I'm scared please help

JessieJ2k17

New Member
Joined
Sep 2, 2017
Messages
1
Reaction score
1
I know that this is the stupidest thing ever but I'm scared of a relationship.
I'm 19 and have been deaf my whole life but I have cochlear implants and I don't sign at all.
I get close to people sometimes get as far as a date and then freak I don't know why but it happens every time.

Im also not sure how sleeping with someone would work or how family life would work.

I live independently in student accommodation and I'm training to be a nurse and stuff but I guess I'm scared of not being accepted by someone when they find out how deaf I am or by their families.

Can people please share some success stories cuz rn i can only see myself being rejected
 

Steel X

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 11, 2003
Messages
13,821
Reaction score
43
All I can tell you is to be yourself and if you get rejected, f*** him. He clearly isn't the right type for ya anyway. Just take your time to learn about other people. Take it nice and easy with them by having a good friendship and see where it goes down the road. Relationships always start by a good friendship. Besides, you are still pretty young so take your time and focus on what you need done for yourself before you are ready to settle.
 

AmputeeOT

Active Member
Joined
Aug 22, 2014
Messages
105
Reaction score
68
When you are 19 it's easy to feel like you are not worthy and will be rejected or not accepted. I remember having those feelings very strongly at that age (I am 35 now) but you are describing exactly how I felt at that age up until I was maybe 25 or so.

If I were able to go back in time and tell my 19 year old self one thing, it would be, "You are worthy of love and there are plenty of people who would want to have a relationship with you and appriciate that you are unique" because it's completely true.

I used to feel like I would never find a person who would love me. I was majorly wrong though and there are plety of people who are into the type of person I am and appriciate my uniqueness.
 

HoH_Profound

New Member
Joined
Sep 28, 2017
Messages
16
Reaction score
6
There's always chance you'll get hurt and rejected in any relationship though that's applies to everyone else too.

I think you need to just go with it and explore and see where it takes you.

I learnt more about myself being in a few bad relationships than what a friend could've taught about me.
 

Nita Thomas

Active Member
Joined
Jun 15, 2016
Messages
132
Reaction score
47
My question to you since you have that fear, is do you have friends? Has anything happened to you in your life that makes relationships seem scary? When it comes to relationships, the good ones are always friendship based. You may need to seek counseling just to help you overcome your fears.

My other thought is, as a member of the deaf community with some hearing loss, you really need to find a place that teaches ASL and lip reading both. The ASL courses and knowledge will coming in so handy... you really wont regret it if you take time out to learn it. Also get involved in any deaf communities in your area or around you. Having a good support group that understands our deafness/hearing problems is really a big help for us throughout our lives.
 

deafdyke

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2003
Messages
15,777
Reaction score
290
My question to you since you have that fear, is do you have friends? Has anything happened to you in your life that makes relationships seem scary? When it comes to relationships, the good ones are always friendship based. You may need to seek counseling just to help you overcome your fears.

My other thought is, as a member of the deaf community with some hearing loss, you really need to find a place that teaches ASL and lip reading both. The ASL courses and knowledge will coming in so handy... you really wont regret it if you take time out to learn it. Also get involved in any deaf communities in your area or around you. Having a good support group that understands our deafness/hearing problems is really a big help for us throughout our lives.
THIS!
 

Deaf Libra

New Member
Joined
Nov 25, 2017
Messages
2
Reaction score
2
Your on a roller coaster at the age get through and you will know what’s right and wrong path for you to choose. Stay strong
 

Ian MacGregor

Member
Joined
Nov 17, 2017
Messages
45
Reaction score
38
What you need is to seek professional psychological help. Asking total strangers for this type of help is dangerous. Leave the internet alone for a while and find a qualified therapist who is able to conduct a proper examination.
 
Last edited:

Parjila

Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2018
Messages
50
Reaction score
21
The fear of rejection is normal. Trust me, I know. Start by working on friendships. If you have a solid friendship as a foundation, your relationship romantically will be more successful. Don't psych yourself out by focusing on having sex or building a family, that is actually not the most important part of a relationship. Work on building a best friend. It is a lot less scary to take the leap of a romantic relationship if you are already really close to the person, and you'll have all the necessary ground work laid out for resolving conflict, encouraging each other, and generally getting along you need for a long term relationship. That's how it worked for me and my fiance. We started as friends, and I wasn't even looking. I was scared of getting into a serious relationship anyways, but now I can truly say I am marrying my best friend.
 

Mark Falso

New Member
Joined
Nov 11, 2017
Messages
27
Reaction score
10
I agree with Parjila. Jessie, please please, since you are 19... just starting your adult lifehood, you need to focus on yourself. Got a good job? Education? You need to settle first before you can even have a relationship with someone. You also need to have good foundation. How can a house can stand without foundation? Think about that. You will need that so you can stand strong. I see you are afraid. This is why go slow in your life. Not just about a relationship. You want to fool around? Whoa whoa whoa.. please stop. You will regret this later if you did it. Why? "accidental" pregnancy or disease or even yes, your heart can be broken much harder or more painful when that happen after a break up that you did it with someone you just met. Please best is to wait till after you get married.

Also from reading what you said, you need to seek a professional help such as get weekly therapy and get your life in order.

If you want to, you can learn ASL and you can sign and hey, have both worlds. I know I do can talk very well and I am more of use my voice than ASL but I have that ability in case. So, therefore, you should do the same.

Another thing because of your actions, that is what vultures will target you for. Please stay away from having a relationship because they can use you. You do not want to be gulliable and not want to be clinchy or be depending on others. You need to depend on yourself.

Not only a professional help that is good for you; Also you should if you are not ready to seek professional help. Go visit a church and talk with a pastor or a Deaf ministry leader or pastor who can help as well.
 

MElwell0664

New Member
Joined
Apr 16, 2018
Messages
12
Reaction score
1
Yea, I got that fear too. I am seeking some friends here. I been lone In 20yrs. No more! I am seeking girlfriend too. but I don't know where to start.
don't give up or u will act likes me too.. don't waste yourself and do it! face it!
 
Top