Communications, of what to talk about:

[Pretty]

Hey! Everyone.

I have a friend whose deaf and I'm hearing.
I've been learning sign language, a little bit.
But I'm stuck, what should I talk about with him?
I mean I know I should treat him like everyone else & I do.

Could you please give me some type of things to talk about with him?

 

[green427]

Sounds to me like he is not worth talking to.

If he cannot see that you are trying to initiate a conversation and gets offended easily, move on to another guy.

 

[Frisky Feline]

give pretty a chance to learn on her own mistakes and she will make it better.

keep trying to ask him if he tells you to back off, then you will know the answer.

 

[Bottesini]

Maybe he thinks you are stupid. Why would you think he couldn't watch sports?

 

[Grayma]

Instead of you trying to pick a topic, ask him what he likes to do. What's his favorite food, favorite color, favorite book? Does he have a job? Ask him about his job, does he like it, what does he do? If he doesn't have a job, ask him what he wants to do. Does he have any pets? Ask him. If he does, ask him about his pets.

 

[Sares]

Pretty all you can do is ask him questions and be there. I know lots of guys who do not like sports but like to hunt and other things. Like Grayma writes, see what he wants to do. Treat him like anyone else, just be sure to face him when talking or signing. I always sit across from my date and let them know why if they ask, it is simple so I can see them talk.

 

[Pretty]

Maybe he thinks you are stupid. Why would you think he couldn't watch sports?

that's mean - I'm sure he doesn't think I'm stupid.

 

[Pretty]

Instead of you trying to pick a topic, ask him what he likes to do. What's his favorite food, favorite color, favorite book? Does he have a job? Ask him about his job, does he like it, what does he do? If he doesn't have a job, ask him what he wants to do. Does he have any pets? Ask him. If he does, ask him about his pets.

thank you so very much.

 

[Pretty]

Pretty all you can do is ask him questions and be there. I know lots of guys who do not like sports but like to hunt and other things. Like Grayma writes, see what he wants to do. Treat him like anyone else, just be sure to face him when talking or signing. I always sit across from my date and let them know why if they ask, it is simple so I can see them talk.

Thank you so very much.

 

[Bottesini]

Hey! Everyone.

I have a friend whose deaf and I'm hearing.
I've been learning sign language, a little bit.
But I'm stuck, what should I talk about with him?
I mean I know I should treat him like everyone else & I do.
But, when I bring up sports or music, I feel like I shouldn't.
Because he can't hear, and it's insulting to him, and when I did ask
this one time, if he watched sports he got really offended and I didn't mean to.

Um. Could you please give me some type of things to talk about with him?
Please.

that's mean - I'm sure he doesn't think I'm stupid.

Look at your first post. You have already offended him by your own account.

You admit you think there is some barrier to deaf people talking about sports.

I don't think my conclusion is that far off the mark.

I am deaf, and if you think that way, I would think you are stupid.

It's not mean at all, and maybe if you think deaf people are so limited, you would be happier with someone you understand better instinctively.

 

[Grayma]

that's mean - I'm sure he doesn't think I'm stupid.

Deaf culture is blunt. Bottesini is even more so. If you want to engage with Deaf people, you need to have a thicker skin.

Instead of getting your feelings hurt, try to think about what she said, all of what she said, not just the part that hurt your feelings, and why she said it.

Your first post did reveal some assumptions that are odd.

Why do you think deaf people cannot talk about sports? I'm hearing, and many deaf people know a lot more about sports than I do.

There are also deaf musicians. Google Signmark and a Deaf rapper named Sean. I have a deaf friend whose favorite part of church is the song service. She cranks up her hearing aids, and if somebody loud and with the right voice range is sitting near her, she can sing. It's not quite the right pitch, but it's not terrible bad, either (my hearing husband's pitch is worse) and I can't understand what she's saying if I don't have the book, but the point is- SHE loves it.

Sean Berdy, who plays Emmett on Switched at Birth is deaf, and he plays the drums.

Google the Fight Song for Gallaudet- it's pretty cool to watch.

If you want to talk to this boy talk to him because he's interesting for his own self, not because you pity him. Choosing not to mention sports because you don't think deaf people can enjoy sports does sound more like pity than genuine interest.

Don't be totally discouraged. You can learn from this. You can learn a lot from Bottesini if you're willing to think about what she says and accept that she will never sugar coat anything. Pity once informed can grow up to be something else, something more acceptable.

 

[drphil]

To update some of the above comments-DEAF persons with Cochlear Implants does offer a "wider range" of topics for discussions.

 

[dereksbicycles]

Just be normal. Don't pity him/her.

Do NOT ask, because you're deaf, are you able to enjoy watching Daytona 500?

Just ask casually, do you like watching Daytona 500?

I don't know how you asked him/her so I'll not criticize.

Here, I don't think it is about sports. Maybe that guy just want a deaf girlfriend and is just not interested in you. So don't bother me. Not really interested in talking sports or any thing with you, you know.

 

[Pretty]

I never meant to offend anyone. I promise. I was just asking a simple question. Sure I may of came off as stupid to many, but remember, I was only asking. But I'm seriously sorry if I offended anyone, I wasn't planning on doing so, I was just trying to find out good topics to talk about with him. I never intended that the deaf community didn't watch movies/ sports/ shows & I don't show pity to others, everyone is the same. I've learned, and with enclosing this, Have an amazing day, & again sorry to hurt anyone's feelings.

 

[Pretty]

Just be normal. Don't pity him/her.

Do NOT ask, because you're deaf, are you able to enjoy watching Daytona 500?

Just ask casually, do you like watching Daytona 500?

I don't know how you asked him/her so I'll not criticize.

Here, I don't think it is about sports. Maybe that guy just want a deaf girlfriend and is just not interested in you. So don't bother me. Not really interested in talking sports or any thing with you, you know.

I'm not looking for a relationship with him, were just friends. & Believe me, I never have asked him straight up, " do deaf people watch (.....) " never. It's hurtful, I just ask him, "do you like to watch... " mostly everyone on here attacked me and yelled at me, for making the assumption that I ask deaf people stupid questions, and exclude them, as if they can't wait certain stuff, um anyways.. bye.

 

[Pretty]

Deaf culture is blunt. Bottesini is even more so. If you want to engage with Deaf people, you need to have a thicker skin.

Instead of getting your feelings hurt, try to think about what she said, all of what she said, not just the part that hurt your feelings, and why she said it.

Your first post did reveal some assumptions that are odd.

Why do you think deaf people cannot talk about sports? I'm hearing, and many deaf people know a lot more about sports than I do.

There are also deaf musicians. Google Signmark and a Deaf rapper named Sean. I have a deaf friend whose favorite part of church is the song service. She cranks up her hearing aids, and if somebody loud and with the right voice range is sitting near her, she can sing. It's not quite the right pitch, but it's not terrible bad, either (my hearing husband's pitch is worse) and I can't understand what she's saying if I don't have the book, but the point is- SHE loves it.

Sean Berdy, who plays Emmett on Switched at Birth is deaf, and he plays the drums.

Google the Fight Song for Gallaudet- it's pretty cool to watch.

If you want to talk to this boy talk to him because he's interesting for his own self, not because you pity him. Choosing not to mention sports because you don't think deaf people can enjoy sports does sound more like pity than genuine interest.

Don't be totally discouraged. You can learn from this. You can learn a lot from Bottesini if you're willing to think about what she says and accept that she will never sugar coat anything. Pity once informed can grow up to be something else, something more acceptable.

understandable. All of this, is a learning experience. I have no pity for anyone, what I posted earlier was just how I felt, re-reading it - it does sound a bit ignorant, and I do apologize.

 

[Pretty]

Look at your first post. You have already offended him by your own account.

You admit you think there is some barrier to deaf people talking about sports.

I don't think my conclusion is that far off the mark.

I am deaf, and if you think that way, I would think you are stupid.

It's not mean at all, and maybe if you think deaf people are so limited, you would be happier with someone you understand better instinctively.

Because my account name is Pretty, I offended him? ... okay... anyways, have a good day.

 

[CSign]

I'm not looking for a relationship with him, were just friends. & Believe me, I never have asked him straight up, " do deaf people watch (.....) " never. It's hurtful, I just ask him, "do you like to watch... " mostly everyone on here attacked me and yelled at me, for making the assumption that I ask deaf people stupid questions, and exclude them, as if they can't wait certain stuff, um anyways.. bye.

 

[green427]

Set aside all the stuff about stupid questions, etc:

I am a guy, and if you are a very pretty girl, and you came up to me to chat about nothing in general, I would be all flustered, weak at the knees, and have no idea what to say....all while trying to avoid staring at your eyes, chest, etc....and, the very last thing I would do is get offended at anything, since I am too busy wondering what to say to you.

So.....being the hot chick you are based on your avatar, it is my opinion that any guy (deaf or not) that does not trip over himself while you are trying to initiate a conversation with you is most likely not interested in girls.....

He is good looking, right? Well, that increases the chance of...you know....

 

[Grayma]

I never meant to offend anyone. I promise. I was just asking a simple question. Sure I may of came off as stupid to many, but remember, I was only asking. But I'm seriously sorry if I offended anyone, I wasn't planning on doing so, I was just trying to find out good topics to talk about with him. I never intended that the deaf community didn't watch movies/ sports/ shows & I don't show pity to others, everyone is the same. I've learned, and with enclosing this, Have an amazing day, & again sorry to hurt anyone's feelings.

I know you didn't mean to offend anybody. I don't know if you hurt anybody's feelings. It seemed to me your comments just kind of irritated a couple of people. It happens.

We all say stuff that doesn't come out right, that doesn't communicate what we really meant, or that is just kind of dumb and we just have to learn from it. Some of us do all of the above in a single post.

Don't waste time apologizing over and over again. "Oops, sorry, I'm still learning and now have something new to think about"- and then move on is probably the best- to grovel repeatedly is just to add to the irritation.

This is all new to you. But from what I understand, it's not new to the Deaf. They are used to hearing people coming up to them and asking silly questions, or asking good questions and getting their hopes up that this might be a normal friendship- and then disappearing forever. After a while of dealing with this, anybody would start to put up a shield just to save themselves wasted time.

If you want to be friendly/friends, you have to stick around, and prove yourself to be somebody who isn't just there for the novelty of it. Making friends with the Deaf community isn't the work of an afternoon. It's frustrating, but there are reasons for it you and I will never fully understand.

And every time you get frustrated, just remind yourself that this is what the deaf deal with on a daily basis, maybe times ten or more (depending on how much interaction they choose to have with the hearing).