
Think about it... if you tell someone about someone else's past, who's gonna prevent others from telling people about YOUR past? I'm sure, and you probably know, you may have skeletons in your closet that you do not want the public to know about.
The past belongs in the past. Period. Also, remember there's ALWAYS two sides to one story - yours and your ex-partner. If you're the one who's talking, better be aware. The ex-partner has his/her own story to tell, too. And that story may be more believable than yours - and make you look like the bad guy in the whole situation. I know this for a fact, because there's an ex out there, that is looking pretty bad, indeed. And guess what? I feel pity for that person, because it's pretty evident that the person is not able to let go of the past - and isn't able to move on.
I'm just telling you what I think, and what I can and do see.
Relationships can seem complicated, but can also be very simplistic - yet there are so many factors that can make or break a relationship. In a way, it's pretty sad.
I will do it this way - when I say partner, I mean any of these: spouse (husband or wife), lover (same-sex) and boyfriend/girlfriend.
Now - over the years, I've had quite a few partners - some of which I have remained friends with (2 are very close), some I'm cordial with and chat whenever I see them, and then there are two that I do not want to have any contact with.
In these relationships, I have had people warning me, telling me things - beware of this, beware of that, you know what, you have to know this, you better watch for that, and all that jazz... and I've had people telling my partners about my past, giving them warnings, telling them things about me...
Recently, there was a bit of a drama IRL - a good friend of mine went into a new relationship recently - and yes, you guessed it... quite a few people went after her partner, telling her about my friend's past - and I can tell you, no, they were NOT nice about it... in other words, they really stabbed my good friend and brought up a lot of her past issues. The new partner broke it off, and cited these sources as the reason why... of course, my friend got very upset and wanted to know why people had to bring the past up. Of course, I had no ready answer for that, but luckily, this new partner contacted me and I was able to tell her the truth - many of the 'facts' she had heard were very skewed and not all true - I was able to straighten some things out and contacted my good friend about what was going on. Now, they are both talking, and taking it easy - and I am relieved about that.
I know of another 'drama' that is still on-going - and I am sad about it... because this is another 'drama' that not need have happened, either. In this, I know that one person was 'very upset' about an ex-friend hooking up with the first person's EX-partner. Please understand me, this happened AFTER they broke up. In this, she has made things very unpleasant for both the ex-friend and ex-partner, yet she keeps stating that she's VERY HAPPY with her new life... go figure. However, she will not leave her ex-partner alone, and keeps contacting that person over and over and calling the ex-friend names and slandering that person's good name.
IMHO, there is no need for that - if they are no longer together, there is no need to keep harassing the ex-partner and then going after the ex-friend, just because they're dating each other. I believe that if you're happy in your new life, you should be able to move on and look forward to what the future brings you. In other words, shut up and move on.
As for the first scenario, I believe that the past belongs in the past - and that's where it should stay. It doesn't matter if you do or don't like that person, you leave his/her relationship alone. You don't need to be contacting the new partner and telling stories, bringing up the past and all that jazz. Let them talk - they will get around to it sooner or later, or maybe never.
Now, I know I'm not perfect, but I've tried to support people in their relationships, whether I approved of it or not - I do not feel that it's necessary to 'warn' or tell the new partner of anything. It's up to them - and I mean it. It's sad, though... because I've always thought of those people who would bring up the past or tell stories as looking for attention - and not caring if they hurt anyone - because in the end, they're the ones who gets into trouble. And I mean big-time trouble.
Let me give you a true example - this actually happened to me not too long ago. Someone came up to me and wanted to know why I was talking about her behind her back - and I was confused, because I had not seen or heard from that person in a long time. I told her the truth, that I had not said anything, and it was not my place to do so. She then told me who had told her, and we both went to see that person - and of course, that story-teller nearly peed in her pants... she had not expected me to show up at her door, with the knowledge of what she had done. After a lot of hemming and hawing, she admitted that I had not said anything, and that because I was not around often, she thought it was safe to name me as the person talking about the other person.
Now, what I am pointing out here - it is not a good idea to start talking about someone - either bringing up that person's past, or telling stories, or harassing someone else about that person. Why? It will all come back to bite you in the arse, and people will point fingers at you...and you will find yourself losing friends because of your own actions.
Think about it... if you tell someone about someone else's past, who's gonna prevent others from telling people about YOUR past? I'm sure, and you probably know, you may have skeletons in your closet that you do not want the public to know about.
The past belongs in the past. Period. Also, remember there's ALWAYS two sides to one story - yours and your ex-partner. If you're the one who's talking, better be aware. The ex-partner has his/her own story to tell, too. And that story may be more believable than yours - and make you look like the bad guy in the whole situation. I know this for a fact, because there's an ex out there, that is looking pretty bad, indeed. And guess what? I feel pity for that person, because it's pretty evident that the person is not able to let go of the past - and isn't able to move on.
I'm just telling you what I think, and what I can and do see.
Aw thanks. *blushin'* Yeah, I ain't worry about it, either. It's why I said earilier in my post that I moved on by ignorin' her. 
