Coping with being hoh?

Lauralein91

Lauralein91

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Hey there :)

It's been a while since I posted something here. I'm just curious how are you dealing with being HoH or Deaf? I'm basically HoH (deaf on the left ear / moderate to severe hearing loss on the right)almost my whole life and went to Mainstream School so everyone in my Family and all of my friends are hearing. The first time I've met people who are also deaf or HoH was at the Beginning of my University ( -> Majoring in Deaf Education to become a teacher). I'm on a exchange Semester in England at the Moment and my "Hearing problem" seems to be constantly present which is really annoying and upsets me.
Do you use some stategies how to deal with difficult situations? And do you tell people straight away that you are either deaf or HoH?

Looking forward to hear back from some of you :)
 
I'm trying to be nicer to myself. I'm trying to figure out how to turn my HOH status into a pro not a con. I'm trying to socialize more. I'm trying to empathize with a kid who doesn't think I listen to her (I try really, really hard but she is hard to hear and not very tolerant of my hearing loss). I'm trying to remember that I get exhausted around people because it is SO hard to actively listen all the time - it is NOT a personality defect like my family made me feel it was! I have been practicing mindfulness almost every day for 10 minutes for the last couple of months. That is probably the number 1 best thing that I've done for my HOH issues. It makes me calmer and I can think more rationally so that I do not flail around worrying about my hearing loss and frequent state of isolation. Now I am starting to think about how to fix it/cope with it/accept it. I'm trying to identify activities, environments and people who are good for me the way I am. I tell people I am HOH if it is likely to help in a particular situation, otherwise no. I try to think more about what I'm doing, ie: Q: "why don't I enjoy choir anymore?" A: "Because I can't hear the conductor, because I can't hear the person next to me, because I can't hear a single joke that everybody else gets to enjoy but me, I feel like an outsider and for all intents and purposes I am". So I quit, and I'm glad I did. Now I try to think of ways I can enjoy and create music. Such as: Writing songs, singing in a small group, creating backing tracks, maybe I'll get to uploading to Youtube if I get good enough.
 
In my youth? I coped badly with bouts of promiscuity, booze and general impulsiveness. As I got older, I found more constructive things to do to take the edge off. It just wasn't worth it being angry all the time. Also, it's just best to accept that your hearing loss will always be there. Life will be a struggle at times, but it makes us tougher and more independent as well
 
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Destiny's Sister said:
I'm trying to be nicer to myself. I'm trying to figure out how to turn my HOH status into a pro not a con. I'm trying to socialize more. I'm trying to empathize with a kid who doesn't think I listen to her (I try really, really hard but she is hard to hear and not very tolerant of my hearing loss). I'm trying to remember that I get exhausted around people because it is SO hard to actively listen all the time - it is NOT a personality defect like my family made me feel it was! I have been practicing mindfulness almost every day for 10 minutes for the last couple of months. That is probably the number 1 best thing that I've done for my HOH issues. It makes me calmer and I can think more rationally so that I do not flail around worrying about my hearing loss and frequent state of isolation. Now I am starting to think about how to fix it/cope with it/accept it. I'm trying to identify activities, environments and people who are good for me the way I am. I tell people I am HOH if it is likely to help in a particular situation, otherwise no. I try to think more about what I'm doing, ie: Q: "why don't I enjoy choir anymore?" A: "Because I can't hear the conductor, because I can't hear the person next to me, because I can't hear a single joke that everybody else gets to enjoy but me, I feel like an outsider and for all intents and purposes I am". So I quit, and I'm glad I did. Now I try to think of ways I can enjoy and create music. Such as: Writing songs, singing in a small group, creating backing tracks, maybe I'll get to uploading to Youtube if I get good enough.
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It looks like you found the wonders of DBT using mindfulness
 
dialectical behavioral therapy by Marsha Linehan the beauty of it is that it dosnt feel like therapy it's stuff most people use every day there are several modules but being more aware of this when your distressed and choosing the proper skill when you need them pm me if you have any questions at all
 
Yes, I thought that might be what you meant. I might pick your brain about it - sounds like you've had some success with it.
 
The strategies for living are so subjective to how you got deafened and how much and for how long plus your own personality and so on.
My observation is as a guy who made it through an entire construction career starting out with moderate hearing loss in both ears and finishing with severe to profound loss in both ears. I am retired now and believe me I like it. That whole experience was difficult.
Lots of personal battles in the arena of life. I lost and won, but at the times when I have felt that I was at the bottom and felt no hope somehow that is when things took a turn for the better. Makes no sense but there it is.
Any way the best thing for me having few social skills and all that was managing to get better and better hearing aids. That was always difficult. My skills at working any kind of outside help really sucked.
The world is changing and technology is sooo much better. Still my last experiences with hearing tests were that in order to get the aids and settings actually right for me I had to know a few things...
1. Not all audiologists are the same. Question them. Learn from each one.
2. They make more money off in the ear hearing aids that mostly do not
have the amplifier and so on to really help.
3. Hearing tests are conducted in perfect conditions. Your real life hearing
will be less than what they detect. Its important to gage those tiny
sounds carefully so you approximate evenly across the testing about the
same level above the fade out. Comprehension tests you keep honest.

Have a great attitude and stay stoked... smiles here. We are all tuffies but having a soft heart towards animals and children is great strategy.
Most of all don't let the bastards get you down.






















My best strategies were:
 
Thank you for your replies :) I actually got a new hearing aid but maybe this wasn't the right one as I didn't try another brand. I guess acepting the own hearing loss ist one of the biggest keys of getting out of the downs. I met some nice exchange students who are aware of my hearing loss and trying to make sure I don't miss out but some are not so tolerant. Most annoying response I got quite often ist "What" instead of "can you please repeat what you said" or simply "sorry I didn't understand you". I guess It's better not to be around with people who are not trying to understand your hearing loss than trying hard to be "hearing".
Do you think it's better to tell people straight away of the hearing loss? What experiences did you had in telling people?
 
Lauralein91 said:
Do you think it's better to tell people straight away of the hearing loss? What experiences did you had in telling people?
Click to expand...
It depends. Also depends on your attitude too. If you are confident, people treat you a lot differently. If you are confident - they are not sorry for you being deaf :)
I usually disclose my deafness immediately, and offer them other methods for communications. For example speech recognizing application(not perfect, but ok), or simply pen and paper.
Or when I go to parents school meetings - I call to the teacher's phone, and the Text relay operator sits and helps me to understand these meetings.
 
Lauralein91 said:
Hey there :)

It's been a while since I posted something here. I'm just curious how are you dealing with being HoH or Deaf? I'm basically HoH (deaf on the left ear / moderate to severe hearing loss on the right)almost my whole life and went to Mainstream School so everyone in my Family and all of my friends are hearing. The first time I've met people who are also deaf or HoH was at the Beginning of my University ( -> Majoring in Deaf Education to become a teacher). I'm on a exchange Semester in England at the Moment and my "Hearing problem" seems to be constantly present which is really annoying and upsets me.
Do you use some stategies how to deal with difficult situations? And do you tell people straight away that you are either deaf or HoH?
:)
Click to expand...
I first became painfully aware of how much hearing I had lost when I went to a foreign country. Differences in accents and syntax and wording is more than enough to throw us in the deep end even if the language is 'technically' the same. American English is NOT UK English- your comprehension will be half what it is at home. I always announce to whomever that I am HoH and will only understand if people speak slowly and carefully, then I use that speaking style to set the example. In my experience 90% of humans simply cannot focus on changing their speech style. I move on. Those I must do business with, such as on the phone, may get the same request to slow down and repeat a dozen or more times before we have finished. It is what it is. I am over apologizing for it.

Is it better to move on from those who do not try to communicate appropriately, or who express impatience? OMG yes! Don't waste your time if it is a social situation. Just like when you date, you pass over people who think you look funny or dress badly (or you think this of them). Move on. Even though you are dealing with young adults, realize they are already quite set in their communication patterns. Groups are trickier, but if you get one person who will act as your ally and write things down that may set a trend.

As to your new hearing devices, it is quite likely that your audiologist did not adjust them properly, assuming they made a sensible choice for your hearing profile. A surprising # of audiologists do not understand the engineering of the devices they sell. Anyway, follow up on that as soon as you have an opportunity. There ought to be a distributor of your brand device in the UK. See someone there if you can and they will give you another perspective on the choice your audiologist made. Get a copy of your audiology profile sent to you by e-mail first to avoid confusion. IF you were not given appropriate devices... ooww! Have whomever tells you this put it in writing along with their reasoning then raise hell when you get back and have a chance to visit the person who fitted you.

I communicate with a number of wheelchair users who are measured wrong or given inappropriate chairs. Those who succeed in getting matters corrected, and many do, are those who push hard and register their complaints with ALL involved- distributors, manufacturers, and insurers. It is the salesperson's responsibility to know what is appropriate and to sell you only that, then to adjust it as many times as necessary until you are satisfied.

You are in the midst of a fabulous opportunity, but it is also exhausting, and fatigue feels a lot like depression. Get a lot of sleep, girl!
 
Tetracyclone said:
I first became painfully aware of how much hearing I had lost when I went to a foreign country. Differences in accents and syntax and wording is more than enough to throw us in the deep end even if the language is 'technically' the same. American English is NOT UK English- your comprehension will be half what it is at home. I always announce to whomever that I am HoH and will only understand if people speak slowly and carefully, then I use that speaking style to set the example. In my experience 90% of humans simply cannot focus on changing their speech style. I move on. Those I must do business with, such as on the phone, may get the same request to slow down and repeat a dozen or more times before we have finished. It is what it is. I am over apologizing for it.

Is it better to move on from those who do not try to communicate appropriately, or who express impatience? OMG yes! Don't waste your time if it is a social situation. Just like when you date, you pass over people who think you look funny or dress badly (or you think this of them). Move on. Even though you are dealing with young adults, realize they are already quite set in their communication patterns. Groups are trickier, but if you get one person who will act as your ally and write things down that may set a trend.

As to your new hearing devices, it is quite likely that your audiologist did not adjust them properly, assuming they made a sensible choice for your hearing profile. A surprising # of audiologists do not understand the engineering of the devices they sell. Anyway, follow up on that as soon as you have an opportunity. There ought to be a distributor of your brand device in the UK. See someone there if you can and they will give you another perspective on the choice your audiologist made. Get a copy of your audiology profile sent to you by e-mail first to avoid confusion. IF you were not given appropriate devices... ooww! Have whomever tells you this put it in writing along with their reasoning then raise hell when you get back and have a chance to visit the person who fitted you.

I communicate with a number of wheelchair users who are measured wrong or given inappropriate chairs. Those who succeed in getting matters corrected, and many do, are those who push hard and register their complaints with ALL involved- distributors, manufacturers, and insurers. It is the salesperson's responsibility to know what is appropriate and to sell you only that, then to adjust it as many times as necessary until you are satisfied.

You are in the midst of a fabulous opportunity, but it is also exhausting, and fatigue feels a lot like depression. Get a lot of sleep, girl!
Click to expand...

If I did it your way when I roamed through Nicaragua, they would have fed me my testicles gladly. I could hear absolutely nothing, but I made it through. They called me El Punta. They just smiled and pointed.
You gotta chill sometime.
 
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Beowulf said:
If I did it your way when I roamed through Nicaragua, they would have fed me my testicles gladly. I could hear absolutely nothing, but I made it through. They called me El Punta. They just smiled and pointed.
You gotta chill sometime.
Click to expand...
I did as you while in Nicaragua. Guatemala, where I lived for 5 years, was more suitable because many used Spanish as their second language and so tended to speak more slowly and simply. The stricter strategy I describe above I use only in a place I am rooted for years.
 
I find it takes a lot of energy to be connected with the action. There are times it is sweet relief to just kind of hide out and be alone a lot no hearing help and just wrestle with my own stuff.

It's easy to bog down with that scenario.

Now that coming from me is an understatement... more like... BOG DOWN!!
Up to the axles!!

Not like the guy that died at the computer so lost to his porn addiction that none of his neighbors even noticed lack of movement at his place and he was eventually found half eaten by his cat.
Not that kind of bogged down.

More like crisis managing way too many unfinished projects because I do not stop adding new ones. Now that is a quicksand trap that can drown the human very effectively.
If you are like me I recommend this: don't try and save yourself by working your way out of it.
Give up and become one with the muck. Have a moment of silence for the innocents dying in Mosul.

Make a list. Do what's on it. Keep doing that. Goals are for sissies that don't want to live in chaos. But it helps to cave in and have some.

In the beginning was the list...
 
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