Are you deaf & dating a hearing person?

goodonya

Well-Known Member
I learned the "come hither" motion with two well manicured fingertips. Its not ASL but it made my dating life much happier.
 

JulJoy84

Member
Oh sweet! Did you still date a deaf guy Allison? Hope it works out for you. I am hard of hearing and, married to a hearing guy who knows sign language because he has a deaf sister but his great grandma was a deaf too when she passed away. My husband and I sometimes have trouble with our pros and cons things like talk to his friends without me knowing what they talk about but when his friends leave and can explain me what they talk about and he knows that I want to go out for deaf event but he tells me that he would get bored while he sit around but he gets frustrate with me because he don't understand what i talk about with deaf people around that is pretty annoying. Just wanted to let you know that I used to live in Rochester, NY for college at NTID. Did you know that one of deaf college called Gallaudet near your area?
 

appleeater

Member
I'm HoH, but was educated in a Deaf setting. My signing is a bit rusty now due to lack of practice. I'm married to a hearing woman who is learning sign, in part to communicate with me and in part so that if our children are born HoH/deaf, we will be able to raise them with BSL.
 

Jetti

Member
I'm hearing and my fiancé was born profoundly deaf and has hearing parents that sign. We met on the okcupid dating site and hit it off. For our first date, I was prepared with tons of questions on my phone (I knew some things about Deaf culture at this point). I didn't know any sign language, so I asked what we could do. He suggested I bring a laptop so we could type back and forth. That worked out well. I began learning sign from library books, but some signs were old or he didn't use, so I mostly had him as a teacher. So patient!

I think your experience will depend on the person. Our personalities meshed well and I was determined to learn sign language. I support and advocate for him, and he has taught me so much. Communication was always made important, which is why I think our relationship has been so successful.

For the hearing person to learn sign language and deaf culture is probably the most important aspect, in my opinion.
 

DeafNerdMommy

Well-Known Member
I am Hoh and I have dated hearing guys before but since I can talk fine they never bothered to learn asl for me. Now I am married to someone is is Hoh also. He never knew of the deaf culture until he met me.
So I personally don't like dating hearing people that are not opened minded.
 
Last edited:
I am hearing with interest in Deaf culture. I have lived in two of the "big 3", for having the largest Deaf communities, Rochester, NY and Washington, DC

As a nurse I've had limited experience with culturally Deaf and HOH individuals. Recently I was asked on a date by a Deaf man. He's super fun and seems very patient. (As I currently dont know any sign language... although I'm eager to learn ASL). Im looking forward to our date. So, I would like to hear from those of you who are in Deaf/hearing relationships. The pros. The cons.*

As a Deaf person what is your preference? Dating a hearing person or a Deaf person?
I prefer a deaf person a hearing person leaves a deaf out of conversations when they are going on I don't feel left out a with a deaf person.
 

Muse

Active Member
Deaf-hearing relationships are totally badass. I love the cross-cultural exchanges. I also love Deaf-Deaf relationships. They rock too.

I don't know the degree of acculturation with this gentleman, but he's going to be different from most men you've dated, and yet very much a man. He'll be aware of some things you've never seen before. Kinesthetically and visually. You'll probably also have some bumps in the road with cross-cultural stuff.

But I don't think I've ever met a woman who said she didn't grow some way from dating a Deaf man. I have to say the exact same thing for me dating a hearing woman.

Props to you for coming out and asking.
 

Frisky Feline

Well-Known Member
im married to a deaf oral guy.. It does not matter if I prefer hearing or hoh or deaf oral or Deaf. Im an ASL user, obviously. So my hubby learned ASL at Gallaudet.. so we met, and all is good. I believe in any relationship between couple who are willing to make a compromise, and social life as well. If things don't work then you know the answer.
 
B

BigHeart4U

Guest
To me, it does not matter. The importance is communication and it is part of my top 5 Cs of Foundation in Relationship and Marriage. So, if a Hearing woman has knowledge of signs, that would be helpful. I grew up HOH but I am Deaf because of more hearing loss in 2004.
 

MiyaMia

New Member
I think it would be cool to get to know someone who may be hard of hearing but it's honestly not a big deal.

It's probably more important to date someone for who they are, not based on if they can hear or not. Just my input I guess!
I understand what you're saying. To a Deaf person, because the ignorance of some hearing people- the fact that a person is hearing or deaf matters in the sense of day to day comfort-ability and being able to connect with a person in the most natural way. Some hearing people are really cool people, but may act different bc they get nervous around deaf or many deaf people, therefore, a Deaf person can associate that with a form of rejection or uncomfortable, so they tend to steer towards individuals who are more open or exposed to Deaf and Deaf culture- Deaf. This is one example, but an example of why it actually does matters. Also, some Deaf people don't want to explain their way of life, so they prefer to be with someone who already gets it- Deaf or CODA.
I hope I expressed it in a way that you'd get it.
MiyaMiaaaa
 

MiyaMia

New Member
Well I'm in the camp that if it's meant to be then it'll happen regardless of disabilities or race or religion or whatever the issue may be.

My only question is if you're dating a deaf guy and yet you barely know ASL how do you do communication? You can only be so romantic writing notes or doing rudimentary sign language.

FWIW I briefly dated a hearing girl and the issue wasn't really my hearing but her fear of committment.
Awww, what a shame. You seem cool. Damn, insecurities. It was for the best, eh? :)
Hope it's great from here on out.
 

Eddie Jay

Member
I am hearing with interest in Deaf culture. I have lived in two of the "big 3", for having the largest Deaf communities, Rochester, NY and Washington, DC

As a nurse I've had limited experience with culturally Deaf and HOH individuals. Recently I was asked on a date by a Deaf man. He's super fun and seems very patient. (As I currently dont know any sign language... although I'm eager to learn ASL). Im looking forward to our date. So, I would like to hear from those of you who are in Deaf/hearing relationships. The pros. The cons.*

As a Deaf person what is your preference? Dating a hearing person or a Deaf person?
I am hearing with interest in Deaf culture. I have lived in two of the "big 3", for having the largest Deaf communities, Rochester, NY and Washington, DC

As a nurse I've had limited experience with culturally Deaf and HOH individuals. Recently I was asked on a date by a Deaf man. He's super fun and seems very patient. (As I currently dont know any sign language... although I'm eager to learn ASL). Im looking forward to our date. So, I would like to hear from those of you who are in Deaf/hearing relationships. The pros. The cons.*

As a Deaf person what is your preference? Dating a hearing person or a Deaf person?
I'm deaf and I'd rather date a hearing girl, only if she was fluent in ASL. I just got out of a year relationship with a woman who claimed she'd learn. I only learned one thing. She was manipulative. If we clicked and you signed, I don't see why it wouldn't work, just as long as the chemistry is there.
 

Oliver

Active Member
I'm not deaf but my hearing is definitely not the best. I struggle to hear people unless they are talking louder than they normally would, I was never opened to deaf community until I found Alldeaf and I have only ever dated hearing people. I use sign language mainly not only because of the hearing but I prefer not speaking. My anxiety attacks cause me to not be able to talk and I honestly prefer being silent. I'm not perfect in asl since I've been trying to teach myself without support from family and with lack of resources but I use what I know and I can carry a good conversation.

In my opinion all that matters is that there is a connection. If you feel chemistry with him then it's nice. My only thing is communication. There has to be some form of communication. If he is oral and can read lips that's great. Just don't leave it all to him though, learn Asl. Not only will it help you in the relationship but knowing asl is knowing another language. You never know when you may need it.

This post may be old, have you had the date yet? How did it go? Hope all is well.
 
Last edited:
Top