Insecurities about having children?

Krissy

New Member
When I was 16 I was told that I wouldn't be able to have hearing children, and honestly, I don't know if that's true or not.
However, it's made me question whether or not to have children, I've always wanted them..but I can't even cope with being deaf myself and I don't know how to sign and when I learn how to sign fluently I don't know how I'd teach a child that can't hear to sign and I'm confused about how you even do that :S
I don't know why I'm posting here, I think it's just something that's been going over my head for the past 4 years and if I ever do want to have a child I want to be prepared.
Is there anyone who's had to teach a deaf infant to sign? How did you cope with your child being deaf? Are you hearing, HOH or deaf yourself? Did they adjust to the lifestyle easily?
I'm sorry to rabbit on, I'm just confused lol

Note - for all that are confused, I don't want children right now, I mean in the future :)
 
Last edited:

SimonJ

Member
Reading this and your other post I would start by learning BSL and then moving into the deaf community more. I have made a similar transition and am now very happy where I am and with who I am. Once you are comfortable a deaf child would be no different to a hearing one as either way your child would sign to you anyway! :)

Oh and :welcome:
 

Krissy

New Member
Reading this and your other post I would start by learning BSL and then moving into the deaf community more. I have made a similar transition and am now very happy where I am and with who I am. Once you are comfortable a deaf child would be no different to a hearing one as either way your child would sign to you anyway! :)

Oh and :welcome:

That's a good point lol, I just make things too complex in my mind I suppose :P I've always been a worrier

I think if I had a hearing child I'd like to be able to speak orally with them although sometimes it might be best to sign, and I've always thought if I had a hearing child I'd teach them to sign anyway incase they lost their hearing like I did, but I think it'd be harder to teach a deaf child to sign because I don't understand how you'd explain what the signs are if that makes sense

And thank you :)
 

whatdidyousay!

Well-Known Member
I would get more than one doctors opinion about this before you spend time worrying about it. Doctors are not always right. I had a friend who was told she could NEVER have kids! You can imagining her surprise when got she pregnant with her first baby! She had 2 baby girls!
 

Krissy

New Member
I would get more than one doctors opinion about this before you spend time worrying about it. Doctors are not always right. I had a friend who was told she could NEVER have kids! You can imagining her surprise when got she pregnant with her first baby! She had 2 baby girls!

Aww, congratulations to your friend :)
And true, I was just wondering really what it's like to raise a deaf child, I'm the only deaf person in my family so I can't really ask them
 

diehardbiker

Active Member
Yes, having babies does have surprises. There are several unexpected going on, so one really never fully prepared for.

And yes, don't believe every word coming out of doctor's mouth.

I would get more than one doctors opinion about this before you spend time worrying about it. Doctors are not always right. I had a friend who was told she could NEVER have kids! You can imagining her surprise when got she pregnant with her first baby! She had 2 baby girls!
 

DeafCaroline

New Member
That's a good point lol, I just make things too complex in my mind I suppose :P I've always been a worrier

I think if I had a hearing child I'd like to be able to speak orally with them although sometimes it might be best to sign, and I've always thought if I had a hearing child I'd teach them to sign anyway incase they lost their hearing like I did, but I think it'd be harder to teach a deaf child to sign because I don't understand how you'd explain what the signs are if that makes sense

And thank you :)

Worry about having kids when you get older. It's not harder to teach a deaf kid sign at all. Language is a concept developed in the brain, vocal cords or your hands are tools for transmitting that language.

so, you could point to a bottle of milk and either say "milk" or show the sign for "milk" - your baby would understand.

I remember once when I was at the farmer's market - I watched a deaf mother sign with her two young girls and was overwhelmed by both joy and envy. She and her girls communicated so easily and fluently and they were having a great time laughing and teasing each other. meanwhile, I was with my young sons whom I had to bend down to their level and ask them to repeat themselves so I could understand them which meant they couldn't just babble away but simplify their sentences for my sake.

I looked back at the deaf mother who could sign to her kids from two stalls over - no "what? say that again?" - her kids, unlike mine, did not show frustration that they were not being understood. They did not say never mind or give up. I envied that ease and fluency of communication and comprehension.

World of difference between oral deaf mother and signing deaf mother.
 

Frisky Feline

Well-Known Member
i m not sure if you can't be able to have a baby from doctor or people telling you that stuff because you are deaf.

either you can get pregnant or adopt a baby is the most beautiful things in your live. all my life is that i never wanted kids because i was too willd as always. I am still wild but much much less. :lol: I always thought that i was not a good mother before i had kids. when i hit 25, all of a suddent that i do want children. so i got pregnant with my first girl when i was 31. baby changes my life and i fell in love with my hearing children. I realize that being mother must be perfect. nah... all children need is a lot of loves that i can give with that is how it makes mother to becme a good mom. Being love is important so you will know what you want to do for your baby such as giving lots of love by taking care of the baby or the babies better. I am so glad that I changed my mind about having kids. Sure kids are pretty handful but worth it.
 

Krissy

New Member
Worry about having kids when you get older. It's not harder to teach a deaf kid sign at all. Language is a concept developed in the brain, vocal cords or your hands are tools for transmitting that language.

so, you could point to a bottle of milk and either say "milk" or show the sign for "milk" - your baby would understand.

I remember once when I was at the farmer's market - I watched a deaf mother sign with her two young girls and was overwhelmed by both joy and envy. She and her girls communicated so easily and fluently and they were having a great time laughing and teasing each other. meanwhile, I was with my young sons whom I had to bend down to their level and ask them to repeat themselves so I could understand them which meant they couldn't just babble away but simplify their sentences for my sake.

I looked back at the deaf mother who could sign to her kids from two stalls over - no "what? say that again?" - her kids, unlike mine, did not show frustration that they were not being understood. They did not say never mind or give up. I envied that ease and fluency of communication and comprehension.

World of difference between oral deaf mother and signing deaf mother.
Don't worry, I can't see myself having children for another near 10 years or so

Thank you for sharing, that story is wonderful although I imagine it must be extremely frustating for you

Can I ask you why you decided to not teach your sons to sign if you don't mind?
 

Krissy

New Member
i m not sure if you can't be able to have a baby from doctor or people telling you that stuff because you are deaf.

either you can get pregnant or adopt a baby is the most beautiful things in your live. all my life is that i never wanted kids because i was too willd as always. I am still wild but much much less. :lol: I always thought that i was not a good mother before i had kids. when i hit 25, all of a suddent that i do want children. so i got pregnant with my first girl when i was 31. baby changes my life and i fell in love with my hearing children. I realize that being mother must be perfect. nah... all children need is a lot of loves that i can give with that is how it makes mother to becme a good mom. Being love is important so you will know what you want to do for your baby such as giving lots of love by taking care of the baby or the babies better. I am so glad that I changed my mind about having kids. Sure kids are pretty handful but worth it.

Oh no, they didn't tell me I can't have children. They told me I can't have hearing children, they believe if I have children they'll be dead

I have considered adoptiion though, if I'm ever ready for a child I'm sure I'd look into it to get more information :)

And awww, that's so sweet! How many children do you have? I'm sure they're more than a handful! Lol
 

~*Kaelei*~

New Member
I don't think it's something you shouldn't be worried about.

My Fiancee' has a niece who is deaf, and she is two years old. I have known his niece for over a year and I've seen how it's like to parent the deaf child. To be honest, I see that it's a little more work than hearing child. I have a hearing son and it's easy just to call out his name and he would turn and look at me or stop and look at me. But my soon to be niece, you have to tap her to get her attention or if she's running out, you have to chase after her so she doesn't hurt herself while on other hand I could just yell my son's name and he would stop and look at me, knowing he's in trouble. But the niece is soo adorable and I already love her to pieces.

There is a chance that I may have a deaf child in the future as well because my Fiancee's family is generations and generations of deaf. If we do have a child that turn out to be deaf, I won't mind... I would consider as a blessing, not a curse. Hearing or Deaf, neither bothers me as long as the child is healthy.

Anyways I'm getting of track here, sorry... doctor may be wrong, but once you have a child and see its face, you will fall in love and all the worries will melt away, and you wouldn't care if the child is deaf or not. Trust me. :)
 

DeafCaroline

New Member
Don't worry, I can't see myself having children for another near 10 years or so

Thank you for sharing, that story is wonderful although I imagine it must be extremely frustating for you

Can I ask you why you decided to not teach your sons to sign if you don't mind?

long story, I grew up oral deaf and as such, audist. It took me a long long time to get over how I was raised - those things get ingrained into your psyche and it takes a while to change your entire mindset.

I am trying to teach one of my sons now. The other one has moved out and far too busy to take ASL classes for he studies and works full time.
 

shel90

Audist are not welcome
Premium Member
I was just learning ASL when my hearing daughter was born 14 years ago so I did use whatever signs I did with her but I made a fatal mistake. I used my voice while signing with her. Now, she is not fluent in ASL. 8 years later, my son was born and I had became fluent in ASL and learned my mistakes. I kept both languages seprate...ASL with voice off, English with no signing. My son is now 6 and fluent in both languages. We can communicate at ease.

I would do the same if I had deaf children.
 

Buffalo

Active Member
Oh no, they didn't tell me I can't have children. They told me I can't have hearing children, they believe if I have children they'll be dead

I have considered adoptiion though, if I'm ever ready for a child I'm sure I'd look into it to get more information :)

And awww, that's so sweet! How many children do you have? I'm sure they're more than a handful! Lol

You said that you are the only deaf kid so why do they think you can't have hearing kids? It sounds like that your deafness is not genetic. Both deaf and hearing babies can pick up sign language. Just show the glass of milk (or any object) and sign 'milk' (or the sign for the object you showed) and they will get it. Show action and sign the word for it.

If you have a deaf voice, don't use your voice. Make sure your family speak to the baby often. I know a deaf guy whose oldest child needed speech therapy because she picked up her parents' deaf voices.
 

deafdyke

Well-Known Member
I think we have some mainstreamed oral deaf parents here, who had deaf kids and sent them to deaf school, and also had them learn ASL. . What they did was learned ASL along with their kids, and sent them to Deaf School.
 

whatdidyousay!

Well-Known Member
Aww, congratulations to your friend :)
And true, I was just wondering really what it's like to raise a deaf child, I'm the only deaf person in my family so I can't really ask them

I was saying the doctor could be wrong , your child may not be deaf. Doctors are not always right!
 

whatdidyousay!

Well-Known Member
Worry about having kids when you get older. It's not harder to teach a deaf kid sign at all. Language is a concept developed in the brain, vocal cords or your hands are tools for transmitting that language.

so, you could point to a bottle of milk and either say "milk" or show the sign for "milk" - your baby would understand.

I remember once when I was at the farmer's market - I watched a deaf mother sign with her two young girls and was overwhelmed by both joy and envy. She and her girls communicated so easily and fluently and they were having a great time laughing and teasing each other. meanwhile, I was with my young sons whom I had to bend down to their level and ask them to repeat themselves so I could understand them which meant they couldn't just babble away but simplify their sentences for my sake.

I looked back at the deaf mother who could sign to her kids from two stalls over - no "what? say that again?" - her kids, unlike mine, did not show frustration that they were not being understood. They did not say never mind or give up. I envied that ease and fluency of communication and comprehension.

World of difference between oral deaf mother and signing deaf mother.
I knew a woman that was hearing and she learned sign language as she wanted to know how to do it. When she got married she had a baby girl that was born deaf. No one in her famliy was HOH or deaf ,but she was happy that she knew how to use sign language and was able to teach her daughter it . The mother just felt that she should learn sign language as she never knew when she would need to use.
 

sallylou

Potterhead and Janeite
Premium Member
It sounds like you don't know any deaf families. In the deaf community, there are moms. They have kids and take care of them. You need to see this so that you have a role model. I recommend that you get involved with the deaf community. It will give you a lot of confidence. Once you see these families, you'll think I can do that!

Don't believe the doctors. Doctors told me that I'd never have kids and I have 2.
 

Krissy

New Member
I don't think it's something you shouldn't be worried about.

My Fiancee' has a niece who is deaf, and she is two years old. I have known his niece for over a year and I've seen how it's like to parent the deaf child. To be honest, I see that it's a little more work than hearing child. I have a hearing son and it's easy just to call out his name and he would turn and look at me or stop and look at me. But my soon to be niece, you have to tap her to get her attention or if she's running out, you have to chase after her so she doesn't hurt herself while on other hand I could just yell my son's name and he would stop and look at me, knowing he's in trouble. But the niece is soo adorable and I already love her to pieces.

There is a chance that I may have a deaf child in the future as well because my Fiancee's family is generations and generations of deaf. If we do have a child that turn out to be deaf, I won't mind... I would consider as a blessing, not a curse. Hearing or Deaf, neither bothers me as long as the child is healthy.

Anyways I'm getting of track here, sorry... doctor may be wrong, but once you have a child and see its face, you will fall in love and all the worries will melt away, and you wouldn't care if the child is deaf or not. Trust me. :)

Aww that is so sweet! :) I'm sure they're both lovely children, and I know you're right, I just worry too much, and as well as being able to cope I wouldn't want my child to go through the same type of things as me, but obviously I'd love the child reguardless, and you're right, when it happens it won't matter, and people find ways to cope because that's how life works. Thank you for your kind words :) maybe I'll stop worrying so much now lol, and I'll make sure in future to have more tests and get several doctors opinions
 
Top