My daily struggles

A Nihilist said:
Yes it's annoying when someone acts like they are better than you. There's a difference between talking down to you and being confident.
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Yes.....Stop with the superfical fake confidence.....I knew someone who is very high and mighty about completely stupid stuff.....It gave her an aura of fake confidence (like Mean Girls/ high school bully confidence) She also gave off REALLY bad vibes, and that's why nobody liked her.
 
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand this is why I date in the Deaf community. End of story.
 
jayydowns said:
Wirelessly posted

Ok.. I've always wondered if I being the only one whose deaf in a hearing relationship is an issue for the hearing person.

I'm an unique person. I'm twenty years old. I have an older brother who was born deaf and was cochlear implanted at 3 years old. When my mother found out he was deaf, she taught herself sign language and taught me and my sisters when I was six months old. I started to lose my hearing slowly when I was two years old. I started signing more than I was speaking. I didn't completely lose my hearing until I was six years old. That was when I got the cochlear and I'm very independent with it. I've always gone to an hearing school. I never really used interpreters... I never needed them. I was the "hot deaf girl" in high school.
I've always dated an hearing boy.

I've only had two serious boyfriends and they've both lasted no longer than three months. Every time I date someone. They always end up running away. I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Is it because I'm deaf? Is it because my implant falls off everytime they kiss me with hands on my face? I'm just curious. I have a different speech too. I speak wonderful though. Many people don't know I'm deaf until I tell them. They come out with a surprise. I drink, I'm very outgoing, I'm told I'm very sweet and gorgeous. I have a perfect body and I know how to carry myself around people.

What is wrong with me? I've dated hot guys, always older, but they always turn out to be douche bags. Players.. But i still blame it on me. What am I doing wrong?
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1. 3 months? no that's not serious relationship.
2. you 20? you shouldn't be drinking. you'll get yourself and other people in trouble with the laws. that's not cool.
3. anything wrong with dating deaf guy? :)
4. you're only 20. plenty of time. do you really need a bf?
 
jayydowns said:
Wirelessly posted

I would but there aren't many in my area and most of them aren't as smart as I am.. They have a lower educational and speaking level then I do in my area.
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Ouch.... this may be a big part of your issue.... :ugh: Seriously.... Damn...

I'm a very well educated woman.... Firstly, education is important to me... However I don't exactly expect people I date to have PhD's and stuff like that, either. I don't exactly expect people at my age of 27 to have a Masters, either. Nor, do I expect any Deaf person I may date to have a "clear" speaking level... ever. My father sent me to voc therapy religiously from a young age so while my voice may be exceptionally clear for being born the way I was... I don't expect anywhere near that for someone in the Deaf community, neither can you.

Secondly to come right out and say someone isn't as smart as you are... well that's just a superiority complex right there. You are setting yourself up for failure before you even begin. You're not even giving anyone a chance, you're just shooting them down as they're walking. There may be a really nice guy out there that you're not giving a chance because he's not "as smart as you" or something. You're 20 years old! Maybe he hasn't been to college yet and is planning to go but just hasn't got there yet!

While I am a lesbian and don't really do the whole "guy" thing... I can tell you this. One of my ex's I dated did not have a college education at all. Yes, yes yes. I have a Masters, am an Advanced Physicians Assistant in a triage hospital and have already taken my placement test and have been accepted to start my PhD. I graduated high school early, valedictorian with a 4.23 GPA. So right off the bat ONLY just simply to put you in a reality check and nothing else, I will guarantee I am 10 times more intelligent than you are. My ex was a high school graduate. No college... none. Zip, zero, zilch, zero... Not a day... had no plans to go, did not want to attend. You know what though? She was the absolute most sweetest, caring, loving person I have ever met in my entire life. She had a GREAT job, made around 75K a year ( Not bad for a high school graduate I must say! ) and was absolutely stable. She opened doors, pulled out chairs, made me soup when I was sick, had flowers sent to my work just because... and one night showed up while I was sleeping to write me song lyrics on my window in the dew backwards so when I woke up I would see them with a rose on my window. Once I woke up and she had scattered rose petals through my entire car with flowers. We eventually moved in together and I would come home to baths run for me, rose petals, flowers, dinner made for me. ( On days I have to work 24-48 hour shifts and the hospital ) The point being... she was the sweetest, most kind... caring and loving woman I have ever met... the most beautiful soul... and she was... a high school graduate. Intelligence isn't everything... What counts is a persons soul. Stability is important, but if they care about you, they'll take care of you one way or another... education won't hold that back. I never once thought I was better than her. I SMASHED her income... did I ever think twice about that? No. Did I ever bring it up or think about it when we moved in with each other, or when we were dating? No. Did I ever think about her education? No... She treated me amazingly, and that's what mattered. She was beautiful, and a beautiful soul. I'd still be with her to this day if she was still here... but sometimes life has other plans. Do not pass up someone who could treat you like gold simply because you feel they're not as "educated as you" or "they're speech isn't whatever." Otherwise, you could miss out on the greatest person you have ever known... that is my advice to you.
 
Jiro said:
1. 3 months? no that's not serious relationship.
2. you 20? you shouldn't be drinking. you'll get yourself and other people in trouble with the laws. that's not cool.
3. anything wrong with dating deaf guy? :)
4. you're only 20. plenty of time. do you really need a bf?
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Yeah, I noticed that 3 month serious relationship thing too... :ugh: Was like dang I have been in a ton of serious relationships! :laugh2:
 
jayydowns said:
Wirelessly posted

I would but there aren't many in my area and most of them aren't as smart as I am.. They have a lower educational and speaking level then I do in my area.
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oh I missed this post. lower educational and speaking level? oic... oh well.

jayydowns said:
I don't mean to come off as cocky or too outspoken in my forum... Maybe I just have bad luck in choosing guys.

I took a year off in college but plan on going back in the spring. I meet new people almost everyday. I know a lot of people in my town.

I'm a server at a pizzeria. I serve customers beer and I run their pizzas and salads. I work full time. I drive an awesome car that I'm working hard to pay off. I've been on my own since I was 17 years old.

I worked two jobs in high school. I've always been independent.

I earn and save my own money. I live in a four bedroom house with three roommates and my awesome cat.

I just struggle with insecurities everyday. I feel like I'm alone in the hearing world. No one can every truly understand how I feel. I feel as of people change when they discover I'm deaf. They're not who they say who they really are.

I don't bring my insecurities up much often. I walk with confidence but under, I have a million thoughts rushing through my head like "he won't like me because I'm deaf. "
"She probably thinks I'm dumb because I'm deaf. "
"They won't hang out with me because I'm different"

Sent from my iPhone using AllDeaf
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ah-ha.... I know exactly what's wrong.

you are an awesome pretender. you are very good at pretending to be an awesome girl to hide your insecurities and deafness and as they get to know of you - they see it's not real you.

you want them to understand you and how you feel? stop pretending.
 
Oh, dear, jayydowns, You remind me of someone I know. She's very attractive like you. Many guys usually hit on her, but they find out that she's deaf, and they bolt. The problem is she doesn't express her insecurities very well. Her hearing brother asked me once to encourage her to express her feelings instead. He wanted to know desperately how I'm modest about my attractive looks and deal with guys. He thought she'd understand me.

Well, she is still single and is in her late 20s. She has very few boyfriends. A lack of confidence can be turn off to guys.

I've been labeled deaf hot girl, deaf babe, deaf chick, deaf latina and the list goes on. I get all kinds of stupid lines like "I heard deaf women are great in bed." or "Marlee Matlin is hot. Do you kiss like her?" One time I put my ugly wig on for Halloween, he told me that "Why do you look like that? You're so beautiful. Please do it for guys like me." I even had an offer from a handsome latino lawyer to take me to Spain for a dinner. I'm NOT making it up. In fact, I turned it down. Do you know why? He wanted action. He told me, "It is your loss." Last time I heard he is still single, and chases women.

Men are visual. That's the way their brains are wired. They love to treat women like an object. Men usually are more open when they find women attractive. They tend to say stupid and cheesy stuff, yeah.

Now, if you want a serious relationship, you have to express your feelings. Be bold. If they think you're different, prove them wrong that you're more than just a different attractive girl. You don't need a man to make you happy. Be happy first. Push yourself to the limit.

As for education, my three older brothers are not a college graduate. They makes nearly six figures at well-known companies. The reason they are doing well is because they're loyal. You don't need education to show how smart you are. One of my brothers has 165 IQ, and got GED at 16. He is a computer whiz and is good with quotes. Topic off, It's kinda strange, all of my sisters and I are college graduate yet my sisters married non-college graduate husbands except my hubby's got a master of science degree. Actions speak louder than words.
 
Barbaro said:
Oh, dear, jayydowns, You remind me of someone I know. She's very attractive like you. Many guys usually hit on her, but they find out that she's deaf, and they bolt. The problem is she doesn't express her insecurities very well. Her hearing brother asked me once to encourage her to express her feelings instead. He wanted to know desperately how I'm modest about my attractive looks and deal with guys. He thought she'd understand me.



Well, she is still single and is in her late 20s. She has very few boyfriends. A lack of confidence can be turn off to guys.



I've been labeled deaf hot girl, deaf babe, deaf chick, deaf latina and the list goes on. I get all kinds of stupid lines like "I heard deaf women are great in bed." or "Marlee Matlin is hot. Do you kiss like her?" One time I put my ugly wig on for Halloween, he told me that "Why do you look like that? You're so beautiful. Please do it for guys like me." I even had an offer from a handsome latino lawyer to take me to Spain for a dinner. I'm NOT making it up. In fact, I turned it down. Do you know why? He wanted action. He told me, "It is your loss." Last time I heard he is still single, and chases women.



Men are visual. That's the way their brains are wired. They love to treat women like an object. Men usually are more open when they find women attractive. They tend to say stupid and cheesy stuff, yeah.



Now, if you want a serious relationship, you have to express your feelings. Be bold. If they think you're different, prove them wrong that you're more than just a different attractive girl. You don't need a man to make you happy. Be happy first. Push yourself to the limit.



As for education, my three older brothers are not a college graduate. They makes nearly six figures at well-known companies. The reason they are doing well is because they're loyal. You don't need education to show how smart you are. One of my brothers has 165 IQ, and got GED at 16. He is a computer whiz and is good with quotes. Topic off, It's kinda strange, all of my sisters and I are college graduate yet my sisters married non-college graduate husbands except my hubby's got a master of science degree. Actions speak louder than words.
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I'm glad someone finally understands where I'm coming from. This definitely boosted my confidence. I'm so glad you took the time out of your day to write these reassuring words.

I did not mean that all deafs have a low iq or that I'm smarter. I'm not quite good with putting words down than I am speaking it out. That came out completely wrong.

It's tough for me to see all my friends and family have such a wonderful relationship with a man.. Why can't I get one? It's tough. I'm not easy either. I guess my time will come, and when it does, I'll definitely be happy.

Its not fun being alone all the time. I work a lot and I live in a house with roommates. It's nice having a guy to lean on and talk to and make me feel safe.


Sent from my iPhone using AllDeaf
 
I am sensing them being embarrassed with the CI? I know I dated a few Hot girls in my days, but once they embarrassed me, I was gone.

an example: I was driving in my jeep with this Hot girl some friends set me up with, we went to dinner and all was great...Until.....we stopped at a red light and she seen that Silence of the Lambs was showing at the movie theater. She started screaming at the top of her lungs " OMG, OMG, Silence of the Lambs ( High pitched squeel ), I looked over at her and the guy in the car next to me was mouthing WTF? That was it, i turned around took her home and made some excuse I had to leave and that was it. Even I was like WTF? was that all about??? she was a blonde as well. I mean the whole arm waving, jumping around in the seat yelling.... just turned me completely off, shame, she was hot...lol
 
Lower educational level doesn't nessarily mean that they're low functioning or intllectucally disabled..People who graduated high school can be really smart.......I mean I like intellectucal people......but there are intellectucal people in all walks of life! Just b/c they graduated high school and went right to work or whatever, it doesn't mean they're not smart........
 
jayydowns said:
It's tough for me to see all my friends and family have such a wonderful relationship with a man.. Why can't I get one? It's tough. I'm not easy either. I guess my time will come, and when it does, I'll definitely be happy.

Its not fun being alone all the time. I work a lot and I live in a house with roommates. It's nice having a guy to lean on and talk to and make me feel safe.


Sent from my iPhone using AllDeaf
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You're still young....Get to know guys as FRIENDS and then let it go from there.....Learn about the ins and outs of a healthy realtionship.........I know how you feel...it's really hard being single...I have some amazing close friends(many of whom have said that if they were gay we'd be a couple) but again.....stop thinking of guys as potential boyfriends and look as them as FRIENDS.....then and only then will it evolve to something more.
 
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