Adopting a Deaf Child

[AlleyCat]

You knew a whole single mother? Wow. That sure adds up to the whole population. For the millionth time, generalizations.

You're being rude.

I understand your point of view in this thread. You could express it better.

But, frankly, I think parents who go into adopting a child that they already know is deaf means they know there are going to be bumps ahead of them. It doesn't make it a bad idea.

 

[whatdidyousay!]

I am in late 40's. My parents know that there have sign language. They did not know sign language. But they were learning SEE when they had me. The point is that they are willing to learn sign language to communicate with me.

If any hearing parents want to adopt deaf kids, and want to learn ASL. SURE WHY NOT.

I was just wondering if your parents knew about ASL . I am 67 and my parents knew nothing about it. My dad was born in Russia in 1892 give or take a few years , I would hate to been born then and be hoh. I see nothing wrong with the OP wanting to adopt a deaf child. The OP had posted anything since May 12 , I guess they're not coming back.

 

[Frisky Feline]

I was just wondering if your parents knew about ASL . I am 67 and my parents knew nothing about it. My dad was born in Russia in 1892 give or take a few years , I would hate to been born then and be hoh. I see nothing wrong with the OP wanting to adopt a deaf child. The OP had posted anything since May 12 , I guess they're not coming back.

speaking of other member thinks its a bad idea for hearing parents to adopt a deaf kid. It does not matter if hearing parents know about deaf kid, and still want to adopt the deaf kid and will learn ASL. Then deaf kid is lucky.

My parents are in 70's. my mom grew up, lived in NYC that was a few blocks away from deaf school. She thought having sign language is useful.

 

[wenharas]

We adopted a Deaf child and things are going just fine, thanks. If hearing couples don't adopt deaf children, who will? Minorities, including deaf are under-represented as foster or adoptive parents. Is it better to leave that child in an orphanage?


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[deafdyke]

We adopted a Deaf child and things are going just fine, thanks. If hearing couples don't adopt deaf children, who will? Minorities, including deaf are under-represented as foster or adoptive parents. Is it better to leave that child in an orphanage?


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I've noticed there's a small but sizable community of Chinese deaf adopted kids.......You do have to be careful with adopting dhh kids.....Sometimes the
"Euphanism People" will promote a multihandicapped kid as dhh.....That's not too bad when the other disabilty is mild.....but when you're talking about a kid who is so severely affected, the dhh is secondary......(like deaf-blind multi without the blind) that can get tricky......Severe multi kids are VERY hard to raise and require as much care as a baby...it's very diffrent from a "just dhh or mild mental disabilty dhh"

 

[Bebonang]

We adopted a Deaf child and things are going just fine, thanks. If hearing couples don't adopt deaf children, who will? Minorities, including deaf are under-represented as foster or adoptive parents. Is it better to leave that child in an orphanage?


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You can adopt a Deaf child unless you are thinking of wanting to fix the Deaf child with CI or going into the mainstream schools without ASL. The problem with that is most hearing parents don't really pay any attention to their needs. If they want to go to the Deaf school so that it is easier to understand with ASL than in the mainstream schools where there is only oral-only method.

No, I would not want a child to stay in an orphanage but you may be doing the wrong things to the Deaf child or Hard of Hearing child when you refuse to listen or pay attention to their needs. You are going to make the Deaf child suffer because you want him or her to do the lipreading which is impossible with only 30% of guess work and trying to understand what hearing people said. And also you want the child growing up and become a teenager or adult try to be involve in the hearing world. They get frustrated and kind of angry about not getting the accommodations they need.

Don't force or push the child of what you want the child do your bidding. You don't understand about their deafness. Hearing people think they know all about deafness which they don't. So show respect by listening or paying attention to their needs. For a Deaf or Hard of Hearing, this is their life, not your life to do what you want the child to be just like hearing person. You have to learn to accept them as they are and not change them trying to be like you. I have said many times about that. Most hearing people just ignore us.

 

[wenharas]

deafdyke wrote: "Sometimes the "Euphanism People" will promote a multihandicapped kid as dhh....."

That's a valid point and something anyone who wants to adopt internationally needs to consider. It was one of the reasons we adopted through foster care.


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[wenharas]

You can adopt a Deaf child unless you are thinking of wanting to fix the Deaf child with CI or going into the mainstream schools without ASL. The problem with that is most hearing parents don't really pay any attention to their needs. If they want to go to the Deaf school so that it is easier to understand with ASL than in the mainstream schools where there is only oral-only method.



No, I would not want a child to stay in an orphanage but you may be doing the wrong things to the Deaf child or Hard of Hearing child when you refuse to listen or pay attention to their needs. You are going to make the Deaf child suffer because you want him or her to do the lipreading which is impossible with only 30% of guess work and trying to understand what hearing people said. And also you want the child growing up and become a teenager or adult try to be involve in the hearing world. They get frustrated and kind of angry about not getting the accommodations they need.



Don't force or push the child of what you want the child do your bidding. You don't understand about their deafness. Hearing people think they know all about deafness which they don't. So show respect by listening or paying attention to their needs. For a Deaf or Hard of Hearing, this is their life, not your life to do what you want the child to be just like hearing person. You have to learn to accept them as they are and not change them trying to be like you. I have said many times about that. Most hearing people just ignore us. [/
QUOTE]


I'm not sure where to begin. I can feel your frustration thru this post and I don't wan to add to it.

I can't speak for all hearing parents who give birth to or adopt deaf children. I can say that my husband and I have done the best we can with what we knew at the time we knew it. Yes, our daughter has a CI, not because we thought she needed to be fixed, but because it's a tool that she can use.

In another thread I asked for advice about making the switch from a public school to a school for the deaf. Why? Because it's what she needs now and what she wants. Have we done everything right along the way? No. Have we listened to her and done our best? Have we made changes when things didn't work? Yes. That's all any parent, hearing or deaf, can do.







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[Eater of Worlds]

Besides your family learning ASL (and learn it from a good teacher, preferably one who does not speak in class when teaching sign. It prevents you from using English as a crutch to learning ASL), make sure your new little one gets to have a social group of other dhh'ers. Not only will it help with the speed of language acquisition for your child, it gives your child a place where they can just go and relax and talk with others in a way they can't with hearing people. It's really frustrating to be deaf in a hearing world and be expected to function as hearing, and it's stress reducing to be among others who can communicate with you in the way that is less stressful.

As important as learning ASL is, it's important for his success to be able to read and write English. Always remember that for him (I'm assuming it's a boy, I can't remember from your post), learning English is going to be like you learning Russian in Cyrillic without the benefit of knowing what the words sound like, so you can't match up groups of letters with the sounds you're hearing. It makes learning English much harder for the dhh.

I would also ignore Catastrophic's catastrophic pessimism. If I had enough money to adopt internationally, I would be doing the exact same thing you are.

 

[Barbaro]

Ouch, Catastrophic.

I have three adoptees (aunt, nephew, brother). The first ones are from Mexico and China. My brother is a Mexican/Dutch descent.

Your first post stuck a nerve. I heard that before. I absolutely dread it. You made adopters to feel worthless or not capable of providing love, protection, and compassion to a child in need when they asked for help. You shot them down.

I picked up a hint from your posts that you're not a parent. How do you feel that when the one told you that you aren't qualified when you're willing to learn ASL and teach a child? Sorry, you're not qualified to adopt a deaf child. You absolutely have no idea that adopters hear it all the time, and their hopes are all lost. That's why adopters go to the support meetings to share their feelings. Loss... Grieve..

People have the idea of adopting a child seems cool and romantic, but nope. You have no notion about adopting a child. The process of adopting a child can be time consuming and exhausting.

Frankly, I don't care if you say there are too many sensitive people here. Those adopters have sensitive feelings, too. Next time, use your tact carefully before you talk to adopters. Whenever they ask for help or support, help them instead. Tell them to point out the right resources that they will provide everything for their adoptee. Please don't ever discourage them again.

 

[deafdyke]

deafdyke wrote: "Sometimes the "Euphanism People" will promote a multihandicapped kid as dhh....."

That's a valid point and something anyone who wants to adopt internationally needs to consider. It was one of the reasons we adopted through foster care.


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*grin* Even foster care can see this........but yeah....Kids with MILD secondary issues can fit in very well under the label of dhh.....but when they do it to euphanize the type of kid who is severely multihandicapped...it's like *headdesk* Those kids really are NOT dhh, at least educationally or even functionally....They're severely multihandicapped.....that's a very different population.

 

[shel90]

Hearing people wanting to adopt a deaf child and learn ASL is better than a parent having natural deaf child and doesn't learn ASL as it is in my case.

I agree! Too many parents out there who don't learn ASL for their deaf children. A big shame.