Family that do not come see you

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HappinessCounts

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Do you have family that do not ever come see you or very rarely see you?

I have family like this. When we meet, we generally have a good time. Yet, we were the ones to come see them over the years. When we would ask them to visit, there would be excuses such as the kids are too little, don't know who to leave their pets with, too far. Yet, you see them post pictures that they traveled places that are far. Not even every few years do they bother to visit.

For years, we had hope they would make the effort. Some of my family have moved closer, and have gotten together a few times. They do not ask us to spend a holiday with them, however. It's a few hours drive... We had to ask once to get together, but since then no more.They have not asked and it's just so weird. We do not feel comfortable asking them to come over just because we are afraid of being given an excuse. I wish they would make the effort to invite.

Over the past several years, I have gotten used to stop wasting my energy and money to see them and spend it seeing other places. I used to feel sad and cry when leaving them because I cherished my family. Now, I just go, have the best time and say good bye and go home. I was tired of the energy of missing them. It's not worth it.

A few times, other family out of state ask to come see them but it's just gotten boring and I started to feel resentful. You feel like you're bending backwards for them and realize you could see other things in the world. What a waste of time...We just see them less now. I don't have to feel guilty about it.

I guess part of you hopes there really are families out there that really do make the effort to see each other and I just happen to have a dysfunctional one. I know not all families are easy to be around. I guess it bothers me when I see families seeing each other, but then I think some people think I have it great when I tell them I am seeing family (when I do) lol.

I have wanted to confront them sometimes but then what good will it do? I think sometimes they don't ask because they don't want to feel like they owe you later by inviting you over. They just don't care and are comfortable where they are (comfort zone). Their time is too important.
 
After my grandmother died all my family from that half feLloyd of the face of earth haha. bye family.
 
Interestingly that's what happened with my father's side of the family. After Nana died, we saw less of each other. The siblings (Nan's children) still managed to get together yearly if I recall). The last time I saw any of my cousins was over 15 years ago, last spoken to 14 years ago. I only recently got back in touch with one person.

We live in one state while most of my extended family lives in another (more than 8 hours away)... so cost is a factor both ways.
 
It is very sad when family loses touch. I'm sorry your family doesn't get together. I know it hurts.
 
"Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them."

You have the curse of misplaced loyalty. I am a recovering addict myself. You can imagine a world where people visiting / writing / calling to you would get as much enjoyment as they receive from you. Not quite reciprocation, but rather a mutual enhancement. You've invested your time in them repeatedly, so when will they have enough evidence to consider you a good investment for their time?

"It's better to love too hard than to love too late."

I keep reminding myself to not listen to peoples' words, just observe their actions. If I have observed enough of the same action, I know it is their pattern of thinking. There is nothing wrong with people having habits. Some habits are deeply ingrained, and challenging someone's habits that they are not asking for help with will only tarnish the good memories you've already invested in.

"Love when you're ready, not when you're lonely."

You may be seeking out visits relatives to relive family gatherings you your youth. You may make yourself available during someone's hardship. You may have too much time on your hands. Whatever the reason, make sure it is your reason. If they never have a reason to come visit you, try to be happy over their contentment. Be careful about wishing others would be more like yourself.

"Remember that the reason you're doing this is to make your life better."

You definitely get something out of this relationship. The events you instigate turn out uplifting for all involved. So you shouldn't give up. It appears you have a gift for socializing, and if that gift is not very taxing on you, go ahead and use it. If you find it troublesome, they are not going to judge you for not showing up for a couple of years. When you do, they'll be all the more happy to see you. (Just don't listen when they suggest "We should do this more often." It'll happen whenever you feel ready to give again.)

"There comes a time when you have to choose between turning the page and closing the book."

Everyone's life changes. When you don't choose to have them in your life for a while - or ever again - you don't have to feel like you're giving up on anyone because you were never depending on them in the first place. You don't have to feel like you've let anyone down because they were never depending on you. You are a different person since they came in your life, a better person. Keep that light shining for the next time someone comes into your life. (Watch the Disney movie Up!) You have made a difference in others' lives, and you can keep doing it. It's something you happen to be good at.
 
My family is very happy that our ex brother never come to see us ! The less we hear from him the better and his own twin daughters feel the same.
 
"Ex" can be used to mean former. I took it to mean the family had disowned him.
 
zephren said:
"Ex" can be used to mean former. I took it to mean the family had disowned him.
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Yes but he is still her brother biologically. You can't separate genes/DNA so "ex" isn't exactly a good term for when a family disowns him or there is a strained relationship.

Better to say "disowned brother", "estranged brother". Seems she is just using the shortest possible "term" for her own convenience.
 
I often visit my family on the other side of this country. They stopped visiting me since 2012. Sigh.
 
Well, Ive went to many family reunions, birthdays ( both friends and family) BUT when it comes down to Having a reunion here or a birthday party for my kids, no one comes and that just burns the hair on my ***....
When my daughter was born a few family and friends came for the first couple years ( most without gifts ) even though my daughter and I always went to theirs and took a nice gift. She got older, less came so we just started doing fun stuff ourselves.
Now fast forwards a few years, my son was born.... and not a soul came except immediate and close family and I mean very immediate/close family that is very few (grandma/pa, a couple aunts and uncles and siblings) I could count them all on 2 hands including us.
year after year it just dwindled, yet these "friends" always called and wanted us to their kids party, got to the point we quit going. Would you believe, they haven't been to any of ours the past 5 years and they have the balls to call and raise hell that we didn't show up? I bet you all know how that went over with me...lol
 
My family was mostly in CT, and TCS's (Hubby's) family was mostly in MI. We met and married in FL, lived there a few years, then moved to SC and retired here. As a young couple and family, we couldn't afford many trips to our home towns, especially since they were nowhere close to each other. We made a few visits "home", and our families visited us a couple times during that period.

As we got older and our finances improved a bit, we visited our families on alternate years--one year to MI, the next year to CT. During that time, I think each of our families came to SC one time each.

Since the mid-80's, all of our parents, step-parents, and grandparents have died. We still go to my extended family's reunion in CT every other year. My brother has come to SC once during that time.

I think most people expect the family members who "moved away" to do most of the traveling back to the "home" state. (Unless you move to a popular vacation spot like Orlando; then you might expect more visitors.)

Now, it's physically difficult for me to travel, so I don't know how many times more we'll visit family. :(
 
Reba said:
My family was mostly in CT, and TCS's (Hubby's) family was mostly in MI. We met and married in FL, lived there a few years, then moved to SC and retired here. As a young couple and family, we couldn't afford many trips to our home towns, especially since they were nowhere close to each other. We made a few visits "home", and our families visited us a couple times during that period.

As we got older and our finances improved a bit, we visited our families on alternate years--one year to MI, the next year to CT. During that time, I think each of our families came to SC one time each.

Since the mid-80's, all of our parents, step-parents, and grandparents have died. We still go to my extended family's reunion in CT every other year. My brother has come to SC once during that time.

I think most people expect the family members who "moved away" to do most of the traveling back to the "home" state. (Unless you move to a popular vacation spot like Orlando; then you might expect more visitors.)

Now, it's physically difficult for me to travel, so I don't know how many times more we'll visit family. :(
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That's understandable, but when they are only an hour away its a whole different story. Yes we have some, very few out of state but only a few hours drive (6 at most) now if theres a funeral or a wedding theyre there ?
 
I realized after my mom passed away a few years back that she was the linchpin that held our & our extended family together. We'd been very close up until then.

Basically dad couldn't handle the notion I wasn't 12 anymore (instead of 40) & I should do EVERYTHING he said & wanted, on his schedule. He didn't want his daughter living with him, he wanted a cook/nurse/maid/chauffeur. He wanted the same level of devotion & sacrifice I gave to my DYING mother. Anyway...he griped constantly to my local siblings & without getting my side of the story they basically blackballed me from the family. OK, their minds were set & I wasn't going to waste time trying to change them.

I do however still get along with my youngest sister but she lives several states away, is busy with her life & isn't really good about texting me back. We're at different points in our lives: she's got her young family (boys are 5 now) & her career while I'm less than 2 yrs shy of an empty nest. I wish her/her family the best but I'm not going to lose sleep over the disconnection.

My father & other siblings are just people I used to know with whom I happen to share some DNA. I know that sounds cold but I only gave you the Cliff Notes version.
 
I lost much of touch with my mother's families after my uncle and aunt died, but my mother's families were very huge in 1960s.
 
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