Getting rid of someone

lanapoo

lanapoo

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How do you get rid of someone who was abusive to you in the past? He wants a fresh start with me, but I already gave him that chance like 3 times. He keeps on screwing it up. It hurts me even more in the process and makes me think, "What have I done to deserve all this pain??"

I know better, I've been staying strong throughout the entire process, but I'm just worried that he'll never change. It's like a neverending cycle. He'll be incredible and in love with me, and then boom! We're fighting about how he cheated on me with few women and how he wouldn't accept the fact that I'm deaf. That he felt that I wasn't good enough for him. It just really hurts.

Yeah, I'm a piece of sh*t because I can't hear that well to him. I'm nothing... That's how I feel. We've been dating for so long and his family doesn't even know about me except for his mom. His mom just has some suspicions, but I think she knows and she has been trying to keep me around because I can only seem to be able to keep him on a leash considering his behavior. He went completely crazy on her while I was in California and she doesn't want that to happen again. She doesn't know that he slept with 3 women while with me though and I know it'd kill her because I know that I mean the world to her.

What do I do? I just want to be happy. And yet, I don't want to cut people out completely. I want them all to get better, too.
 
But I adore his mother! :( Can I just run and still stay in touch with his mommy?
 
I don't... His mother really wants him to settle down with me although he put me through so much. It seems that she's determined that I'm the only one who can control him... You know how protective mothers can be. They want the best for their son, no matter how crazy they are.
 
Well, I'll say this,, is it possible he could change how he is in the future? Yes.

Odds of him changing in future and treat you as you deserve? very slim.

I see two choices.. Stay with him and hope for best but probably be mistreated rest of life for sake of his mom...

or

Move on to a possible better life..

Would his mom move on and deal if you leave.. yes she would one way or another..
 
Pretty hard... I really love his mother, but it's him that I have problems with. He can be wonderful, but we both have been trying to tell him to see a therapist for his own issues. He has been trying to blame everything on me or his mother. Telling me things like I'm emotionally draining when all I've been doing is to be there for him. And he really did hurt me in the past.

I've begged to just be friends only, but he wouldn't allow it. He just wants me to keep loving him while he continues to hurt me with his ways. All I do is cross my fingers and close my eyes and pray that he'll actually be a better man eventually.

I just don't want to do that to be honest. I want to meet someone, be incredibly happy, fall in love and have a fairy tale wedding. All I've ever wanted.

Can't always get what you want. Sometimes you really need to help others who need it. I want a chance at second life. Hey, Buddhism... Reincarnation?
 
If he is even blaming his mother for his doing? that even reduces his chances of changing even further..

It is your choice.. and you'll have to live with your choice.. but it sounds like to me you know what you have to do..
 
Secretblend said:
If he is even blaming his mother for his doing? that even reduces his chances of changing even further..

It is your choice.. and you'll have to live with your choice.. but it sounds like to me you know what you have to do..
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Indeed although it's going to be very difficult... It's hard giving your heart away and having to ask for it back. It has to be for my own sake.

I just wish I had more people to back me up, give me tons of support, let me know that there will be better guys out there for me.
 
My ex daughter-in-law is a very good friend of mine....we spent the day together and even had dinner. We never were "real friendly", but since the pending divorse, (his fault)...we have become real good friends....She needed a shoulder to cry on, and I gave it to her, with some wisdom and understanding.

However, I did not encourage her to stay with my son. She deserves much better, as he's a "player". The divorse will be finalized very soon...but our friendship will remain.

I see nothing wrong with being friends with ur ex's mother. But as for ur ex....it sounds as if he has a lot of issues. I would not let myself be degraded like that. But, that's just me....

Here's hoping you can move forward and find someone that appreciates and respects you. Good Luck!
 
That's nice to know... I'm pretty close with his mother. I just don't want to lose that friendship. I know she really wanted me to stay with her son although she has told me on several occasions about how crazy he is and that I deserve better. I'll figure it out and so will she. She wanted me to be a part of her family so badly that she wanted him to propose to me.
 
lanapoo said:
That's nice to know... I'm pretty close with his mother. I just don't want to lose that friendship. I know she really wanted me to stay with her son although she has told me on several occasions about how crazy he is and that I deserve better. I'll figure it out and so will she. She wanted me to be a part of her family so badly that she wanted him to propose to me.
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find out if he wants a prenup... It is a deal breaker.
 
Jiro, piss off...

PFH, prenup? I'm not engaged yet, but if I do get engaged, I'll make sure to find out... I already have a promise ring with 5 diamonds in it.

His dad will probably make him do a prenup with me considering the amount of money he has...
 
lanapoo said:
Pretty hard... I really love his mother, but it's him that I have problems with. He can be wonderful, but we both have been trying to tell him to see a therapist for his own issues. He has been trying to blame everything on me or his mother. Telling me things like I'm emotionally draining when all I've been doing is to be there for him. And he really did hurt me in the past.

I've begged to just be friends only, but he wouldn't allow it. He just wants me to keep loving him while he continues to hurt me with his ways. All I do is cross my fingers and close my eyes and pray that he'll actually be a better man eventually.

I just don't want to do that to be honest. I want to meet someone, be incredibly happy, fall in love and have a fairy tale wedding. All I've ever wanted.

Can't always get what you want. Sometimes you really need to help others who need it. I want a chance at second life. Hey, Buddhism... Reincarnation?
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So, you can't get what you want so your boyfriend can continue getting what he wants which is basically being an asshole? You deserve being treated like shit and be hurt while he deserves love and kindness?

let him pay the consequences of his actions by refusing to have anything to do with him while he's being an ass or he will never change.

you deserve just as much love and kindness as he does. so why is he getting it and you're not?

walk away.
 
lanapoo said:
Jiro, piss off...

PFH, prenup? I'm not engaged yet, but if I do get engaged, I'll make sure to find out...
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but you asked us for our opinions. and you tell me to piss off?

I dunno if you're gonna find any sane person who would support you to be with an abusive person for 4th time whom you already gave him 3 chances. How do you think how I will feel if I supported you in the first place to go ahead with an abusive person and then in the end - you got abused again and you have bruises and more emotional scars?

well then - you can go ahead and piss off with an abusive person for 4th time. Again - good luck.
 
lanapoo said:
That's nice to know... I'm pretty close with his mother. I just don't want to lose that friendship. I know she really wanted me to stay with her son although she has told me on several occasions about how crazy he is and that I deserve better. I'll figure it out and so will she. She wanted me to be a part of her family so badly that she wanted him to propose to me.
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You gotta remmy....if you accept his proposal, you'll be married to him, not his Mother!...I liked my ex mother-in-law also, and kept in "casual" touch with her many years, sending Xmas cards, etc., even calling her once in a while....but, we never, ever talked about my ex !!...(He's remarried).

So, I would concentrate on ur ex right now, and the things he has done and the chances that he will repeat these things, over and over....3 times is already too much!...You can't change people....and 3 promises of "I will change"...and he failed, that should tell you something.....
 
lanapoo said:
Jiro, piss off...

PFH, prenup? I'm not engaged yet, but if I do get engaged, I'll make sure to find out...

His dad will probably make him do a prenup with me considering the amount of money he has...
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so if there's a prenup.... then what?
 
Jiro, we have a history. Let's leave it at that. If I tell you to piss off, that means... Walk away. I want to hear nothing from you.

I've actually walked away from my relationship several times and fallen in love with someone else during that duration, but my boy kept finding a way to lure me back in. I just have a kind heart. I can't turn on my back on anyone, that's nearly impossible. I'll do my best... If he doesn't change at all, I'll just walk away. If he does change, I'l give him one more chance to prove himself although he knows how much he hurt me and that I'll probably never be able to trust him ever again.
 
RUN. Run, run, run, run, run. RUN.

If you really want to stay in touch with his mom, that's possible, although perhaps not advisable.

But RUN as fast as your little feet can take you from an abusive boyfriend who sleeps around with other women. Who in their right mind needs that???

Even if there weren't better guys out there (although there definitely are!), you don't need to spend one more minute with someone who treats you like that.
 
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