left out as a couple....

dereksbicycles

dereksbicycles

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I'm not asking if any one of you individuals felt left out. I'm asking as couples.

For you deaf people who brings hearing significant other to deaf events, how do you feel? Do you see other couples sign fluently and wish you would do the same with yours?
 
dereksbicycles said:
I'm not asking if any one of you individuals felt left out. I'm asking as couples.

For you deaf people who brings hearing significant other to deaf events, how do you feel? Do you see other couples sign fluently and wish you would do the same with yours?
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I wouldn't just wish, I WOULD do the same. If I want my SO to sign, he would have to learn. After all, when I'm in his world, I make the effort to socialize with his family and friends. I don't just sit there, lost. I actively participate and find way to communicate whether it's one on one or by saying things like " so what was that you were saying about your sister?" But my boyfriend is really great about keeping me up to speed about what was being said in group convos and I'm really happy about that because it allows me to jump in anytime when I'm aware of the gist of the conversation.

I would have done the same for him if he was in my world. If he was unwilling to be social and friendly instead of just sitting there frowning, then he's not for me.
 
My sister-in-law married an Italian. Did she just sit back when they went back to Italy to visit his family? No! She learned to speak fluent Italian and was an active participant.

I so admire her for that (among other things!).
 
I'm the hearing half of my couple...and my goal is to be fluent eventually! I'll have to ask my bf if he feels left out...we communicate just fine though. I feel left out myself at deaf parties just because I can't read sign well yet, but I hope to be able to soon! =)

*He says no, but I'm skeptical.
 
Also, I'm curious...for any one with a hearing SO who doesn't sign, why don't they want to learn?
 
mbrek said:
I'd wonder why they'd want them as a SO?
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I mean, I'll be the first to admit I'm completely biased, but I can see wanting to date someone who doesn't know sign in the beginning but was willing to learn. I only knew ABCs and really simple signs like "thank you". But I've put effort into learning with my SO and on my own and learned quite a bit considering I haven't taken a class yet.
 
I suppose that you would call this growth pain if you want.

You see, my girlfriend works very hard on learning ASL. She wants to be fluent. She is not fluent yet, but she improves every time I see her. I admire her and am patient as she gets better and better. I know one day, she'll be good. We've known each other for less than 2 years so one has to be patient.

I know my girlfriend will get there and I'll not feel left out seeing all those couples signing fast. I am sure some of them had to start somewhere just like I am doing with my girlfriend.

It would depend on whether the deaf person has patience to let the other learn ASL for a relationship. In my case, yes, I do have patience, but growth pain sometimes, you know.
 
dereksbicycles said:
I suppose that you would call this growth pain if you want.

You see, my girlfriend works very hard on learning ASL. She wants to be fluent. She is not fluent yet, but she improves every time I see her. I admire her and am patient as she gets better and better. I know one day, she'll be good. We've known each other for less than 2 years so one has to be patient.

I know my girlfriend will get there and I'll not feel left out seeing all those couples signing fast. I am sure some of them had to start somewhere just like I am doing with my girlfriend.

It would depend on whether the deaf person has patience to let the other learn ASL for a relationship. In my case, yes, I do have patience, but growth pain sometimes, you know.
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Ohhhh, I see, that's understandable. How is she learning, online or in a class, mostly from you?

My boyfriend and I went to a Halloween event recently with an all Deaf group (I mean everyone was Deaf, not from this website haha), all couples in their 40s-50s, all very strong ASL signers (we are both in our early 20s, he signs PSE only at the moment). I can see why someone would feel left out in a situation like that, in situations like that I myself wish I could sign better. However, last weekend we went to a Halloween party, mostly dhh people (although I did bump into a couple other hearing people) and I think I did okay considering I'm not fluent yet! But I was also very drunk, so if people were making fun of me...I didn't notice :laugh2: haha.
 
melindajanet said:
Ohhhh, I see, that's understandable. How is she learning, online or in a class, mostly from you?

My boyfriend and I went to a Halloween event recently with an all Deaf group (I mean everyone was Deaf, not from this website haha), all couples in their 40s-50s, all very strong ASL signers (we are both in our early 20s, he signs PSE only at the moment). I can see why someone would feel left out in a situation like that, in situations like that I myself wish I could sign better. However, last weekend we went to a Halloween party, mostly dhh people (although I did bump into a couple other hearing people) and I think I did okay considering I'm not fluent yet! But I was also very drunk, so if people were making fun of me...I didn't notice :laugh2: haha.
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To start my girlfriend on basic fingerspelling, I suggested aslpro.com. SHe now has about 8 books on learning ASL. Some of them are older. Some of them are newer. She does want to take a class, but they cost too much money. Yes, she does learn a lot from me.
 
dereksbicycles said:
To start my girlfriend on basic fingerspelling, I suggested aslpro.com. SHe now has about 8 books on learning ASL. Some of them are older. Some of them are newer. She does want to take a class, but they cost too much money. Yes, she does learn a lot from me.
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*If* she hasn't checked out lifeprint.com, she should. The man who runs it has lessons up that you work through on your own that are meant to teach conversational language at a fast rate. Awesome website, it's helped me a lot already and I haven't even worked through the lesson plans yet (going to after this school semester).
 
melindajanet said:
*If* she hasn't checked out lifeprint.com, she should. The man who runs it has lessons up that you work through on your own that are meant to teach conversational language at a fast rate. Awesome website, it's helped me a lot already and I haven't even worked through the lesson plans yet (going to after this school semester).
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Thank you very much for the positive feedback. It's nice to see people getting benefit from this website.
 
My husband took an asl class. He attends all of the socials with me even though he doesn't know much. If your girlfriend is not willing to talk a class, she's probably never going to learn. It's really hard to learn on your own.

Here's a bit of advice that applies to all relationships--don't expect someone to change and don't fall in love with potential. My hubby was willing to learn because I'm going deaf. Not everyone is able or willing to do that. I married him because he's that kind of guy. You can find someone like him--someone who cares enough to learn. You deserve that!
 
sallylou said:
My husband took an asl class. He attends all of the socials with me even though he doesn't know much. If your girlfriend is not willing to talk a class, she's probably never going to learn. It's really hard to learn on your own.

Here's a bit of advice that applies to all relationships--don't expect someone to change and don't fall in love with potential. My hubby was willing to learn because I'm going deaf. Not everyone is able or willing to do that. I married him because he's that kind of guy. You can find someone like him--someone who cares enough to learn. You deserve that!
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Thank you very much for the advice. She does want to take a class, but they cost too much money. It's tough in this economy...you have to make your pick on where to spend money.

Yes, I do hope that when we have enough money, we would be able to afford a class. She is always asking me for homework all the times!!!
 
sallylou said:
Here's a bit of advice that applies to all relationships--don't expect someone to change and don't fall in love with potential.
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Sallylou makes an excellent point. I was married several years before I started having hearing issues. Will I go deaf eventually? Who knows. But I asked my husband if I did if he would learn sign, and he said he would. The best part is - I really didn't have to ask. I knew he would. That's the kind of man I married!
 
Do you have a deaf church in your area? I learned at a deaf center for the cost of the book. I understand not being able to pay.

I'm suppose to be teaching my husband more but I've been lazy. We're busy with the kids and just want to relax when we get some spare time. I'm sure that ya'll feel the same way. Lifeprint is the best website and you can learn a lot of basic signs. That can be her homework.
 
sallylou said:
Do you have a deaf church in your area? I learned at a deaf center for the cost of the book. I understand not being able to pay.

I'm suppose to be teaching my husband more but I've been lazy. We're busy with the kids and just want to relax when we get some spare time. I'm sure that ya'll feel the same way. Lifeprint is the best website and you can learn a lot of basic signs. That can be her homework.
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Sometimes, my girlfriends and I would rather do "action" things than learning ASL such as watching football or making sand castles. We don't always make time for ASL, but we should.

I know there are some deaf Church in the area where she live. There is a deaf non-profit organization too.
 
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