Emotional Infidelity (cheating)

Oceanbreeze

New Member
I know situations where this has happened before. However, I didn't consider it "cheating" on a spouse or lover. It's definitely possible that it could raise to that level, though.
 

gnarlydorkette

New Member
If you're married and you share secrets with a close friend of the opposite sex or go out for drinks after work, you are guilty of emotional infidelity.

Even if there is no sex, he claims that any sort of male-female friendship outside of marriage is adultery. Period.

"If you put the majority of your emotions in the hands of someone other than your spouse, you're still shortchanging your spouse," he says, calling the workplace Ground Zero for emotional infidelity.

:roll: :sure:

Just because you have a male best friend, you are cheating on your hubby??!!

THis is just many ways that shows how insecure a spouse may be if the another spouse hangs out wiht a member opposite sex! I think that if one cannot hang out with whoever, because of the risk of charged with "emotional cheating" then it is a controlled relationship. (which then leads to an UNHAPPY relationship)

What about homosexual relationships-- YOU are dating YOUR own SEX so what does it mean if you have a same-sex best friend??? you have to get a member of opposite sex as your best friend??
The man doesn't understand the complex of relationships---

It is all about YOU and YOUR will to sleep with that person-- let it be the same or opposite sex, that is ADULTERY because you are getting physcial intimate (sharing the cootchies) as well having love-dovey conversations with him/her ("I love you.. but I cannot sleep wiht you!").
BUT If you just chat, have fun, etc-- that is NOT adultery. PLEASE!
We are not in a Puritan society! We are ALLOWED to talk with whoever we want without thinking about "SEX, BEWARE!" bell going off in our heads. Not everybody is looking for sex relationships but just FRIENDSHIPS.

What if I hang out with a gay man-- does it consider as an emotional extramartial affair??? {shaking her head] I am betting you that the man who coined that term is a right-wing conversative narrow-minded jerk who never heard of "equality". Men and women can CO-EXIST as friends.

If that article is all mighty about this twisted societal norm to control the "way-too-out-there" women, then fuck it I AM GUILTY OF HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIRS WITH GOOD MEN WHO ARE FRIENDLY, SWEET, AND BEST BUDDIES.
 

Angel

♥"Concrete Angel"♥
Premium Member
It wouldn't make a difference if there was no sexually involved still it would make your spouse feel little about her or himself meaning your spouse wasn't your best friend, or someone you rather to be closer to....That can cause trouble in a relationship, like for myself , Roadrunner is my best friend, and if I had another male best friend, then he would feel like emotionally hurt, or feeling he wasn't enough as what I would want in a " best friend " ....So, I agree with what FlyFree posted above, it will still feel like cheating or can cause trouble in a relationship...

You would rather to be as closer than anyone outside of your relationship that may be the opposite sex cause that the last thing I would want to do by hurting someone I truly love.....
 

gnarlydorkette

New Member
But still what is wrong with having a best friend? What if your marriage with your best friend falls through, who do you turn to??
Girlfriends (or male friends) should be kept no matter what-- they are your support system. A spouse cannot be burdened wthi all of your problems et cetera. They can help you but sometime you will like an unbiased advice (you spouse may be biased because s/he knows you too well and become blind to the "right" advice for you).

I don't thinkt hat you should restrict your number of bestfriend to just your husband/wife/parnter.

I do have several intimate friends that I turn to for advice etc then when they give me a support system, I can take it to my husband to see if he can help me. After all my husband has school, work, to worry about that I want to bring a finished product for us to discuss instead of breaking down to him! Friends are somebody you can break down and have them wiping away your tears. Spouses are somebody that can kiss your tears away and hug you while friends have their hands stroking your back.

What about friends who come to you for help,-- would you turn them away just because the scandal of "emotional infideltiy"? Even though you know they just want a true friend, period.
 

Reba

Retired Terp
Premium Member
gnarlydorkette said:
Just because you have a male best friend, you are cheating on your hubby?
Yes. Husbands and wives should be each other's best friend. That doesn't mean they can't have other friends. But a person can only have one best friend, so that should be the married person's spouse. It is obvious that if a person's spouse is not the best friend, then that means the spouse is only #2 friend. That is wrong.
 

Liza

New Member
:lol: My husband is one of my best friends, and I am always honest with him. I don't like to hide things from him, when he has already earned my trust 100 percent. He hasn't forced me to do anything I didn't want to. That was also being best friends. It is utterly unconditional for us. I don't think it works like this... "forcing" or "guilting" your partner into being your best friend on your own terms. It goes both way.

My point is that it does go both ways in a marriage- what does it take to be best friends and spouses at the same time? That is the question you can ask yourself and your partner. You and your spouse may have different ideas of what it takes to be best friends, and that can interfere with being best friends in addition to being a couple. It might be a cliche for me to suggest a marriage/relationship therapist so both of your sides get heard by an outsider who can have good advice about it without being biased. The key to be more open about taking steps to resolve what you don't feel right about the marriage. You and your partner are worth it. Definitely.

One problem about pushing others (ones you consider to be best friends) away just because the other partner feels insecure or uncomforable is that this can get you easily into a potentially abusive situation without backup or support. You know a best friend won't screw you over, and you can trust a few to get your behind especially in a spousal-abusive or degrading situation. You need someone you really trust to confirm that you're not worthless (or something awful) as your abusive spouse may tell you. It won't be just any friend who does that.

In closing, there is nothing wrong with having a few best friends at once. My husband doesn't even care if I have other best friends that I confide in about things. He totally trusts me, and I trust him. That matters the most to me.
 

Reba

Retired Terp
Premium Member
Liza said:
:lol: My husband is one of my best friends...In closing, there is nothing wrong with having a few best friends at once. My husband doesn't even care if I have other best friends that I confide in about things. ..
"Best" friend means #1 friend at the top of the list. How can a person have more than one #1 friends? "Best" is an exclusive word, meaning the ultimate numero uno. There is only one "best" friend. That doesn't mean a person can't have other good friends, but there is only one friend that can be "best".
 

sequoias

Active Member
Premium Member
WTF? I never heard of that stuff and things are getting too complex for me to handle! Why do we have to go thru those complex stuff and make things better? We're being bombarded with instructions we need to make things stable thru life. I can't hug my friends that are opposite sex? uh? hug is part of friendship not relationship. I'm sick and tired of articles telling us all those stupid instructions that we need to handle thru our lives. Why can't life be simpler and easier? My head hurts, thanks a lot. :|

Amen to those 6 billion human brains in the world.
 
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qwerty123

Active Member
sequoias said:
WTF? I never heard of that stuff and things are getting too complex for me to handle! Why do we have to go thru those complex stuff and make things better? We're being bombarded with instructions we need to make things stable thru life. I can't hug my friends that are opposite sex? uh? hug is part of friendship not relationship. I'm sick and tired of articles telling us all those stupid instructions that we need to handle thru our lives. Why can't life be simpler and easier? My head hurts, thanks a lot. :|

Amen to those 6 billion human brains in the world.

:gpost: :applause:

No instructions are needed for me. My brain is working just fine.

Amen, too.
 
G

Gemtun

Guest
This article is both good and warped.

My ex husband and I fought constantly over this. He had this friend who he confided in too much about our marriage. They did not have sex or anything but simply confided in each other too much. He kept saying that he did not cross the line but in the end, he admitted that he did.

I called that "emotional affair" because he crossed the boundary line by revealing too much. There should be a sanctuary within a relationship - it is okay for a guy to be friends with a woman as long as he does not constantly seek her advice and feel emotionally closer to her than his own wife/gf etc.

There is a fine line here.

I have male friends but I keep boundary lines strictly drawn up to protect the sense of sanctuary between me and my men.

I believe that women in GENERAL are more threatened by emotional affairs, than physical affairs. Correct me if Im wrong but from my own perspectives, it seems that way accordingly to my friends.

It is easy to blur these boundary lines so it can often viewed as too extreme as such as this article. But we all know deep down when we have crossed the lines ourselves - we know and dont need someone to be telling us.
 

halford

New Member
Im the victim here... my wife found a man to confide in. I talked to her about it that im not comfortable about it. Many people at church and outside warned her not to do it. She went on... saying that she can do anything she wants. then she commit adultery... now we are getting divorced...
 

Reba

Retired Terp
Premium Member
Meg said:
... There should be a sanctuary within a relationship - it is okay for a guy to be friends with a woman as long as he does not constantly seek her advice and feel emotionally closer to her than his own wife/gf etc. ..
:gpost:
 

Angel

♥"Concrete Angel"♥
Premium Member
Meg said:
This article is both good and warped.

My ex husband and I fought constantly over this. He had this friend who he confided in too much about our marriage. They did not have sex or anything but simply confided in each other too much. He kept saying that he did not cross the line but in the end, he admitted that he did.

I called that "emotional affair" because he crossed the boundary line by revealing too much. There should be a sanctuary within a relationship - it is okay for a guy to be friends with a woman as long as he does not constantly seek her advice and feel emotionally closer to her than his own wife/gf etc.

There is a fine line here.

I have male friends but I keep boundary lines strictly drawn up to protect the sense of sanctuary between me and my men.

I believe that women in GENERAL are more threatened by emotional affairs, than physical affairs. Correct me if Im wrong but from my own perspectives, it seems that way accordingly to my friends.

It is easy to blur these boundary lines so it can often viewed as too extreme as such as this article. But we all know deep down when we have crossed the lines ourselves - we know and dont need someone to be telling us.


Well said there Megan, I do the exactly the same as you do..
 

halford

New Member
I am not against women having male best friends but it is just the privacy and confideniality that needs to be respected.

I have experienced that before when i was not alert. (Human weakness) but I but it to stop.

I know that attraction begins when a husband of another woman and wife of another husband complain to each other about their spouses. Suddenly there is a click on intimate feelings for each other. You feel that you understand and want to comfort. Volia! adulterous affiar began.

Too often two selfish people who refuse to honor their spouses' privacy, would complain and criticize their spouse over little things. Affair begins that way.

What I do, I avoid telling any females friends about my marriage woes. I talk to the right person - preacher, counselor or in some cases parents.

All that to preserve marriage. Too bad my wife did not honor my request and wish.

Now she is suffering from all her mistakes. she refuse to acknowledge that she shouldnt have done it.
 

Liza

New Member
Reba said:
"Best" friend means #1 friend at the top of the list. How can a person have more than one #1 friends? "Best" is an exclusive word, meaning the ultimate numero uno. There is only one "best" friend. That doesn't mean a person can't have other good friends, but there is only one friend that can be "best".

That's quite the perspective, Reba. :)

Seeing from examples of Meg and harf here... I can see how people'd make bad choices as far as the privacy of intimacy between a couple goes.
 

coffeeeeman

New Member
There is a fine line between friendship and intimacy...The Key word is intimacy....If it becomes too intimate..too secretive..too much out of the marriage in that the partner is alienated it is no longer a marriage/partnership.

I divorced my first wife for several reasons on the top of the list of reasons was we were no longer the best of friends, doubt we ever were to begin with. If she was my best friend I would have probably still been married. Instead I met a woman who became my best friend and later on my wife. Seriously doubt that any friend I have could replace her as a best friend simply because I do not feel the need to be intimate, secretive, or do things outside of the marriage with any other person.
 

hankpiece

New Member
Reba said:
"Best" friend means #1 friend at the top of the list. How can a person have more than one #1 friends? "Best" is an exclusive word, meaning the ultimate numero uno. There is only one "best" friend. That doesn't mean a person can't have other good friends, but there is only one friend that can be "best".

That's not true. Best friend is a misnomer, a wrong name for something. Why do I need to choose which of my friends is the best? My relationship with each one is different. Certainly I'm close with my girlfriend, not to mention sexually intimate, but there is a whole different intimacy that takes place with my friends. There is also a difference between the way I would react toward a female friend and a male friend sometimes. Each particular friendship is based on various different factors and so my relationship with each of the people close to me varies accordingly. I need my friends of both genders because romantic relationships cover different ground.
 
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