How do I not be an a$$hole?

Alisynlenore

New Member
Hello, thank you for reading. I am a hearing person who is trying to be an ally. I've read several posts about deaf and hard of hearing people having HORRIBLE experiences with hearing people. That is truly awful and I'm sorry. My best friend who is deaf sparked a passion in me and I want to be an advocate. So my question is.. how do I support the deaf community without being just another hearing a$$hole? I'm doing my best with ASL but I know thats very surface level. I want to do more. The level of accessibility that this community struggles with makes me physically nauseous sometimes. I also should note that I'm waiting til spring to sign up for a deaf culture studies class. Then hopefully get more formal ASL practice and a degree. But until then... I would like all opinions, even negative. Thank you again for reading :)
 

Bobby624

Member
Hello, thank you for reading. I am a hearing person who is trying to be an ally. I've read several posts about deaf and hard of hearing people having HORRIBLE experiences with hearing people. That is truly awful and I'm sorry. My best friend who is deaf sparked a passion in me and I want to be an advocate. So my question is.. how do I support the deaf community without being just another hearing a$$hole? I'm doing my best with ASL but I know thats very surface level. I want to do more. The level of accessibility that this community struggles with makes me physically nauseous sometimes. I also should note that I'm waiting til spring to sign up for a deaf culture studies class. Then hopefully get more formal ASL practice and a degree. But until then... I would like all opinions, even negative. Thank you again for reading :)
Hi and good morning Aliysyn first belated merry Christmas ⛄ and a very Happy New year to you and your friends, I liked the comment that you wrote on this site and remember everything out there is a learning tool. I myself have been deaf since the early '80s and it has always been a challenge we within the deaf community when your first diagnosed with a hearing disorder, first things first is to admit that you as a person has an impairment and how to deal l with it head on.
Do not feel ashamed or embarrassed and tell people that your deaf that's a first and foremost. I say this because as a Deaf person it's a very dangerous combination. I for one am completely deaf an example when I'm on my home I can't even hear the water running or a loud knock on the door or police sirens or fire engines either.i do wear hearing aids in both ears but when I'm home I don't put them on because I know that I won't be speaking to anyone in unless I know there coming by. Since I live in a Condo on the third floor with an elevator I don't see my neighbors all the time usually in passing and when I go out to run my errands I do o put hearing aids in my ears, because that's when I hear the world. Always be polite and courteous of those I'm our world and beyond. Unfortunately patrons I'm the hearing world don't have patience or understand our difficulties. At least thanks God for cell phones and texting. I myself don't read lips band it's not easy because you can't make a hearing stay still as you try to read there lips to understand what there saying and when it comes to ASL the same thing, unless your with another deaf mute person then your able to communicate with that person or in a group setting..
One thing I've done is try to reach out whenever possible for organizations, social clubs with in our society for the state of Florida is not a hearing impaired friendly state it may be on the list as of the 20 cuties but I've done my homework and it's mostly geared to the older population and to spread out and yet Florida has in deed a need for social clubs within many of it's counties.this is why I do my research and also I have lived in Seattle Washington and in Pittsburgh Pa and these two cities are awesome dedicated to the hearing impaired community.
I'm back in south Florida because of my mom who is still we with us she's 99 years young and living in her own home currently, and I'm close to her about 30 minutes north of where she is. I have my own health issues but nothing of detrimental. Well I got a bit of track but that ok, just remember to tell your friend new and old that your hearing impaired and people will be ok. It's when you shy away or being stupid because of er other pride or ego and that's not the way to go.in today's world there is a lot of ignorance and to show people that your better that those will make you a better person in this world.
Especially with what's happening in the world concurrently we all need to have compassion, moral values and respect for one another.. so I guess that's it in a nut shell. So Alisyn hope you have a great New year and welcome 2022 with a lot of opportunities, take care and be safe, Bobby624
 

Bobby624

Member
Hello, thank you for reading. I am a hearing person who is trying to be an ally. I've read several posts about deaf and hard of hearing people having HORRIBLE experiences with hearing people. That is truly awful and I'm sorry. My best friend who is deaf sparked a passion in me and I want to be an advocate. So my question is.. how do I support the deaf community without being just another hearing a$$hole? I'm doing my best with ASL but I know thats very surface level. I want to do more. The level of accessibility that this community struggles with makes me physically nauseous sometimes. I also should note that I'm waiting til spring to sign up for a deaf culture studies class. Then hopefully get more formal ASL practice and a degree. But until then... I would like all opinions, even negative. Thank you again for reading :)
Hi Aliysn, when you get a chance you have to look at the other member Korey Geer he is the person who was referring to you about a post you wrote about and I posted an opinion in reference his post so Korey wrote back and I told him how to handle these two posts. I will check back later if you re buttled back to you and to me.so have a safe and happy New year 2022
 

Alisynlenore

New Member
Hi and good morning Aliysyn first belated merry Christmas ⛄ and a very Happy New year to you and your friends, I liked the comment that you wrote on this site and remember everything out there is a learning tool. I myself have been deaf since the early '80s and it has always been a challenge we within the deaf community when your first diagnosed with a hearing disorder, first things first is to admit that you as a person has an impairment and how to deal l with it head on.
Do not feel ashamed or embarrassed and tell people that your deaf that's a first and foremost. I say this because as a Deaf person it's a very dangerous combination. I for one am completely deaf an example when I'm on my home I can't even hear the water running or a loud knock on the door or police sirens or fire engines either.i do wear hearing aids in both ears but when I'm home I don't put them on because I know that I won't be speaking to anyone in unless I know there coming by. Since I live in a Condo on the third floor with an elevator I don't see my neighbors all the time usually in passing and when I go out to run my errands I do o put hearing aids in my ears, because that's when I hear the world. Always be polite and courteous of those I'm our world and beyond. Unfortunately patrons I'm the hearing world don't have patience or understand our difficulties. At least thanks God for cell phones and texting. I myself don't read lips band it's not easy because you can't make a hearing stay still as you try to read there lips to understand what there saying and when it comes to ASL the same thing, unless your with another deaf mute person then your able to communicate with that person or in a group setting..
One thing I've done is try to reach out whenever possible for organizations, social clubs with in our society for the state of Florida is not a hearing impaired friendly state it may be on the list as of the 20 cuties but I've done my homework and it's mostly geared to the older population and to spread out and yet Florida has in deed a need for social clubs within many of it's counties.this is why I do my research and also I have lived in Seattle Washington and in Pittsburgh Pa and these two cities are awesome dedicated to the hearing impaired community.
I'm back in south Florida because of my mom who is still we with us she's 99 years young and living in her own home currently, and I'm close to her about 30 minutes north of where she is. I have my own health issues but nothing of detrimental. Well I got a bit of track but that ok, just remember to tell your friend new and old that your hearing impaired and people will be ok. It's when you shy away or being stupid because of er other pride or ego and that's not the way to go.in today's world there is a lot of ignorance and to show people that your better that those will make you a better person in this world.
Especially with what's happening in the world concurrently we all need to have compassion, moral values and respect for one another.. so I guess that's it in a nut shell. So Alisyn hope you have a great New year and welcome 2022 with a lot of opportunities, take care and be safe, Bobby624
Thank you for responding Bobby! I can't pretend like I will ever truly understand the struggles that deaf people face on a daily basis. But the best I can do is be as empathetic as possible. Thank you for sharing your story! Happy holidays to you, I hope your new year brings happiness!
 

Alisynlenore

New Member
Hi Aliysn, when you get a chance you have to look at the other member Korey Geer he is the person who was referring to you about a post you wrote about and I posted an opinion in reference his post so Korey wrote back and I told him how to handle these two posts. I will check back later if you re buttled back to you and to me.so have a safe and happy New year 2022
I have actually talked to Korey. He is very nice and very patient with my limited ASL skills. I am truly grateful.
 

Bobby624

Member
I have actually talked to Korey. He is very nice and very patient with my limited ASL skills. I am truly grateful.
Hi Alisyn, I'm just reading my posts, and I'm glad that you and Korey hashed it out, well may both of you have a great New year and be safe out there, always.
 

ears with tears

New Member
HELLO SORRY FOR THE CAPS BUT IAM VERY VUSION IMPAIRED AND MUST USE DARK MODE AND VERY LARGE FONTS. I JUST FOUND THIS EMAIL AND DONT REMEMBER EVER SIGNING UP FOR IT, BUT THAT NOPROBLEM IAM NOT DEAF BUT HAVE A SERIOUS HEARING PROBLEM THAT NO ONE WILL LISTEN TO ME ARE SHOW INTEREST . IT DOES NOT HAVE A NAME THAT IAM AWARE OF . BUT TO BRIEFLY EXPLAIN BEFORE I WISH TO ADDRESS ANOTHER PROBLEM

WHEN I HEAR PEOPLE TALKING ITS VERY HARD TO UNDERSTAND THEM ESPECIALY FEMALE VOICES AND IM VERY SENSITIVE TO CERTAIN Frequency THEY FEEL LIKE MY EARS AREBEING STABED ! AND AS for THOSE WHO SPEAK SLOWLY AND IN A LOWER RANGE WORD ARE SCRAMBLED AND THE DONT EVEN RHYME. LIKE ''DOOR BELL'' MIGHT BE HEARD AS ''BACK YARD '' THATS JUST AN EXAMPLE AND NOT A ACTUAL EXAMPLE.

SO BECAUSE FOR YEARS I HAVE HAD A LOVE FOR THE DEAF ( 1978 ) THEY WERE TO ME SO PURE OF HEART NOT TAINTED BY THE SELFISH WORLD AROUND THEM IF I MIGHT Y]USE THE ANALOGY ( AND ITS NOT A PUT DOWN ) THEY HAD A CHILD LIKE ENOSENCE. THAT CAPTURED MY HEART.

RECENTLY I OUT OF THE BLUE ABOUT 2016 GOT A TEXT MESSAGE FROM A WOMEN WHO RESPONDED TO A POST I HAD LEFT AT A Spinal meningitis WEB SUPORT SIGHT BECAUSE I HAD CONTACTED MENINGITUS IN 1969 AT FORT ORD ARMY BASE IN NORTHERN CALIF .AND THIS LADY WAS ONLY FOUR MONTHS OLD AT THE TIME AND WAS INFECTED AND LOST HER 85% OF HER HEARING ( THE MININGITUS HAD SPREAD OUT INTO THE SEA SIDE COMMUNITIES FROM THE G.I.'S

SO SHE CONTACTED ME AND I QUICKLY WROTE BACK BUT SHE DIDNT EVER ANSWER BACK I WAS DISSAPOINTED WANTING TO HAVE A DEAF PEN PAL ( BUT I THOUGHT SHE WAS A HE SHE WENT BY TOMMY )

I SENT MORE TEXTS ABOUT ONCE A YEAR THINKING I HAD S ARED HER OFF WELL I GUESS THAT WAS TRUE BECAUSE LAST OCTOBER SHE SENT ME A TEXT SAYING ''HEY I REMEMBER YOU!'' SHE SAID THE DEAF GET LOTS OF SPAM. WELL SINCE THEN WE HAVE BEEN IN REGULAR CONTACT

BUT HERES THE TWIST IN MY STORY. SHE GREW UP NEVER LEARNING ASL SHE HAS LIVED HER LIFE GETTING BY BY READING LIPS"
AND SHE LIVES WAY OUT ON A HORSE RANCH IN NORTH EAST ARKANSAS. AND TAKES IN HORSES TO CARE FOR AT THE END OF THEIR LIVES .

HER NAME IS TAMMY AND SHE HAS FINALLY COME TO TRUST ME AND MY INTEREST IN THE DEAF CULTURE HAS GROWN AS I WOULD RATHER BE WITH THE DEAF BUT AT 74 IM NOT ABLE TO LEARN ASL I CANT SEE WELL ENOUGH TO SEE WORDS SPELLED OUT

AND NOW TO MY MAJOR POINT ( I KNOW FINALLY HU? )
THIS DEAF CULTURE IS NOT EASY TO PENETRATE. I UNDERSTAND THIS TO SOME DEGREE BUT I WANT TO BE ACCEPTED, AND THERE MUST BE MANY OLDER ONES WHO ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY TO BEING TOTALLY DEAF. SO HOW DO THEY FARE?

AND GET THIS .... TAMMY SAID SHES NEVER GOT INTO THE ''DEAF COLTURE'' IT SEEMS SHE JUST DOSENT FEEL AT HOME WITH THAT WORLD. SHE HAS HER PARENTS WHO ALSO LIVE OUT ON THIS RANCH AND SHE IS LEARNED TO BE INDEPENDENT AND SAYS SHE HAS A DEEP BOND WITH ANIMALS SOME WHO ARE ALSO DEAF.

I REALIZE THAT I HAVE COME ACROSS A VERY SPECIAL DEAF PERSON. WHO I FEEL THE NEED TO HELP OR ENVOURAGE( NOT FORCE ) BUT WIDEN OUT HER SMALL WORLD OF FRIENDS. SO HERE I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS NEW AND UNKOWN WORLD DEFENITLY AND OUT SIDER BUT IT CANT BE SOME ACCIDENT.

IN FACT SHE WILL OFTEN TEXT ME AND SAY " I CANT FIGURE OUT HOW YOU FOUND YOUR WAY INTO MY WORLD?" NOW I KNOW WHAT YOUR THINKING THAT THERE IS SOMETHING ROMANTIC DEVELOPING HERE. BUT NO BECAUSE SHE AND MY WIFE ARE ALSO PART OF OUR EVERY TEXT. SO ITS TRUE ABOUT WHAT THEY SAY THERE ARE DANGERS IN PLUTONIC FRIENDSHIPS

AND ITS A LOST ART I GUESS THOSE WHO CAN READ LIPS? SHE SAYS IT BREAKS HER HEART WHEN EVER SHE MUSTGO INTO THE CITY AND SEES THE SIGN ''MASKS ' ON THE DOOR.

SO HEAR IAM A NEW COMER TO YOUR SIGHT AND HOPE YOU WILL NOT FIND ME OVERLY WORDY. THANK YOU FOR READING MY POSTAND would WELCOME ANY COMMENTS ON THIS AND ABOUT READING LIPS

THANK YOU
CLEVE AND RAMAH HUBBS
SANBERNARDINO CALIF.
 

Presbyter

Member
Hello, thank you for reading. I am a hearing person who is trying to be an ally. I've read several posts about deaf and hard of hearing people having HORRIBLE experiences with hearing people. That is truly awful and I'm sorry. My best friend who is deaf sparked a passion in me and I want to be an advocate. So my question is.. how do I support the deaf community without being just another hearing a$$hole? I'm doing my best with ASL but I know thats very surface level. I want to do more. The level of accessibility that this community struggles with makes me physically nauseous sometimes. I also should note that I'm waiting til spring to sign up for a deaf culture studies class. Then hopefully get more formal ASL practice and a degree. But until then... I would like all opinions, even negative. Thank you again for reading :)
The deaf community can list 10 things what the hearing should not say to the deaf community.
Now, it's your turn. Can you list 10 things the deaf community should not say to the hearing community.

Lets get even. 10 vs 10 should equal it out.
 

EllietheEncourager

Active Member
I was at a Deaf Advocate seminar a few years ago. It was wonderful. I was at a dinner table with about 8 individuals that were Deaf and loving the exposure. The woman next to me asked what I did on the drive up. I told her I listened to podcasts in finger spelling, then asked if there was a sign for "podcast." She said she didn't know and asked the rest of the group. They didn't have the context of, SHE ASKED ME what I'd done during my drive. Immediately the table turned on me and started calling me ignorant, hearing idiot and so on. It was awful and stuck with me. They talked about audism and I agree. What is it called when hearing individuals are hated for what they are? I can't help hearing. We are all born differently.
It's not 10, just 1. One thing I'd ask not to say to a person that is genuinely trying, don't call them stupid when they are trying.
 

Presbyter

Member
I was at a Deaf Advocate seminar a few years ago. It was wonderful. I was at a dinner table with about 8 individuals that were Deaf and loving the exposure. The woman next to me asked what I did on the drive up. I told her I listened to podcasts in finger spelling, then asked if there was a sign for "podcast." She said she didn't know and asked the rest of the group. They didn't have the context of, SHE ASKED ME what I'd done during my drive. Immediately the table turned on me and started calling me ignorant, hearing idiot and so on. It was awful and stuck with me. They talked about audism and I agree. What is it called when hearing individuals are hated for what they are? I can't help hearing. We are all born differently.
It's not 10, just 1. One thing I'd ask not to say to a person that is genuinely trying, don't call them stupid when they are trying.
some are jealous. It's called mental illness. I don't have time for that. I give them Qi and let Qi handle that.
 

EllietheEncourager

Active Member
What is Qi? I tried to understand that some are used to being on the defense because they are used to blows coming their way. I held my tongue and hands, they weren't ready to receive. I work in Mental Health, which is why I was in that conference. It was still a wonderful learning experience.
 

Presbyter

Member
What is Qi? I tried to understand that some are used to being on the defense because they are used to blows coming their way. I held my tongue and hands, they weren't ready to receive. I work in Mental Health, which is why I was in that conference. It was still a wonderful learning experience.
Qi is life. It makes all things living. Jealousy blocks Qi from flowing naturally through the body. Once the blockages are gone, we return back to what is natural. It's the naturalness that makes all get along and not even think about negativity of others. Hold Jim Carrey's hands even though he mocked Lama. We do the same.


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