Questions about Polyamory

deafgal001 said:
I wouldn't say that. She is just mad at her ex for not being honest, for being unprotected, and later blamed her for the reason why he is cheating.
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my ex did the same thing. Except in my situation, gender was reversed.

It took 4 years to get my divorce resolved because she tried to "disappear" with her lover.

I have lots of "cruel" ex stories to tell, but I am over it and have moved on. I realize not every woman is like my ex, but for a while, I didn't trust women period.
 
Steinhauer said:
my ex did the same thing. Except in my situation, gender was reversed.

It took 4 years to get my divorce resolved because she tried to "disappear" with her lover.

I have lots of "cruel" ex stories to tell, but I am over it and have moved on. I realize not every woman is like my ex, but for a while, I didn't trust women period.
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I am glad that you can trust women again like I did. If I didnt, I wouldnt have this wonderful marriage.

I am just not as delusional about marriage like I was before. What I mean is that in this thinking "I am married, therefore, I am safe." It is not my way of thinking anymore.


Yes, I still HATE my ex hubby because he keeps torturing me even thought we have been separated for 10 years now.

Nope, i dont generalize his controlling issues to all men. I have a wonderful father, brother and hubby to show me that all men arent like my evil ex. :)

Whew! I thank for this because I wouldnt want to be a man hater becaus eI looooooveeee naked firemen too much! :lol:
 
shel90 said:
With my ex hubby, no.

My current hubby, there is no jealousy between us. It is nice. :P

He is great to me. Looking back, my ex hubby really treated me like shit.

He is not letting me see my 13 year old daughter for the holidays this year so you can get the idea of how cruel he is to me.
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Do you think there's no jealousy because the trust is there?
 
deafgal001 said:
Do you think there's no jealousy because the trust is there?
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Yea, I trust my current hubby cuz we had so many hours and hours of this kind of discussion.

His ex fiancee cheated on him so he went thru the same thing as I did. He told me that if I accidently slept with another guy, pls tell him and we can work it out. I told him the same (vice versa).
 
shel90 said:
I am glad that you can trust women again like I did. If I didnt, I wouldnt have this wonderful marriage.

I am just not as delusional about marriage like I was before. What I mean is that in this thinking "I am married, therefore, I am safe." It is not my way of thinking anymore.


Yes, I still HATE my ex hubby because he keeps torturing me even thought we have been separated for 10 years now.

Nope, i dont generalize his controlling issues to all men. I have a wonderful father, brother and hubby to show me that all men arent like my evil ex. :)

Whew! I thank for this because I wouldnt want to be a man hater becaus eI looooooveeee naked firemen too much! :lol:
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I know exactly what you are saying. I just had to make a decision to either let that situation dictate a life of bitterness and resentment for me, or to let it go.
 
Steinhauer said:
I know exactly what you are saying. I just had to make a decision to either let that situation dictate a life of bitterness and resentment for me, or to let it go.
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I had to let it go and PRAY that I dont end up with STD or AIDS before I die.


Life is full of risks..enjoy them or hide from them and miss out a lot.


A huge dilemnia for one to weigh.
 
I will say that I am a LOT more cautious with who I trust. During the course of four years, I had some lifetime friends who stabbed me in the back. It hurt, but at least I know who my real friends are.

I was one of those men accused of family violence so the wife could get away with having an affair. I was successful at proving she had lied.

It is very very very hard for a man to prove his innocence (when it should be the other way around) when accused of violence, but I was able to do it.
 
but I am saying you have psychological/emotional/intimacy issues that are unresolved and this "exploration" is just your way of avoiding the real issues. Don't believe me and deny it. I don't care.

A TRULY loving couple does not need to have sexual relations outside of each other. You should be able to be inventive and creative in your lovemaking without that, and if you aren't you need to confront the reasons why.
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Right on Oceanbreeze!!!! It does seem like a lot of the swingers or polys think that quainity of sex is important. Like they have such bad self esteem that they have to have sex with tons and tons of people in order to feel happy. The sex isn't the problem. Rather it's a symptom. I mean....you CAN feel very close to someone without having sex with them.
 
deafdyke said:
Right on Oceanbreeze!!!! It does seem like a lot of the swingers or polys think that quainity of sex is important. Like they have such bad self esteem that they have to have sex with tons and tons of people in order to feel happy. The sex isn't the problem. Rather it's a symptom. I mean....you CAN feel very close to someone without having sex with them.
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I agree with both of you here. In our case as a polyamorous couple, it definitely has nothing to do with quantity. You are definitely off the beaten path of intamacy and forming a true relationship with someone if you are thinking of sex physically and not spiritually.

Incase you're wondering we knew and discussed this being an element of our relationship within weeks of dating. We remained completely monogamous and exclusive for five years to build our relationship to a point where we could explore group sex as a couple, and not as a man with a woman "partner" or visa /versa but as a couple.

To us, having another man in our bedroom or having another woman join us (no disrespect to them) is not much different than bringing a sex toy into the bedroom. They are a person, but they are there for us to play with as a couple. Anyone who does not understand this is just friendly sex, has no chance of being involved with us. We take care to have a good bond and understanding between anyone who is invited into our "bedroom" so to speak.
And we are very methodical and patient about it. We planned her first gangbang for months and months before it actually happened, like anything you want to plan or do... life seems to get in the way. :) We are never in a rush for those experiences even though we have agreed for over six years we want them... together.

We are always in a rush to be in love, to spend time together, and keep our love paramount. Anyone out there been with their significant other for over six years? Or are all these people who think they got it all figured out single still? Lol Just wondering... It takes real understanding and some effort to be with someone intimately for so long.. even if you are both in love.

Our relationship transcends sexual bonds, that's why this makes sense for us.
In the beggining of our relationship (3 months or so) I looked into her eyes one night and had something to say... she could tell.. "What is it?" She said
We were talking about our future together, mairrage, and stuff and I told her:
"It isn't that I want to marry you..." She looked scared "I want to die with you" I said, and we both began to cry a little (sorry guys) "Oh, my god, I was thinking the same thing." She Replied. And so... we will. Happily :)

How long have you been with your mate OceanBreeze? or are you wasting time on a website all night when there is someone out there for you!!

I definitely agree with what you are saying but... who do you KNOW that has that problem? It really sounds like you are just kinda talkin outta yer butt but hey.... It's just a website.

PS When we began our relationship we were at different schools 1,300 miles away... long distance and time meant nothing for us because we were in love, and still are. We lived together for years since, and right now only see eachother once a month or so because of... life :) I have found true love YIPEE! Have you? And I am a Coptic former Catholic, I still go to confession.
Picture it:
"Forgive me father for I have sinned. It has been two months since my last confession and the Misses and I have thrown 4 sex parties since. We would have invited you Father but... we draw the line with little boys"
 
Steinhauer said:
I will say that I am a LOT more cautious with who I trust. During the course of four years, I had some lifetime friends who stabbed me in the back. It hurt, but at least I know who my real friends are.

I was one of those men accused of family violence so the wife could get away with having an affair. I was successful at proving she had lied.

It is very very very hard for a man to prove his innocence (when it should be the other way around) when accused of violence, but I was able to do it.
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I recognize what your sayin' and second it mosdef!

Women need to be looked after and respected, but some of them take advantage of this.

GLAD you were exhonorated, and sorry that happened to you.

I have a buddy with a permanent record because he wasn't able to prove he was in the right.. and he so obviously was. It is disgusting that court systems are all about money. Her story was rediculous! and people still bought it.
 
shel90 said:
Yea, I trust my current hubby cuz we had so many hours and hours of this kind of discussion.

His ex fiancee cheated on him so he went thru the same thing as I did. He told me that if I accidently slept with another guy, pls tell him and we can work it out. I told him the same (vice versa).
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Well - look at it this way- it took your past history to get where you are now with your current feelings.
 
sweetangel said:
I am wondering if anyone is doing polyamory lifestyle ? Polyamory involved with a couple that decides to explore to dating with others. I mean anyone that thinks it is okay ? Is there any Deaf polyamory events ? What do u think of this and how do u feel about this ? Share yur thoughts on this . Thanks !
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I recommend Polyamory.com Forum. Wait a moment and you'll get an email from their 'moderator' then click on the applicable links to read everything to have your questions answered.
 
Steinhauer said:
Kids, listen to oceanbreeze. I know a few folks that were actually killed by those STD's you may have vaguely paid attention to while in class.

The lifestyle described in this thread is comparable to playing Russian Roulette.
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I agree. Condoms are of uttermost importance for you vanillas.
 
Oh, open relationships?

If A is in a relationship with B, then why does A and/or B need to be with anyone else? I'm with you. You're with me. Why do you need to be with anyone else or me with anyone else?

I knew someone who was told by her friends that her and her boyfriend should have an open relationship and that it would improve their own relationship. Turns out that those who told her were the ones that were in many failed relationships themselves. What bad group to take advice from. :roll:

If you want to have an open relationship, then you might as well be friends with benefits.
 
I am Deaf And to answer the posters question. I’ve been practicing ethical, honest and openly on and off polyamorous for 24 years. Polyamory has been misunderstood by hearing and even by D/deaf people. My relationship experiences are not different basically than Monogamous relationships.

Unfortunately I must be veery careful telling people hearing or Deaf. I’m not ashamed of my lifestyle. I do not think of myself superior to anyones opinions. I just see hostility based on wrong information everywhere on the Internet. I’ve been shunned, slandered by hearing and Deaf people. People say “Be True To Yourself” only works if you don’t violate social “norms”.

Why do I believe in honest and open poly relations. Because since I was a young boy I’ve loved more than one girl and never hid it until I got to Middle school. That when the persecution and hostility began from the uniformed and only my true friends respected and accepted me.

If someone at a deaf social activity someone asked me if I was polygamous and if my loves knew and accepted me being poly I would say “ask them yourself” because I am not the master of the “triad”. My loves are intelligent and open minded Make their have minds and not gullible as people assume. People assume we do this mostly for sex which not true for me.

I do not try to convert anyone to be polyamory but I will always be honest if the ask me and want to know what being poly is about. Today I just refer them to love sites to learn what it’s about. Someday there will be a safe place that Deaf polyamorous can chat on the internet without hostility and be friends.

Sign,

Raven
 
Why do I believe in honest and open poly relations. Because since I was a young boy I’ve loved more than one girl and never hid it until I got to Middle school. That when the persecution and hostility began from the uniformed and only my true friends respected and accepted me.
 
Nafiz DM said:
Why do I believe in honest and open poly relations. Because since I was a young boy I’ve loved more than one girl and never hid it until I got to Middle school. That when the persecution and hostility began from the uniformed and only my true friends respected and accepted me.
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This is so true, a lot of people think it's dirty or slutty or what not to love more than one person at a time. But it's a give and take from each person. One might give you something another person can't but you love them the same way.
 
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