friendship advice needed.

[coolgirlspyer90]

okay so, I met this girl through my boyfriend when He and i first started dating, at gallaudet when i came down to visit him in fall of ’12, anyways, she and I have been good friends and I always go up to her to vent out about my parents because my parents and I have been having some drama with me going to Gallaudet and she wants me to ignore my parents and do what i want to do but i’m always nervous about feeling like i done the wrong thing so i don’t do what i want to do and end up listening to my parents.

So recently after winter break this past month, i went to her again to vent out because she always listened to me venting out and she gives me advice from time to time but this time, she got annoyed with me and basically exploded in my face about it. and i left her alone for awhile. usually when I have a situation I need to talk to someone about it so i can think things through a little bit better and know what is the right action for whatever situation that i am in.

So then i tried making a conversation with her a few days later and we were talking about something and i got confused about something in our conversation and she got annoyed with me because she thought i was making myself sound awkward in front of her so she didn’t want to talk to me anymore and made up an excuse saying she has homework to do. so then i left her alone again for awhile and I tried talking to her like how we talk and when i try to make a conversation with her all she says to me is “cool” or “okay” and thats basically it. and I just have this sick feeling in my stomach about it.I want to talk to her like how we talked to each other to solve our situation but i’m just like nervous she’ll blow up because she can be harsh. like how band directors can be harsh when they're giving criticism to someone about how they're playing. i’m just really nervous because i’m trying to figure out what to do like choose the right words without upsetting anyone or causing any drama.

I mean, I'm looking for the right words to say because i don't want to upset her or cause any drama at all. like in the first year when i first met her, she was in a lot of drama with this girl and her best guy friend which this girl and this guy were doing bad things and dating off and on (and now is engaged), and then last summer to i think fall break she was in a lot of drama with her ex-boyfriend and i'm just afraid with whats been happening with the drama she went through she will explode on me because she can be bluntfully harsh. I don't like confrontations but I do want to talk to her without getting her upset or cause more drama with her. I'm looking for the right words to say.

I'm just looking for some advice so i can think things through. I can't really talk about it with my parents because they always turn things into a negative conversation. So right now, I don't know what to do other than talk to her or just let it drop and see if she and I can move on from this or not. I don't like arguing with friends, it was never my forte. When i am upset i have to talk to someone so they can help me think things a little bit better. But I want to go to someone that has more experience so I thought of AD.

This is going to be one long year.

 

[Bottesini]

Is there any way you could see a psychologist?

It's possible it can be available at your school. It seems like it may be too much stress for your friend to help you handle.

 

[JClarke]

Is there any way you could see a psychologist?

It's possible it can be available at your school. It seems like it may be too much stress for your friend to help you handle.

Or another friend with neutral mind?

 

[coolgirlspyer90]

Is there any way you could see a psychologist?

It's possible it can be available at your school. It seems like it may be too much stress for your friend to help you handle.

Well lately I've been writing in a journal to vent out to avoid upsetting anybody. It helps but it doesn't always help. Because I need someone to talk to. So I have been talking to one of my best friends who I have been friends with for a long time and they say to talk to her when the time is right with the right words. I mean before this situation happened, we acted like we were best friends then all of a sudden when i try to vent out she gets mad and then she acts like we're strangers or like i'm the weird kid.

Like I just found out now that she "liked" something on Facebook but she is not available online. So i don't know if she turned me off to prevent me talking to her on Facebook or just didn't want to chat. I mean I don't like losing friends over this without trying to talk it out, it makes me feel "dirty" but i just don't like confrontations. I probably do sound nervous and I am nervous. I never been in this type of situation before.

 

[coolgirlspyer90]

Or another friend with neutral mind?

I have talked to one of my band friends who knew me for 4 years and then my long time best childhood friend. They think that I should talk to her but If i do i just don't know what to say because i'm afraid of upsetting her or causing more drama since she can be harsh about things. Plus today i was VPing with my boyfriend and he told me that he was in her room tonight and usually when I VP with him, she usually pops into the camera to say hi but this time she did not.

What i'm more nervous about is that next month i'm flying down to DC to see my boyfriend and her and a few other friends who goes to Gallaudet. She is going to be picking me up from the airport and I'm going to be sleeping in her dorm.

 

[rockin'robin]

Feel she has her own Drama...and taking on someone's else is too taxing for her...Been there myself. Some things we need to work out ourselves...

 

[coolgirlspyer90]

Feel she has her own Drama...and taking on someone's else is too taxing for her...Been there myself. Some things we need to work out ourselves...

I've been trying to deal with my own situations, especially with drama with my parents about going to gallaudet after i get my associate's in design. So for that i've been writing in a journal to vent out and to hopefully help me see things better but I always preferred to talk to someone other than writing in a journal.

 

[JClarke]

Well lately I've been writing in a journal to vent out to avoid upsetting anybody.

Ok, speaking of a journal.... do you have a smart phone? Like iPhone?
If yes, it is strongly encouraged that you download a app called 'Day One'
I have one here, and it helps you write your thoughts and whatever you want to - to your phone digitally and locked with a PIN.

 

[whatdidyousay!]

Is there any way you could see a psychologist?

It's possible it can be available at your school. It seems like it may be too much stress for your friend to help you handle.

It would a lot cheaper for the OP to stop talking to her friend and talk to someone at school . Her so called friend seen to causing the OP to be more upset than anything.

 

[coolgirlspyer90]

Ok, speaking of a journal.... do you have a smart phone? Like iPhone?
If yes, it is strongly encouraged that you download a app called 'Day One'
I have one here, and it helps you write your thoughts and whatever you want to - to your phone digitally and locked with a PIN.

Yes I have a iPhone. I'll have to check that out! And I'm just trying to find the best solution for this type of situation

 

[Jiro]

Is there any way you could see a psychologist?

It's possible it can be available at your school. It seems like it may be too much stress for your friend to help you handle.

I agree. lot of universities do have someone (therapist, peer mediator, etc) to help you to deal with any stressful situation by listening to you.

a friend should be a person to hang out with.... not to be your therapist. when venting out to a person, it can be quite emotionally draining and your friend's probably drained out.

 

[coolgirlspyer90]

I agree. lot of universities do have someone (therapist, peer mediator, etc) to help you to deal with any stressful situation by listening to you.

a friend should be a person to hang out with.... not to be your therapist. when venting out to a person, it can be quite emotionally draining and your friend's probably drained out.

I'm looking for a psychologist on my school's website (I go to Sinclair Community College, resides in Dayton,OH) I think i may be looking for the wrong places. But i'm not sure if they have one, although I think they do.

 

[Jiro]

I'm looking for a psychologist on my school's website (I go to Sinclair Community College, resides in Dayton,OH) I think i may be looking for the wrong places. But i'm not sure if they have one, although I think they do.

a psychologist may not be a person you're looking for because a psychologist is a person who can prescribe you a medication as the last resort if your sessions with therapist wasn't working out well for you or that you have a medical illness/condition that requires you to have a medication to function normally in life such as depression, attention-deficit disorder, hyperactivity, etc.

I don't know what your university is equipped with but I suppose contacting a psychologist may be a good start so that he/she can refer you to a right place. my college is equipped with psychologist, peer mediation, support groups, etc.

 

[coolgirlspyer90]

a psychologist may not be a person you're looking for because a psychologist is a person who can prescribe you a medication as the last resort if your sessions with therapist wasn't working out well for you or that you have a medical illness/condition that requires you to have a medication to function normally in life such as depression, attention-deficit disorder, hyperactivity, etc.

I don't know what your university is equipped with but I suppose contacting a psychologist may be a good start so that he/she can refer you to a right place. my college is equipped with psychologist, peer mediation, support groups, etc.

I just found the services, They don't have a psychologist on campus but a counseling service. They didn't really give a name on the description. I googled as well and there was nothing but a psychology department for those who are majoring in it.

 

[dereksbicycles]

Try to find deaf psychologist or maybe there are deaf people in college not far from you who are into Psychology field. Try them. I don't know if you were more oral or ASL user, but maybe it would help to talk to a deaf or HOH psychologist. There may be one in your area.

 

[coolgirlspyer90]

Try to find deaf psychologist or maybe there are deaf people in college not far from you who are into Psychology field. Try them. I don't know if you were more oral or ASL user, but maybe it would help to talk to a deaf or HOH psychologist. There may be one in your area.

There is not a lot of deaf/HOH psychologists in my area, just mainly hearing psychologist. I speak both oral and ASL. I am oral in my home with my family and hearing friends but with intepreters and deaf friends i am more ASL.

 

[Angel1989]

I agree. lot of universities do have someone (therapist, peer mediator, etc) to help you to deal with any stressful situation by listening to you.

a friend should be a person to hang out with.... not to be your therapist. when venting out to a person, it can be quite emotionally draining and your friend's probably drained out.

I'm going through this right now with a friend. Everything is "poor me" all day long. Most of the time I can be very supportive but I haven't been feeling that great and get tired of the blah blah blah. Never "how are you doing" type of thing. Walk in my shoes for a few days, then we can talk.

 

[coolgirlspyer90]

I'm going through this right now with a friend. Everything is "poor me" all day long. Most of the time I can be very supportive but I haven't been feeling that great and get tired of the blah blah blah. Never "how are you doing" type of thing. Walk in my shoes for a few days, then we can talk.

I wasn't trying to do the "poor me" thing, I was just really frustrated with my parents because they put me in a situation where I feel like I have no choice and making my choices limited. And They make me feel frustrated and at that point i need to talk to someone to vent out. Not to complain or get sympathy but to just have someone listen. They don't have to give me advice but just to listen. But i guess in this case she thinks she has to give me advice.

 

[Jiro]

I'm going through this right now with a friend. Everything is "poor me" all day long. Most of the time I can be very supportive but I haven't been feeling that great and get tired of the blah blah blah. Never "how are you doing" type of thing. Walk in my shoes for a few days, then we can talk.

only few days? try years.

 

[Mewtilation]

I wasn't trying to do the "poor me" thing, I was just really frustrated with my parents because they put me in a situation where I feel like I have no choice and making my choices limited. And They make me feel frustrated and at that point i need to talk to someone to vent out. Not to complain or get sympathy but to just have someone listen. They don't have to give me advice but just to listen. But i guess in this case she thinks she has to give me advice.

A lot of times when you go to "that one friend" constantly, it can start to come off as "poor me" just to let you know. I have had a couple of people that have come to me for advice but when they do it over and over and over and over again you take on their burden and it seems to be all about them them them them! It gets incredibly annoying and overwhelming. That might be what your friend is feeling. You can only listen to so much blah blah especially about the same thing before you want to explode. ( Again, I've been in your friends position ) I would definitely listen to the suggestions here and seek a school therapist or someone in that area to assist you with your venting.