Adopting Deaf Children

tbone

tbone

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Dear Deaf Community:

Once I complete school (for good!) and begin settling down with somebody, I would love to adopt a deaf child or deaf children simply because of the passion I developed for the Deaf Community and Deaf Culture through taking ASL courses at the University of Iowa.

Is there any advice you have for the adoption and upbringing of deaf children? Are there any sites you might suggest visiting in the meantime?

Thanks for your help!

Sincerely,
Ryan
 
No idea of sites for deaf adoptions. But there are. People who adopted deaf chinese or korean kids. Easier getting deaf than a normal kid. You may remember the home. Improvement show with the deaf adopted chinese girl a year ago I think it was
 
Just go to the Adoption Agency and ask them about it. Why ask us if we don't know for sure.

You have to remember that d/Deaf children are not toys. They are much human as we are. You can not adopt a d/Deaf child if you fell in love with ASL and Deaf Culture. You and the d/Deaf child are totally different and you can not make the d/Deaf child be like you as a hearing person. You have to leave the child alone the way he or she is but help him or her to learn sign language like ASL and get accommodations in the mainstream school settings or Deaf school. He or she need to be with d/Deaf children and he or she can communicate better that way. Also he or she need to know about Deaf Culture and to be with a Deaf mentor in the Deaf community so he or she will not be left out. He or she have feelings and they get hurt if you hurt them if you are trying to change them to be like you. He or she need to feel wanted and have a family that he or she desire to have a family. If you still want to adopt a deaf boy or deaf girl, then do the right thing as above. Good luck.
 
I would not want my d/Deaf child to become hearing because I'd want that child to embrace their deafness (because it's important to them, their community, culture, and identity; it's who they are and no one can change that). I would not want my child to get a CI unless he or she would want that. I would not do anything the child would not want me to do. I want my child to be happy not miserable or in pain. It doesn't make sense to give my child a CI if he/she did not want one. It's their choice because they will be the one who lives with the CI not me.

I will do WHATEVER it takes to help my child live a happy lifestyle. If he/she wants to go to a deaf (residential) school, then I'll put them in a deaf school. If they want to go to a mainstream school, then I'll put them in a mainstream school and make sure they have their own personal interpreter with them at all times, if that is what they want. I'll continue socializing with Deaf people and find them a mentor! I want my child to have complete access to the world! :)

I want my child to be happy. I want them to feel independent. I want my child to feel good about who they are and where they're bound to go. I will love my child to the moon and back. Just to see them grow and socialize with people they love means more to me than to see them in pain.

You guys don't know how much I want this! I don't care about what my parents think because it's not their decision to raise this child, it's mine! I want them to be apart of this child's life and if it means that they need to learn ASL then I'll pay for their teacher.

Thank you for your help, wisdom, and advice! It is much appreciated! :)

Bebonang said:
Just go to the Adoption Agency and ask them about it. Why ask us if we don't know for sure.

You have to remember that d/Deaf children are not toys. They are much human as we are. You can not adopt a d/Deaf child if you fell in love with ASL and Deaf Culture. You and the d/Deaf child are totally different and you can not make the d/Deaf child be like you as a hearing person. You have to leave the child alone the way he or she is but help him or her to learn sign language like ASL and get accommodations in the mainstream school settings or Deaf school. He or she need to be with d/Deaf children and he or she can communicate better that way. Also he or she need to know about Deaf Culture and to be with a Deaf mentor in the Deaf community so he or she will not be left out. He or she have feelings and they get hurt if you hurt them if you are trying to change them to be like you. He or she need to feel wanted and have a family that he or she desire to have a family. If you still want to adopt a deaf boy or deaf girl, then do the right thing as above. Good luck.
Click to expand...
 
I'm asking you (the Deaf community) because you have lived this lifestyle and you would know more about what to do than hearing people.

No offense to hearing people, but how can they know what it's like to be deaf and grow up deaf. They wouldn't unless they became deaf at a young age. And if they were not deaf at a young age, then how are they supposed to know what to do with a deaf child if they've never raised one? Most hearing people don't know what to do with a deaf child because MOST are unwilling to learn sign language and do what is best for their children because they think their child should learn their language to communicate with them. They don't think they should learn ASL to communicate with their children which really pisses me off and I'm not even a parent yet. Instead they expect their deaf child to go to an oral school to learn speech and lipreading which is bull crap. Why make your child suffer and isolate them from their peers? I'd rather have my child be around the same people, socialize with those people, and love/embrace who they are!

We all need help and guidance.
 
There, you are facing your reality of raising a d/Deaf child. Then go for it. Still good luck on trying to adopt a d/Deaf child. :D
 
i did watch some years ago they were looking for families for older children from pacfic islands who have it tough if deaf..i think you need australian nz bsl but unsure.i got feeling you have understand deaf community well better if one of you is deaf or you have deaf child sib or parent all grey area.
many people like idea signing but dont understand thinking which obvisously be different and young deaf kids can suffer depression with issues...i think bebong explained it better than me
 
I would seriously consider if I wanted a child in the first place.
Maybe you can try babysitting or volunteering at a daycare to get a feel for what a kid is like.

Deaf or not deaf, kids will be kids: self-centered, unreasonable, and impulsive.

Have you tried having ASL friends instead?
 
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of course you have to respect your partners feelings they may want their own kids and you got lot life to live before wanting any child
 
Deaf children in US are usually adopted quickly. There tend to be more available internationally. Here are a few links:

Deaf / Hard of Hearing Adoption

deaf-adoption : deaf-adoption

Deaf/HOH Adoption Links

Continue to be involved in the Deaf community, stay involved. This will be a significant part of your childs life. Make sure that your partner is 100% on board and understanding.
As a hearing person also intending to foster and adopt Deaf children in the future, there are many considerations to make in order to be fair to everyone. I wish you luck!
 
Be prepared for Parenting Classes (lots of them)...background checks (lots of them)...Your life will be turned inside out and so many questions asked....You'll be under a "microscope" for awhile...and hope all turns out well. And if there are any "secrets"...they will find out about it.

Adopting a child, deaf or hearing, does have its rewards...as for a deaf child, I don't know, since my boys were hearing.
 
You should want a child for the sake of loving a child, not because of their disability. A child is more than their disability. Do you have a stable homelife, a job, the income, the time, some idea of what doctors you like, do you have health coverage, a backup plan if finances nose dive? You'll need to be prepared for background checks, financial checks, well being checks, etc. It's a long process for a reason.

Laura
 
I would love to adopt a deaf child because I know the challenges they could face being in a country that do not advocate for their rights and could view them as a burden istead of a blessing.
 
As I learn more about the adoption process, I'll become more comfortable with whether or not I'm ready to adopt a deaf child. The reason I want to adopt a deaf child is not because of their disability (in fact, I don't believe they are disabled). I want to defeat the stereotype of hearing people becoming bad parents for deaf children. I know this sounds bad and it may not be the reason for wanting to raise a deaf child but I just hate the way some of these hearing parents raise their children. I read about it in books and on online forums and I'm sick of how they treat their children. Hearing people should treat their children just like anybody else with some exceptions though. They need to realize that yes they'll need to find a way to communicate with their children (best choice, in my opinion, is learning ASL). You want to communicate with your child in their language not yours. You need to communicate with your child in the easiest way for them. Some people need to stop being so selfish and put others before them. I believe if people do that, then they better the lives of other people.

I also want to adopt a deaf child to give them a better life. No child deserves to live a life where they are not loved. Every child deserves to belong to a loving family. And I want to give that opportunity to this child or these children. I want to see them grow up, be happy, and have a successful parent. And believe me when I say this, I will make sure that my future wife and I are on the same page when it comes to adopting children in general. Because we both should want to do this. Not just one person. We have to be in this together in order for it to work.

I currently have three Deaf friends and I would love to have more! :) The only reason I ask for your advice (the Deaf community) is to seek other peoples' opinions because I don't want to base my decisions on what I think. I want to know what everyone else thinks as well. I'm trying to think of what is best for my children. And yes, I do want children! :)

Shimo, I'm almost positive I want children. Haha. Even after I've raised my nieces and my nephew. Yes, it was hell at first but then it progressively got better. I love watching children grow and to see where their lives take them.

Bebonang did an awesome job at explaining herself! And I truly appreciate it! I'm very fortunate for everyone on here to voice their opinions on this subject. I'm very blessed and honored to receive such advice.

Marcyp06: Thank you for those resources! I will definitely check them out! :) Thank you also for the best wishes! It is much appreciated.

RockinRobin: I'm ready to do whatever it takes to provide the best life for my children! Whether they're hearing, blind, or deaf. I'm ready! I've made some mistakes in the past but I have learned from them and please know that my children will not be effected by it once we've jumped over that hurdle.

Lau2046: I do not plan on adopting children until after I'm financially stable (that means once I've paid off my student loans and house payments and can finally live peacefully with my financial decisions). If you only knew how big my heart was not just for the Deaf community but for people in general. I want to do as much as I can for people regardless of whether I know them or not. And I'm not doing this as a sympathy order, I'm doing this to provide these children with a life they may not have had, had they never been adopted and stayed in foster care. I would never want that for any child or person because it's truly heart-breaking to see and hear how people grow up without any family. I don't want that for anyone! As for doctors and other resources, I plan on consulting with my Deaf peers and teachers for that information because they are always willing to help out with that! They have been awesome to me for quite sometime! :)

Shel90: I want to become an advocate for all Deaf people around the nation! All I'll do whatever it takes to make life accessible for all Deaf people! :)
 
tbone said:
I want to defeat the stereotype of hearing people becoming bad parents for deaf children.
Click to expand...

When the time comes for you to sit down with an agency, don't say this when you're asked about motivation because it does sound bad. You don't adopt children to make a point - you adopt because you want to open your heart and home to a child. Actress, Mia Farrow, has adopted numerous special needs children (and some that aren't). The only point she wanted to make is that she wanted a large family because she enjoys being a mom...and that's the best reason of all....

Best wishes and Happy Thanksgiving,

Laura
 
Thank you for your advice Laura. It really means a lot. I'm honestly just tired of seeing people and becoming isolated from their peers. It's not right to them.

I want to become a better father than my dad was to me. He and my mom dedicated a lot of time and money towards me growing up. They knew nothing about cleft lip and/or palate and had to learn through the school of hard knocks. So I owe this to my parents. I'm their agent and I will continue to better the lives of other people not just through selfless giving but through my love as well.

I never want my children to go through one day thinking that I don't love them! I want to show and tell my children that I love them every single day of their live because I want them to be happy and successful!

I know I sound so darn repetitive but it's true! I want what is best for them!

Best Wishes and Happy Thanksgiving to all! Gobble, Gobble! :)

Ryan
 
T-bone, don't forget about adopting HOH kids too!!!! HOH kids would LOVE being raised as Deaf. Also, be careful.
Due to the "euphaninsim" game you might be hooked up with kids who are severely multihandicapped, or who have being dhh as a secondary disability. What I mean by that, is that sometimes they try to pass off multiple severe kids as dhh. Multiple severe kids are a completely different kettle of fish. Then again, there are some multiple kids who may have dhh as their primary disability.
 
TBone as a hearing person you are pretty insulting to the majority of the hearing people.

"I want to defeat the stereotype of hearing people becoming bad parents for deaf children. I know this sounds bad and it may not be the reason for wanting to raise a deaf child but I just hate the way some of these hearing parents raise their children. I read about it in books and on online forums and I'm sick of how they treat their children. Hearing people should treat their children just like anybody else with some exceptions though. They need to realize that yes they'll need to find a way to communicate with their children (best choice, in my opinion, is learning ASL). You want to communicate with your child in their language not yours. You need to communicate with your child in the easiest way for them. Some people need to stop being so selfish and put others before them. I believe if people do that, then they better the lives of other people"

You need to stop and take a backseat before you start raining the fire from hell on such parents.

I don't know what the situation is like in America, but here in Australia the parents are NOT to blame.
Hearing parents who give birth to a deaf child, when they've had no contact with d/Deaf people before are clueless.
Rather than hating them for not learning sign, why not turn to where they get advice? Doctors, psychiatrists and the such.

A parent can only take in what information they are given and then make a decision that they feel is right for their child. It is not up to you or anyone else to judge.

The only person who can criticise is the person in question, reflecting on their upbringing.

My current lecturer in Auslan was brought up with oralism.
Her resentment is with the Drs. not her parents. Her parents did the best they could with the situation that was dealt with them.

Which is why she is now strongly encouraging more Deaf awareness so that parents can have options and know all the information available to then make a more informed decision.

Even your parents would've made a decision they thought was best for you.
Until you are a parent, responsible for another human being, you can't really criticise.

I mean no disrespect or offense to you, but please do not lump all us hearies the same, you do not know of the individual circumstances therefore you have no right to jump on your high horse and judge.

The only shit parents out there are the ones who don't care about their child. The abuse them, they don't love them etc.
 
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