Paranoid?

[flowerchild_dreamer]

Okay, so to start off with..I am in a deaf hearing relationship, me being the hearing one. We have been dating for just a few months now and I am beginning to wonder of his paranoia level. He has told me stories of deaf, hearing relationships where the hearing person finds it easier to cheat just because the partner is deaf. I completely understood his concerns, telling him that I was not the type of girl who would cheat on anyone. And then during one of his visits I was on my ipad typing something and allowed him to play on it while I had a shower. During this time I received a message from a past boyfriend *ironic right* I hadn't talked to in almost 3 years. He of course opened it. Returning into the room, I found him sitting on the bed with a sad look on his face. "What's wrong?" I asked. He went on to explain that my ex still liked me...and so on. I of course thought it was a joke. He handed me my ipad and I realized he was serious. I explained to him that just because my ex felt that way didn't mean I felt the same. I was committed to him and him alone. He went on to say again how easy it would be for me to cheat, that I would probably become tired of signing and just go date a hearing guy. I explained I learned to sign fluently for him. The next day we traveled back home and he fell asleep on the couch. I decided to call my aunt. He wakes up, sees me talking on the phone, and accuses me of talking with my ex. I cannot explain enough that he is an "ex" for a reason. Now..I just feel that should he see me on the phone..or Facebook..or even typing anything he will feel like I am cheating. Does anyone know what I should do?

 

[Bottesini]

Decide if you can stand this behavior in the long term.

People don't change their character, and if he has worries like this, it probably isn't going to change.

Possible if you go on for years and you don't get together with other people from the past and don't exclude him, he will come to trust you.

 

[whatdidyousay!]

I am HOH and I was dating a hearing guy and we where living together in my apartment , he had his apartment . My b/f came home one day looking really depress and I asked him what happen . He said he ran into my ex b/f and that I still liked him . I was like HUH?? I had to tell my b/f that I am going with him and was not interesting in getting back with my ex b/f.
My b/f was very insecure , I saw how his mother was able to take her 6'4"
son and reduce him to 4 yo boy in a matter of second .
I wonder if your b/f is insecure instead of paranoid , it sound more insecure to me and if that what is going on you may have to decide if you want to go with a guy that feel that way . I broke up with my b/f b/c I could not deal with him being so insecure.

 

[jayydowns]

Wirelessly posted

I am a female. I'm 20 years old, I'm deaf and I have a cochlear implant and I am very fluent in sing language-my mother is an interpreter, and I've always been mainstream in school and was very popular in high school. I mostly socialize with the hearing but I also have a brother who is deaf as well. He's more into the deaf world than I am. I've never dated a deaf or a hard of hearing guy but Ive got plenty of friends who are deaf. I know what it's like to be the only person whose deaf and in a hearing relationship.
I struggle with being deaf everyday. It's a huge insecurity. I am actually a server at a restaurant. I get around very well and speak very well. I struggle with the thought of people dating a deaf person. Like me. I've always been known as the pretty girl. I was on the homecoming court in high school. Ive always had bad relationships with hearing guys. I always either get cheated on or just left... I've always blamed it on me being deaf. I feel like it bothers them a lot that they have to repeat themselves often or my implant gets in the way when we get close to each other.

Disregard your boyfriend seeing that your ex has feelings for you still. There's nothing you can do unless you tell your ex that he can't contact you because it's become an issue in your relationship. And show it to your boyfriend and maybe he will understand that you have no feelings for your ex anymore.
This may be bad advice but it'll always be an issue for him because he's the only deaf one in the relationship. It's just an insecurity that everyone always struggles with in many lives. The longer you guys are together, the more he will realize how much he is appreciated by you and is treated no differently than anyone else because us deaf people like to be normal as much as possible.

Best of luck!

 

[authentic]

Sounds like your boyfriend act like a teenager boy, seriously! He should trust you, that is what relationship is all about....trust, love, communication, respect, etc...

You could make him thinking by telling him that he could talk to his ex girlfriend through videophone or FaceTime while I'm in bed or at different room. ASL is silent language and I could not hear your sign language conversation to your ex, right? Why am I not panic about you, because I trust you.

If he continue panic/insecure and it is up to you to decide to make your own step.

 

[shel90]

My ex husband always made me feel insecure and he would use my deafness to blame me for things. As a result, I was left with a bad taste about having a relationship with a hearing guy until I met my current husband who is also hearing. Married him and it has been 9 years and not once he has made me feel insecure about my deafness. I had to admit, it took me some time to get over the paranoia when I first started dating him. It was something I had to work on myself not for him to solve. Your boyfriend needs to work on it himself.

 

[whatdidyousay!]

My ex husband always made me feel insecure and he would use my deafness to blame me for things. As a result, I was left with a bad taste about having a relationship with a hearing guy until I met my current husband who is also hearing. Married him and it has been 9 years and not once he has made me feel insecure about my deafness. I had to admit, it took me some time to get over the paranoia when I first started dating him. It was something I had to work on myself not for him to solve. Your boyfriend needs to work on it himself.

Paranoia - What Is Paranoia - Signs of Paranoia

This does not sound like you. I sound like you needed to get back your self esteem after being an abusive guy. Women end up feeling bad about their self after getting out of an abusive relationship and can have poor self
self esteem . I don't think you where paranoia .

 

[shel90]

Paranoia - What Is Paranoia - Signs of Paranoia

This does not sound like you. I sound like you needed to get back your self esteem after being an abusive guy. Women end up feeling bad about their self after getting out of an abusive relationship and can have poor self
self esteem . I don't think you where paranoia .

At the beginning of the relationship I always worried and stressed about thing that my current husband would do just because he is hearing.

 

[whatdidyousay!]

At the beginning of the relationship I always worried and stressed about thing that my current husband would do just because he is hearing.

All the guys I dated where hearing and I knew they would try to use my hearing lost to their advantage soon or later. My own family did so I just tried to be more aware of people body language . I was able to read my ex husband like a book and it drove him nut.