Post Thanksgiving Musings

[Jazzberry]

Just a few random musings --

==

I went to a relatively small Thanksgiving celebration with eight people. As long as I had line of sight, by combining lip-reading with my hearing aids I understood most of what was being said most of the time.

I even understood the two 6 year olds! Usually I can't understand most kids because they are too short for me to lip-read, and they don't speak as crisply in their high-pitched voices.

But as 6 year olds they are not as squeaky voiced as they use to be when they were younger -- thank goodness. And... they haven't mastered the indoor vs. outdoor voices thing yet. Those are my favorite type of kids.

The hearing adults had a harder time with that though -- and a few times some of the hearing adults had to leave the room to give their ears a break. The kids were too loud for them.

I did find this amusing -- usually I and other HH people have to take a break because straining to hear is so draining. It was, I admit, very refreshing to see hearing adults take a hearing break for their own reasons.

And no, I won't be helping to teach kids the difference between indoors and outdoor voices anytime soon.

==

It was still hard to listen though.

I feel like my ears and brain just aren't designed for verbal communication. In IT there's the expression "overclocked". That's used when computers are used beyond their design specifications. Whenever I'm attempting to communicate with hearing people, I feel like I'm being "overclocked." It is so impossible.

And I feel so stupid for trying so hard to do this for so many years. I have thrown so much money at this. I have had almost every type of assistive listening device there is. I have created my own multi channel FM system by adapting systems intended for amateur musicians and interfacing it with conventional one-channel FM systems for the hard of hearing. I have done my part to send the children of specialists for the deaf and HH to college and grad school.

Well, I'm just not in the position to throw money at this now. I still have a lot of assistive listening systems but they all need repairs or new boots to work with my current hearing aids, and I just don't have the money right now to finance that. I'm sick of financing these things anyway. No matter how much I spend, it is never quite enough. It never does the job anyway.

Why on earth isn't ASL recommended by more specialists for the deaf and HH automatically? It's not rocket science ladies and gentlemen. It's damn obvious that it's the right thing to do. Looking back, I feel that I was always asked to do the impossible, starting from when I was a toddler. I didn't question it and the way I handled it was I gave everything 120% and didn't stop to think about it. I understand why I did this. I was a HH child growing up in a hearing family that wanted easy solutions -- solutions that were easy for them, not me. The ENTs, audis, hearing aid dealers, and speech therapists told my parents what they wanted to hear. But still, I wish I had taken a moment to stop and think for myself earlier in life.


==

Listening to the kids was the hardest and I hate that because actually, in some ways, I enjoy talking to them the most.

I was playing a game with the boy and I had gotten to the point where I really don't think there is a word in the English language to describe how I felt. I wasn't tired. No. But I had simply spent too much time attempting to do something that I really can't do. Listening to people talk in a noisy room and getting meaning from it all when, really, there was no sane reason to expect me to be able to do so.

The girl asked if she could play also. I jumped up and said, "Yes! You can take my place." And then I fled. While fleeing, I could see that the boy was hurt -- he wanted to finish playing the game with me -- but I absolutely had to leave the room. I could not continue to listen for one more second.

==

Everyone was stuffed and the evening was winding down. I was waiting for a ride to the nearest train station and a couple offered me a ride back to the city instead. I warned them that I wouldn't be able to hear them in the car and that I would be the quietest passenger they ever had. No problem.

I hated it. Too late, I realize that I should have declined. I hate sitting in a tin can and not being able to be included with the other talking people. Finally, we were in the city and I began to gather up my things.

"Oh, are you awake?" Am I awake?!?#*! I have known this young man since he was a boy, for at least fifteen years. Am I awake?!?#*! If he had bothered to look in the rear view mirror he would have know that of course I was awake. If he had bothered to think for a split second he would have realized why I hadn't said anything during most of the trip.

I felt like ripping a hole through the car but instead I restrain myself, smile and say,

"I didn't mean to be unsocial, but I lip-read and I can't lip-read through the back of your skulls. If I could figure out how to do that, I'd sell it and make a mint." Jaws drop. I continue to smile and gratefully exit.

I really don't enjoy socializing with hearing people. My connection to the Thanksgiving dinner was with another hard of hearing woman, that was the only reason I was there.

 

[Audiofuzzy]

I was a HH child growing up in a hearing family that wanted easy solutions -- solutions that were easy for them, not me. The ENTs, audis, hearing aid dealers, and speech therapists told my parents what they wanted to hear.

Gosh, you are so right...


In other words, at times you felt isolated, close to being crazy out of your mind,
and ended up exhausted...

Sorry about that

Fuzzy

 

[rebeccalj]

Feel for you. Could have written same words for given points in my own life.

 

[whatdidyousay!]

Just a few random musings --

==

I went to a relatively small Thanksgiving celebration with eight people. As long as I had line of sight, by combining lip-reading with my hearing aids I understood most of what was being said most of the time.

I even understood the two 6 year olds! Usually I can't understand most kids because they are too short for me to lip-read, and they don't speak as crisply in their high-pitched voices.

But as 6 year olds they are not as squeaky voiced as they use to be when they were younger -- thank goodness. And... they haven't mastered the indoor vs. outdoor voices thing yet. Those are my favorite type of kids.

The hearing adults had a harder time with that though -- and a few times some of the hearing adults had to leave the room to give their ears a break. The kids were too loud for them.

I did find this amusing -- usually I and other HH people have to take a break because straining to hear is so draining. It was, I admit, very refreshing to see hearing adults take a hearing break for their own reasons.

And no, I won't be helping to teach kids the difference between indoors and outdoor voices anytime soon.

==

It was still hard to listen though.

I feel like my ears and brain just aren't designed for verbal communication. In IT there's the expression "overclocked". That's used when computers are used beyond their design specifications. Whenever I'm attempting to communicate with hearing people, I feel like I'm being "overclocked." It is so impossible.

And I feel so stupid for trying so hard to do this for so many years. I have thrown so much money at this. I have had almost every type of assistive listening device there is. I have created my own multi channel FM system by adapting systems intended for amateur musicians and interfacing it with conventional one-channel FM systems for the hard of hearing. I have done my part to send the children of specialists for the deaf and HH to college and grad school.

Well, I'm just not in the position to throw money at this now. I still have a lot of assistive listening systems but they all need repairs or new boots to work with my current hearing aids, and I just don't have the money right now to finance that. I'm sick of financing these things anyway. No matter how much I spend, it is never quite enough. It never does the job anyway.

Why on earth isn't ASL recommended by more specialists for the deaf and HH automatically? It's not rocket science ladies and gentlemen. It's damn obvious that it's the right thing to do. Looking back, I feel that I was always asked to do the impossible, starting from when I was a toddler. I didn't question it and the way I handled it was I gave everything 120% and didn't stop to think about it. I understand why I did this. I was a HH child growing up in a hearing family that wanted easy solutions -- solutions that were easy for them, not me. The ENTs, audis, hearing aid dealers, and speech therapists told my parents what they wanted to hear. But still, I wish I had taken a moment to stop and think for myself earlier in life.


==

Listening to the kids was the hardest and I hate that because actually, in some ways, I enjoy talking to them the most.

I was playing a game with the boy and I had gotten to the point where I really don't think there is a word in the English language to describe how I felt. I wasn't tired. No. But I had simply spent too much time attempting to do something that I really can't do. Listening to people talk in a noisy room and getting meaning from it all when, really, there was no sane reason to expect me to be able to do so.

The girl asked if she could play also. I jumped up and said, "Yes! You can take my place." And then I fled. While fleeing, I could see that the boy was hurt -- he wanted to finish playing the game with me -- but I absolutely had to leave the room. I could not continue to listen for one more second.

==

Everyone was stuffed and the evening was winding down. I was waiting for a ride to the nearest train station and a couple offered me a ride back to the city instead. I warned them that I wouldn't be able to hear them in the car and that I would be the quietest passenger they ever had. No problem.

I hated it. Too late, I realize that I should have declined. I hate sitting in a tin can and not being able to be included with the other talking people. Finally, we were in the city and I began to gather up my things.

"Oh, are you awake?" Am I awake?!?#*! I have known this young man since he was a boy, for at least fifteen years. Am I awake?!?#*! If he had bothered to look in the rear view mirror he would have know that of course I was awake. If he had bothered to think for a split second he would have realized why I hadn't said anything during most of the trip.

I felt like ripping a hole through the car but instead I restrain myself, smile and say,

"I didn't mean to be unsocial, but I lip-read and I can't lip-read through the back of your skulls. If I could figure out how to do that, I'd sell it and make a mint." Jaws drop. I continue to smile and gratefully exit.

I really don't enjoy socializing with hearing people. My connection to the Thanksgiving dinner was with another hard of hearing woman, that was the only reason I was there.

And it not rocket science that we have two ears! When I got my first HA I only got one! Why is that when people got eyes glasses they got lens for both eyes and when you got a HA it was for only one ear??

 

[Audiofuzzy]

Why is that when people got eyes glasses they got lens for both eyes and when you got a HA it was for only one ear??

Money, I'd say...

Fuzzy

 

[jillio]

Just a few random musings --

==

I went to a relatively small Thanksgiving celebration with eight people. As long as I had line of sight, by combining lip-reading with my hearing aids I understood most of what was being said most of the time.

I even understood the two 6 year olds! Usually I can't understand most kids because they are too short for me to lip-read, and they don't speak as crisply in their high-pitched voices.

But as 6 year olds they are not as squeaky voiced as they use to be when they were younger -- thank goodness. And... they haven't mastered the indoor vs. outdoor voices thing yet. Those are my favorite type of kids.

The hearing adults had a harder time with that though -- and a few times some of the hearing adults had to leave the room to give their ears a break. The kids were too loud for them.

I did find this amusing -- usually I and other HH people have to take a break because straining to hear is so draining. It was, I admit, very refreshing to see hearing adults take a hearing break for their own reasons.

And no, I won't be helping to teach kids the difference between indoors and outdoor voices anytime soon.

==

It was still hard to listen though.

I feel like my ears and brain just aren't designed for verbal communication. In IT there's the expression "overclocked". That's used when computers are used beyond their design specifications. Whenever I'm attempting to communicate with hearing people, I feel like I'm being "overclocked." It is so impossible.

And I feel so stupid for trying so hard to do this for so many years. I have thrown so much money at this. I have had almost every type of assistive listening device there is. I have created my own multi channel FM system by adapting systems intended for amateur musicians and interfacing it with conventional one-channel FM systems for the hard of hearing. I have done my part to send the children of specialists for the deaf and HH to college and grad school.

Well, I'm just not in the position to throw money at this now. I still have a lot of assistive listening systems but they all need repairs or new boots to work with my current hearing aids, and I just don't have the money right now to finance that. I'm sick of financing these things anyway. No matter how much I spend, it is never quite enough. It never does the job anyway.

Why on earth isn't ASL recommended by more specialists for the deaf and HH automatically? It's not rocket science ladies and gentlemen. It's damn obvious that it's the right thing to do. Looking back, I feel that I was always asked to do the impossible, starting from when I was a toddler. I didn't question it and the way I handled it was I gave everything 120% and didn't stop to think about it. I understand why I did this. I was a HH child growing up in a hearing family that wanted easy solutions -- solutions that were easy for them, not me. The ENTs, audis, hearing aid dealers, and speech therapists told my parents what they wanted to hear. But still, I wish I had taken a moment to stop and think for myself earlier in life.


==

Listening to the kids was the hardest and I hate that because actually, in some ways, I enjoy talking to them the most.

I was playing a game with the boy and I had gotten to the point where I really don't think there is a word in the English language to describe how I felt. I wasn't tired. No. But I had simply spent too much time attempting to do something that I really can't do. Listening to people talk in a noisy room and getting meaning from it all when, really, there was no sane reason to expect me to be able to do so.

The girl asked if she could play also. I jumped up and said, "Yes! You can take my place." And then I fled. While fleeing, I could see that the boy was hurt -- he wanted to finish playing the game with me -- but I absolutely had to leave the room. I could not continue to listen for one more second.

==

Everyone was stuffed and the evening was winding down. I was waiting for a ride to the nearest train station and a couple offered me a ride back to the city instead. I warned them that I wouldn't be able to hear them in the car and that I would be the quietest passenger they ever had. No problem.

I hated it. Too late, I realize that I should have declined. I hate sitting in a tin can and not being able to be included with the other talking people. Finally, we were in the city and I began to gather up my things.

"Oh, are you awake?" Am I awake?!?#*! I have known this young man since he was a boy, for at least fifteen years. Am I awake?!?#*! If he had bothered to look in the rear view mirror he would have know that of course I was awake. If he had bothered to think for a split second he would have realized why I hadn't said anything during most of the trip.

I felt like ripping a hole through the car but instead I restrain myself, smile and say,

"I didn't mean to be unsocial, but I lip-read and I can't lip-read through the back of your skulls. If I could figure out how to do that, I'd sell it and make a mint." Jaws drop. I continue to smile and gratefully exit.

I really don't enjoy socializing with hearing people. My connection to the Thanksgiving dinner was with another hard of hearing woman, that was the only reason I was there.

Thanks for sharing all of that with us. I just want to say, "Never, ever feel stupid about what you did in the past to compensate. You did the only things you knew to do. It takes a great deal of intelligence and perserverance to survive that situation, and to come up with creative ways to compensate without any support or assistance from others."

The recommendation from professionals for ASL is exactly what most of us here are all about. It is time to stop seeing the deaf as just ears and a mouth, and to look at deafness holistically and give proper weight to all of the ways an oral environment has negative impacts on the cognitive, social, emotional, and psychological being.

 

[Jazzberry]

<snip>

In other words, at times you felt isolated, close to being crazy out of your mind,
and ended up exhausted...

<snip>

Fuzzy

Yep. But it's a different kind of exhaustion, not the kind you get from a good workout.

I remember when I was a kid I would be sitting at the dinner table and be very frustrated as I didn't really know what was being said -- just a vague idea here and there when I would catch a word or two. When I was older, around 12, I tried a few times to ask questions and to get an idea as to what was going on.

My brother yelled at me and said, "You have no idea what or who we are talking about, stop interrupting!"

My parents and sister said nothing, just paused for a moment until they could get back into the conversation again.

He was 18 at the time, my sister was 17 and of course my parents were adults.

So they did know the effect that hearing loss had on me, but they did not want to take any action that would inconvenience them.

I have more stories, but I think most of you here already know what they are.

 

[Jazzberry]

Feel for you. Could have written same words for given points in my own life.

Thanks Rebecca.

 

[Jazzberry]

And it not rocket science that we have two ears! When I got my first HA I only got one! Why is that when people got eyes glasses they got lens for both eyes and when you got a HA it was for only one ear??

Money, I'd say...

Fuzzy

I also got started off with one hearing aid. I also wondered why.

After thinking about it, I think it was because the hearing aid I was fitted with in the mid 1960s was such an awful fit that it was actually painful to wear. I think the audiologists and hearing aid dealers understood that and realized that it really would have been too much for people like myself to be fitted with two. However, I suppose they believed that even though wearing the HA was painful they thought their customers were better off with it than without it.

I recall my second audiologist/hearing aid dealer explaining to my mother that HAs for more mild losses had better "filters" and were more comfortable for those customers to wear. He was sorry that he couldn't offer the same for me, but perhaps one day in the future he would be able to. Then in the very next minute he turned to me and said it was important for me to wear my hearing aid every day and ALL day.* Just after he got done explaining to my mother why my hearing aid was uncomfortable to wear! I still wonder if he really understood what he was saying. If there was a way to go back in tmie and fit him with a HA that would have been as uncomfortable for him as mine was for me, I do wonder if he would have still sold it to my parents.

Was your first hearing aid uncomfortable to wear also, Whatdidyousay? Did you get it before the early, mid 1970s?

As for money ... well even now when people can't afford two an audi will try to sell one. So I suppose there is something to that. But I do think for people with the more severve hearing loss at the time the audis and hearing aid dealers didn't think that their customers would be able to handle it, although they were not, as far as I can remember, really upfront about the reason why. They just sort of hinted around as I explained in the last paragraph. My mom was not a techie, I don't think she actually understood what the dealer meant by filters. But he was honest enough to admit to her that my hearing aid was not comfortable for me to wear, although the truth was that there is a big difference between uncomfortable and painful. I'd like to think that he truly didn't realize how painful it was though.

---


* I didn't. I simply couldn't -- my first HA was amplified everything and many sounds were too loud and painful for me.

 

[Jazzberry]

Thanks for sharing all of that with us. I just want to say, "Never, ever feel stupid about what you did in the past to compensate. You did the only things you knew to do. It takes a great deal of intelligence and perserverance to survive that situation, and to come up with creative ways to compensate without any support or assistance from others."

The recommendation from professionals for ASL is exactly what most of us here are all about. It is time to stop seeing the deaf as just ears and a mouth, and to look at deafness holistically and give proper weight to all of the ways an oral environment has negative impacts on the cognitive, social, emotional, and psychological being.

Thanks Jillio. Would you care to take a trip back in time and explain all that to my family?

Oh well, I guess you can't. /* snaps fingers */

But I'm glad that you are here now to help explain things to the parents that come to the board asking questions now.

 

[Jazzberry]

Another post Thanksgiving story. One of the guests was a lawyer who works for a firm that handles labor and education law for cities and school districts in suburban NY.

She prefers labor law, but will occasionally help defend a school district if an IEP case comes up.

She of course thought that mainstreaming was best for d/hh students ....

I don't know what she truly believes now -- but at least she knows now that a lot of people don't agree with her.

But that hurt. It just illustrated that there are a lot of people doing their part to work as cogs in the machine -- and they don't truly realize the result of their actions.

 

[mbrek]

I just had a light bulb going off in my head after reading this, but please - tell me if my analogy is wrong.

Would you say that not teaching a deaf child (CI or oral) ASL would be like not teaching a child how to do division? Thinking instead that calculators are readily available everywhere, so why should we teach them how the process works?

 

[Jazzberry]

I just had a light bulb going off in my head after reading this, but please - tell me if my analogy is wrong.

Would you say that not teaching a deaf child (CI or oral) ASL would be like not teaching a child how to do division? Thinking instead that calculators are readily available everywhere, so why should we teach them how the process works?

That's an amazing analogy, I think you may have hit upon a really good one.

It is well known that many children who grow up very HH without access to ASL often lack social skills. Language, communication and social skills all intertwine don't they?

The only thing is that with a calculator you can still get the answer even if you don't understand it. Although if you accidentally punch in wrong info you may not be aware that the answer is off like you would be if you understood how division works.

Many children are sold "intro" hearing aids that just can't work in many situations -- so they aren't even getting access to communication in any form in many situations. And even some children that are sold top of the line hearing aids and CI may still not be able to hear human speech in many situations.

I wasn't as sure of this before I joined AD -- but I believe that to be true based on many of the posts I have read here.

 

[mbrek]

Thanks, Jazzberry. I like to hope we have backup knowledge to technology. Like those poor, pathetic cashiers who cannot make change if the cash register isn't working. Or kids who know how to do division on a calculator, but don't actually know the mathematics behind it.

Hearing aids, CIs all rely upon technology - which can fail at times.

 

[rebeccalj]

I just had a light bulb going off in my head after reading this, but please - tell me if my analogy is wrong.

Would you say that not teaching a deaf child (CI or oral) ASL would be like not teaching a child how to do division? Thinking instead that calculators are readily available everywhere, so why should we teach them how the process works?

EXACTLY!!!

 

[TXgolfer]

My Thanksgiving was "closed captioned"

 

[rebeccalj]

My Thanksgiving was "closed captioned"

Do not understand?

 

[TXgolfer]

Do not understand?

I hooked up a laptop to a 60" TV . But yeah that would be another type of tech that could fail as well. Between the HA and the TV it went pretty well this year.

 

[rebeccalj]

I hooked up a laptop to a 60" TV . But yeah that would be another type of tech that could fail as well. Between the HA and the TV it went pretty well this year.

Oh, so when people talk it translate to big TV?

 

[TXgolfer]

Oh, so when people talk it translate to big TV?

Yes ma'am.....I had someone typing the conversation. I did the same thing when my dad passed away. I can catch most of the conversation with HA and lip reading and then check the screen if I get lost. It works for us.