Family woes

Speedy Hawk

Member
Joined
Mar 20, 2010
Messages
816
Reaction score
1
Your family sounds so bad and totally out of order! You deserve be treated with respect. My xmas haven't been too good either.
 

RachelRene

New Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2011
Messages
118
Reaction score
0
Speedy,

I'm sorry your Christmas has been rough too :( I think it's hard on all of us, when we're thrown in huge hearing gatherings with no signing.
 

VacationGuy234

Active Member
Joined
Aug 21, 2011
Messages
4,030
Reaction score
0
I go through a lot of the same and your family could be more sensitive.

As I understand it, you are living with your mom because you have to, not because you want to, correct? I don't think you should have be big confrontation about this until you are in a position of power. Once you are living on your own, you will have the ability to force their hand on some of the issues.
 

RachelRene

New Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2011
Messages
118
Reaction score
0
Oh, no, i'm not living with my mom. I have been living away (in Canada actually) for over a year... I'm just staying here for the holidays. I was told no one could pick up me up or take me back to the train station, so I ended up stuck here from the 19th to Jan 4th. (Turns out mom actually has all this week off, so we COULD have gone home earlier... the train station is a couple hours away. Montana is like the black hole for traveling... you can't get out of here to save your life.)
 

Speedy Hawk

Member
Joined
Mar 20, 2010
Messages
816
Reaction score
1
Speedy,

I'm sorry your Christmas has been rough too :( I think it's hard on all of us, when we're thrown in huge hearing gatherings with no signing.

Yeah. :( I did ask once to them why no effort from them to try but, not asking much. They just say it their holiday and want relax, no hard work. I didn't reply cos don't want cause problems and have them picking on me, I just thought what about MY holiday? Why am I doing hard work? I do it all year round and holidays even more harder work than usual. Hmmm. That was quite long time ago I ask that question. Had to accept it way it is for them.
 

VacationGuy234

Active Member
Joined
Aug 21, 2011
Messages
4,030
Reaction score
0
This is why I don't usually have lunch with groups of people. Inevitably, someone will ask me something or be saying something and because I don't hear what was said it becomes a joke or the topic of conversation.

Now, to be sure, it's hard not to feel like the joke is about you. However, in a lot of cases, it's about the situation itself. Although you and me may take it personally, it's not usually because of mean intentions. People naturally zero in on things that are out of the ordinary and tend to joke or make conversation about it. A group of deaf people will do the same thing to a hearing person using sign instead of covering their mouths, it's human nature.
 

Lissa

Active Member
Premium Member
Joined
Dec 29, 2007
Messages
4,354
Reaction score
0
hugs!! I've been in a similiar position before, it's not nice!
 

ash345

Audist Free Zone
Premium Member
Joined
Jun 18, 2011
Messages
804
Reaction score
0
only a few more days... then you will be home. Keep up the spirits Rachel, and keep J signing... even if its just you and him, its important for the both of you.
 

Audiofuzzy

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jun 19, 2005
Messages
4,697
Reaction score
151
Then I happened to catch my sister, holding my son's hands... She told him, "Puppies don't sign, so you'd better stop!!" (he spends most of his time pretending to be a puppy.) Ugh. I have been working so hard to try to encourage him to sign, for both of our sakes. It has only been recently that he met other kids that sign, and that helped him a lot--he started signing a LOT more after that.

EXCUSE ME ?!

How dare she!!!

This is YOUR SON.
What YOU says, GOES.
It's as simple as that.

Please INSTRUCT your sister (and your mom, and everyone else)
- to
kindly BACK OFF from your son. P-E-R-I-O-D.

These dumbasses are not to interfere with how you raise your son at any time.
Particularly when it comes to the way you communicate with him.

EVER

Don't be afraid to show you are deaf and use sign to communicate.
Be proud of who you are. Especially with your son.

He needs to know you are to be respected not only as as deaf, as a mother
but as deaf mother most of all.
He needs to know to reply to your sister and others like her-
"my Mom signs, and so do I" - with pride and finality in his voice.

Fuzzy
 

kellycat

New Member
Joined
Dec 18, 2011
Messages
155
Reaction score
0
There are just mean, nasty people in this world. Unfortunately they end up being related to perfectly nice people. If it weren't the hearing issue, they'd probably be emotionally abusive to you about other things.

Obviously no amount of explaining will make them understand, because they don't want to. Maybe it's easier to feel like you're being aloof and ignoring them and such because they can DEAL with that. They know how to take someone being a brat. They don't know how to take having a "handicapped" person around them, so they're totally in denial. Maybe they think you just want attention or are throwing a "pity party" and blowing the amount of your hearing loss out of proportion, trying to get sympathy. Whatever their reasons, that's out of line. Good people will find a way to make due, make concessions, help you follow what's going on. Mean people will poke at you and make fun. My philosophy in life is to never assume malice when ignorance is probably the reason. But this behavior is a bit extreme.

Banjo was right above when saying it is abuse. While it isn't necessarily my place to criticize your relative, this seems like a totally verbally and psychologically abusive situation. You may have to find a different way to celebrate the holidays. Why expose your son to this? Just because you all share DNA doesn't mean you owe them that long visit, or any visit. I'm not saying you should cut off all contact, you need to decide if you WANT to continue with them. You can choose. And it IS OKAY for you to spend the holidays with friends or just with your son, where you can be yourself comfortably. You will teach your son to value those who value you, and that it's okay to stand up for yourself.
 

RachelRene

New Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2011
Messages
118
Reaction score
0
My train leaves late tomorrow night. I cannot WAIT!

Kellycat, you're exactly right... If it's not my hearing (which, again, has been an issue my whole life and mom just ignored it), it's that J and I are both allergic to gluten (which again, mom knew from the time i was 2 but decided on her own I'd outgrown), or that I'm gay, or that I moved out of Montana, or that my work is online and they think it's not a real job. It's always something, and I can't keep losing my voice here, I can't keep coming back thinking there will be acceptance and instead being treated like crap while I sit and watch.

It's my son that changes things... because I will NOT let him grow up thinking that deafness is something to be ashamed of, that *I* am something to be ashamed of.... or that it's acceptable to treat ANYONE with the disrespect and cruelty that my family has shown.

i've already made up my mind that this is the last long visit I will have. If I can get my mom alone before I go, I'm going to talk to her and let her know that I love her, but I'm not coming back until they can treat me with respect. Any future visits will be very short, and I will have my car with me and an escape plan. It was stupid to agree to train here and stay for two weeks.

Why in the world am I still hoping for acceptance from these people?

On a good note... my brother left a couple days ago, which means we are back to the silent disapproval and eye rolling instead of outright mockery... (somehow, that's better)... and I kicked ass at Dominoes yesterday (we are very competitive, and board games are my favorite part of the holiday), and then my sister agreed to turn on subtitles for me for the first time in my life. She rolled her eyes about it, and she still turned the volume lower, but she turned on the captions and that is progress.

Everyone is working today, so I'm going w/o my hearing aids and signing only with Jayden. He's using his voice with me, but responding to my signs... I'll just need to find another Deaf event when I get back to Portland so he can have the positive signing examples again.

Thank you all for keeping me sane.
 

Audiofuzzy

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jun 19, 2005
Messages
4,697
Reaction score
151
Stand your ground. You are NOT to be ashamed of.

have you thought of writting a letter to your mom, family, letting them know how you feel, how you felt all those years,
plainly state what you just told all of us?

Calmly explain you love them but can't live like that anymore,
and if they won't give you respect you deserve you might be forced to contemplate staying away for good.

Don't forget to clearly describe what do you need and expect to receive from them.


Hope that will change things for you

Fuzzy
 

Speedy Hawk

Member
Joined
Mar 20, 2010
Messages
816
Reaction score
1
Happy that you can leave. That fab. Writing letter good idea cos if try speak your mother, she may be on defensive and not listen fully. With letter she can't answer back, just read so may take more notice?
 

RachelRene

New Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2011
Messages
118
Reaction score
0
I did try to talk to my mom before I left, but she said "Don't make waves, don't complain. You only have 1 day left, don't end on a bad note." That was before I even started.

I will probably write her a letter, but I'm just so happy to be back in my own place again. J has been playing with his toys, signing "happy" to himself. :)
 

Jazzberry

Member
Joined
Jul 31, 2011
Messages
761
Reaction score
0
I did try to talk to my mom before I left, but she said "Don't make waves, don't complain. You only have 1 day left, don't end on a bad note." That was before I even started.

I'm not an expert on families or relationships, but that doesn't sound like something someone would say if they are truly interested in a open and close relationship.

<snip>

J has been playing with his toys, signing "happy" to himself. :)

That's sweet.
 

Tikra

New Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2003
Messages
825
Reaction score
0
damn i want to come over and insult to all of your family for any kind of weaknesses they have such as mocking behind their back and humliate them in public. I would have bring a interpreter next to me and tell whole family out loud said that it going be my last visit to family event until they straight up their acts and if they dont, I would never come back again ever (such as being divorcing the family) and go on with my life. That what i would do if it was in my shoes or write a LONG letter like you suggest and give them warning if they dont straight up and I would cut off all connections to family, move to somewhere they dont know where you are at then force them search for you to prove them that you are serious. IF nothing works then i suggest start your life by create your own family along with your son by invite people that you really cares and who is very dear to you to your house and all events.

so write a letter is probably best idea but better keep a copy in case if anything happen *who knows what would happen in future*.


IF you want your son to get more experiences socialize with deaf culture, I suggest that put your son into school that has deaf program that allow deaf kids to mainstream in class with hearing kids. That how my brother and i keep communicate because he learn sign language from same school i went for first few years before he went to school close by home.
 

amc5754

New Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2011
Messages
66
Reaction score
0
I have problems too. My family automatic assumed that I can hear or understand everything with and without my hearing aid. They would offen get annoyed when this happen. Anytime that I have trouble they would just voiced. They won't try other way.
 

amc5754

New Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2011
Messages
66
Reaction score
0
I have problems too. My family automatic assumed that I can hear or understand everything with and without my hearing aid. They would offen get annoyed when this happen. Anytime that I have trouble they would just voiced. They won't try other way. I mean they would act like deaf resources don't exist like ASL or typing/writing thing downs. They would just avoid trying them.
 
Top