My boyfriend is losing his hearing and is hesitant to have a baby

Simply

New Member
HI,

My boyfriend is losing his hearing and is not sure if he wants a baby.
I am hearing and I knew that this day ( us having a baby ) would come but he is now having second thoughts out of worry..

Will he hear the baby cry?
Will he hear if the baby has an accident?

He is afraid I will blame him if something terrible happens.

I am not sure how to ease his mind on this tipic other than searching for different baby moniters andsuch ( not sure what else we would need in our case)

I have tried searching the wonderful web but have come up short until I found this site........

I feel lost and a little worried....

Signed,

Simply..... ineed of help

** Just to clarify** I have read some comments and just wanted to say
we are getting married next year and we both have a child from a prev. relationship.. We are both commited to each other and our children
He does have hearng aids for the bad days but he does have some good days as well. he is slowly losing his hearing over the past few years.
 
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Sarfarigirl2011

Well-Known Member
that sucks to hear that, I had that happening with my left ear last spring (my hearing is pretty complicated here since it can fluctuate so often)

good luck trying for baby though! :)
 

Bottesini

Old Deaf Ranter
Premium Member
Many of us have managed perfectly well to raise children while deaf.

I think there is probably a lot more behind this than fear of hearing loss.

There would probably be another excuse if it were not hearing loss.

How old are you both?
 

shel90

Audist are not welcome
Premium Member
Born deaf and have two kids...16 years old and 8 years old. I was a single mother with my 16 year old for a few years before marrying my 2nd husband . No problems at all because of the visual devices from Harris communications that helped me. :).

Good luck!
 

Lau2046

Well-Known Member
I'm inclined to think this is more than hearing loss. People who love children, want children, hearing loss is just a minor annoyance they find a way around. I think this may be an excuse to not have children because he likes his freedom. I could be wrong but if you use deafness as an excuse to not do something, soon you'll have a list....

Laura
 

Reba

Retired Terp
Premium Member
He's a boyfriend, not a husband, so maybe he's not ready for a committed relationship, much less fatherhood.
 

whatdidyousay!

Well-Known Member
I'm inclined to think this is more than hearing loss. People who love children, want children, hearing loss is just a minor annoyance they find a way around. I think this may be an excuse to not have children because he likes his freedom. I could be wrong but if you use deafness as an excuse to not do something, soon you'll have a list....

Laura

But the guy is losing his hearing and that is a big adjustment to get use to some people. This is new to him and he may need time to learn to adjust to losing his hearing before he feel comfortable having baby. I had clients that needed time adjusting to losing their hearing or eyes sights.
 

Rogus

Member
While there might be other reasons besides the hearing loss which are impossible for us outsiders to know, I would point out that it might just be the hearing loss that he's scared about. Those born deaf or long term deaf have accepted and have learned to live without their hearing. They realize one can raise children being deaf. Someone who could hear but is now losing it, has some big adjustments to make in their life. Losing one's hearing can be very scary to a person. It's not surprising for him to be thinking about how his hearing loss will affect how he thought he would be taking care of a baby. He may just need time to change his attitude.

You don't say how long he's been losing his hearing or if it's likely to continue to a complete loss. If it's recent, give him some time. If it's been a longer time, then it might very well be something other than the hearing loss. The two of you need to have a very honest conversation about it.

Others have mentioned it, but there are a lot of other factors one should consider before having a child. It's just my opinion, and you didn't ask for it, but I think one should only be having a child in a compatible, committed relationship that will last until the children are over 18 and hopefully a lot longer. That doesn't necessarily mean one has to be married, but, again my opinion, one shouldn't be having a child with a 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend.'
 

VacationGuy234

Active Member
I've never had children, but I have had those fears. It's definitely harder to understand children. For someone born with hearing loss, the bigger fear is that their children will go through the same things they experienced. In reality, it's not an entirely rational fear because no two living things have the same life. Still, living with hearing loss is an uphill battle that people do not wish to be a burden to their children.
 

shel90

Audist are not welcome
Premium Member
I've never had children, but I have had those fears. It's definitely harder to understand children. For someone born with hearing loss, the bigger fear is that their children will go through the same things they experienced. In reality, it's not an entirely rational fear because no two living things have the same life. Still, living with hearing loss is an uphill battle that people do not wish to be a burden to their children.

Only if you let it take over your life and make it a burden on you. Not everyone feels that way.
 

Simply

New Member
Thank you all for your insight.

We are getting married next year.
he already has a son.
my boyfriend is slowly losing his hearing
he does have hearig aids but that only goes so far.
he has good days and he had bad days...
 

Simply

New Member
I'm inclined to think this is more than hearing loss. People who love children, want children, hearing loss is just a minor annoyance they find a way around. I think this may be an excuse to not have children because he likes his freedom. I could be wrong but if you use deafness as an excuse to not do something, soon you'll have a list....

Laura

He does already have a son from a prev. relationship, and he loves my daughter to bits so I dont think its his lack of wanting another child
 

Simply

New Member
He's a boyfriend, not a husband, so maybe he's not ready for a committed relationship, much less fatherhood.

We are getting married next year and we both already have a child from different relationships. I don't think commitment or fatherhood is the issue
 

Simply

New Member
While there might be other reasons besides the hearing loss which are impossible for us outsiders to know, I would point out that it might just be the hearing loss that he's scared about. Those born deaf or long term deaf have accepted and have learned to live without their hearing. They realize one can raise children being deaf. Someone who could hear but is now losing it, has some big adjustments to make in their life. Losing one's hearing can be very scary to a person. It's not surprising for him to be thinking about how his hearing loss will affect how he thought he would be taking care of a baby. He may just need time to change his attitude.

You don't say how long he's been losing his hearing or if it's likely to continue to a complete loss. If it's recent, give him some time. If it's been a longer time, then it might very well be something other than the hearing loss. The two of you need to have a very honest conversation about it.

Others have mentioned it, but there are a lot of other factors one should consider before having a child. It's just my opinion, and you didn't ask for it, but I think one should only be having a child in a compatible, committed relationship that will last until the children are over 18 and hopefully a lot longer. That doesn't necessarily mean one has to be married, but, again my opinion, one shouldn't be having a child with a 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend.'


Thank you for your insight, he is afraid and it does scare him, we are in a commited relationship and getting married next year so I don't think its the commit part that is the issue. but he is scared of the impact this will have on him and those around him
 

whatdidyousay!

Well-Known Member
Everyone react differently losing to their hearing , and no one know what another person is thinking or feeling about when this happen to a them. It would be great if we where all mind readers but we are not and really are just shooting of our mouths trying to guess what the guy is thinking. The OP should be talking to her boyfriend about and not complete strangers who have do not know the whole story. I wonder how the boyfriend would feel if he does not know there is post about him.
 

Reba

Retired Terp
Premium Member
We are getting married next year and we both already have a child from different relationships. I don't think commitment or fatherhood is the issue
You plan on being married next year. It hasn't happened yet.

Was he committed to his son's mother? Is he committed to raising that son?

It's a lot to consider.
 

Bebonang

Active Member
Most hearing people seem to be afraid of being deaf or hard of hearing when they lose their hearing like being late deafened. It is common for late deafened person to be afraid when there was no sound like hearing the baby cry or if something happen to the baby. He should realize there are devices for the deaf to be able to tell by the flashing lights. He should be comfortable having the devices to let him know what is going on in the baby's room or in their room.

As a matter of fact, I don't think they don't have to get married if they don't want to get married. They can live as Common-In-Law marriage. We have a lot (very common) like that in my reserve (First Nation) in Canada (very few get married like me). I know they are planning to get married next year.

It take time for him to get use to being late deafened. Once he get adapt or get adjust, he will be fine with the help of some of the accommodations like flash light devices. :)
 

rockin'robin

Well-Known Member
No ages given....plus...they already have 2 from prior "relationships"...and want another one....Surely hope both the OP and her hubby have good jobs. 3 Kids are expensive!

Losing one's hearing is very hard...perhaps harder than losing it all at once....:hmm:....and perhaps the BF might be aware it's genetic....??...Hence, he's depressed, feel sure of that. And perhaps needs time to adjust to his own dilemma first before thinking of having another child.
 
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