Any hard-of-hearing ppl raised in the hearing world?

mrk08

New Member
I just want to know what your experiences are like....such as talking to people in background noise, going to the movies, ordering food in the restaurant or dealing with customer service, talking on the phone, etc. (anything that hinders your ability to communicate/hear effectively)

I'm hard of hearing but I wear hearing aids and can pretty much hear what people say in favourable situations. I was raised in the hearing world and do not know too many deaf/hard-of-hearing people. I can lipread somewhat but I don't know sign language.

From my experiences, I find that it's extremely difficult for me to hear what other people say when there's a lot of background noise...I use an FM microphone device for one-on-one situations but group situations are pretty tough.

Do you have to deal with a lot of people who don't seem to understand what it's like to be hard of hearing? Do you sometimes get embarrassed or frustrated when you're not able to hear what other people say at times or when you're in a social situation (like a party or restaurant) and you can't follow the conversation...so you're basically out of the loop and not in tune with the conversation at all? I experience this constantly and I want to do something about it...maybe I need better hearing aids that helps to diminish the background noise (although they only work to a certain extent). Do you have any suggestions/tips to try to become more involved in social situations rather than being quiet the entire time?
 

OpheliaSpeaks

New Member
Yeppers, I can sympathize. Fortunately, however, I am gaining proficiency in ASL and interact with the local Deaf community regularly. The majority of my close friends sign at least enough to fingerspell when I need clarification.
You are right, though, it is hard for people to understand just what "hard of hearing" means...many are also under the assumption that "deaf" means "no sound".
Phones create a challenge for me (mostly landline phones actually), but I just let people know from the get-go that I am hoh and ask them to speak slowly and clearly.
Background noise is a nightmare. It's hard to explain that when I enter a large public place (with awful acoustics) I feel as if I am in a bubble. It's hard to localize sounds and I rely heavily on lipreading in a situation like that.
I use an FM system for school lectures, but it's not the most ideal set-up for me. I never use it when I'm out and about.
I have learned to look for visual cues in every day situations...and this has served me pretty well for the most part.
Often in large group settings, I do get frustrated and I do feel left out. Usually, I'll let someone know that I have "no clue" what is going on, and they will repeat or clarify for me. If you're out and about, try to control the environment as much as possible. Ask to sit in a well-lit part or an area away from the kitchen (noise!) or the music .. etc.
People can't help you if they aren't familiar with the problem. Explain that you are hard of hearing and have difficulty following conversation in certain situations.
Sometimes, I become incredibly talkative in group settings. The reason for this is not to monopolize the conversation, but to keep everyone else from talking so I know exactly what is going on. If I am leading the conversation, then I always have a heads-up as to where things are headed. Except, of course, when someone changes the topic and I miss that part and keep rambling on abot something else...Haha. It happens.
I know that the digital aids can do a pretty good job of taking care of background nosie, but only to a certain extent. I actually cannot stand HAs and don't wear them (although I could benefit from them). I've convinced myself at this stage in the game that half of what I miss isn't so important anyway. :dunno2:
Good luck. :)
 

NEWIDME

New Member
I am in the hearing world. I don't know any deafies. Only here now. My mom fought many battles when I was in school. She paved my road.

As far as background noise, directional mic's seem to really make a difference.

What I am getting into now is my 4 yo son who knows when I take my hearing aids out for the evening. I can not hear w my aids out. He talks in my ear. It's so cute! If there is an unfamilar sound, I just look at my son and he tells me what or where it came from. My 2.5 yo, on the other hand, WILL NOT talk in my ear. She elbows me when I try to get close and ask her to repeat. I am not sure what to do w/ her.

I have the kind of loss that is flat/linear so if it's loud enough, I hear it (this is when my aids are off). I consider myself lucky to have this kind of loss.

I am very friendly but I am a homebody. College teachers knew I would meet with them at least once a week to review so that I knew if I heard them right.

I used to try to control my environment. I don't do that anymore because that was kinda making me a bit batty. I go with the flow as much as I can. If I am at a social function or family gathering and am lost in conversation, I go away. If people are not going to include me, I go off and do something by myself until I can get the F out of there and go home. That might make me a snob but listening is so tiring. If it has nothing to do w/ something that is beneficial, especially financially, then I just let it go.

I haven't the slightest idea why I married my exhusband. There were so many red flags that I chose not to see. He is a redneck who is mean. He suckered me into the relationship. He put me down when I couldn't hear him. He refused to repeat himself anymore after a year of marriage. He faked sign to me so many times. He just did whatever he could to bring me down. I figure it was a way to make himself feel better, I guess. I am so very happy I got out.

Since the divorce, I know now if you can't hear, that doesn't make you any less of a person. If anything, you have a greater connection to the universe BECAUSE you can't hear. There is an internal 'noise' that hearing people will never hear/feel.

Here at the middle of my life, I am starting to look back and I see many affects my hearing impairment has had on my life. (what other word do I use other than h.i.?).
 

howardwoodsjr

New Member
I grew up in the hearing world since birth. The educational system in the 1970s and 1980s is probably much different than it is now.

I always had hearing friends and did not know any deaf or hard of hearing people while in junior high, high school and junior college.

My parents struggled in those times and could've used some help in ensuring
that I had the proper resources while in school and college in which when I look back it, it was very difficult for me to fit in and I had to use sports as an outlet to gain respect from my peers.

Even today, I struggle in public accommodation in talking to others with the back ground noise that goes on and really don't have many friends that are deaf or hard of hearing in Central FL where I now reside.

I hope that in today's society that parents that have deaf or hard of hearing children receive the right information to ensure a better future for their children depending on their own circumstances which may be different than another family.

It would be wonderful to start to meet others like myself and to network as well which is the reason for this post.
 

WeezerD16

New Member
I grew up in the hearing world, and nobody believed that I had a hearing problem for the longest time. They thought that I just wasn't paying attention when I missed things and I would get in trouble in class for not 'paying attention'. I have a speech problem from not being able to hear myself talk, and I would get frustrated like crazy when people didn't understand me or I didn't understand them.

Now that I know that I wasn't just crazy, it is both a relief and a curse. I feel more isolated from the hearing world since my hearing is getting worse and worse, but I can explain to people why I'm not able to always fully understand them.

Background noise is the bane of my existance. Resturants, loud classrooms, rooms with air conditioning blowing, anything like that and I can't hear anything at all. It's hard to avoid these when everybody that I know is hearing, so I kind of sit there like a lump because I miss everything.

I have to use captions on the tv, which drives my family crazy. I can't use them when I'm watching with other people, and since having me go 'what did he just say?' every other second gets annoying I normally go and find other things to do when other people are watching television.

I can't use a hearing aid, so I rely on lipreading some, but at the end of the day my head is always pounding from all the efforts of living in a hearing world. Sometimes I wish that I could always be around deaf people, but I don't know much sign and I'm too much of a hearie, even if I can't always hear. I don't really know which world I belong in now.
 

Pepsi

New Member
Premium Member
I am hard of hearing and I have to wear two hearing aids,Well it was tough growing up in the hearing world when I was in school I didn't have many friends it was the same when I became Adult I was never around anyone who was like me.School was hell I got made fun of because I could not hear that good and the way that I talk,even to this day I funny when I have to talk.
 

Vivie

New Member
I worn two aids since I was 1 yr old..Was raised at the hearing world , and I was the only hoh/deaf that lived still with its parents..

most deafie kids and hoh , went at a boarding school at another town..my parents decided for me to mainstream me and try and help me..got speech therapist and everything , private tutoring..

Was a bit awful , would be made fun of , was feeling left out..Classroom was a bit of joke..

At large group talks loud classrooms and food joints and caff's I'd fell silent and let the group talk among themselves...I was people watching..when I had to interact at a noisy enviroment , had to rely on lipreading and visual cues and my HA's..now I'm implanted and waiting how this decision will unfold...oh and I don't know GSL or ASL ..only the alphabet in both and sometimes I confuse the signs ..
 

Sezkin

New Member
I was brought up in the hearing world all my life, my whole family is hearing. I was born 14 weeks premature which is why I'm deaf now.

I wear two hearing aids; started wearing them when the doctor found out so I got them when I was 1 and half years old. I went to a hearing primary school where I was the only deaf person so I learnt to lipread and talk from observing other people. I only started talking at 6 years old. From then I went to high school where I was years and years behind of everyone at work cos I couldn't hear as well. The high school wasn't so helpful in giving me fails for everything in my GCSES and saying " it's ok to FAIL" Bastards....

BUT I proved them wrong and passed everything 11 A*-C, no fails and then got through A levels and now I'm at University studying to get QTS in teaching and then get training to become Teacher of the deaf. I have lots of hearing friends and only one deaf friend. It's been tough ride and the social life can be frustrating at times but I let people know I'm deaf and they're very understanding. I'm happy with my life now and the reason why I want to become teacher of the deaf is to help many achieve like what I have. :)

x x x
 

pek1

New Member
I'm the ninth person and I printed all of the other comments. Needless to say, the vast majority of of you . . . no, all of you have the same experiences I've had.

For family to get upset because the closed-captioning is on, I wonder if something really got them upset, what would it be? To deny this and be selfish, well, is selfish. No one wants to be excluded.

NEWIDME, you didn't miss anything when you divorced your ex. If you were closer to me, I'd consider dating you. You don't have to take any abuse from anyone and, might I add, I live with a "friend" who has been getting a little abusive toward me (another guy) and expecting me to babysit his three kids from two ex-wives while he and new gf run around town. I will be moving out, but since the middle of last week, have been sleeping in my van, trying to get over my sickness from their cigarette smoke.

howardwoodsjr, the only difference now is that we have the ADA. Kids treated me like trash in high school and I vowed never to attend a hs reunion. It's been 26 years now and still haven't attended one.

WeezerD16, I can name that tune. You're not crazy.

Pepsi -- :hug: what else can I say?

If I didn't comment, please don't be offended, okay? Trust me, I identify with what you say and what you say is important here. Sezkin, don't let those "hearies" tell you how to teach a deaf kid when you're one yourself. ;)
 

Awauphi

Active Member
I grew up in hearing and deaf world. Even tho I went to Deaf school then Friday rolled around and I get to go home every weekend. Being around my family and friends helped me to learn to talk well but not 100% perfect.

Now I live in hearing world as there is no deaf people around here where I live so I use my voice to communicate with people. If there are deaf people then I will use sign language to talk to them.
 

Pepsi

New Member
Premium Member
I am hard of hearing and I have to wear two hearing aids,Well it was tough growing up in the hearing world when I was in school I didn't have many friends it was the same when I became Adult I was never around anyone who was like me.School was hell I got made fun of because I could not hear that good and the way that I talk,even to this day I funny when I have to talk.

I was half asleep when I wrote this post,the last line should read "I feel funny when I have to talk" sorry guys :lol:
 

Pepsi

New Member
Premium Member
I'm the ninth person and I printed all of the other comments. Needless to say, the vast majority of of you . . . no, all of you have the same experiences I've had.

For family to get upset because the closed-captioning is on, I wonder if something really got them upset, what would it be? To deny this and be selfish, well, is selfish. No one wants to be excluded.

NEWIDME, you didn't miss anything when you divorced your ex. If you were closer to me, I'd consider dating you. You don't have to take any abuse from anyone and, might I add, I live with a "friend" who has been getting a little abusive toward me (another guy) and expecting me to babysit his three kids from two ex-wives while he and new gf run around town. I will be moving out, but since the middle of last week, have been sleeping in my van, trying to get over my sickness from their cigarette smoke.

howardwoodsjr, the only difference now is that we have the ADA. Kids treated me like trash in high school and I vowed never to attend a hs reunion. It's been 26 years now and still haven't attended one.

WeezerD16, I can name that tune. You're not crazy.

Pepsi -- :hug: what else can I say?

If I didn't comment, please don't be offended, okay? Trust me, I identify with what you say and what you say is important here. Sezkin, don't let those "hearies" tell you how to teach a deaf kid when you're one yourself. ;)

Thanks Pete :)
 

Sezkin

New Member
I'm the ninth person and I printed all of the other comments. Needless to say, the vast majority of of you . . . no, all of you have the same experiences I've had.

For family to get upset because the closed-captioning is on, I wonder if something really got them upset, what would it be? To deny this and be selfish, well, is selfish. No one wants to be excluded.

NEWIDME, you didn't miss anything when you divorced your ex. If you were closer to me, I'd consider dating you. You don't have to take any abuse from anyone and, might I add, I live with a "friend" who has been getting a little abusive toward me (another guy) and expecting me to babysit his three kids from two ex-wives while he and new gf run around town. I will be moving out, but since the middle of last week, have been sleeping in my van, trying to get over my sickness from their cigarette smoke.

howardwoodsjr, the only difference now is that we have the ADA. Kids treated me like trash in high school and I vowed never to attend a hs reunion. It's been 26 years now and still haven't attended one.

WeezerD16, I can name that tune. You're not crazy.

Pepsi -- :hug: what else can I say?

If I didn't comment, please don't be offended, okay? Trust me, I identify with what you say and what you say is important here. Sezkin, don't let those "hearies" tell you how to teach a deaf kid when you're one yourself. ;)

I'm certainly going to be in control of teaching deaf children when I get there! It's going to be a long ride but I'm determinated! :) x x x
 

coolgirlspyer90

Active Member
Well I can tell you my experience being raised in the hearing world with a hearing family; I was born hearing, but i lost my hearing when i was about 2 years old i think and i lost completely all of it when i turned 3. my left ear is 100% deaf but my right ear is HOH. So, i'm almost 15. But by handeling background noises, thats tough for me because no one could hear me because of that. And on the phone that makes my ears go mumble jumbo and it sounds like another foregin language to me. Then with other people talking, I can understand them sometimes. But not all the time. I talk pretty good because i had speech thearpy like FOREVER. I always hated speech. I still do. But i know i talk fast sometimes because I sign fast. But with other people tlaking fast. It overwelms my ears (hearing aid and cochlear implant) and it sounds like another foregin language to me. So i would have to ask them to slow down and start over again.

In school I have to use a FM system but they never work and I hated wearing FM systems. Because you have to wear the loop and it kind of gets in the way with your stuff. I used to have the Boot for the FM system with my old hearing aid but i don't have that anymore, i got a new hearing aid and a new implant. But the loop didn't work very good thru my new implant which i have is called Freedom. But anyways, with taking notes while you watch a history video has been the toughest for me. Because almost all of the history videos has no captions at all and my interpreter didn't sign them for me in what the video narrator was talking about. I always show a fustration on my face during school. But i was too embarressed to go up and ask because i thought other students in my class would pick on me because i'm the only person who can't understand a thing from the video and they're able to because they're hearing. And i would want to cry and go home in my bed and write in my diary because i'm fustrated with it. With the read alongs CD in ELA, usually i get lost because its either a deep voice or its something else. ANd my interpreter would have to help me find my way back. Speech in school is kinda hardest for me beacause I can't get my "SH" sounds right. And that's hard for me to hear.

My Dad would Alwyas get fustrated with me because i can't understand him. He always think that i'm not paying attention when I said i was but he doesn't believe me. Because you know most kids don't pay attention right? But I always do. Also when my sister talks to me, and i can't understand her she would go: "never mind" but I want to know what they say but they get fustrated with me. And I would have to figure out myself sometimes or move on and forget about it. What helps me the most to calm down and think about things is playing on the piano, listening to my IPod (even tho i don't really know what the song is talking about) or going up to my old school playground. With my IPod playlist in it, I would have my Ipod plugged in my CI and my sidekick in my hand reading the lyrics as my IPod is playing. And it's like reading the captions but it helps alot. With TV, In my room I always watch it with captions in my room. Everywhere else no. The kitchen doesn't have a caption settings on the television which fustrates me too. So I'm still trying to manage all these things. It's pretty hard. But I'm trying to get it right.
 

Grummer

Active Member
I agree with MOST of you above, like 95%, however I want to say this as I dont haev much time to hang about in AD (assignment), but my guess is 99% of HOH people are raised by and are dominated by the hearing world. very few HOH people really have it big in success i mean like the success that really comes across are the stories of 'overcoming their [hearing] disability or or how well organised are their passing off as hearingand rarely any stories of career success in high calibre unless of course if you OWN a big business in that way no one can and will try tell you to go away.
As said all above, I firmly believe 99% of Hoh people are raised in the hearing world as second-class citizens.
I am deaf, not culturally, nor politically Deaf, barely functions as a HOH ll the while I believe in Many things which Deaf politics maintains yet at same time I view Deaf politics is deeply flawed as well to a point that its fast become harder for Hoh people to have their rights recognised. I am in a way torn in between the wishes of Deaf and Hoh views regarding what deemed are as 'Rights', that saying I am not confused, albeit Very difficult to get details clarified as in this area needs more time to become a recognisable perspective to be shared and thus enabling to canvas a wider range deafness level people falls into, to have their concerns voiced, not just the Deaf minority, while surely sign language have their place on agenda but its not 'everything' as that Deaf propogandaists claims it to be.
 

bebito831

New Member
I am hoh, I have been raised and still live in a hearing world. I am the only one in my family who is hoh. I live in a small town and I am pretty sure I am the only young adult here in town who is hoh, except for a few older folks who wear hearing aids because of old age. I have been wearing my hearing aids since I wa 5 years old. I am not sure what you all will think is a sucess story but here is my story...

At 5 and in Kindergarten I failed the school hearing test. I was fitted for one hearing aid and by the time I was 6 I was wearing it as long as I was awake. I was in a regular public school. My parents would go to my teacher every year and make sure the teacher was well informed of my hearing loss. I would always sit in the first row everywhere I went. I taught myself how to lipread mostly because it would drive me crazy not to know what was going on. I managed to stay high in grades and my speech was perfect. My only drawback was that I was shy. I didn't like to talk much, only listen.

By the time I was 10 I got my second hearing aid so by then I was wearing two aids all day long. I still went to regular public school. No one ever picked on me or made fun of me, in fact, most of my friends usually forgot or just didn't care. :lol: I was almost an expert at lipreading by then. While I was probably always a second or two behind everyone else (like when the teacher would say "okay class it's time to get up so we can go to the library" and everyone would get up and I would look around real quick until I got it that we were going somewhere) but somehow I really managed. I got all A's in middle school and high school. I was one of the six students who took the first Advanced Placement class Calculus when I was a senior in High School. My parents were very proud.

I went on to San Jose State University as a regular student, I had no special services and I was just miserable there. The classes were huge like 200 students and a professor who talked into a microphone. There was no way I could read his lips when he was covering his mouth all the time. I just never got the hang of this setting and I hung in there for two years but bearly managed to pass. I finally just stopped attending. It was there though that I met my husband. I was 22 when we got married. He has perfect hearing and he totally did not even blink an eye when I told him I wear hearing aids. He took it all in stride and we dated for 4 years before we got married. When I told him I didn't want to go to college anymore he was very supporting, he knew why I was unhappy. I stayed home for a few years and I had three girls. All of them with perfect hearing. They are now 11, 7, and 3.

I recently returned to college to finish my degree. It's always bugged me that I didn't finish. I decided to go a different route than such a huge University. I decided to go to Chapman University. I am loving it! The classes are small between 10 to 15 students all of them adults. I am almost done with my degree and I am currently a substitute teacher at the same public school I attended when I was young. All the staff and administration know I am hoh and they are super helpful. My students are always wonderful and considerate, even the older 13 and 14 year olds who can sometimes be rude and mean to each other, but they see themselves as my protectors. They are all eager to help me answer the phone or anything else I need.
I feel very fortunate.

My own opinion of being hoh in a hearing world. Well like all of you, I have a hard time in noisy settings. My lipreading usually saves me. As long as I can see your mouth all is good. I currently wear two digital Sumo hearing aids from Oticon. I like them a lot. They pick up alot of sounds I never heard 5 or 6 years ago. I go to the movies because my girls love going to the movies but I usually miss out on a lot of the dialogue, but the experience is fun. I never like to do concerts or things like that because the music just sounds so distorted and I can never figure out what song is playing. I have my cell phone hooked up to a neckloop that is on bluetooth and I love this. It helps me understand a bit better on my phone but in reality the person on the other end has to repeat themselves at least four or five times. My family and friends are perfectly okay with this though. I rely on captions to watch tv and I wish places like youtube would hurry and caption their videos so I can enjoy them like everyone else.
While I am still a bit shy I have learned that sometimes you just got to put yourself out there. You better believe if anyone messes with my girls I would not hesitiate to get in there and start talking! :P

I lose my hearing a tiny bit every year and while I am 36 right now there is the possibility that I will be completely deaf by the time I am 50 or so. I guess if that time comes I will go try the implants.

My husband and I will be celebrating our 14th wedding anniversary in December. He is still my hero in so many ways.

So I guess I am lucky. And for those of you who are still young like CoolGirl hang in there and don't give up. If your family does not support and accept you please know that those of us here do support you. We know what you are going through.
And those of you who are older keep searching for better products and more services for you. I am so happy I found this place. I have never met anyone in real life who is hoh or deaf and I feel so comfortable here. I am also so happy to see so many new things I can try to help me get along better in this world. I really thank you all for accepting me. Lots of hugs for everyone!

Melissa
 

in~the~middle

New Member
I just want to know what your experiences are like....such as talking to people in background noise, going to the movies, ordering food in the restaurant or dealing with customer service, talking on the phone, etc. (anything that hinders your ability to communicate/hear effectively)

I'm hard of hearing but I wear hearing aids and can pretty much hear what people say in favourable situations. I was raised in the hearing world and do not know too many deaf/hard-of-hearing people. I can lipread somewhat but I don't know sign language.

From my experiences, I find that it's extremely difficult for me to hear what other people say when there's a lot of background noise...I use an FM microphone device for one-on-one situations but group situations are pretty tough.

Do you have to deal with a lot of people who don't seem to understand what it's like to be hard of hearing? Do you sometimes get embarrassed or frustrated when you're not able to hear what other people say at times or when you're in a social situation (like a party or restaurant) and you can't follow the conversation...so you're basically out of the loop and not in tune with the conversation at all? I experience this constantly and I want to do something about it...maybe I need better hearing aids that helps to diminish the background noise (although they only work to a certain extent). Do you have any suggestions/tips to try to become more involved in social situations rather than being quiet the entire time?


This could be my story.
And I am looking for the same tips.
I also find that trying to track conversations in some social settings is physically exhausting. I have to avoid the temptation to just smile and nod, when I haven't heard what was said. But you can see the aggravation others expereince when they have to repeat their statements frequently.
generally, I dont' go into party like enviroments alone unless most of the people there already know me. If I have to attend a function for business, I try to partner with someone who will help with recapping things for me so that I dont' have to ask for repeats too often. That helps to some extent. But I still find that my reactions, responses or lack ther of are misintrepreted.
 

dead money

New Member
*raises hand*

Basically im deaf in my left and i sustained a little loss in my right ear, also as others have stated....a birth defect. Nobody else in my family is deaf and for the most part if a random stranger came up to me and started a conversation, more than likely he wont know i have this condition unless i just blantantly tell him/her since my speech is relatively good. I dont speak perfect/perfect but it gets the job done lol. I didnt sign until 7th grade and one year at gallaudet university was truly an eye opening expirience for me. I like a lot of things hearing people tend to like such as talking on a cell phone rather than using a blackberry/sidekick...music/concerts, movies as in actually going to the theater and paying 9$. Captions are nice but im used to not having it there since the volume IS loud enough to understand dialogue, background sounds, music etc. At home though closed captioning IS a must though. Also what hinders me is that people will talk too fast or unclear. And loud enviornments or someone with a heavy accent throw me off big time hehe. So my inability to hear perfect DOES affect me in more ways than one. But for the most part i guess im fortunate to have enough hearing to expirience the best of both worlds :)
 

shel90

Audist are not welcome
Premium Member
How I solved this problem after growing up in the hearing world as a person with a bilateral profound deafness in both ears was learning ASL and getting involved with the Deaf community. Now, I am no longer in the hearing world 24/7 like before and life is so MUCH easier! Good balance btw both worlds.
 
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