*gasps* your parents reaction....

[donotfeedbsugar]

BB HERE!!! I am writing because I am reading this book called "A Journey into the Deaf-World" (which I must mention and thank the other AD users who gave me the different book suggestions in my other thread) which tells about Deaf Culture. I also had to purchase this book for one of my Summer classes which will be in August but I couldn't wait to read it!!!

But let's get to the matter at hand. I couldn't help but ask everyone in AD what did your parents think when they found out that you were Deaf/HOH. In the Deaf-World text, some really didn't have good stories to share of their parents finding out that their child is Deaf/HOH. Here is one scenario:

Hearing Parents have a Deaf son that they attempted to communicate with at times. As the Deaf son grew older, he found love with a Deaf lady and they had a baby. Doctor reported the "bad news" that the baby was Deaf which elated the Deaf parents. They had the baby and the Deaf son invited his parents down to see the newborn. They came through, saw the baby but laid him in his crib to sleep as they all went into the other room. The Deaf son was wondering at times why his father kept leaving the room so much and finally decided to follow him and saw to his despair that he was clapping loud over the babies head (who was still asleep) and came to the conclusion that his parents still has not accepted his deafness. Dang...I THOUGHT THAT WAS DEEP..yet terrible.

So you know I had to ask my parents (long story short if you don't know my story...got meningitis when I was 4, turned HOH, the end) what their reaction was. They immediately stated that they were shocked because prior to all of this I was speaking, hearing and talking. Now they were in shock because they were saying I won't be able to speak, hear, talk, run, skip, hop, jump, blink...basically all of that (which I can do by the way..bs doctors). Their main answer was that they were in shock because so much was going on and they were taking so much blood from me and that I was crying so much that they didn't really make a huge deal out of me not being able to hear AT THAT TIME. They just wanted me to get better. After all of that, their reaction was...it is what it is. Let's do this. So my parents reaction really wasn't so bad.....

What about yours?

 

[KristinaB]

Basically, as my father had a hearing loss, when it came to me, it was "oh well - another one in the family", so I was treated like I was hearing and had no problems. Now that I am total deaf and my mother has her dementia issues, she doesn't understand at all. She can't remember to not talk to me from the other room, or will wait until my back is turned before saying something. I know it's her cognitive processes that are doing this, but it's still bothersome. MIL is in total denial and thinks I am faking. My kids are behind me and do what they can short of learning ASL. My brothers both have it in their head that I am emotionally stronger than them and can handle this, but give me any support they can do long distance.

 

[Babyblue]

My mother was relieved. I was originally diagnosed as being autistic until I was about 4 then they found out I had a hearing loss. Since I could not hear, I was not responding to others socially.

Got my first set of hearing aids, then went forward from there.

 

[faire_jour]

We found out my daughter was hard of hearing at 18 months. We figured out that she was slowly losing all her hearing. When she was diagnosised we were just satisfied. We knew something was up and we were happy to have figured it out. We continued signing, got her hearing aids, started attending an ASL class and a Deaf church. It changed our lives but not in a dramatic way.

 

[Lissa]

My mum knew from 7-8 months that I was deaf(mother's instinct?) and plus doctors warned that we would have disabilities, but of course when I was diagnosed she was upset which is normal, she just got on with it and made sure I got what I needed(hearing aids, and an audiologist)

 

[Bottesini]

Deafness runs in my family. My father and stepmother worked hard to ensure I was the best person I could be.

No whining and moaning allowed by any of us. Just a stiff upper lip and do your best attitude.

 

[TWA]

Hmm, I've never really asked my parents directly how they felt about it. My mom has always been very supportive and made sure I always had what I needed growing up. She was a special education teacher for a long time and used to dealing with "special needs." Sometimes I think she focused more on a "fix it" approach, since for a long time I was just HoH and did pretty well in the hearing world with accommodations. But I've lost a lot of hearing since moving away from home, and I don't think she understands how much hearing I've lost or why I refer to myself as deaf now, even though I can still hear quite a bit.

My dad? Only a few times in my life has he even discussed my hearing or made a direct mention of it. He is a musician, so I think it was hard for him. One time a few years ago we got into an argument about something unrelated and he sort of blurted out how he felt like he could never share his music with us. He acted all resentful, like it was somehow my fault, or that life had played a huge joke on him. What a load of shit. What's so lame is that it's not true. He could have shared his music with us. Sure, it would have been a different experience than with a normal hearing child. Just look around this site and see all the deaf/hoh folks who love music. I was so angered by what he said. I basically realized that he had never accepted my hearing loss and had always looked at me as defective. A lot of things added up at that point. Oh well.

 

[donotfeedbsugar]

Hmm, I've never really asked my parents directly how they felt about it. My mom has always been very supportive and made sure I always had what I needed growing up. She was a special education teacher for a long time and used to dealing with "special needs." Sometimes I think she focused more on a "fix it" approach, since for a long time I was just HoH and did pretty well in the hearing world with accommodations. But I've lost a lot of hearing since moving away from home, and I don't think she understands how much hearing I've lost or why I refer to myself as deaf now, even though I can still hear quite a bit.

My dad? Only a few times in my life has he even discussed my hearing or made a direct mention of it. He is a musician, so I think it was hard for him. One time a few years ago we got into an argument about something unrelated and he sort of blurted out how he felt like he could never share his music with us. He acted all resentful, like it was somehow my fault, or that life had played a huge joke on him. What a load of shit. What's so lame is that it's not true. He could have shared his music with us. Sure, it would have been a different experience than with a normal hearing child. Just look around this site and see all the deaf/hoh folks who love music. I was so angered by what he said. I basically realized that he had never accepted my hearing loss and had always looked at me as defective. A lot of things added up at that point. Oh well.

Wow, totally uncool on that note but you ARE right! There are plenty of Deaf/HOH's on here that discuss music in the threads as well as everything else. Just because some of us can't hear doesn't mean we can't really "hear" it! Oh and thank you for the suggestion to get the Deaf-World book...TRULY appreciate it. I'm loving it!!!

 

[DGirl101]

With me, my mother had a suspicion that I couldn't hear. It wasn't until I was 4 that it was confirmed.

My mother was in the kitchen preparing food for Supper. My grandmother was in the living room with me, playing with me. A loud crash erupted from the kitchen and my grandmother said it scared her to pieces. One thing she noted was that I didn't flinch. She called for my mother, and at the same time, told her to bring a pot and a wooden spoon. My mother did just that and my grandmother told her that the noise heard scared her to pieces but not me. She stood behind me with the pan and banged on it as hard as she could and I just sat there just playing, no flinching, jumping or anything.

My mother stood there for a few minutes and just sat down next to me and played with me. The next day she took me to an ENT and told the doctor what happened. He and my mother spent a year training me how to respond while undergoing a hearing test. After many tests, and evaluations and training he finally said that I am Deaf.

My mother did what she could, as much as she could. She never was shocked, disgusted or tried to 'fix it', she accepted it because I am her daughter, and she loves me no matter what. She gave me support when I needed it, she taught me things about discrimination and how it would affect me, she taught me that I can do anything I want to. She knew all this because she has seen how the Deaf and Hard of Hearing were mistreated in the past few decades, which she felt was wrong.

One thing she regrets though is that, when the school told her the requirement for Deaf or Hard of Hearing children was to be taught in the oral only enviroment, she didn't insist on both Oral and ASL. Because when we moved to South Carolina, she saw that the schools taught both and I was thrown into classes that provided education for the Deaf, which is taught with ASL. I learned ASL in order to be a part of the classes, and the culture.

When asked to Guest Speak to a ASL class, I interviewed my mother.

I asked her what she would advise to New parents or families with a Deaf or Hard of Hearing child, she said:

"Above all else, love, support, and understand them. Research, Research, Research everything you can get your hands on about Deafness or hearing loss. Never decide anything based on the suggestions of Audiologists, ENT's, Educators or Doctors in 'fixing' the problem, instead go with your gut instinct, learn ASL and about the Deaf Culture, and research the pro's and con's of each suggestion from the Medical Profession. Talk to the Deaf or Hard of Hearing, they have a wealth of information to give and stories to tell! Understand what Audism is, understand how it will affect your child. More than anything, communicate with your child both Orally and in ASL, so your child is not left out of either world or your family world because it can be isolating for a Deaf or Hard of Hearing person if they can't communicate with you as a family member.'

My mommy is awesome!

 

[deafskeptic]

As for me, I was born deaf due to Rubella. I'm sure the doctors told my parents (my dad is a retired cardiologist and my mother is a former nurse) I'd never learn to speak. My parents said they thought something was wrong with my hearing because I didn't react to loud noises so they had me tested at 7 months.

I come from a musical family. My big sister was a music major and my nephew Philip is following in his mother's footsteps. My little sister used to be an avid pianist. I'm afraid I have not inherited their talents. People leave when I play the piano. XD My great aunt Helen used to be really into music and I remember my little sister saying aunt Helen would kill her if she made a mistake in a recital before aunt Helen and Ruth.

I didn't learn sign till I was 13 when I went to Virgina School for the Deaf and the Blind in Staunton.



I agree that you shouldn't take the medical establisment as gopsel. My dad was afraid I'd lose my speech skills If I learned sign. Well, most strangers can understand me so I clearly have not lost my speech skills.

 

[katz4life]

Well, my parents and siblings didn't know that my brother was deaf from birth until he was 2 years old after my mother was cleaning out the kitchen cabinet and pots and pans fell out from above and crashed on the floor. Then my mother saw him eating, didn't get scared out, scream or cry. As when my parents found out, yeah they were upset and my mother was crying after Audio dr. diagnosed his hearing profoundly loss. But 8 years later, I was born and found out the same thing my parents weren't upset or crying about. After my brother's diagnosis my parents went to that local school and took sign language classes where my brother and I grew up attending. My mother and father never felt ashamed or anything like that towards me and my brother. My mother cares about me a lot. So if my future deaf hubby and I ever gonna have a baby, baby happens to be deaf, too we will be so happy, shouldn't my parents be upset about it. If cousins or asshole sibling make a fuss about it, bringing up about CI or shit, we'd just say fuck off.

 

[donotfeedbsugar]

With me, my mother had a suspicion that I couldn't hear. It wasn't until I was 4 that it was confirmed.

My mother was in the kitchen preparing food for Supper. My grandmother was in the living room with me, playing with me. A loud crash erupted from the kitchen and my grandmother said it scared her to pieces. One thing she noted was that I didn't flinch. She called for my mother, and at the same time, told her to bring a pot and a wooden spoon. My mother did just that and my grandmother told her that the noise heard scared her to pieces but not me. She stood behind me with the pan and banged on it as hard as she could and I just sat there just playing, no flinching, jumping or anything.

My mother stood there for a few minutes and just sat down next to me and played with me. The next day she took me to an ENT and told the doctor what happened. He and my mother spent a year training me how to respond while undergoing a hearing test. After many tests, and evaluations and training he finally said that I am Deaf.

My mother did what she could, as much as she could. She never was shocked, disgusted or tried to 'fix it', she accepted it because I am her daughter, and she loves me no matter what. She gave me support when I needed it, she taught me things about discrimination and how it would affect me, she taught me that I can do anything I want to. She knew all this because she has seen how the Deaf and Hard of Hearing were mistreated in the past few decades, which she felt was wrong.

One thing she regrets though is that, when the school told her the requirement for Deaf or Hard of Hearing children was to be taught in the oral only enviroment, she didn't insist on both Oral and ASL. Because when we moved to South Carolina, she saw that the schools taught both and I was thrown into classes that provided education for the Deaf, which is taught with ASL. I learned ASL in order to be a part of the classes, and the culture.

When asked to Guest Speak to a ASL class, I interviewed my mother.

I asked her what she would advise to New parents or families with a Deaf or Hard of Hearing child, she said:

"Above all else, love, support, and understand them. Research, Research, Research everything you can get your hands on about Deafness or hearing loss. Never decide anything based on the suggestions of Audiologists, ENT's, Educators or Doctors in 'fixing' the problem, instead go with your gut instinct, learn ASL and about the Deaf Culture, and research the pro's and con's of each suggestion from the Medical Profession. Talk to the Deaf or Hard of Hearing, they have a wealth of information to give and stories to tell! Understand what Audism is, understand how it will affect your child. More than anything, communicate with your child both Orally and in ASL, so your child is not left out of either world or your family world because it can be isolating for a Deaf or Hard of Hearing person if they can't communicate with you as a family member.'

My mommy is awesome!

SOOOOOOOO TRUEEEEEEEEE@DOCS..... So true...your mommy is the bomb.com!!!!

 

[donotfeedbsugar]

As for me, I was born deaf due to Rubella. I'm sure the doctors told my parents (my dad is a retired cardiologist and my mother is a former nurse) I'd never learn to speak. My parents said they thought something was wrong with my hearing because I didn't react to loud noises so they had me tested at 7 months.

I come from a musical family. My big sister was a music major and my nephew Philip is following in his mother's footsteps. My little sister used to be an avid pianist. I'm afraid I have not inherited their talents. People leave when I play the piano. XD My great aunt Helen used to be really into music and I remember my little sister saying aunt Helen would kill her if she made a mistake in a recital before aunt Helen and Ruth.

I didn't learn sign till I was 13 when I went to Virgina School for the Deaf and the Blind in Staunton.

I agree that you shouldn't take the medical establisment as gopsel. My dad was afraid I'd lose my speech skills If I learned sign. Well, most strangers can understand me so I clearly have not lost my speech skills.

Deafskeptic, my parents didn't want me to learn sign...well not like AT ALL. But prior to me not hearing, I was a speaking young little girl and they wanted me to regain my speech back before I learned ASL. By the time I was ready to learn ASL in school, kids who were hard of hearing and deaf (hey they were kids at the time...cut them some slack) because I didn't know much of ANYTHING about sign already. It didn't help them to know that I even wanted to learn so I had to pick it up as I went along. So it was rough for me but yeah. I can relate where your father is coming from in terms of Speech Improvement first then you can learn sign! LOL@you playing the piano and people would leave

 

[donotfeedbsugar]

Well, my parents and siblings didn't know that my brother was deaf from birth until he was 2 years old after my mother was cleaning out the kitchen cabinet and pots and pans fell out from above and crashed on the floor. Then my mother saw him eating, didn't get scared out, scream or cry. As when my parents found out, yeah they were upset and my mother was crying after Audio dr. diagnosed his hearing profoundly loss. But 8 years later, I was born and found out the same thing my parents weren't upset or crying about. After my brother's diagnosis my parents went to that local school and took sign language classes where my brother and I grew up attending. My mother and father never felt ashamed or anything like that towards me and my brother. My mother cares about me a lot. So if my future deaf hubby and I ever gonna have a baby, baby happens to be deaf, too we will be so happy, shouldn't my parents be upset about it. If cousins or asshole sibling make a fuss about it, bringing up about CI or shit, we'd just say fuck off.

Understandable@all you said. I am curious because I did read about this somewhere and saw a reality show of True Life on MTV about this. From what I heard the guy say on the show was Deaf/HOH community don't accept anyone that is CI. Is that true? And why is that? I just don't understand.

 

[DGirl101]

Understandable@all you said. I am curious because I did read about this somewhere and saw a reality show of True Life on MTV about this. From what I heard the guy say on the show was Deaf/HOH community don't accept anyone that is CI. Is that true? And why is that? I just don't understand.

That is NOT the case.

The Deaf Culture consists of a wide variety of people in all aspects of life, some are Blind and Deaf, some are Late Deafened, some are Hard of Hearing, some are Oral Deaf, some are not, some have a CI, and some have two CI's. It is a diverse culture.

I recommend that you look over the threads in the Deaf Interests category of AllDeaf.

The link below provides the Sub Category of 'Deaf Interests'that has anything to do with CI's or Hearing Aids. Very informative.

Hearing Aids & Cochlear Implants - AllDeaf.com

 

[donotfeedbsugar]

That is NOT the case.

The Deaf Culture consists of a wide variety of people in all aspects of life, some are Blind and Deaf, some are Late Deafened, some are Hard of Hearing, some are Oral Deaf, some are not, some have a CI, and some have two CI's. It is a diverse culture.

I recommend that you look over the threads in the Deaf Interests category of AllDeaf.

The link below provides the Sub Category of 'Deaf Interests'that has anything to do with CI's or Hearing Aids. Very informative.

Hearing Aids & Cochlear Implants - AllDeaf.com

THANK YOU...I'm going to check it out right now.

 

[melissa]

My mum was surprised as she hadn't noticed any problem with me when I was at home, before I started school. I'm an only child so there was probably a lot of one-to-one interaction between me and my parents. I had a nasty teacher at infant school who just thought I was ignoring her. I was 6 when I got a..headphones attached to a box..then later, hearing aids. All I remember is that the aids made everything loud, I don't remember feeling like I couldn't hear people at all, before I got them.

 

[deafskeptic]

Understandable@all you said. I am curious because I did read about this somewhere and saw a reality show of True Life on MTV about this. From what I heard the guy say on the show was Deaf/HOH community don't accept anyone that is CI. Is that true? And why is that? I just don't understand.

I'm a CI myself.

 

[deafdyke]

r

om what I heard the guy say on the show was Deaf/HOH community don't accept anyone that is CI. Is that true? And why is that? I just don't understand.

It varies. It USED to be that way.....but CIs are getting more and more accepted. They're still not accepted TOTALLY, and completely (the way hearing aids are)
I think a lot of people mix up the Deaf community not accepting CIs, with the acceptance issues that some AG Bellers have experianced. Ag Bellers think that the Deaf community does not accept orally skilled people. That is not quite right. The Deaf community accepts orally skilled people. Many of us grew up oral, and discovered ASL late....there are still lots of dhh kids who discover ASL as teens. However, if you're oral and you act like you're better then Deaf people who use Sign or you think you're better educated then Deafies, you will be ostracized. However, if you go in with the attitude that " I really wanna learn ASL and be exposed to Deaf culture...it wasn't MY choice to be oral." you'll generally be accepted.

 

[Jiro]

Basically, as my father had a hearing loss, when it came to me, it was "oh well - another one in the family"

lol best reply. I'd say same for my own kid if he/she turns out to be deaf.