Deaf culture - do's and don'ts, etc. Let's make a list!

antonia

New Member
annoying things

I'm tired of being yelled at. It doesn't help cause I can't hear anyway.
I don't mind a stomp on the floor. Hate being snuck up on.
What bothers me most is being pointed at or looked away from; i'm deaf, but also have a balance disorder. Tired of people assuming I'm stupid or drunk!!:roll:
 

DGirl101

New Member
Uh, ok. The idea here is speak normally to a deaf person. No silly, wide mouthed, fish gasping on the bank rendition of whatever needs saying.

I know what you mean. I have that happen to me a lot. I can recall one incident where I walked up to a window and said I was there to meet with someone. However the lady behind the window said something looking down, and I asked if she would look at me and speak to me because I am Deaf and I speech read.

She, while looking annoyed, over enunciated everything she repeated, her mouth widening even more with each word she spoke, all the while with this look of "Are you stupid or something?"

I had to stop her in mid sentence and tell her I am Deaf not Dumb.

She shut up then.

Antonia,

I have vertigo, which came with me being Deaf. :eek3: I understand what you mean. A lot of people ask me if I am drunk, to which I reply "No. I just have Vertigo"


As for the Don't and Do's

Don't come up to us and ask us if we know sign, if we say yes, please don't laugh and say I know one! Then flip the bird.

It just makes me want to smile and talk to you like a baby and say "Oh yay! That's funny right there!" NOT!

It seems like some hearies want to learn sign just for the bad words. Makes me feel that's all the effort you will do to get to know us then ditch us after you get what you want.

Do set some time to get to know us, we don't bite, it takes effort on the part of the Hearing and HoH or Deaf to have patience and know each other. We are human, we do bleed like everyone else. :cool2:
 

Keiro

Member
Do be willing to write back and forth with me, if you need to tell me something and don't know signs for it.

Do not "dismiss" or give up on us if we don't understand what you are saying. This is annoying.

... Actually, this is more than a pet peeve for me. This has gotten into more of the range of, "Keep this crap up and I WILL simply just ignore you until you learn how to properly talk to me!"

Another pet peeve of mine is when people come up behind me. More often than not, I'm in a location where I can't sense vibrations in the floors, or if there is, sometimes there'd be other vibrations interfering with me sensing their footsteps on the floor.

I absolutely loathe that. Seriously, there's nothing more annoying than to have someone sneak up on you and tapping you and scaring the living hell out of you. I've almost taken out my girlfriend this way a few times until she learned NOT to sneak up behind me without making quite sure that I sensed her footsteps.

Or to come up and AROUND to the front of me so I can see.

However, I've given up on trying to get my roommates and my girlfriend to focus on me whenever they talk to me, because more often than not, they turn slightly or more than slightly away from me, forcing me to follow them and get up and close into their spaces so I can see their blasted mouth clearly if they're speaking.

That shouldn't be necessary. I DON'T like invading others' spaces, but if I'm going to be forced to do that, then don't get pissed off at me. And damn well don't blame it on me either!
 

deafannieboo

New Member
oh wait... has anyone else had someone talk to you and try making up their own signs? omg that angers me sooo bad. if you dont know how to sign than dont make crap up while your speaking to me... it confuses the hay out of me! arrrgg. im trying to fig out the signs instead of lip read and finally give up and say put your hands down pls! yeah my mom think it funny to toss something at me to get my attention sometimes. but after talking with her she finally will just wave at me or get up and tap me or stomp. id rather u stomp than hit me with something. if you catch me on a bad day and toss something at me im likely to toss you to the floor. im definatly a personal space person!
 

deafannieboo

New Member
yeah i dont like it when people try to "test" me to see if really am deaf. most of the time i can feel you walking up on me. plus that it angers me to no end especially if i catch them doing it to me. i usually will no longer associate w them if it is a freind who does it to me. i dont take lightly to being made a fool of.... plus im very touchy sometimes and dont mean to be, so if you jump out at me to scare me and it works im not gonna pay for your medical bill for beating the crud out of you. this has happened to me before in the past. i guess its just the boxer in me....
 

CJB

New Member
When people say things to me and I can't hear them because of environmental noise and then they hold me accountable for knowing the things they said when I specifically told them I couldn't hear what they're saying and they would have to wait till we got to a quieter environment. :mad2:
 

Waxy

Member
This thread is fantastic. Nice to see what everyone thinks and feels on us, and all the pet peeves we provoque :hmm:
Thanks for shearing and I'm sorry in the name of all hearings :aw:
:h5:
 

Lighthouse77

New Member
I've never heard people say that either. Unless it is some punk from the internet having too much fun.

although, I have heard that sins is the curse for all burden, suffering, etc. you know the typical Adam's fall. Although, there are some people who do think we are deaf for reason because we are awful people (there were pretty bad comments when Luke from Amazing Race was on the show)

But anyway, now if it make you feel any better religiously wise - it was the blind and deaf is where Jesus could perform miracles (without it, there would be nothing to prove) so in a way, we were made for God's glory.
 

corkymp

New Member
All I have to say is that I love deaf people =]. I am hearing but so far (I'm learning about Deaf culture and ASL) I am LOVING it (yeah I'm only in lesson two.....)
By the way I need someone to help me learn the language, to practice with and what not. If you're interested email me at parryfamily6@live.com
 

buttkisses

New Member
I have read this thread and find it very interesting. Have you ever wondered why some hearing people do the things they do? Like only want to learn the bad words? There are deaf that feel that is the only thing they can really communicate with when meeting a new hearing person. Sometimes Hearing people have never seen a deaf person before in their lives and are truely amazed when they meet a deaf person that can speak very well. It is not what they expected. Sometimes it is very embarassing when a hearing person meets a deaf person that thinks they can speak very well and refuses to use sign language because they feel they have to speak to hearing people using their voices (and their voices are VERY deaf). This is a two way street. While I understand there are some definate NO=NO's when it comes to communicating with a deaf person, most of it "should" be common sense but for manyhearing people an encounter with a deaf person could be a very new or rare experiance and the levels of deafness can be varied and the commnuication can be varied from individuaal to individual. how is a person who is not exposed to deaf people very often suppose to know all deaf are not alike? I know it is frustrating that the whole world doesn't know your feelings but the truth of the matter is they don't and the deaf are in the minority and always will be. Somethings you just have to understand and not be so angry about. This builds the walls even higher. Some of the hearing behaviors are a result of how Deaf have acted or behaved in the hearing world, and while not all deaf do this it is hard for hearies to individualise each one of you. I do know once you become a friend with a hearing person they realize "who you are" and the behaviors stop. The hearing people that do not use common sense and call the children services or hyperoralize are truely ignorant to what a deaf person is and can or can't do. They mean well, but just are not educated enough on deafness to know better. This is not going to change for a very long time and it is going to take understanding and acceptance on both sides, for behaviors and lack of education on BOTH sides.

I just hope these things that offend you , you speak up about to all the hearing people that do it, so it stops, but I also hope you are brave enough as a deaf person to ask the hearing person why they did what they did and be educated yourself.
 

Bottesini

Old Deaf Ranter
Premium Member
I have read this thread and find it very interesting. Have you ever wondered why some hearing people do the things they do? Like only want to learn the bad words? There are deaf that feel that is the only thing they can really communicate with when meeting a new hearing person. Sometimes Hearing people have never seen a deaf person before in their lives and are truely amazed when they meet a deaf person that can speak very well. It is not what they expected. Sometimes it is very embarassing when a hearing person meets a deaf person that thinks they can speak very well and refuses to use sign language because they feel they have to speak to hearing people using their voices (and their voices are VERY deaf). This is a two way street. While I understand there are some definate NO=NO's when it comes to communicating with a deaf person, most of it "should" be common sense but for manyhearing people an encounter with a deaf person could be a very new or rare experiance and the levels of deafness can be varied and the commnuication can be varied from individuaal to individual. how is a person who is not exposed to deaf people very often suppose to know all deaf are not alike? I know it is frustrating that the whole world doesn't know your feelings but the truth of the matter is they don't and the deaf are in the minority and always will be. Somethings you just have to understand and not be so angry about. This builds the walls even higher. Some of the hearing behaviors are a result of how Deaf have acted or behaved in the hearing world, and while not all deaf do this it is hard for hearies to individualise each one of you. I do know once you become a friend with a hearing person they realize "who you are" and the behaviors stop. The hearing people that do not use common sense and call the children services or hyperoralize are truely ignorant to what a deaf person is and can or can't do. They mean well, but just are not educated enough on deafness to know better. This is not going to change for a very long time and it is going to take understanding and acceptance on both sides, for behaviors and lack of education on BOTH sides.

I just hope these things that offend you , you speak up about to all the hearing people that do it, so it stops, but I also hope you are brave enough as a deaf person to ask the hearing person why they did what they did and be educated yourself.

Consider this is a deaf website, where people are just complaining to each other. I don't think you are saying anything people don' t know.

This is more a place to let off steam.
 

Waxy

Member
I have read this thread and find it very interesting. Have you ever wondered why some hearing people do the things they do? Like only want to learn the bad words? There are deaf that feel that is the only thing they can really communicate with when meeting a new hearing person. Sometimes Hearing people have never seen a deaf person before in their lives and are truely amazed when they meet a deaf person that can speak very well. It is not what they expected. Sometimes it is very embarassing when a hearing person meets a deaf person that thinks they can speak very well and refuses to use sign language because they feel they have to speak to hearing people using their voices (and their voices are VERY deaf). This is a two way street. While I understand there are some definate NO=NO's when it comes to communicating with a deaf person, most of it "should" be common sense but for manyhearing people an encounter with a deaf person could be a very new or rare experiance and the levels of deafness can be varied and the commnuication can be varied from individuaal to individual. how is a person who is not exposed to deaf people very often suppose to know all deaf are not alike? I know it is frustrating that the whole world doesn't know your feelings but the truth of the matter is they don't and the deaf are in the minority and always will be. Somethings you just have to understand and not be so angry about. This builds the walls even higher. Some of the hearing behaviors are a result of how Deaf have acted or behaved in the hearing world, and while not all deaf do this it is hard for hearies to individualise each one of you. I do know once you become a friend with a hearing person they realize "who you are" and the behaviors stop. The hearing people that do not use common sense and call the children services or hyperoralize are truely ignorant to what a deaf person is and can or can't do. They mean well, but just are not educated enough on deafness to know better. This is not going to change for a very long time and it is going to take understanding and acceptance on both sides, for behaviors and lack of education on BOTH sides.

I just hope these things that offend you , you speak up about to all the hearing people that do it, so it stops, but I also hope you are brave enough as a deaf person to ask the hearing person why they did what they did and be educated yourself.

wow...
you really are agry, pal.:hmm:
 

buttkisses

New Member
No not angry at all. Just stating views from a different side. I have seen the sides and I understand where some of the hearing behaviors come from. It is not all due to being uneducated. Some of it is due to how some deaf behave when they encounter a hearing person.I just emplore all Deaf people to speak up when someone is doing something that bothers them like some have and not keep it to yourself but do so in a way that is not in anger. Actually ask why did you do that? Instead of becoming angry when it happens. Understand why the person did it and explain the proper way to do it. I have seen many that are quick to temper and I understand that, it is frustrationg, but responding with anger when someone throws an object to get your attention and they really don't know any better just leaves a negative view in the hearing persons mind.

I thought this was an educational thread, but I was corrected and I now realize this is a "get it off your chest thread" So I stand corrected, but my views are the same.
 

Waxy

Member
are you asking the deaf to react as we do?
that's not the way it works.

gee.
If we'd meet, you'd be very surprised when i hug you and kiss you in the face (instead of the "cold", to me, hand shake that non southamericans use to drop) and should i expect? a kiss back?
no.
because thats not your culture. youre way of be.
instead, if i visit your country, you'd expect me to respect your culture and way of be, ergo, i woudnt kiss your chick.
If you visit mine, i'd respect your culture, and drop you my hand.

They react in the way the react... big deal.
We need to understand more each other and learn.
 

buttkisses

New Member
are you asking the deaf to react as we do?
that's not the way it works.

gee.
If we'd meet, you'd be very surprised when i hug you and kiss you in the face (instead of the "cold", to me, hand shake that non southamericans use to drop) and should i expect? a kiss back?
no.
because thats not your culture. youre way of be.
instead, if i visit your country, you'd expect me to respect your culture and way of be, ergo, i woudnt kiss your chick.
If you visit mine, i'd respect your culture, and drop you my hand.

They react in the way the react... big deal.
We need to understand more each other and learn.

That is NOT at all what I was saying. My comments had nothing to do with culture they had to do with understanding. If you read my post you will see that it was not asking to change a culture but a way of thought and behavior and giving views from both sides. Hearing people do not always know how to act around a deaf person and for a deaf person to just assume they are being rude or stupid and become angry is no way to be. I didn't say ALL deaf I said some and you need to be aware that SOME deaf people have left bad teachings and ideas as far as how to be around a deaf person. I also stated that it needs to happen on both sides but if the first knee jerk reaction is to anger when a hearing person who obviously doesn't know any better treats a deaf person in an unacceptable manor the impressions left in a hearing persons mind are negative. Then that hearing person walks away with a negative view and may very well treat the next deaf person they meet with negativity. There is nothing wrong with speaking up as a Deaf person when you are not being treated correctly but there is a way to do it.

Your statement just said to me " they can act that way because they are a culture and thats how they react" That is a very poor representation of the Deaf community. I wasn't asking that they be Hearing or another culture, but to be human and understand mistakes do happen and if they do not take actions to correct it in a manor that helps and not hurts it will always be a problem. Just as hearing people cannot change their mistakes if they do not know and need to deal with these things in a manor that helps and not hurts.
 

sallylou

Potterhead and Janeite
Premium Member
I'm exhausted enough trying to hear and listen. I just don't have the energy to be Ms. Educator. I might invest more energy in a more intimate relationship that I would with an acquaintance. It's not my responsibility to educate everyone I come into contact with.

We are, in part, blowing off steam because tired of the same thing over and over again. When someone meets us, we're novel to them. I've been through the same old spiel over and over again. You'd have to be a saint to be patient all of the time.
 
Top