Adjustment to late onset deafness

[BrittBritt]

I'm so sorry. This is a familiar story to many people who started losing their hearing as adults. Your post makes me sad because I can relate to so much of what you say and it brings back bad memories and feelings. I don't really have advice, you just take it day by day, maybe get a new job if u can, try to meet some friends like you who are deaf or hoh. I those things have helped me some. Nothing will cure other people's ignorance unfortunately. You will always have to deal with these new frustrations. For me now that I have asl and a terp at work, it is not as many bad days, but there are definitely bad days and stigma that goes along with being the girl with the "special needs" and "helpers" (terps and note takers). People said to me before when I use RTC instead of terps "Oh I thought u must have a learning disabilitiy, I didn't realize u were hoh." stuff like that sucks! Suddenly I'm the stupid girl. People never cease to amaze me!

I'm a recently new deaf person, who also went through the process or rigors of trying to find out why. While everyone around who I work with have from go, said get implant and have lost patience or just say I don't know to my questions so they don't have to communicate. It feels like I am whipping boy at work everything is my fault now. But, low man or I am the weakest link in their eyes. The hurtful thing is that I gave yrs and yrs of loyalty through the owners personal problems to growing the business on my own time and expense. I was the go to person now I'm the ignored person or better yet blamed for everything person.. One of the people I work with said I'm lucky not to her it. I said I would rather hear it than see body language or frustration in their movements. Now they urn away to talk so I won't read their lips.
There is always down time and so they conversate I used to read. But, in heir eyes if I'm reading I'm not working, so I get all the looks and tap tap tap on the shoulder or counter or pulling of shirt to get attention to do what they want, while they continue to conversation and do nothing. I don't mind it's the way they tell me to do it. Not once have they asked if their was a way to easily communicate instead they start writing then just say " forget it" or this one wave me off like a kid.....it seems my IQ dropped with hearing. I know I've ever treated any of them with that level of disrespect.
The worst part is nt knowing how I lost hearing. They cannot say even tried to say from smoking..... I don't or haven't had a cigarette since I or sick on one in high school. Here is a funny thing.... The dr's I went to were all past friends who I've known and worked with. All said same thing to just an ear infection. And yes, the path was littered with everyone saying oh sorry, get implant, it is black or white with them. They didn't believe me when I said there was still sound at one pt. I would get mad when they would try to push me into getting CI but don't want anything sewed into my head that is not removable. Even the House clinic told me that I should not have sounds the way I did and must be phantom sounds.
During all of this I would get dizzy spells from certain sounds that would get me dizzy, nauseated . I am more patient now than before but it was long road:roll:

 

[horizon22]

AlaskaStar - can you try putting in words how to fast educate a hearie in public? I believe that will help a lot of people over here.

 

[AlaskaStar]

AlaskaStar - can you try putting in words how to fast educate a hearie in public? I believe that will help a lot of people over here.

Ok. You want to know. Let me paint a vivid picture, and then animate it.

Nearly all my "hearie problems" occur in public. So this is kinda long winded, with several examples.

Well, for starters, there's 3 methods of dealing with people in general. When the hapless store clerk opens their mouth and no sound comes out (as viewed by me...) I have 3 options:

1. Use sign language. This usually causes instant synaptic shock. It's worse than synaptic failure. It's not the brain shutting down like we've all seen. It's the complete reversal of all information, you can literally watch their IQ drop 60 points.

In the event that it doesn't cause synaptic shock, they will respond appropriately and either write, or if they are on par with being more than a post-modern neolithic biped, they will sign back.

However, results vary from person to person.

2. Write. Yes. No speaking, no signing. Write. This causes them the most frustration. This is due cause for them to want you to vaporize away like a ghost. This means they must slow the **** down and do things right. If they can't do this, then what can they do? Seriously: Live on island, in hurry to go where? Earth is a little spherical shaped island, and where exactly are they all in a hurry to go?

If for some reason they are unable to read or write, I have to call into question their ability to operate a computer, cash register or breathe for that matter. Don't get me wrong, but I have been subjected to bad handwriting, bad spellers, and the result: I am almost able to read Cuniform Hebrew written by a drunken Chinese! However, there's no excuse. If I can write, so can you. Ok. Fine. If you lost your hands and have hooks, well, I guess we'd have problems communicating, and thus I think I'd look at you and smile, because the irony is just hilariously awkward at that point.

Last but not least is option 3. Option 3 has the most entertainment value. Option 3 is to SPEAK.

Yes.

This is where I say, "I am deaf." and watch the response.

Normally they take in a deep breath and SCREAM.

Uhmm? Really? I said "DEAF" not "Hard of Hearing."

Or, they are mentally deaf, and it results in they keep talking, totally oblivious. I then repeat myself.

"I am deaf."

They give a blank stare...

Then they talk some more.

"I am deaf. This means your lips are moving and no sound is coming out."

Blank stare.

Their mouth goes into high gear. They can't help it. If I can talk, then I can hear, right?

WRONG.

"nicht sprechen Deutsch"

Jaw drop. Blank stare.

"no hablan español"

Neurons quit firing.

Drool.

Eyes completely glossed over.

"Eye Wide Shoit buth! I wee todd didd"

Eyes go red. Face turns red.

Veins bulge from forehead.

Muscles tense up.

Chest puffs out.

Gaping slack-jaw closes and jaw muscles tense up.

"I am deaf. This means that in my point of view, your lips are moving and I hear NOTHING."

So these are the interactions I must deal with.

My favorites are the gas stations. These clerks are beyond mentally deaf. I know people with Down Syndrome that have higher functioning mental capacity than this bunch. Tesoro, Holiday, Chevron, Shell, Texaco... no difference. When the economy crashed, everyone implemented a "Pre-Pay" system of policies to prevent fuel theft by poor people driving trucks that get less than 10 miles per gallon. So I go into the station with cash, and tell them which pump I am on. I think the largest station in town has 18 pumps. So they employ the workers with the lowest IQ. Heaven forbid they have more pumps than the workers have fingers and toes! Inability to count would be terrible!

So I hand them cash, and tell them which pump I am needing fuel on, like this:

"$60 on pump 3"

I get a stupid stare.

"I need to pre pay for fuel on pump 3. I am handing you $60 cash so that you can unlock the pump and I can get fuel."

More stupid stare.

I then just head out the door to the gas pump to get fuel. Most times they can figure it out without more assistance.

I get fuel. Now I need my change and a receipt.

I walk back into the gas station and...

"I am here for change and receipt from pump 3 please."

Blank stare.

I see the cloud of stupid moving in.

Neurons quit firing.

They get my change after a moment or 10...

They close the register drawer.

I notice that there's no receipt.

"Can I please get a receipt?"

Blank stare.

Synaptic Shock must be occurring.

They speak. No sound comes out. I am back to my 3 options. I already spoke. So I have no choice but to take option 3.

"I am deaf. Please write."

I am told that they have to fiddle with the computer to get a receipt. Handwriting is barely legible, and spelling is worse.

The record holder is Tesoro at the intersection of Palmer Wasilla Highway and Parks Highway. 53 minutes to get a receipt at 3:00 in the morning. No other customers for the entire time I was there. I was getting fearful that the "cloud of stupid" phenomenon was contagious before I got the receipt!

So as life continues, I find myself in situation after situation of unbearable dealings with fellow genetic specimens of human nature.

The pharmacist that had never heard of someone being deaf in all his life.

The electrician who can't connect 3 relays together according to the schematic drawn by a deaf man.

The problem that I encounter is what most deaf people encounter with Hearies. The basic level of communication is the barrier. If nobody communicates with me, then they didn't communicate with me. To avoid looking like an idiot, I simply don't speak very much because I have no idea what people around me are saying.

Recently a niece had a birthday. A gathering of family members occurred. My folks, my grandmother, nephew, friends, brother, etc. Nobody translated anything. Not one thing was translated. I had no idea what was being said. However, I could tell what the birthday girl was doing purely by visually watching. People all bust into laughter. I can see it on their faces. I haven't a clue what is possibly so funny at all. I see no clues. Nothing out of place, no funny faces, so it had to be something that someone said. I ask what is so funny?

No answer. I am ignored. No translation. No writing. No ASL. Nothing.

I am at a party, room full of people and I am alone. Shoulder to shoulder with people, and not a soul in the room gives a shit.

Good thing I am an abysmal failure at one thing in life. I was an abysmal failure at trying to commit suicide. So I became a hopeless optimist. Smiling someone to death, seeing the bright side of anything as they self destruct is a form of sadistic pleasure.

It's a very lonely place. No music while driving. I used to rock out to tunes as I cruise down the road. I would drive to Fairbanks from Wasilla routinely, and the first trip without tunes was the LONGEST. It felt like an eternity! As time passed, I can now go thousands of miles without tunes no problem.

There is no comparison for the life changes when you lose all your hearing.

For starters, you find out what your "friends" are made of, as they suddenly plummet into the negative numbers. Then, family dis-owns you out of shame.

The long term is that opportunities dry up. Chances to get stuff that can help with a project for free or little to nothing are near impossible to find as easy. People treat me as if I am retarded.

Only because I cannot hear.

Amazing huh?

The good news?

I am less able to be distracted. I am more focused on the task at hand and the work needing performed.

The quality of my work has increased several magnitudes of order.

Where I live, in Alaska, people are not keen to hire a deaf person. It doesn't matter for what job position. They simply will not hire a deaf person. They aren't required to hire me. They just won't.

It's because it would take an extra moment of time, an extra effort... just to communicate with me.

That... and most jobs in Alaska are blue-collar, which means I need to "Answer the phone" and communicate with customers. That's going to work swell, don't you think?

So I went to the employment office, and I do all their fancy paperwork to try and get a job. They keep handing me papers with phone numbers to "CALL IN" on. I just give them a stupid look. I am astounded. They know I am deaf. They helped me through their maze of idiotic papers and they still demand that I pick up the phone and CALL a phone number? Amazing.

So now you know, there is no simple way to educate a hearie. It requires a special talent to laugh at anything anywhere at anytime.

I get my jobs by starting cool projects. I needed another antique tractor to restore for a client, so what did I do? I started restoring one for myself, and this put me in places where I am searching out hard to find parts, putting me in a position to be noticed by other people in the same position and maybe needing some help.

I wanted to do a custom classic car restoration, so I started on my '69 Cadillac Coupe DeVille. Now, I have a '63 Corvette to restore this winter.

You can't force anyone, but you can suggest, invite, and be the change you want to see.

If you are still in tears laughing, then you know it's true.

-Chris

 

[horizon22]

Chris,

Thanks for writing it in detail.

Sadly, the situation is no different in this part of the world - I am from India.

I especially can relate to the frustration when we are expected to call even though it is clear that we can't hear.

In my case, mostly it is the guess work but I try to avoid or minimize the situations that invokes a response. For example, if I go for fuel, I go for a standard figure so there is no change to ask for. Alternatively, one can take the precise amount they need, though of course there are times when it is not possible, but again, the idea is to minimize and this helps.

I agree it is extremely hard to change people's mentality or the ability to handle communications with us and that is why I asked you to be description with the thought that may be you have something that can help.

Thanks again.

 

[Blessed Hope]

I know how you felt

Hey there! I'm pretty new. I started realizing I wasn't hearing so well when I was almost 20, now, at 23, I am severely hoh. I have good and bad days. Some days I remember that there are so many others going through similar and worse things that there is no sense in wallowing in self-pity. Other days, things tigger me, like when I can't hear my baby cooing or when I see my husband mouthing 'I love you', and I then I get pretty upset and depressed. There is sooooo much I don't understand about losing hearing. I don't understand all the technology and I, while I practise the little ASL I know frequently, I don't have anyone to practise with. I get pretty lonely. I feel very isolated. But, you know, this is a great idea for a thread...and I hope lots of late deafened people respond to it. I'd really like to hear other stories. I'll be checking in often...like I said, I can be a little moody...sometimes I'll be cheerful and sometimes ready to cry...but I guess others go through that too. I have another ENT appointment tommorrow. Yikes. Maybe they'll be able to tell me what is wrong though! Thanks for starting this Jillio!

I have been reading AD for a couple of days now.
I wanted to join but didn't know how to introduce myself.
Your post describe my feelings as well.
I first started having bad hearing tests in elementary school.
I went to ENT but dr told me to take antihistamine & hold my nose and blow hard to unstopped my ears. That really didn't help. My hearing slowly got worse but I didn't use hearing aids. Then like you, when I was 20, I couldn't hear my baby coo. Yes, it did hurt & made me nervous not hearing the baby. Then when I was 23, I went to another ENT. He took some x-rays of my ear & the results showed I was going to be completely deaf at age 40. Oh course, I tried to deny the report. I am pass 40 & I still hear some. Along the way the hearing loss progressed. I started to where hearing aids. It helped with the loudness & could hear some sounds better, but understanding speech; it was still mumbled. Starting near the end of 2011 my hearing have really worsen. I where BTE aids with a booster inside the ear mold. I used to understand some speech without my aids. Now, it is almost zero recognition. I feel just look you..
I don't know ASL. I am hoping to learn it.
But, at times I really feel my hearing loss is a blessing. If I want quiet time, all I have to do is remove or turn off my hearing aids... That's blessing sometimes.
I do get frequent ear infections I think from hearing aid. My ear canal is always itchy and waxy.
I have a Blessed Hope believing some day we will all be healed!

 

[Blessed Hope]

Well I guess its my turn sorry if it turns into a book, but i know you all like to read...

Last summer around July/August I had noticed that I was having some dizziness and what seemed to be a sudden loss of hearing that fluctuated from time to time. At first I really didn't think much about it, I just thought it was something that came and then would go. The last couple of weeks in August though I started getting really bad Tinnitus. It wasn't just a small ringing sound it was loud and it was so bad I couldn't sleep. During the day I was scared to drive and do my normal every day things because I couldn't balance right, my head would hurt, my hearing would go away then come back, go away then come back.
Scared out of my mind I went to the ER, I thought something was wrong with my head. They ran a number of tests, blood tests a CT. When they found nothing wrong with that stuff they ordered an MRI the following day. I went in for it and go the results back in a couple days. They called me and told me they didn't find anything tumors or anything of the sort that would explain what was going on. I asked if maybe it was related to Diabetes because it runs in my family but the doctor assured me it wasn't because they checked for that.
I was very frustrated and because my hearing was an issue I called a place to have a hearing test done. The place I had called had told me it was about a month till they could get me in for a test. I took the appointment (even though I thought it was rediculous to wait that long.) A few days had gone by and the symptoms seemed to lesson except the Tinnitus. It was driving me nuts because it was constant and it just never seemed to go away. It was like I had a whole lot of crickets chirping at night in my head all of the time.
Frantic in the morning I called my mother crying she told me to find another place that could take me. The first place I called I was in tears I'm surprised the lady could hear me. I told her what was wrong and she said they could get me in for a test within the next hour. She was appalled that the other place was going to take so long.
The Audiologist I went to see is Bill, it was his own practice and his wife Wendy was his secretary. When I came in, they both made me feel so at home. I was nervous of course but he brought me into the office and had me sit down while he took all my history down.
We started all of the tests, first he checked everything out in my ears, he said they were pretty red inside, more than he liked to see. Then he did a measurement of some sort I think it had to do with fluid in the middle ear? I really didn't understand a lot of what he was saying to me. Then came the hearing tests. Say ice cream, say ball, say sidewalk.. (i know you all know how it goes, lol) I missed a few words and repeated a few back that weren't right. And while he did the tone tests it was also hard because of the Tinnitus. The sounds were the same sounds I was hearing all of the time so it made it hard.
We finished the tests and he took a few minutes to go over everything. I knew I hadnt done very well =( He then came back and said I had a moderate-severe loss and sat me down to show me the results of the audiogram. He showed me where my hearing was, what normal was, and how much loss I had, and how much I still had left. The tears started to flow and it was hard for me to take in. It was more hard because I knew something was wrong I just didn't know what. Then he also said he wanted me to see an ENT because of the fluid test and something else, I don't remember what it was right now. So he referred me to an ENT at the University hospitals. He did tell me he recommended Hearing Instruments for both ears and took me to the other side of his office. He showed me many models and brands and showed me ones he could put on me that day.
Because my hearing was moderate-severe he handed me a small BTE aid and asked me what I thought of it. I said it was small and it looked nice. He got 2 of them and hooked them up to the computer where he started to program my audiogram into them. A little while later he put them on me and we started to tweek things. I will tell you I cried 2 times that day. Once when I knew how much hearing I had lost and once he put those on me. It was brought to my attention that my hearing had been bad before i thought i was losing my hearing as well. I was hearing so many things I hadn't heard in so long. I heard a radio he had on the whole time in his office i didn't know was on!

That was about 7 mths ago. Since then I had seen the ENT we did the tests and I have been Diagnosed with Menieres Disease in both ears. My hearing has also dropped a number of decibels since. The latest drop was in my right ear in January, 5 decibels just in that month. I have had to have an upgrade in the receiver in both aids so that the gain is greater.
This has been a very painful thing for me to deal with. While I put on a smile every day and I try to make the best of it my friends and family just do not understand what I am going through. I feel like I am caught in Limbo. The world of hearing people is no longer the same. A world where I felt comfortable starting up a conversation with a group of people, laughing and joking around with my friends and family. A world that has turned into one I can no longer understand to the best of my ability. One where no one understands me...
Trying to slowly transition my life into the Deaf community. A community that doesn't fully understand what it is like to become Deaf after having hearing your whole life.
Its a double edged sword that is hard to swallow any way you look at it.
I enjoy music more than anything in my life and knowing that some day I will not be able to hear it breaks my heart. It sounds weird but some days I wake up hoping that all of my hearing is just gone so I don't have to go through all of this hard stuff. People think because I have Hearing aids that I hear everything. And when I miss something they think I can just turn them up and all will be okay.

When I learned of my disease I enrolled into ASL and have enjoyed every minute of it as I have always thought it was a beautiful language.

Some days I can stand my life and others its tough. I am just glad I have a place like AD to come to.. I feel very blessed to have met the people I have met and the ones I continue to meet in this journey...

Thanks for sharing... I am going through the same journey...
I am blessed too, to find this forum. You guys are in my heart!

 

[Blessed Hope]

I understand what you are saying...but I also know that if the people you are talking about really love you, they would tell you if they felt burdened by you in someway....and I don't think they would find you as a person a burden, but rather, just some aspect of your behavior. I don't think they do. My husband tells me when he gets fustrated with my hohness....but he also supports and encourages me all the time! I wish I could give you a big ol' bear hug. I promise you are not a burden to those who really matter.

So true

 

[Blessed Hope]

I think it is natural to wonder sometimes, particularly perhaps after a frustrating day when you have had to ask others to repeat themselves constantly, or someone has made one of those ridiulous assumptions about being able to speak well, so you must be faking the level of your hearing loss, etc. Because, in these situations, you have to make more effort at communication, it is natural to see the difficulties more than anything else. That becomes internalized, and you "feel" like you are responsible for inconveniencing other people. When that bumps up against the natural desire to make our loved ones happy, and their lives stress free, we get internal conflict. I would ask you to keep in mind the fact that very, very often our feelings have absolutely nothing to do with reality. That holds true for all of us in all situations. Just because you may "feel" that your deafness could be a burden to others doesn't necessary mean that they feel that way, too. More likely than not, your loved ones would tell you honestly that there are times that it can be frustrating, but that their frustration comes more from their inability to communicate with you effectively more than from your deafness. They have the same desire to make you happy as you do for them. Therefore, they will also experience frustration with the situation, but their frustration comes from them, in the same way that your frustration comes from you. My suggestion would be to talk about it. If you are having difficulty on a particular day, and it involves say, a situation with your husband, simply tell him, "I feel like such a burden to you sometimes." I think you will be surprised by his response.

Well said.. I go through this all the time.
Sometimes, I am so weak emotionally because of this frustration.. I feel like leaving home & living in a deaf community who would understand me.
I know, at that moment... All I need is a hug...a big tight long hug... & of course the words... I understand....and I love you so much!!!!

 

[Blessed Hope]

Oh good. Grin. Good job Deafteen. My husband just quietly walked into the room, took my hand, walked me into the kitchen and pointed...not that he needed too...I was standing in shallow water (he'd been at work). Luckily, there wasn't too much damage, just a bit of water staining on the cupboards.

Lately, I have been leaving the faucet running,too.
I feel so bad when that happens because I actually thought I turned it off..when actually, I only turned one off. I never heard the water running so I thought everything was ok. Now, I have too double check all the time. Before, we leave the house, hubby has to go back and check the faucets to make sure they are turned off. I hate it when he finds one still running & he comes get me with fierce eyes to turn off the water. Oh man, that hurts.. I get so depress. I told him please don't tell me when you see the faucet on.... Just turn it off & pray I don't do it again because it really puts me down. He really is a very good husband. He knows my struggles, but sometimes he is short on patience. He has health issues so I know sometimes he is not feeling well & some things effect him more on certain days.

 

[Bottesini]

Lately, I have been leaving the faucet running,too.
I feel so bad when that happens because I actually thought I turned it off..when actually, I only turned one off. I never heard the water running so I thought everything was ok. Now, I have too double check all the time. Before, we leave the house, hubby has to go back and check the faucets to make sure they are turned off. I hate it when he finds one still running & he comes get me with fierce eyes to turn off the water. Oh man, that hurts.. I get so depress. I told him please don't tell me when you see the faucet on.... Just turn it off & pray I don't do it again because it really puts me down. He really is a very good husband. He knows my struggles, but sometimes he is short on patience. He has health issues so I know sometimes he is not feeling well & some things effect him more on certain days.

Maybe it would be a good idea for you to get some counseling.

It may take you a little time to change your habits and adjust to your hearing loss, but you really need to be responsible for what you do.

Your husband shouldn't have any need to go check on the water before you leave home, you should do it yourself.

What do you do if he isn't there? Let the house flood and be destroyed?

I am deaf, but I guarantee I would be fierce and impatient with any hearing family members if I had to check up on them.

 

[Blessed Hope]

Oh why haven't I found you guys sooner? Reading some of these stories really helps that it's not just me, I just haven't learned how to cope. I either ignore people or pretend I hear them.

When I was 22 I started getting vicious ear infections. I ended up spending 2 years on pain medication and came out with tubes and my ears and a vicoden addiction. I thought everything was fine until I noticed some minor hearing loss, I honestly thought my ears needed cleaning. I was terrified to touch them (and still am) because of the long bout of infections. So I went to have them cleaned by my doctor but he didn't find anything causing it. He did a hearing test and noted some hearing loss. It's progressed. Three times I've woken up to quite a large amount of hearing loss. My original doctor confirmed it.

We moved and when the second significant loss of hearing happened I went to the doctor. He stuck me in a silent room with headphones and then told me I had no hearing loss. After a few months of this I gave up, no sense in wasting money for that. My family can no longer talk to me unless they get my attention and I'm facing them. I feel so rude on the phone when someone calls with a heavy accent. If they can't direct me to someone else more clear then I have to hang up.

I just wish it would end. Just finally go completely deaf. I hate this in between stage. Sometimes you hear things and sometimes you don't. No one remembers to tap your shoulder and look at you when they talk. Everyone gets tired of repeating themselves. I get tired of repeating myself. I get tired of being too loud or too low or slurring my words.I get tired of blurring voices. I get tired of folks who think you're either hearing or deaf, as if there's nothing in-between. It sucks to have people say "I told you that" and you can't exactly say "Oh? That day? I was pretending I heard you and just nodded my head".

I have gotten better at reading lips, though trying to listen and read lips kind of gives me a headache..but that could just be me concentrating too hard. To be honest, I'm fairly ok with losing my hearing. Only every once in a while does it get me down and only a bit. It's really dealing with others dealing with me that causes me all the trouble. THEY get me down a lot. How will my life end up when my hearing is gone if they don't face it now?

I am going through the exact same thing. As I type this, I have an ear infection. I am always going to the ENT for ear infection & wax build up. A few times, hubby threw objects near me when I was a for distant to get my attention, after screaming loudly to get my attention didn't help. It would startle me.
Your story sounds just like mines... Hugs

 

[Blessed Hope]

*Big hug* Sweetheart, I understand. I really, entirely do. I had mysterious ear infections (which my ENT insists has nothing to do with the fact that I am now severly/profoundly hoh...right). I have been diagnosed with Meinere's and am hanging on to little bits of sound by a thread. I totally get what you mean when you say you wish you could go completely deaf. I feel that way quite a lot. I hate talking on the phone, I am getting good a lipreading, but like you, I often have to pretend. I will say this though: I am waking up less in dread of it now. This has been going on for about three-four years, and I am, finally, learning how to live with it a little. It's hard. I feel so left out and alone sometimes, but you know what? We aren't alone. I wish I could really give you a hug. You pm any time you want to talk. My mother feels that I'm not 'trying' (how you 'try' not to go deaf, I don't know) and so I get that too. You know what? They are going to have adjust...it's hard for them too, though, because they feel that they should be able to do something about it. It's hard for them to accept that they can't. I think you will find comfort here. They are nice people on here and they have lots of experience. I can tell you from the bottom of my heart that it is possible to have a life, and a good one, while you are hoh/deaf. I am still just learning this but I know it to be true. I hope I helped a little!

Gypsy you are a sweetheart! Yes you are blessed with a Wonderful family!

The remark people is when they say "you only hear when you want to hear"
Boy, that hurts me because they are implying I am faking my hearing loss & mocking me.

 

[Blessed Hope]

I have this little issue with my father. He's quite elderly and he and I are very close. We have been together on trips several times since I lost my hearing, but between times I think he forgets/denies that I can't hear. He continues to send me e-mails with video clips that are entirely spoken, and others with music. When we were together last month for a family gathering, he asked me why I was signing and not speaking (I had an interpreter friend come along since dinner was with 18 family and friends). I explained that it was hard to judge my volume in such a large crowd and I wanted to make sure I was understood; I also mentioned that I was speaking but perhaps he didn't hear me well. As a side bar, he just saw an audiologist last week and was found to have a severe/profound high frequency loss, and is getting BTE aids shortly.

I love my dad dearly, and I think he is trying really hard to accept that he can't fix what happened to his "baby girl". But I also feel a bit frustrated and don't know how to deal with my own feelings. I've reminded him a couple of times that the e-mails with sound are impossible for me to understand; I don't want to keep reminding him because I'm afraid of hurting him. I'm afraid to just delete these because some are captioned or written and accessible to me. I wonder how many other late deafened are experiencing similar issues?

This may sound strange... When I listen to a captioned you tube video with headphones... It seems like I can actually hear the spoken words.
But if I listen to a video without caption with the heaphones,, I can't make out what is being said. I guess it's the my brain is wired.

I get really frustrated when someone sends or post a video without captions.

 

[Blessed Hope]

Maybe it would be a good idea for you to get some counseling.

It may take you a little time to change your habits and adjust to your hearing loss, but you really need to be responsible for what you do.

Your husband shouldn't have any need to go check on the water before you leave home, you should do it yourself.

What do you do if he isn't there? Let the house flood and be destroyed?

I am deaf, but I guarantee I would be fierce and impatient with any hearing family members if I had to check up on them.

Thanks for the encouraging words.
It not like you project it to be. I do double check most of the time. But he makes a point to go check to make sure. He doesn't have to be angry, unless I would purposely leave the faucets running. He knows I would never do that. He just needs to excercise the gift of compassion.

 

[Bottesini]

Thanks for the encouraging words.
It not like you project it to be. I do double check most of the time. But he makes a point to go check to make sure. He doesn't have to be angry, unless I would purposely leave the faucets running. He knows I would never do that. He just needs to excercise the gift of compassion.

That's what I am trying to tell you. Deafness is not something that requires people to have a lot of compassion for you.

Hearing is one tiny thing in your life, and other senses should compensate.

That is why you need counseling. To move past your depression and self pity, and find that life is still very full.

 

[Blessed Hope]

I don't wear my HA all the time and my family understands. It's not that my HAs are uncomfortable. It's that I need a break from listening. One of the first coping skills that I adopted was allowing myself down time after I've spent a significant amount of time listening. Listening for long periods of time is exhausting. I become very fatigued.

There are two things that I wished hearies would understand. First, it doesn't matter how loud a sound is, if it's in a range that I've lost, I still can't hear it. This should be a no brainer but it eludes people. Second, it doesn't matter how much you magnify the sounds that I can hear, it's still distorted sound that I have to make sense of, which requires great concentration and effort on my part. That's why I get tired and that's why I give myself rest time.

This is so true. I get so tired from straining to hear & I get eye strain from trying to keep up with lip reading or reading captions on tv. My eyes constantly go up to see the scenes & down to read the caption... Then struggling trying to keeping up.
I tell people it's like listening to an old 45 rpm record on a LP speed.. The sound is distorted. If you raise the volume it just makes it noisier.

 

[Blessed Hope]

That's what I am trying to tell you. Deafness is not something that requires people to have a lot of compassion for you.

Hearing is one tiny thing in your life, and other senses should compensate.

That is why you need counseling. To move past your depression and self pity, and find that life is still very full.

I am not always depressed. I am just sharing my struggles. I am coping. I have a good life. I even told my audiologist that deafness can be a blessing.
But, I admit, I worry when I am alone and there are annoucements/instructions on a pa system & I don't understand what was spoken. It sounds like a foreign language to me.
I just wish some people were more compassionate.

I do appreciate you.

 

[Blessed Hope]

Hi, hohpolice. My hearing loss is in the speech zone so I'm always filling in the blanks. It's like playing Wheel of Fortune every time you have a conversation. Pat, I'd like to buy a vowel!

For example, I hear "e--e--tor races." I guess "alligator races." Good try, but it was "elevator races." Slight difference. It makes for some comical conversations.

I can listen best when it's one-on-one with no back ground noise. Listening is really exhausting for me. Many of us here talk about the fatigue that comes with hearing loss. By the end of the day, I'm grateful to take off my hearing aids and take a break from the noise. I like being able to turn off my ears.

Lol...I hear you!!
People gets a kick out of the things I reply back to them because I filled in the blank wrong. Whew. It does wear you out playing that game all the time when communicating orally. But really it's not a game it's reality.

 

[BrittBritt]

Maybe it would be a good idea for you to get some counseling.

It may take you a little time to change your habits and adjust to your hearing loss, but you really need to be responsible for what you do.

Your husband shouldn't have any need to go check on the water before you leave home, you should do it yourself.

What do you do if he isn't there? Let the house flood and be destroyed?

I am deaf, but I guarantee I would be fierce and impatient with any hearing family members if I had to check up on them.

I am wondering if u r late deafened because I had a hard time w water running as a result of going hoh in my 20s. Obviously I relied on audio cues for certain things like that. She will get it. You have to make your brain rewire not to rely on audio cues. I don't remember how long it took. Less than a year.

 

[Bottesini]

I am wondering if u r late deafened because I had a hard time w water running as a result of going hoh in my 20s. Obviously I relied on audio cues for certain things like that. She will get it. You have to make your brain rewire not to rely on audio cues. I don't remember how long it took. Less than a year.

No.