Deaf/hearing rant

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CJB

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I have one person in my life I can sign with about one hour a week. Today my wife said she felt left out of the conversation because I didn't fill her in until after. I told her she does the exact same thing all the time to me. Every time we go to the grocery store, go out in public, go in any noisy environment, any time there is more than one person in a conversation, I feel left out. And she went on about how it's not her fault I'm deaf and maybe I shouldn't be deaf. Well I can't be magically hearing but she can learn to sign.

I know she loves me and I love her but it's just so frustrating! Doesn't she get that's how I feel every minute of every day except for that one hour I get to sign with the one person in my life that I can communicate with without boundaries?

I wish she would learn to sign sooner and faster and better.

:mad2:
 
Hugs. I had the same prob with my last terp friend and my husband. Hubby felt left out and jealous that he could not understand our signing sessions.

Hmmm. I remember there were classes he would not attend, videos not watched, practice not done..... sigh. Like my old friend said when asked "Whadda ya gonna do"? She replied "just love em. When I give up, I just love em some more". Shes a genius, hm?
 
Awwww....I'm sorry, CJB. Sounds like maybe you were both having an off day. But that cultural reversal is often good for the hearing. Makes them stop and think about what the deaf encounter on a daily basis.
 
CJB said:
I have one person in my life I can sign with about one hour a week. Today my wife said she felt left out of the conversation because I didn't fill her in until after. I told her she does the exact same thing all the time to me. Every time we go to the grocery store, go out in public, go in any noisy environment, any time there is more than one person in a conversation, I feel left out. And she went on about how it's not her fault I'm deaf and maybe I shouldn't be deaf. Well I can't be magically hearing but she can learn to sign.

I know she loves me and I love her but it's just so frustrating! Doesn't she get that's how I feel every minute of every day except for that one hour I get to sign with the one person in my life that I can communicate with without boundaries?

I wish she would learn to sign sooner and faster and better.

:mad2:
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I always say the thing no one wants to hear, but you are mildly hard of hearing as an adult.

There are many people born deaf who have families that never learned sign and they really have no contact with family. They make a life separate.

You may not get your wishes.
 
Bottesini said:
I always say the thing no one wants to hear, but you are mildly hard of hearing as an adult.

There are many people born deaf who have families that never learned sign and they really have no contact with family. They make a life separate.

You may not get your wishes.
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I am guessing you are trying to make me feel better by saying others have it worse. It doesn't really make me feel better, rather, it just makes me feel worse for all those people who have felt that bone-chilling isolation as children as well as adults.

I wouldn't push sign language except that I really cannot understand speech the second there is background noise or more than one person speaking. The second I can't understand speech I have no idea what's going on and so sign language would also be a nice way to get information about what's going on around me.
 
if i were you... I wud had gotten phone with text messaging and if both of u can't understand each other then use computer to communicate use yahoo messnagar or AIM or whatever.. but I noticed some people doesn't have computer cuz can't afford but good luck hope things get better for you :)
 
wildzerica06 said:
if i were you... I wud had gotten phone with text messaging and if both of u can't understand each other then use computer to communicate use yahoo messnagar or AIM or whatever.. but I noticed some people doesn't have computer cuz can't afford but good luck hope things get better for you :)
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We do that at home but when we're not home we can't carry our computers with us everywhere because I can only understand my screen reader (I use a screen reader cause I'm blind) at home in a quiet room.
 
CJB said:
We do that at home but when we're not home we can't carry our computers with us everywhere because I can only understand my screen reader (I use a screen reader cause I'm blind) at home in a quiet room.
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HearAgain has a little thing like cell phone that does braille. Can you get one?

And yes you were right about my motivation in my previous post. I can't hear any words if in a group and I just think my own thoughts. I think this may be the difference between being born deaf and being late deafened.

You must be very social.
 
Bottesini said:
HearAgain has a little thing like cell phone that does braille. Can you get one?

And yes you were right about my motivation in my previous post. I can't hear any words if in a group and I just think my own thoughts. I think this may be the difference between being born deaf and being late deafened.

You must be very social.
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I'm hoping I can get a BrailleNote through blind services. (I'm assuming you're referring to a BrailleNote.)

I think my own thoughts in a group as well, but it just angered me today that she was angry at me for signing and "leaving her out" when that's how I feel 95% of the time when she tells me "nevermind" or "I'll tell you later" (and often neglects to tell me later.) Not to mention I did fill her in right after I had the conversation in sign language today and she often doesn't even do that much for me.

It's more the double-standard that annoys me than the being unable to hear. If she wants to feel included maybe she should make a little more effort to include me.

I'm not hugely social but I do like to have a few friends I see on a regular basis.
 
CJB said:
I'm hoping I can get a BrailleNote through blind services. (I'm assuming you're referring to a BrailleNote.)

I think my own thoughts in a group as well, but it just angered me today that she was angry at me for signing and "leaving her out" when that's how I feel 95% of the time when she tells me "nevermind" or "I'll tell you later" (and often neglects to tell me later.) Not to mention I did fill her in right after I had the conversation in sign language today and she often doesn't even do that much for me.

It's more the double-standard that annoys me than the being unable to hear. If she wants to feel included maybe she should make a little more effort to include me.

I'm not hugely social but I do like to have a few friends I see on a regular basis.
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Next suggestion from Bottesini, (who seems not batting 1000 tonight), How about if your wife went for coffee or visited another friend while you had your signing social hour?
 
Bottesini said:
Next suggestion from Bottesini, (who seems not batting 1000 tonight), How about if your wife went for coffee or visited another friend while you had your signing social hour?
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She can't go out on her own. She has severe social anxiety so we can only leave the house together. But thanks for the suggestion, I appreciate it. :)
 
CJB said:
She can't go out on her own. She has severe social anxiety so we can only leave the house together. But thanks for the suggestion, I appreciate it. :)
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Well she deosn't need to leave the house, but in light of her feelings, it would be very magnaminous of her to just remove herself and find something else to do.

The social anxiety thing told me alot.

Hopefully you two will sort this out and your wife will pull out of herself and do what she needs to do. If you give yourself the OK to use your signing time for yourself then don't feel guilty. When we keep over compensating for others we don't allow that person to grow in their own right.

Everyone needs their own space!
 
CJB said:
I'm hoping I can get a BrailleNote through blind services. (I'm assuming you're referring to a BrailleNote.)

I think my own thoughts in a group as well, but it just angered me today that she was angry at me for signing and "leaving her out" when that's how I feel 95% of the time when she tells me "nevermind" or "I'll tell you later" (and often neglects to tell me later.) Not to mention I did fill her in right after I had the conversation in sign language today and she often doesn't even do that much for me.

It's more the double-standard that annoys me than the being unable to hear. If she wants to feel included maybe she should make a little more effort to include me.

I'm not hugely social but I do like to have a few friends I see on a regular basis.
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Yes, that is the devise that HearAgain uses.

And it is perfectly reasonable to expect that she would make the effort to include you if she herself wishes to me more included. We all, sometimes, need to step back and see whether what we are saying and what we are doing are sending the same message.
 
CJB, I hear you saying that it hurts you that your wife doesn't think that you're important enough to make effort for. Is that right? I can understand why it makes you feel bad. :hug:

I like Botte's idea of her finding her own activities for the time you spend with your signing friend. Your wife may be insecure and jealous but she needs to deal with that. Your wife needs to have her own interests and hobbies. If nothing else, your wife could be in another part of your home reading a good book.

It sounds like you and your wife spend the majority of your time together. Too much togetherness can be a problem. We all need time for ourselves away from our partners.

Has your wife seen a psychiatrist about her anxiety? Anxiety meds work and her anxiety can be treated. I can understand if insurance is a problem since it is for most of us these days. You really aren't doing her any favors by enabling her behavior. She's suffering as it is.
 
sallylou said:
CJB, I hear you saying that it hurts you that your wife doesn't think that you're important enough to make effort for. Is that right? I can understand why it makes you feel bad. :hug:

I like Botte's idea of her finding her own activities for the time you spend with your signing friend. Your wife may be insecure and jealous but she needs to deal with that. Your wife needs to have her own interests and hobbies. If nothing else, your wife could be in another part of your home reading a good book.

It sounds like you and your wife spend the majority of your time together. Too much togetherness can be a problem. We all need time for ourselves away from our partners.

Has your wife seen a psychiatrist about her anxiety? Anxiety meds work and her anxiety can be treated. I can understand if insurance is a problem since it is for most of us these days. You really aren't doing her any favors by enabling her behavior. She's suffering as it is.
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Are you sure you are not a counselor?:giggle:
 
No, just a regular person with a couple of decades of therapy under my belt. I learned psychology from the school of hard knocks. :giggle:
 
sallylou said:
No, just a regular person with a couple of decades of therapy under my belt. I learned psychology from the school of hard knocks. :giggle:
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You learned it well, girl! And the school of hard knocks is the best school around. It is the only school I know of that imparts wisdom and empathy.
 
CJB...my friends and I have encountered this kind of situation constantly with our family members who can't sign. They complain that they don't know what we are saying when we have our deaf friends over but don't take the time to include us in non-signing environments. The big difference is that they CAN learn sign language and easily assimilate in signing environments while we can't no matter how skilled lipreaders we are.

Hang in there. Everyone else has good suggestions!
:hug:
 
I know exactly how you feel being in group conversations, etc. Happens to me all the time. I try to only hang out with people one-on-one. Anytime there is more than one other person, I am left out. It's just a fact of being HoH.

I assume you've talked to your wife about this--about how what she feels during 5% of her contact with others is how you feel 95% of the time? If you've explained this honestly and to the best of your ability, and she still doesn't understand or doesn't care, you might be dealing with more than just a social anxiety disorder here...

Good luck!
 
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