Is understanding that hard?

Lil_country_gal

Lil_country_gal

New Member
Joined
Sep 16, 2005
Messages
2,332
Reaction score
0
I just got out of a relationship with a hearie. and I have pretty darn good hearing out of my right ear, my left is my bad. Well when we were in the car and my bf would talk he would talk straight into my right ear. He thought because I could hear him talking in the car i made up being hoh and because when he was talking to his mom on his phone I could make out the words his mom was saying A. because i was right next to the phone B. His phone was turned all the way up. So I tried explaining it to him like it's hard to make out certain tones with my left ear and if i'm looking at people I can read lips. Even with the explaining it doesn't really seem like he understands. Is it really that hard for a hearie to understand how hoh and deaf are different and there are different levels of hoh, I really like dating hearies because things I can't hear they can and inform me. but am I just wasting my time?
 
For me, I would rather date a hearie who can sign than a hearie who can't sign. I would also rather that hearie communicate with me as often as possible instead of leaving me out.

I've had deaf friends who dated hearies that would end up leaving my friends out when they're out somewhere. :(
 
Lil_country_gal said:
but am I just wasting my time?
Click to expand...

Depends on the hearing person. Of course hearing people have no idea what it is like to be Hoh/Deaf. But some hearing people are more accommodating and understanding than others. So I suggest finding a hearing person with Deaf-friendly credentials.
 
I dont think it is about whether he is hearing or not - it is about individuals. Some hearing men are awesome while some are not - but same as some deaf men are awesome whereas some deaf men are not.

But yeah I d be annoyed as hell if a hearing man refuse to believe in anything I have to say about my hearing loss and my capabilities etc - he sounds like an immature man to begin with.
 
I wouldnt date a hearing person if she dont have patience with me due to my deafness and my misunderstanding on some things.

Most of the time I rather a deaf person as its when we would usually understand our deafness and have some patience with eachother and such and I'm not quite 100% on sign language (I was raised with cued speech) but still pretty much getting there.
 
I'm on the same level as Steel X. I'd only date/be close friends with a hearing person if they were understanding about being HOH and where I come from. In general it's easier to befriend other HOH/Deaf people since they won't perceive a gap between us and are generally in tune with my existing world already.
 
For me, that's different.

I'm profoundly deaf, but I communicate well on both sides, I can talk well, lipread quite well, and communicate in sign language fluently. I have gone through the hearing part, and it was recent one as well, I must mention -- it didnt work out unfortunately. :(

At times, I think I perfer deaf over hearing, due to communciation issues, I was hoping some of the hearing to have excellent patience with me, but it turns out there isn't any at all. I have a friend, who is very patient and she knows sign language due she attended course for 3 years.

So at the end, it is difficult in any matter of people.
 
If i started to date again and it happens to be a hearie who cant sign - the relationship wouldn't commence if they didnt like me enough to learn to sign. If they cant try to sign - its bye bye!

IMHO if you love someone and they "need" you to change - you would as long it was reasonable . RIGHT?!

If they dont want to learn sign- :hmm: dont you think they are against for who you are ?

i am sure i can go on and on with this..:ty:
 
I'm a hearing person... I will be dating a deaf person soon. She can hear with a hearing aid. I decided to learn sign language for her sake. She's asked me to learn it before multiple times, and I told her I would. Due to an accident that would have left her permanently deaf, I decided to get serious about it. Haven't looked back since. I find it fun, I guess I'm saying this because you shouldn't give up on the hearing. You shouldn't expect someone to learn it after a few weeks of dating (assuming so). I've been talking to her for years.

And let's face it... today's society tosses around the L word like it's nothing. Mostly guys who just want to get in the pants of women.
 
I am hearing and hope to be in a relationship with a deaf man. Things are moving very slowly. I feel like he is afraid to get to know me because I am hearing. I understand and am trying to be patient.

If we do end up in a relationship, I will take as many ASL classes as I can. My friend gave me her ASL class books and I am trying to learn some of the signs now.
 
sarasf, if you like him more than friends, you should be better off telling him how you feel. And I must admit, and suggest you to go to the ASL classes as you can, it will help in boosting the communication but patience is vitural in the culture. :)
 
Captain V and Saraf...u are both on the right track with your thinking and empathy!

I am married to a hearing man who can sign pretty well despite not having taken a formal ASL class..he learned by interacting with Deaf people. If he didnt know any signs or wasnt willing to learn, there would be no future for our relationship.
 
I didn't take classes. Every thing I learned is off the net. Since I don't know any other deaf people, she tells me the signs she'd use, and I'd conform to that. Makes it easier all around.
 
Thanks JClarke and Shel. I do like him more than friends. I haven't come out and said that, but I think it's obvious. We will exchange a few nice emails and then I won't hear from him for a week. This is really annoying. I am sure he knows that I am flirting with him and that I like him. Next time he writes me, I am going to tell him that I want to date him and ask him if he is interested.

His emails are very brief and sometimes hard for me to understand so I keep my replies pretty simple because I want him to be able to understand. I really feel like he likes me or is curious but tries to distance himself by stopping communication.
 
Just make it simple and easy to understand, a lot of deaf people write gramatically in different ways. Their language of ASL is their first then english, second. So to understand that.
 
If this guy willing want to try n' learn how to communicate w/ u, u should try, too. If it doesn't work then u will find the right one. Perhaps someone who is just like u a lot, u will feel comfy, easier n' faster than a wasting time.
 
Back
Top