Controlling or Abusing...

[Angel]

What if your child was in a relationship with someone who is controlling or abusing your child and your child refused to leave that relationship because she/he loves this person so much to leave them, what will you do as a parents?...

 

[Cheri]

Well, First I would slap that bitch around. Just kidding!

Honestly, I would have a talk with my son, and tell him he is putting himself in dangerous of the woman he is with, I would suggest him to leave and move in with me if he has no where else to go and call the police on that woman and have my son press charge against her. If my son refused to listen to my advice, I will go ahead and press charge against her, Why?? I am not trying to upset my son but to protect him because we would never know what that woman would do to him. I wouldn't live with that if anything bad happens to my son.

 

[IcedTeaRulz]

I was verbal abused by my mom for many years. It is like scar inside which is not funny!

 

[Raven]

I would suggest him to leave and move in with me if he has no where else to go and call the police on that woman and have my son press charge against her.

The problem is, even if you "suggest" to him to leave her and move in, he'll take your act as hostile towards his time of "love". It's easier to say that you would go call the police and have your son press charge against her, but more often than never, he won't.

I will go ahead and press charge against her, Why?? I am not trying to upset my son but to protect him because we would never know what that woman would do to him.

I concede, we will never know what someone could do to our children. The problem is, the charge might not be uphold because it will require a testimony from the abusee and you will need evidence of such abuse (evidence for verbal abuse is harder to obtain than physical abuse). It also depends on the caseload in the course, it's possible that your case will never be heard for a long time or it might get cleared by the police based on insufficent evidence.

I wouldn't live with that if anything bad happens to my son.

Maybe so, but would you be able to live with yourself if your son become disgusted with your act of vigilant in the name of motherly love? Disgusted to the point where he'll never tell you anything anymore or have you in his life at all?

Consider this situation, your son got infurtiated with you to the point where he completely segegrated himself from your life and refuses to have any contact with you, while at the same time maintaining his relationship with the abuser.

It's better to know than it is to not know anything anymore.


In conclusion, I would strongly advise against taking the aggressive method as you have stated and be more passive about the situation. You are not the immediate party, you are the third party. If anything, you should suggest relationship counselling or allow your son to realize the situation he is in.

-Raven

ps: as a mother, you would feel obligated to disagree with me. I understand, but remember... add s to mother and you get smother.

 

[Cheri]

The problem is, even if you "suggest" to him to leave her and move in, he'll take your act as hostile towards his time of "love". It's easier to say that you would go call the police and have your son press charge against her, but more often than never, he won't.

How would you know he won't press charge, I have seen it done before.

I concede, we will never know what someone could do to our children. The problem is, the charge might not be uphold because it will require a testimony from the abusee and you will need evidence of such abuse (evidence for verbal abuse is harder to obtain than physical abuse). It also depends on the caseload in the course, it's possible that your case will never be heard for a long time or it might get cleared by the police based on insufficent evidence.

You think I don't know that I would need evidence Do you see "stupid" written on my forehead?

Maybe so, but would you be able to live with yourself if your son become disgusted with your act of vigilant in the name of motherly love? Disgusted to the point where he'll never tell you anything anymore or have you in his life at all?

Are you always this negative? Beside that is far from the truth, I bet you never watched true stories movies before either huh? Maybe you should and you'll be surprised.

Consider this situation, your son got infurtiated with you to the point where he completely segegrated himself from your life and refuses to have any contact with you, while at the same time maintaining his relationship with the abuser.

Another negative comment again coming from you? Why in the world would a son refuse to have any contact with his mother, when she is only looking out for him. That makes no sense at all to me.

In conclusion, I would strongly advise against taking the aggressive method as you have stated and be more passive about the situation. You are not the immediate party, you are the third party. If anything, you should suggest relationship counselling or allow your son to realize the situation he is in.

I wouldn't call myself "third party" more likey being called his mother, and trying to save his life.

ps: as a mother, you would feel obligated to disagree with me. I understand, but remember... add s to mother and you get smother.

Yep you are correct I do fully disagree with you. :roll:

 

[Raven]

I'm not attempting to be negative, I'm being realistic.

How would you know he won't press charge, I have seen it done before.

On TV or IRL? Reality is a lot more startling than fiction, nobody couldn't possibly fathom the number of people who have been abused and never report it because of embrassment. In the field of criminology, we call that the "dark figure of crime". In fact, lots of not pressed charge...

You think I don't know that I would need evidence Do you see "stupid" written on my forehead?

The internet prevents me from seeing such a word on anyone's forehead at the moment. I never said that you were stupid, I was merely stating a point.

Are you always this negative? Beside that is far from the truth, I bet you never watched true stories movies before either huh? Maybe you should and you'll be surprised.

I've watched a few true stories movies. Have you ever noticed the words, "BASED ON A TRUE STORY" or "INSPIRED BY A TRUE STORY" in those movies? There's a VERY good possibility that they were rewritten from the same true story.

Another negative comment again coming from you? Why in the world would a son refuse to have any contact with his mother, when she is only looking out for him. That makes no sense at all to me.

You're a daughter, you're a mother. That's why it wouldn't make sense to you, but you will figure that out when you get there.

I wouldn't call myself "third party" more likey being called his mother, and trying to save his life.

Technically, you are a third party.

Yep you are correct I do fully disagree with you.

Try to be more understanding and look at it from a different perspective rather than as a mother. You might see that I make some valid points.

-Raven

 

[Malfoyish]

I guess for me it depends on what form of abuse my child may be experiencing. If it is physical abuse, then yes, I would call the police and have the abuser put into jail where he belongs. Not to mention, if it's a man, Coffeeeeman will more than likely batter him up first. :-D

If it is emotional or verbal abuse - well...this is something my child would have to learn how to deal with for him or herself. I mean, it's words, and yes, words hurt, but as a parent, all I can realistically do is remind my child that what is being said to them is not right, and further assure him or her that he/she has a place to go, to vent, should he/she need to. This is rarely dealt with by the police unless blows are exchanged, and I know how kids are these days...even if they're not kids anymore...the last person you want to tell ya what's good for you or what's not, is your mother.

So - I'd say my two cents, and hope my child listens to me. If not, then I'll always be there.

However, if there's one finger laid upon my child physically or sexually, God help the perp.

 

[Angel]

:jaw: ...What happened to my thread here? LOL ..Please members, I am only interesting to hear each of your opinions , this is not a debate, Every parent raise their children in a different way, no parent is wrong on how they would handle such a situation like this...Please respect their opinion in this thread...You are more than welcome to post along no matter if you are not a parent, but please do not compare or think this is how you should do it....

Thank you!...

 

[Angel]

LOL @ Cheri and Malfoyish, you girls are funni, but I like what you guys said !....

 

[Angel]

IcedTeaRulz ,

I am really sorry to hear that and no it not a funni matter either! *hugs*

 

[Malfoyish]

LOL @ Cheri and Malfoyish, you girls are funni, but I like what you guys said !....

LOL I mean it - GOD HELP anyone who lays a Herculean finger on my daughter in an inappropriate manner. The words, "scissors," "castration" and "impromptu vasectomy" come to mind.

My sons, I am confident, will be able to handle themselves, but hey, in this day and age, we never know what we will come across in life. I stand by what I said up there.

 

[Angel]

Sweetie,

I do feel the same way as you do and that's exactly what I would do too , it funni cause you just made me laugh seriously!!...I like ya girl!

 

[Malfoyish]

Sweetie,

I do feel the same way as you do and that's exactly what I would do too , it funni cause you just made me laugh seriously!!...I like ya girl!

I like you too, sweets.

Here, have some scissors.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I thought the same as Malfoyish, too.

If there're physical/volience abuse: I would go to have a talk with abuser's parents first. If those situation to solve is not work then go to police........

We (parents) cant do anything if emotional or verbal abuse comes. I do is sit with my child to have a good talk what I think about his/her partner privately. I cant do anything but accept what my child is if he/she doesnt listen me.


I'll create a new thread later about my Dad and sister to ask you all for feedback which I got a sad letter from them yesterday. It's almost similar situation here. I'm unhappy about this.

 

[Liza]

I'm just glad we will never run out of scissors or... hedge-clippers.

I think it's the privilege of a parent to be very concerned about their child and their relationships. It would depend on the approach, yes, and I hate that there is a chance that the child might paint the parent as the bad guy if the parent overdo it... even when the kid is over 18 years old. But damn, my unborn kid is fair game under 18. **no i'm not preggers YET**

It's really NICE to see y'all parents caring for your kids..... :-D

 

[Cheri]

Raven,

Why don't you laid off my back here, First of all, Just because you disagree with me, But, Am I the mother of my own children? Nobody can tell what the future would hold until it happens when it happens then there a situation where you can deal with it. Every person is different in their own way, Not everyone follow the same routine you think it's reality. I have seen people who stay in an abusive relationship more likely they will not stay alive. That is something I do not want to see that happening to my boys, If they are in the same situation. There is nothing more painful than watching someone you love so deeply be involved in an abusive relationship, How can I ignored that and let him deal with it? There are slim chances that he would not make it out alive. I wouldn't live with myself if that happens. There is a time where you have to step up on the plate and make it stop before it goes further. Nobody should go through any type of abusive it doesn't get any better so why would someone stay in a marriage or relationship with someone that are likely not going to change? If Parent knew about the abusive relationship that our grown children are involved in, You think we should sit back and just wait around the clock and see how they will handle it? That is like waiting for a bomb to explodes. I don't expected to be perfect, But I am willing to go as far in length as I can to save my son from being killed.

 

[Gemtun]

What if your child was in a relationship with someone who is controlling or abusing your child and your child refused to leave that relationship because she/he loves this person so much to leave them, what will you do as a parents?...

If my daughter ever fall for a worthless azzhole, I would remain close to her, letting her know I am always here and will not judge. I will be around constantly so that her b/f will know he cant hide anything from me. I will give her resources and loving support.

Because if I tell her to leave him NOW, she will rebel and turn against me. Her b/f will try to divide us even further.

So I will just stay as a constant force in her life and do what I can.

But since she is an adult, I cannot force her to do anything because she is old enough to make her own choices. So it is a tough situation and I hope that it will never happen to either one of my two precious sweet girls.

 

[Gemtun]

If there're physical/volience abuse: I would go to have a talk with abuser's parents first. If those situation to solve is not work then go to police........

I disagree with this method of going to talk to this azzhole's parents because the chances are high that he learnt these actions from his own parents.

I would not talk to his parents because it will enrage the azzhole too.

Also, you cannot go to the police if your daughter does not agree with you because the police cannot do anything if the daughter refuse to testify or admit anything.

This is a delicate situation and should be handled with extreme caution to prevent any backfiring.

 

[BewitchedKitten]

What I would do is tell him about my experiences of abuse. I would tell him that if she truly loved him, she would'nt do these things to him. I'd let him know that I'd always be there for him, whenever he needs me. I'd do anything for him. I'd just have a heartfelt talk with him.

 

[Raven]

Raven,

<very long defensive statement>

I didn't criticize your methods as a mother. I simply refute and brought up points that you could consider. Tis all.

-Raven