Rejection, and I'm pretty sure why..

melissaamd1

New Member
Saturday night, I hung out with an old friend I used to date. (About 8 years ago). The past was based on just going out all the time, partying. We reconnected recently. I am currently going through divorce, and he has been for about 2 years. When I was with him in the past I had in the canal hearing aids, and since our relationship was just fun, I never felt the need to tell him. We spent hours talking on Saturday, and I felt like it was a great visit with each other. I now wear behind the ear Ultra power Naida HA's. I felt so nervous to tell him, so finally when it was almost time to go, I told him about me wearing them. He said it didn't matter to him. He drove me home and was asking questions about the HA's and my hearing loss, so I figured it interested him. Sunday was Easter, today passed. This is someone who since we reconnected, was texting me daily, and it was a fun convo. Texting back and forth. Finally tonight, I texted him "hi" (against my better judgement) 30min. Later he simply responded "hello" I thanked him for the ride home and said it was nice seeing him. I got a response saying no problem for the ride, and it was nice seeing me too. I have never told another man, besides my ex about my BTE HA's, as my hearing loss was found to have progressed to the level of needing Ultra Power this summer. Needless to say, I feel sad. I also feel like I was rejected also as a friend, just because I disclosed this about myself. I feel that if I tell anyone else that I wear these, that I will be judged again for wearing BTE HA's. I feel discouraged and lonely. I'm just wondering if anyone has experienced this before, and how do you get over the bad feeling I'm feeling. I wasn't told that this was the reason for the cold shoulder from him, but prior to telling him, things were great. I know I deserve someone to care about me for me, but this experience makes me feel afraid to tell anyone else I meet, especially new, because this was someone that knew me well and still has rejected me. Maybe since my hearing loss is so pronounced, even though my speech is great and I grew up hearing, maybe I should forget it when it comes to hearing men. Thanks in advance for listening/responses. :(
 

Bottesini

Old Deaf Ranter
Premium Member
Curious, was it a date set up last Saturday, or did you just run into him somewhere? If it was a date, you may be right about his reaction, but if you just met him again at a friends party or something, maybe you just don't have anything in common anymore.

Eight years is quite a long time. But even if you are right and it was about your hearing status, it doesn't mean you should give up on hearing men. People are all different.
 

melissaamd1

New Member
It was a planned date. I didn't think we didn't have anything in common anymore, we talked from about 7pm til 1am. . I'm feeling down because this was basically the first member of the opposite sex that I put myself out there and told him. Thank you for your response
 

Anij

Well-Known Member
Wirelessly posted (Blackberry Bold )

Are you sure he's not just busy right now - and didn't have time to contact you?

Why not wait a week or so and ask if he'd like to get together for dinner or something - at least then you'll know if he's just been busy or not.

Either way - I'm sure it has absolutely nothing at all to do with your HAs or being hoh.
 

deafbirk

New Member
I have had similar experiences with hearing women. 99% of them dumped and ran when they found out I was deaf.they go " you're handsome, athletic, nice " and all that. It really seems to freak out lots of people. Have to find the right kind of person. My problem has always been that I prefer talking to signing so never really dated deaf.
There are some guys out there. Just have to look more than a hearing person would hve to
 

lucas

New Member
same situation with me. All my relationships are fun and as soon as girls find out i wear an implant they kind of disappear on me. It sucks but what can you do.
 

melissaamd1

New Member
Hi, thanks to everyone who replied. I'm feeling better today. Kept myself really busy all day, and back to work tomorrow. Goodnight
 

deafwelder

New Member
things haven't changed.

I wore hearing aids beginning in high school. I had no friends. A few people would say "hello" but not much else. I never had a girlfriend with hearing aids and didn't even have a girlfriend until I was 25. (I am a US citizen and she needed a visa).
I would say you were dumped because of your aids. I don't wear aids anymore because of too much hearing loss. Still can't find a girlfriend.
 

kellycat

New Member
Well, I am hearing and still don't have a boyfriend...

It may be the HAs, it may be the fact that technically you are still married (you said you were going through the divorce, so it isn't final), it could be he doesn't want to be your rebound guy because he dies care about you, or he may think it would be weird to date you now, 8 years after you broke up. Maybe he just doesn't find you attractive.

Who knows?

But the key is that apparently, at this time, he just isn't that into you. Maybe someday he will be, maybe not. But to be happy you should focus on finding someone who IS that into you, rather than waiting around in case he changes his mind.

Odds are he isn't worth that much hassle. Lol
 

Auri.625

New Member
This is SO crazy that you just posted this because something very similar like this is happening to me right now! I am seeing this guy that is a few years older than me and is completely amazing but I have never brought up my HA's yet, and not sure if I plan on doing so. Knowing him, I doubt he would stop seeing me just because of my HA's and were not necessarily dating either so it wouldn't matter as much I guess? But I have been stressing so much about telling him when it's the most dumbest thing to stress about! But I know exactly how you feel and you don't want to be rejected by somebody that you truly like and enjoy spending time with.. My best advice is to move on and see other guys, he may have been shocked by you telling him that or maybe he is simply just an asshole and decided not to text you back lol Who knows. There are plenty of hearing men out there that would date you for who you are believe me! And I am starting to believe this myself as well. If you ever need to talk seriously email me, I feel like were on the same boat here! (amanfredini@live.com)

Take care!
 

Angel1989

Well-Known Member
Premium Member
Unfortunately this doesn't only happen between two people who are dating. It happens with friends too. After I got really sick last year and ended up loosing my hearing, there are a few long time friends that want no part of me anymore. Maybe I scared them into thinking "wow this could happen to me" I was very hurt over this, but you learn really quick who your true friends are. Good Luck!!!!,
 

TubeTJ

Member
Premium Member
Unfortunately this doesn't only happen between two people who are dating. It happens with friends too. After I got really sick last year and ended up loosing my hearing, there are a few long time friends that want no part of me anymore. Maybe I scared them into thinking "wow this could happen to me" I was very hurt over this, but you learn really quick who your true friends are. Good Luck!!!!,

I TRULY understand this.......................

I wish you the best, very much so.
 

C.C.Sinned

New Member

*notices Auri.625 avatar picture*
wow, smokin' hot!
nervous1.gif
 

deafdrummer

Active Member
This is SO crazy that you just posted this because something very similar like this is happening to me right now! I am seeing this guy that is a few years older than me and is completely amazing but I have never brought up my HA's yet, and not sure if I plan on doing so.


Well, you better... What if he asks you something and you misunderstand him? This would be a twist on a Seinfeld episode in which George Constanza tried to get rid of a girlfriend he wasn't into by claiming that he was into ménage à trois, and goddang, it turns out she was too! What if he finally reveals in a drive home in the dark something VERY personal, and that is, he is poly, and he wants to know if you are, too? DO NOT ANSWER IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS! Especially if you are young enough to be hung up on doing what is perceived to be the acceptable or right thing for American women to do. What if he asks you to go down on him in the dark and pinch his rear with not just any pliers, but a NEEDLENOSE pliers specifically, and you pretend you understand, but you don't do it? He'll wonder, WTF. A relationship is not the place for miscommunication because you're hiding something. It'll give you chest hair.

:giggle:
 

C.C.Sinned

New Member
how should I know? i just found a picture on google of fat guy to put a funny saying with it.

it kinda looks like one of those grabbers older people use to reach for things. :dunno:
 

VacationGuy234

Active Member
I wasn't told that this was the reason for the cold shoulder from him, but prior to telling him, things were great. :(

You still don't know if your hearing loss was the issue. There could be many reason why a guy does not want to continue on an intimate level. I don't think you should make this about your hearing unless you have reason to do so. Dating is not easy and we all get rejected at times, for a variety of reasons.

I know you are feeling self conscious about it, but it's not really that big of a thing for women as guys don't care too much about communication. I'm sure you'll find someone else soon.
 
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