Adopting Deaf Children

Hearing parents who give birth to a deaf child, when they've had no contact with d/Deaf people before are clueless.
Rather than hating them for not learning sign, why not turn to where they get advice? Doctors, psychiatrists and the such.

A parent can only take in what information they are given and then make a decision that they feel is right for their child. It is not up to you or anyone else to judge.

The only person who can criticise is the person in question, reflecting on their upbringing.

My current lecturer in Auslan was brought up with oralism.
Her resentment is with the Drs. not her parents. Her parents did the best they could with the situation that was dealt with them.

Which is why she is now strongly encouraging more Deaf awareness so that parents can have options and know all the information available to then make a more informed decision.
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True, but then again I don't think he is criticizing........I do agree with you that a LOT of hearing parents are clueless and a lot of their decisions are made on grief and unconciusiously trying to make their dhh kid "normal"
 
deafdyke said:
True, but then again I don't think he is criticizing........I do agree with you that a LOT of hearing parents are clueless and a lot of their decisions are made on grief and unconciusiously trying to make their dhh kid "normal"
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I just think Tbone needs to be careful passing judgement in places where he has no understanding.

Yes a lot of hearing parents do want their kids to be "normal" even my mum had said she would've wanted me to be hearing if I was born deaf.

But all these decisions are usually made without enough information provided so what's a parent to do?

I'm not sure if in the US Deaf culture has more awareness etc... In Australia it's not and even then Perth, WA is even more behind (joke is WA = Wait Awhile)
 
Kalima01 said:
I just think Tbone needs to be careful passing judgement in places where he has no understanding.

Yes a lot of hearing parents do want their kids to be "normal" even my mum had said she would've wanted me to be hearing if I was born deaf.

But all these decisions are usually made without enough information provided so what's a parent to do?

I'm not sure if in the US Deaf culture has more awareness etc... In Australia it's not and even then Perth, WA is even more behind (joke is WA = Wait Awhile)
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I find they're are just as many clueless deaf parents raising hearing children as there are clueless hearing parents raising deaf children. Ignorance is universal and being deaf doesn't give anyone an edge in child rearing.

My parents went through a lot. I was six when I got my first hearing aid, I didn't get the other until two years later since my parents couldn't afford it. I had speech therapy three times a week one on one and I was sent to Mass Eye and Ear for therapy as well. I was encouraged to wear my hearing aids at school and at home, and I mainstreamed. Living with a disability is never easy, but I graduated school with a M.Ed., and I have a steady income in federal service where I speak as clearly as those that can hear normally. I think my parents did a damn good job, particularly since they had nothing to go on but their own instincts and love for me. There was no Internet then, no support groups, no financial assistance, and thankfully no interaction with a deaf community to encourage my parents to stop teaching me to speak and use sign only. No guilt trips, no bashing that they were robbing me of my identity, etc.

I was raised like any other child and I didn't feel stigmatized or different. Fortunately, I grew up with a heavy dose of my mother's Sicilian culture and I was daily reminded that I was special. All children should be so lucky. It's never fair to generalize any groups, deaf or hearing - being a parent is hard work and just because you can't hear, doesn't mean you understand what a hearing impaired or deaf child is going through better than a hearing parent. All parents are motivated by love...or should be.

Laura
 
and thankfully no interaction with a deaf community to encourage my parents to stop teaching me to speak and use sign only. No guilt trips, no bashing that they were robbing me of my identity, etc.

I was raised like any other child and I didn't feel stigmatized or different. Fortunately, I grew up with a heavy dose of my mother's Sicilian culture and I was daily reminded that I was special. All children should be so lucky. It's never fair to generalize any groups, deaf or hearing - being a parent is hard work and just because you can't hear, doesn't mean you understand what a hearing impaired or deaf child is going through better than a hearing parent. All parents are motivated by love..
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WTF?!?!? Laura, back when you were young a lot of Deaf Schools were *gasp* ORAL! You would have learned BOTH speech and Signing. It looks like you're very misinformed as to what deaf culture and the deaf community etc even IS. Yes, there are Deaf people who think that Deaf kids should only sign, but thinking that theory represents ALL Deaf people, is just as retarded as thinking that all feminists are extreme lefties who unschool their children and have them reading bell hooks or Kate Bornstien by 10 years old.
 
and I think many parents while they love their kid with a disability, aren't fully accepting the fact that their kid is different, and may need different things, like Sign, Braille, cane training, special ed, wheelchairs etc etc........too many parents of disabled kids buy into extreme ablism and try to make them into "normal" kids.
 
Lau2046 said:
I find they're are just as many clueless deaf parents raising hearing children as there are clueless hearing parents raising deaf children. Ignorance is universal and being deaf doesn't give anyone an edge in child rearing.

My parents went through a lot. I was six when I got my first hearing aid, I didn't get the other until two years later since my parents couldn't afford it. I had speech therapy three times a week one on one and I was sent to Mass Eye and Ear for therapy as well. I was encouraged to wear my hearing aids at school and at home, and I mainstreamed. Living with a disability is never easy, but I graduated school with a M.Ed., and I have a steady income in federal service where I speak as clearly as those that can hear normally. I think my parents did a damn good job, particularly since they had nothing to go on but their own instincts and love for me. There was no Internet then, no support groups, no financial assistance, and thankfully no interaction with a deaf community to encourage my parents to stop teaching me to speak and use sign only. No guilt trips, no bashing that they were robbing me of my identity, etc.

I was raised like any other child and I didn't feel stigmatized or different. Fortunately, I grew up with a heavy dose of my mother's Sicilian culture and I was daily reminded that I was special. All children should be so lucky. It's never fair to generalize any groups, deaf or hearing - being a parent is hard work and just because you can't hear, doesn't mean you understand what a hearing impaired or deaf child is going through better than a hearing parent. All parents are motivated by love...or should be.

Laura
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I am a part of the Deaf community and with that attitude, that's sad because many of us are wonderful people. We have feelings too.
 
deafdyke said:
WTF?!?!? Laura, back when you were young a lot of Deaf Schools were *gasp* ORAL! You would have learned BOTH speech and Signing. It looks like you're very misinformed as to what deaf culture and the deaf community etc even IS. Yes, there are Deaf people who think that Deaf kids should only sign, but thinking that theory represents ALL Deaf people, is just as retarded as thinking that all feminists are extreme lefties who unschool their children and have them reading bell hooks or Kate Bornstien by 10 years old.
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If I had gone to deaf school, I never would have learned to speak as well as I do. Sicily is my culture, not deafness. Deafness is just my disability in the way that dyscalculia is my disability. When "Miss Deaf America" used her voice during her acceptance speech, she was bashed for not "really being deaf." It was stupid, of course she was deaf. She wasn't ashamed or trying to hide her deafness, she just chose to speak. Her mother wanted her to focus on speech to better her opportunities in this world, the same as mine did so she encouraged her all her life and didn't treat her any different from other children - same as mine.

The attitude that signing is always been than speech is the general opinion of most deaf and I can say without hesitation, a deaf school would never have encouraged my language skills the way my parents did and the mainstream schools I attended. I don't regret it for a moment and thankfully my parents succeeded without interaction from a deaf community to make them feel that they were approaching my disability all wrong, just because they could hear.

All I need to affirm my belief is read a post of someone on this forum that wants to improve their speech as an adult, and listen to people bash them say how proud they are of their deaf accent and what's wrong with them.....I don't need it. I'm grateful my parents had no interaction with people that thought like this or I never would have succeeded to the level that I've achieved (assuming they were foolish enough to listen to them for advice). I'm not saying all deaf would raise their deaf/hearing children wrong, but they'd be shamed against teaching them speech and I disagree with it. (Shamed by the deaf community, not the parents.) Hearing people are just as capable of raising deaf children, Kalima01 is justified in being offended. You don't need interaction with the deaf community, to read any books, or exclusive (nor near exclusive use) of ASL. You just need a loving home with the child's best interest at heart. You don't have to agree with this position; I know you won't agree given your posts in this thread and others, which is all the more reasons why hearing/deaf parents should make their decisions privately and as a family.

Again, there are many wondeful parents hearing and deaf raising children to be upstanding adults. No arguement. But I went to Northern Essex, a deaf college in Massachusetts for three years and I was exposed to this attitude that ASL was always better than voice - not by all deaf that I interacted with, but I surprised by how many did. While it takes a village to raise a child, the village has no place in the home calling the shots and trying to advise the parents on how best to raise their own child.

Laura
 
I knew a deaf guy at NTID who had deaf parents. His deaf mom was adopted. His deaf dad was adopted. His parents adopted him. :)
 
The attitude that signing is always been than speech is the general opinion of most deaf and I can say without hesitation, a deaf school would never have encouraged my language skills the way my parents did and the mainstream schools I attended. I don't regret it for a moment and thankfully my parents succeeded without interaction from a deaf community to make them feel that they were approaching my disability all wrong, just because they could hear.

All I need to affirm my belief is read a post of someone on this forum that wants to improve their speech as an adult, and listen to people bash them say how proud they are of their deaf accent and what's wrong with them.....I don't need it. I'm grateful my parents had no interaction with people that thought like this or I never would have succeeded to the level that I've achieved (assuming they were foolish enough to listen to them for advice). I'm not saying all deaf would raise their deaf/hearing children wrong, but they'd be shamed against teaching them speech and I disagree with it.
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I hate saying this, but you obviously have a lot of self hatred going on. How do you know if you had gone to Clarke, you wouldn't have had the same experience? You do not understand that when you were young a lot of deaf schools STILL used oral only! You also seem to equate really good speech abilty with success for dhh kids.....Just b/c a kid has good speech skills it doesn't mean they will succeed in the hearing world or be able to completely take advantage of all the hearing world has to offer ....if that's true then how come we have a plethora of dhh as kids adults posting that they wish they'd gotten ASL and Deaf culture ALONG with speech.
You must feel that way too, otherwise you wouldn't keep on coming back here........that's all I'm saying.
 
Deaf people are amazing human beings! :) I have not met a bad apple yet.
 
tbone said:
Deaf people are amazing human beings! :) I have not met a bad apple yet.
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People have told me the same but with Asians... and I get offended by it because all it does is:
1. remind me that I'm a minority and do not belong in this country according to most people
2. remind me of how most people look at me and think about racial stereotypes like ninjas, kung fu, "sushi is raw fish and that's disgusting", and ancient masters of whatever

Solution: Focus on my character, not my race. I can choose character. I can't choose race.

I think Deaf people would say the same: Focus on who I am, not my deafness.

Unfortunately with young children, their character/personality is not defined, and it's hard to tell if they will make the right choices in life to develop a good personality or develop good values.
 
Shimo, I never meant anything bad by that and you know that.

I have met many people and people within the Deaf community have impressed me the most with their compassion, sincerity, and trustworthiness. I respect any person who possesses these traits.
 
tbone said:
Shimo, I never meant anything bad by that and you know that.

I have met many people and people within the Deaf community have impressed me the most with their compassion, sincerity, and trustworthiness. I respect any person who possesses these traits.
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No matter how sincere, it only proves you haven't been around much.
There are good and bad people in every culture and society.

Deaf people are no better or worse than any other.
 
tbone said:
Shimo, I never meant anything bad by that and you know that.

I have met many people and people within the Deaf community have impressed me the most with their compassion, sincerity, and trustworthiness. I respect any person who possesses these traits.
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I know... you're just trying to relate.
So are the people who tell me "complements" based on my race.
The problem I have with it though, however positive and sincere their comments may be, is that they assuming a great deal based on something I didn't choose.
They aren't telling me that "wow all asians are so smart and nice" because I am smart and nice -- they're telling me this because they think (From their limited exposure to other "asian" people) that this is how all asians usually are.

The problem with this though is that I don't actually think about myself as being asian. I consider myself an American, and a woman, and not fat, but I never think about myself as "the asian person". So it.. even if it's with the best and nicest intentions, it just comes off as being racist to me.


I hope that if you do adopt a kid, you adopt the kid because you just want to give a kid the best chance in life, not because you want to use the kid as leverage to get involved in Deaf community, or because you want to use the kid to experience ASL communication, or because you think ASL is all that. It's unfair for the kid to know that something he or she can't choose is why you chose to love them.
 
Thank you for your comments Shimo. You have opened my eyes and I do feel like a complete ass for what I have said in the past.

I do need more exposure to the community and I need to learn more about culture in general. I apologize if I come off as a racist and what not. Maybe I should just stop commenting on this blog.

I'm sorry for hurting anyone's feelings.
 
i thinking of madona,she got blasting for adopting african children.the fact these kids have good life with her or was she patronizing and should have donated her cash to poor kids over there...was she depriving these children of their born culture langage etc...it hard call
 
I understand where the Deaf community stands on my perspective and how they feel. They feel that I am look at them in a completely different view. Instead of thinking of the Deaf community as a person, I've been thinking of them as a race and as a single entity subconsciously and never realized it. I sincerely apologize for singling you guys out. I should look at a deaf person as more of a person.

I admit I'm ignorant but I'm still learning.

At least I'm trying to make an effort to understand. I hope that at least counts for something.
 
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