Grieving...

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Angel

♥"Concrete Angel"♥
Premium Member
I heard that dealing with grief is difficult to overcome however I noticed that some people cope with their grief in different ways such as some would overcome it relatively quickly while others do not. I remember my grandmother used to feel guilty after my grandfather committed suicide. So my question is how do you cope with grieving? Do you find comfort in God? or do you feel that your life is never the same again?..
 

Liebling:-)))

Sussi *7.7.86 - 18.6.09*
Premium Member
It took me long months to cope my grieving over my one year younger sister, I lost her to drug overdose almost 2 years ago. Manage with work and talk to my family, good friends to help me to comfort my grieving... share my grieving with online friends. I still think of her time to time... when I look at photo frame of her when I am alone...

I lost 3 years old Kim, cat (see avator and signature). I look at picture of Kim front of my computer... I miss her and her sense of humor terrible. It took me few months to cope with my grieving is positive think about 3 cats, we have here.

I am prepare to lost Sussi, my soon to be 22 years old cat anytime in March. :(

During grieving, I never thought about God, no once.

I don't blame and angry at God once when I ask to myself why my MIL died before FIL. I know and accept the fact that my MIL's life decides to end it, not God.
 

moonflower

New Member
i do grieving in different way
when i lost my 2 cousins in car accident in 1994 suddenly and it was really shocked stituations that i cried lot and it took me so long to get over but i was never same after their deaths.

when i lost my teacher friend suddenly and unexpectly almost 4 years ago i was really sad that she was gone she was best teacher i ever got and became my friend when i finished with school.
even she was one of my mom's best friend too.
when i lost my cat 3 years ago i miss him so much.

even when i lose people i became zombie
when i lost people i love i never thought of God but i don't blame him
 

EagleCherokee63

New Member
Long time, I been very grief since 1994. I will never forgot many yrs till now My step mom murdered my dad. I let God take care of her. I can't explain everything how sad story longer. I been through ugly court and against step mom and ugly etc.... God forgave them.
 

Roadrunner

New Member
Everyone will grieve differently--as for myself, when my own dad passed away, I became withdrawn, yet, I searched and kept God near me through the hardest and trying moments. Without Him, I don't think I would have made it through. At the same time, knowing his own suffering no longer existing and painstakingly seeing it daily also gave me assurance of him being at a better place helped me get through the grieving. Others like my grandma, when grandpa passed away, her own countenance and radiance during the funeral was the fact that she was in peace and quietly joyful knowing that grandpa is at a better place--seeing her being so peaceful at the time, gave me that strength and the courage to have that peaceful countenance as well!




~RR
 

jillio

New Member
Dealing with grief is a process. There are several steps to complete before one has completely deal with their grief. Sometimes people get "stuck" on one step or another and stay there for a long period of time. Sometimes, they will take a step or two backwards. Everyone works through it in their own time. Effectively dealing with grief doesn't mean that we no longer miss or think about what we have lost, but that we accept that is the way it is and don't allow the loss direct our lives. Even after completing the grief process, it is natural and normal to still feel sad from time to time.
 

Byrdie714

New Member
Dealing with grief is a process. There are several steps to complete before one has completely deal with their grief. Sometimes people get "stuck" on one step or another and stay there for a long period of time. Sometimes, they will take a step or two backwards. Everyone works through it in their own time. Effectively dealing with grief doesn't mean that we no longer miss or think about what we have lost, but that we accept that is the way it is and don't allow the loss direct our lives. Even after completing the grief process, it is natural and normal to still feel sad from time to time.

Did you grieve over your son's deafness?
 

JeepGirl

New Member
Well, I grieve differently because its based on who. My grandfather died in 94 and I went into depression. My mother died in 2005, I was pretty strong and had faith that she's with God and she's happy. however, I was young when my grandfather died and I needed him. my mother was ill for 9 years and I was prepared for that and older. I have a better understanding of how to cope with the loss of your loved ones.


on the other hand, I grieved just this past 2 months. Something tragic has happened and the grief was entirely different. Something I never ever thought would happen to me. I realized that I had taken people for granted and knowing now.. I'm not alone, I've had really awesome supporters thru friends and online friends and family. I'm doing better and better everyday and will never be forgotten but to forgive myself. this grief was more difficult than I grieved my own loved ones.

It all varies.
 

jillio

New Member
Did you grieve over your son's deafness?

Sure. I thought I had a hearing child, and discovered that I had a deaf child. I don't think it was so much grieving because he was deaf, but grieving for the picture I had in my head of what his life would be like. It was based on him being hearing, and I simply had to revise my picture a bit when I found out he was deaf. But working through all of that, I also had to realize that I hadn't lost anything to grieve over....I had always had a deaf child. I just didn't know it. The only thing that changed was me learning the truth of the situation.
 

Rio

Brady lady
Premium Member
Everyone has different way of grieving, especially when losing a loved one , family member and friend. It doesn't hit me til later on as months go by , I come to realize that I will no longer see them again or remember their smile, laugh and cry. I know losing a friend , she was soo encouraging to me , her faith in God kept her strong and battle with cancer. I lost her Feb. 3, 2007, it was anniversary of her death. On that same day a year later (2008), I lost a family member, it was shocking I am still shocked bec of family bickering and etc. .. its something I wish to keep private for now. I do have good memories of the person, its shocking they are gone.
 

Chase

Well-Known Member
Premium Member
Kübler-Ross model of grief

I’m sure many know of the stages of grief Jillio mentioned. A set of five were observed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her work with dying patients and their families.

As some here noted, any loss can leave a wake of grief, so Kübler-Ross’s model may be used to work through any level of grief: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Based on the grief cycle model first published in On Death and Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (1969). Interpretation by Alan Chapman (2006):

1-- Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, reality, etc., relating to the situation concerned. It's a defence mechanism and perfectly natural. Some people can become locked in this stage when dealing with a traumatic change that can be ignored. Death of course is not particularly easy to avoid or evade indefinitely.

2 -- Anger can manifest in different ways. People dealing with emotional upset can be angry with themselves, and/or with others, especially those close to them. Knowing this helps keep detached and non-judgemental when experiencing the anger of someone who is very upset.

3 -- Bargaining: Traditionally the bargaining stage for people facing death can involve attempting to bargain with whatever God the person believes in. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise. For example "Can we still be friends?" when facing a break-up. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution, especially if it's a matter of life or death.

4 -- Depression, also referred to as preparatory grieving. In a way it's the dress rehearsal or the practice run for the 'aftermath' although this stage means different things depending on whom it involves. It's a sort of acceptance with emotional attachment. It's natural to feel sadness and regret, fear, uncertainty, etc. It shows that the person has at least begun to accept the reality.

5 -- Acceptance: Again this stage definitely varies according to the person's situation, although broadly it is an indication that there is some emotional detachment and objectivity. People dying can enter this stage a long time before the people they leave behind, who must necessarily pass through their own individual stages of dealing with the grief.
 

~*Kaelei*~

New Member


I have lost my mother due to Cancer in 2001 when I was only Fourteen years old. But I knew in my heart couple months before she died that she is going to die, that she is unable to beat cancer because surgery and Chemo was not working. Some would say that I have lost faith or hope but the truth is I have just accepted the fact, something that Dad and mom refused to accept. When she died, I didn't feel sadness, instead I felt happiness because I knew she's with god, and is not suffering...which I don't want her to go through. All my families were crying and all that and I was only one not bawling my eyes out.

Then Year after that, but in same month (May), my grandmother Anne (My Dad's mom) has passed away in her sleep due to long battle of Diabeates. when I heard the news, I was shocked at first...didn't feel anything but numbness. Dad got all upset again about losing another member of his family and was upset with me that I wasn't showing any emotion of sadness, just netural expression on my face the whole time with family and funeral. Some has even had nerve asking my Dad and Uncle if I was "alright" since I didn't "Grief" in a normal way.

Then two years after my mom's death, a family friend of ours has passed away due to heart attack. I didn't feel anything because I felt like I didn't have connection with him but I of course told everyone sorry about the news.

Dad and stepmom had enough of me acting like it's normal and not greiving so they sent me off to see couseling every week and I hated that. I flatly told the therpist that I am fine and I have accepted the fact that they are gone and I know in my heart that I will see them again when my time has come. I told my parents that I'm fine, I may not greive like they do but I have accepted the fact and is fine with it because they're in good place where God wanted them to be.

Then just four months before my son was born, my Uncle Jesse has passed away due to old age. I bawled at the news of Uncle Jess is dead because I realised that my mom, Grandma and Uncle Jess would not be around to see my son to grow up or won't be seeing me growing old. My husband has comforted me and told me that they are watching me from Heaven, and I can feel them in my heart. It's true, as I can feel them watching over me and is smiling all the way up to heaven.

I hold on to the memories and I feel like they have just gone on to Vacation, that I will see them again when my time has come...as it's not a forever goodbye.

I may not greif like a normal person but the truth is I have accepted the fact in my face and while I know in my heart I'll see them again so it's not as painful as it is for some people.



 

jillio

New Member
I’m sure many know of the stages of grief Jillio mentioned. A set of five were observed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her work with dying patients and their families.

As some here noted, any loss can leave a wake of grief, so Kübler-Ross’s model may be used to work through any level of grief: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Based on the grief cycle model first published in On Death and Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (1969). Interpretation by Alan Chapman (2006):

1-- Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, reality, etc., relating to the situation concerned. It's a defence mechanism and perfectly natural. Some people can become locked in this stage when dealing with a traumatic change that can be ignored. Death of course is not particularly easy to avoid or evade indefinitely.

2 -- Anger can manifest in different ways. People dealing with emotional upset can be angry with themselves, and/or with others, especially those close to them. Knowing this helps keep detached and non-judgemental when experiencing the anger of someone who is very upset.

3 -- Bargaining: Traditionally the bargaining stage for people facing death can involve attempting to bargain with whatever God the person believes in. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise. For example "Can we still be friends?" when facing a break-up. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution, especially if it's a matter of life or death.

4 -- Depression, also referred to as preparatory grieving. In a way it's the dress rehearsal or the practice run for the 'aftermath' although this stage means different things depending on whom it involves. It's a sort of acceptance with emotional attachment. It's natural to feel sadness and regret, fear, uncertainty, etc. It shows that the person has at least begun to accept the reality.

5 -- Acceptance: Again this stage definitely varies according to the person's situation, although broadly it is an indication that there is some emotional detachment and objectivity. People dying can enter this stage a long time before the people they leave behind, who must necessarily pass through their own individual stages of dealing with the grief.


Very good, Chase! And I might add that the stages outlined by Kubler-Ross have been adopted by many theoretical perspectives, and applied to grief suffered from any form of loss, including those who have been victims of natural disaster, disability, divorce, and even employment. The stages appear to be consistent across domains.
 

Opal

Active Member
I find it hard to talk about as no one will understand what I went through it.

My father got married SIX WEEKS after my Mother's death!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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~*Kaelei*~

New Member
I find it hard to talk about as no one will understand what I went through it.

My father got married SIX WEEKS after my Mother's death!!!!!!!!!!!!


I understand how you feel...my Grandpa got remarried about same amount of time right after Grandma died. I never forgave him for that...

And my Dad got remarried within a year after my mom passed away...which makes me wonder if he did really have affair while Mom was sick with Cancer...

But I do understand how you feel...it's upsetting, isn't it?

 

JeepGirl

New Member
I’m sure many know of the stages of grief Jillio mentioned. A set of five were observed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her work with dying patients and their families.

As some here noted, any loss can leave a wake of grief, so Kübler-Ross’s model may be used to work through any level of grief: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Based on the grief cycle model first published in On Death and Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (1969). Interpretation by Alan Chapman (2006):

1-- Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, reality, etc., relating to the situation concerned. It's a defence mechanism and perfectly natural. Some people can become locked in this stage when dealing with a traumatic change that can be ignored. Death of course is not particularly easy to avoid or evade indefinitely.

2 -- Anger can manifest in different ways. People dealing with emotional upset can be angry with themselves, and/or with others, especially those close to them. Knowing this helps keep detached and non-judgemental when experiencing the anger of someone who is very upset.

3 -- Bargaining: Traditionally the bargaining stage for people facing death can involve attempting to bargain with whatever God the person believes in. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise. For example "Can we still be friends?" when facing a break-up. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution, especially if it's a matter of life or death.

4 -- Depression, also referred to as preparatory grieving. In a way it's the dress rehearsal or the practice run for the 'aftermath' although this stage means different things depending on whom it involves. It's a sort of acceptance with emotional attachment. It's natural to feel sadness and regret, fear, uncertainty, etc. It shows that the person has at least begun to accept the reality.

5 -- Acceptance: Again this stage definitely varies according to the person's situation, although broadly it is an indication that there is some emotional detachment and objectivity. People dying can enter this stage a long time before the people they leave behind, who must necessarily pass through their own individual stages of dealing with the grief.
I was hoping someone would put this up and you did! Thank you! I'm sure everyone goes thru those stages. I know I did. I went from 1, 2, 3 4 then right back up to 1. I kept repeating that cycle til a few weeks ago, I finally accepted it.

thanks for sharing that with us, chase. ;)
 

JeepGirl

New Member
I find it hard to talk about as no one will understand what I went through it.

My father got married SIX WEEKS after my Mother's death!!!!!!!!!!!!
:( I can imagine how hard that can be. That's pretty fast for your dad to remarry. However, that's what your dad wanted? Its a part you may have to forgive and accept.
 
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