Being mean for the sake of being mean

eirlys

Member
I try to keep things fairly light here. I'm not a big fan of "negative nancy's".

I have to admit though that I've been a major jerk to the BF for a few days and now I'm kicking myself over it because I'm just not a mean type of person at all.

We're going to Michigan this weekend to spend the week there with his family. This will be my first time meeting them. I don't do well in social situations. It's just all so confusing. I don't understand what's being said, I feel like I'm being judged, and have a seriously negative body image to boot. All I can see is a week of nothing to do (they live in the woods with no internet) and being around people I don't know. That anxiety has boiled over into anger on my part. That anger is being taken out on him.

I've got to snap out of this and relax. It's times like this that I realize how neurotic I am lol.
 

Bottesini

Old Deaf Ranter
Premium Member
My sympathy. I understand your feelings of strange situations perfectly.
Hoping you will get through it all right.
 

AlleyCat

Well-Known Member
Same here, Botts. I think this is something MANY of us d/Deafies deal with. Anxiety in social situations is very common. It has spilled over into my life too.

Eirlys, it would not be unreasonable for you to want to take "time outs" for yourself. Go for walks in the woods, ask your BF to come with (or not) -- just some alone time, etc. Don't feel like you have to be with the family at ALL times if that will make you frustrated at all times.
 

eirlys

Member
Thanks for the advice and thought :)

I'm just trying to relax about all this so I don't make his yearly visit home miserable.

It's all compounded by the fact that I will be spending my first birthday away from my family during that time so I'm really sad about that.

I'm bringing toys though. My ipod touch, Nintendo DSi, Kindle, ps3, xbox 360. I should be able to find a hole somewhere to relax in. I really do need to get out more and I'm making an actual effort to do that surprisingly, this just feels like too much too soon ya know?
 

dereksbicycles

Active Member
I go to Michigan quite often to visit my girlfriend and her family.

I hope you have fun out there. I remember that your boyfriend is HOH so I'm sure you won't feel like a stranger.

My girlfriend is hearing and so is her whole family. She and her family is still learning ASL and trying hard to not leave me out, but sometimes, I still feel left out because they're not fluent yet.

I'm sympathy to you. You'll be fine.
 

naisho

Forum Disorders M.D.,Ph.D
Your guy is probably super confused what is going on. :P
He will come to understand it if he truly is appreciative of you. I think what you're experiencing is normal of any deaf person who is not ready to be always hanging out in the hearing world - most of us have all been there.

You could stock up on some apps for your toys..
Geometry wars for iOS is pretty addicting for me, and Dungeon Hunter1/2/3. On android, my latest fun is running emulators for n64/snes/psx. Hours of free entertainment without an internet connection necessary! :)
 

Bottesini

Old Deaf Ranter
Premium Member
Your guy is probably super confused what is going on. :P
He will come to understand it if he truly is appreciative of you. I think what you're experiencing is normal of any deaf person who is not ready to be always hanging out in the hearing world - most of us have all been there.

You could stock up on some apps for your toys..
Geometry wars for iOS is pretty addicting for me, and Dungeon Hunter1/2/3. On android, my latest fun is running emulators for n64/snes/psx. Hours of free entertainment without an internet connection necessary! :)

:hmm: I can't believe there is actually a game called Geometry Wars.

The new generation of gamers is in a sad state. :aw:
 

metalangel

Active Member
:hmm: I can't believe there is actually a game called Geometry Wars.

The new generation of gamers is in a sad state. :aw:

It's a twin-stick shooter like Robotron or Smash TV. It's called 'Geometry' because it's done with retro-style wireframe graphics. Yes, it is a bit hipster-ish.

Some people rave about it, personally I wasn't that impressed.
 

MsSaraB

New Member
I totally understand that you're nervous in meeting his family for the first time while spending a week with them. The woods aren't so bad though. I've lived in them my whole life and manage to have fun. Do they have ATVs and stuff out there? 4-wheelers are really fun. Bonfires (in a cleared area with lots of sand) are fun. I'm sure that they'll have things planned that will make it easier than wondering what you're gonna do for a week. It's always fun to do and see new things, right? A week isn't that long and I'm sure they will love you. Trust your boyfriend, he knows that you're going to be meeting new people and you'll be nervous, right? He won't let them bite you. I'm sure they may be nervous that you won't like them, too. Anyway, let us know how it goes when you get back.
 

rockin'robin

Well-Known Member
Well, been there...done that. All I can say is to give them the biggest and sweetest smile that you can muster up.....Maybe even bring a small gift for the parents, flowers or something baked at home...it helps break the ice....Being anxious is normal...and I'm sure ur b/f's family are nervous and anxious too...so it goes both ways. I always complimented their home (even if I didn't like it) and having to go thru all the photo albums or home movies...ugg!...but survived it all. Good Luck.
 

Grummer

Active Member
Thanks for the advice and thought :)

I'm just trying to relax about all this so I don't make his yearly visit home miserable.

It's all compounded by the fact that I will be spending my first birthday away from my family during that time so I'm really sad about that.

I'm bringing toys though. My ipod touch, Nintendo DSi, Kindle, ps3, xbox 360. I should be able to find a hole somewhere to relax in. I really do need to get out more and I'm making an actual effort to do that surprisingly, this just feels like too much too soon ya know?

Oi! not that much electronic toys my gosh you showed me you have a electronic fetishism! thats scary and thats what hurting the Gen Z now...just pick one, and learn to READ a REAL BOOK, its nothing like it...learn to respect ONE writer and at one at a time , learn SLOW Pace, thats the story...
like
hmmm maybe read a book on 'meeting lover's family for the first time, what to talk about' hell i dunno whats the title or who writes it but I really be shocked if there is none written on such a topic, and id bet you'd find it great. damnnit what about the next closest thing like, 'meeting in laws for the first time' (after engagement)...um not saying youre engaged or anything, jsut its a topic -wise in ways of dealing with difficult 'new extended familes and or , difficulty to deal with obligation meetings in say a ways to think of 'survivial topics to talk about (and what NOT to talk about)...
hmm
hope this helps
your G-string man LOL
no , im
G
 

GrayEagle

New Member
It's normal to be nervous about meeting family much less spending an entire week as guests! IMO, you are very courageous! :cool2: I know how I would be worrying, too, even without the communication issues. Totally normal! :P I would definitely talk about your feelings with him, your concerns and how you'll miss your usual birthday with your own family. The two of you can support each other and work on communication. Hard to meet new people. But you can do it with his support and understanding. Look forward to having some fun and not cloud your mind with too much worry. Have positive expectations. Sometimes you can be pleasantly surprised! Wishing you well! ;)
 

SneakerNet

Retired
Premium Member
Maybe you should download "Stranger in a Strange Land" by Robert A. Heinlein to Kindle...You will get the idea of being in a strange place <grin>

I have sympathy for you, I hope you'll get through it.

P.S. Oh..or "Beggars in Spain" by Nancy Kress....
 

Bottesini

Old Deaf Ranter
Premium Member
Maybe you should download "Stranger in a Strange Land" by Robert A. Heinlein to Kindle...You will get the idea of being in a strange place <grin>

I have sympathy for you, I hope you'll get through it.

P.S. Oh..or "Beggars in Spain" by Nancy Kress....

Grok....
 

ambrosia

Well-Known Member
Premium Member
Well I say kudos for you for realizing why you're being snappy with him, and the first thing you should do is explain your feelings and apologize to him.

Totally understandable!!! Not only is being around a bunch of people talking awkward and uncomfortable.....it can be mind bendingly boring!!!! I actually, to some degree, agree with Grummer, bring a book. But I'm a bookworm bigtime. But whatever you do, you might not want to spend ALL your time entertaining yourself, otherwise you might give his family the wrong impression, and cause hard feeling with your boyfriend.

I ran into this with my husband. He'd accuse me of being self absorbed and ignoring everybody. He didn't seem to understand that I can't really participate in conversations, and just sitting there staring into space is.......boring. So you gotta make a little effort to be sociable, so they don't feel they're being snubbed. Most people are understanding (my husband just a royal dog turd, imnsho :giggle:) but if you spend all your time in your own little world they won't get to know you!!
 

caz12

New Member
the sad thing is when you say no internet connection..you got the woods wildlife you may surpprise yourself that can get a lot from no net connection..you prejudging your bf parents ,the fact they living that life means they interact with people not computers,that has to be good
 

eirlys

Member
It's beautIful here. Lots of trees and hills. I'm from the part of Texas that is very flat. Our highest elevation is the local landfill. So these "mountains" I keep seeing that are supposedly just hills fascinate me. Still too many people though and that's too stressful. I feel like I have to perform and put on an act to make sure everyone likes me. Add to that that these people are all super fast talking Yankees without the Texas twang drawl I'm used to and with super strong Michigan accents (don'tchaknow??)... I'm having a hard time understanding anything at all. They have all taken the. Bf aside and told him how nice and sweet I am though so that's good.

I really do live in a self created bubble. A very isolated life that is my family and my bf. I do my activities alone or with him. I live too far from my family to do anything with them. It's just too hard. My hearing has gotten only slightly worse in the past 5 years but my ability to understand speech in noise has plummeted. I purposely live isolated because of the anxiety it causes me to try to act like a hearing person. Not to mention my negative body image and constant fear of judgement. I still do things. I still go places. I just choose to do them alone or with my bf who gets it.
 

eirlys

Member
Oh yeah... They totally got wifi... Satellite Internet. I have permission to use it.. But only have so far when people split up to do single person activities or after everyone goes to bed. That's at like... 9:30pm. Wayyy too early!
 
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