Best Man Wedding Speech

craigm26

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well folks, this should be fun.

I'm writing a speech for a wedding that's in a week.

Any comments or suggestions about the storytelling would be greatly appreciated.

I'm aiming for some humor, simple and short.

This is a first draft, so I'll be cleaning it up and re-posting later.

-------------------

Hello

<intro>


<“bulletproof”>

when we were 12-14 years old, we went up to Idaho to spend some time with grandma grandpa up there. Growing up, we’d learn the valuable art of target practice with a gun. On one brisk, cool morning, we saw a flock of birds on the back lot. “Dude, there’s birds”. Anytime we saw birds on their property, we’d snag our guns and hope to hit one. We never did. Grandpa taught us to never go in front of someone. Well, on this lovely morning, I ran ahead of my brother and starting shooting away. Guess, what? Grandpa was right, never stand in front of somebody with a gun. It took a moment to register the pain and the realization set in that I had been shot. I started screaming. My brother stood there in shock. Grandma came flying out of the house like a bat of hell. Yes, I was crying. Tears were streaming down.

“Are you ok?” grandma’s voice.
“NOOO!” squirming pain.

She starting feeling around my back.

“There’s no blood.”
the shell didn’t even break the skin.
it dawned on me....”YES!....I’m bulletproof!”

Right about now some of you are horrified. Some of you are probably thinking. “How do you remain brothers after that??”....Well, it’s simple. We were using BB guns and I made the mistake. And he didn’t take physics. Gravity was an unknown calculable thing to him. Dude’s not a cyborg, I’ll tell you that. Don’t worry, you’re completely forgiven.

When I was asked to be the best man in the wedding, I didn’t realize that I was going to come up with a speech that would include my brother shooting me in back (with a BB gun). But, I had to contrast some story with what I think this day marks.


<“Skydiving”>

I was 18 and went skydiving. Yes, I decided to jump out of an airplane would be a great way to celebrate adulthood. It’s not all fun and games sometimes.

I had to go with the dude that was going to pull the cord to the ‘chute and he had a broken foot. While he may have been trying to hide his pain, I stepped on it accidentally trying to get out of the plane. He groaned and cursed loudly. I’m pretty sure that parachute was packed well. We climbed out of fuselage and went into free-fall. What happened are some of the most breath-taking moments of my life. It was an absolutely serene peace. I kept looking down and around, enjoying the ride. I wasn’t worried about bird strikes or swallowing bugs. I trusted that man with the ‘chute to stop my fall. The instructor tapped my shoulder, indicating to me that he’s about to pull the ‘chute. When he pulled the ‘chute, it jerked me from out of the free fall. But it worked. I was grateful that I could enjoy the ride and be on safe ground. I think in a lot of ways, marriage can be like a tandem skydive attempt. Sometimes, you depend and your partner for everything that could possibly happen in your life. And sometimes, it’s good when you know you have your partner there to pull the ‘chute.

Unknown to both of you, I have installed a secret code in both of your wedding rings. Turn the bass down when you’re watching the movie “willa wonka and the chocolate factory”. And in case of emergency, like say, incalculable gravity, set your ringtones to that stupid oompa loompa song.

Thank you all...
 
R

rockdrummer

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I would have the song by Queen called "Another one bites the dust" playing in the background during your speech. :rofl:
 

lynndelaga

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Craig, good speech! Hilarious and witty. Much better than my best man's "Too bad we aren't single anymore" speech, lol. Still love that guy, but man what a weird way to start off the reception, LMAO! Totally love your speech. And yeah, I agree with Queen's "Another One Bites The Dust"! :D
 

NorCal20

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i gave the speech in 3 years ago when i was at Virginia (fairfax) for my best friend's wedding...
 

craigm26

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version 2 ...made some edits...cut out the "bulletproof" story...trying to keep it short.

<intro>
Excuse me everyone, if I could have your attention for a moment. I'd like to take a few moments to say a few words about our bride and groom. I'm John Doe, Jack's best man and brother. I would to thank everybody for joining us today for this special day that we'll remember forever. I would like to especially like to thank Mr. and Mrs. Jones.

<“Skydiving”>

I was 18 and went skydiving.

I had to go with the dude that was going to pull the cord to the ‘chute and he had a broken foot. While he may have been trying to hide his pain, I stepped on it accidentally trying to get out of the plane. He groaned and cursed loudly. I’m pretty sure that parachute was packed well. We climbed out of the fuselage and went into free-fall. What happened are some of the most breath-taking moments of my life. It was an absolutely serene peace. I kept looking down and around, enjoying the ride. I wasn’t worried about bird strikes or swallowing bugs. I trusted that man with the ‘chute to stop my fall. The instructor tapped my shoulder, indicating to me that he’s about to pull the ‘chute. When he pulled the ‘chute, it jerked me from out of the free fall. But it worked. I was grateful that I could enjoy the ride and be on safe ground. I think in a lot of ways, marriage can be like a tandem skydive attempt. Sometimes, you depend on your partner for everything that could possibly happen in your life. I sincerely hope everyday is fulfilled with the excitement of life, the peace of a library and knowing your partner is right there by your side.

Sometimes, Jack and Jill will ask about my relationships of the past. My standard answer is "long-distance". Well, I know now that one is inexcusable, because every time I use it, they point out that they made it through four years of military and school up and down the state. But they erase my doubt with well, try six months half way around the world!


<end>

Now, if you'll all join me in raising a glass to our happy couple, Jack and Jill.

May all your hopes and dreams come true, and may the memory of this day become dearer with each passing year.

Cheers to our lovely bride and groom!
 
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