Adjustment to late onset deafness

I'm also scared to speak because I don't want to end up screaming something that was only supposed to be whispered.

There are plenty of gadgets that display visually how loud things are. Is there anything like that meant for oral D/deaf people to use to help them judge the appropriate loudness of their own voice when they speak?
 
There are plenty of gadgets that display visually how loud things are. Is there anything like that meant for oral D/deaf people to use to help them judge the appropriate loudness of their own voice when they speak?

Why, yes. That's called a speech therapist! :wave:
 
Hehe.

No, I meant some electronic thing you could wear on your wrist, or maybe just glance at a smartphone app that did this, just before speaking in some real-world environment. So you could judge the ambient noise level of where you were and how loud the other speakers were being, and adjust your speech loudness until the device or app said it was the same loudness.

Assuming you are wanting to use your voice, and want to try to match loudness in the first place. ;)
 
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Is it okay if I don't want to use it at all? I have it so everyone else thinks I should speak to them, I'm no so sure if I want to. Is that acceptable?
 
Is it okay if I don't want to use it at all? I have it so everyone else thinks I should speak to them, I'm no so sure if I want to. Is that acceptable?

Um, of course it's okay if you don't want to! You're the boss of you, not me. ;)

That's why I said that my questions were all presupposing that someone using a visual-loudness-meter thingy would want to speak and match the loudness around them in the first place. If you don't want to be doing that, for whatever variety of reasons you may have, then don't. :)

But for anyone who did want to, I was wondering if there are tools out there to help them accomplish that goal.
 
Is it okay if I don't want to use it at all? I have it so everyone else thinks I should speak to them, I'm no so sure if I want to. Is that acceptable?

You have every right to decide what you want to do or not.

Like most late-deafened people, you are finding out the very hard way who your friends really are. The true friends are willing to "meet you halfway" in communicating with you. This sounds cold, but all others will find you inconvenient and slowly drift away from you and don't mingle with you as often. It is not because they no longer like you, but they are uncomfortable and are not sure what to do, and they don't understand what you are going through.

Your attitude is pretty good for someone that just lost their hearing...you are rolling with the punches. It is much harder on people like you than it is for those of us that have been deaf for a long time.

I've had speech therapy for 12 years....very tedious and sometimes humiliating, but it paid off at the end.
 
It's hard seeing my friends getting more and more distant but I know that if they can't handle me now that it's harder to communicate with me they don't deserve my time or friendship. My wonderful boyfriend is trying so hard to learn. He's also trying to help me embrace it. Poor thing bought earplugs and he's going to wear them in a crowded place to try to relate. It's really not the same but I can't thank him enough for trying.
 
I am working at being more and more "voice off" when out in public since I do tend to speak too loud. At home, the only person who complains is my MIL, but she's getting used to it.
 
It's hard seeing my friends getting more and more distant but I know that if they can't handle me now that it's harder to communicate with me they don't deserve my time or friendship. My wonderful boyfriend is trying so hard to learn. He's also trying to help me embrace it. Poor thing bought earplugs and he's going to wear them in a crowded place to try to relate. It's really not the same but I can't thank him enough for trying.

Your boyfriend sounds like a champ and a keeper. A lot of guys would run the other way as soon as they heard the word "deaf". (I know from experience...) It's AWESOME that you have your boyfriend to lean on for support.

As for your friends... If it were me, I'd drop them. When something like suddenly becoming deaf happens, you can really see people's true colors. I'm sure that it's hard for them to be able to relate to you and whatnot. But, there is a HUGE difference between your friends and your boyfriend. Your friends become more distant as a result of you becoming deaf. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, shows how sweet and caring he is, and tries his very hardest to relate to you and learn, and support you. I think that it would be good to have more friends who are like your boyfriend.

Really, I think that you would benefit from having more deaf friends. Being able to have deaf friends who can relate to what you're going through is something that should NEVER be taken for granted.

Just my :2c:, here.
 
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My wonderful boyfriend is trying so hard to learn. He's also trying to help me embrace it. Poor thing bought earplugs and he's going to wear them in a crowded place to try to relate. It's really not the same but I can't thank him enough for trying.

Sounds like a really cool guy. You are lucky to have him.

This might help: When I lost my hearing at a young age, I had a wonderful teacher that helped me to learn how to read lips. She would fingerspell the first letter of every word right next to her mouth whenever she talked, and I picked up very quickly. So did all my other classmates.
 
Good afternoon.............not like I have been here long, on this forum, but I JUST found this thread. From what I am reading, wow, I thought I was the only one feeling these things. Not special, or anything like it, but just how my situation worked out.

I will tell you how I became deaf, I truly apologize if I do not say things correctly, do not capitalize the correct words, seem to be an Audist (if I do ???), any of it. I am still learning.

Ok..........here goes. Not real warm and fuzzy with this, but ok.

Where to start ? I worked in heavy industry, got my degree in hydraulics. I was the shop foreman, ran the service crew for all of the NW, did all the scheduling. I had the "go to" crew, the really ugly jobs, yeah, we did them. Long hours in extreme weather, any place, any time, you break it, I would have a crew onsite and fix it. We did all forms of hydraulics, both mobile and stationary, some agricultural, logging was huge, as was mining.

Which bring me to the deafness, MSHA had red tagged a piece of mining equipment from one of the hydro-static drives not having proper tension on the deadman brake. The brake is designed that when you lose pressure or if the operator lets go of the controls, the machine stops. This is done with a HUGE thick beveled washer. I had a 10 ton (20,000lb) three jaw hydraulic gear puller pushing down on the washer housing as I removed the 16" dia snap ring that held it in place. I had my face over the gear puller when one of the legs snapped in two. I was struck in the face with the gear puller, brake, and just about everything else. When I came too I was in a pool of blood. I could feel the bones in my face though all the soft tissue damage. I went to the hospital, they sewed me up, did some rather "rudimentary" tests, I guess they did anyway. Pretty much they just dealt with the lacerations and facial damage. (leaving allot of boring details out)

Ok, Fast forward about a week, I am dizzy, not feeling well, vision is off. Dr tells me I had a concussion from the impact............mmmmm.....ok. A couple more weeks, it is worse. A few other symptoms had jumped on the band wagon also.

Then the vertigo hit. Actually, it had been there all the time I think, but I had my first severe attack.

I just deleted like four paragraphs of unnecessary information.

7-8 weeks after this happened my hearing was gone........ profound deaf, bilateral, period.

I had sustain a severe closed head traumatic brain injury, severe vestibular concussion, spinal damage and lost a percentage of vision in my right eye, the impact side. It took well over a year for them to find all of this.

So that is how I became deaf. But the vertigo removed me from the world. I had worked my entire life, been in more than a few bar room brawls, ya know, livin' the life. I could master this. So I pushed it, the harder I pushed, the more it proved me wrong, I was not in control. The facial scarring is an issue for some, I know. But the truth is, my world sort of evaporated. Friends ? Huh....yeah, well, what friends ? I know they did not get it, but I was alone in a crowded room more so than when I was actually ALONE. I have become reclusive. I do not wish to be at social functions, the pub, really, much of any of it. This happened a little ove five years ago. Sorta like I am living one life then..........I'm exactly the same person, but my life, my world is from another planet.

I came on here, this site, to try and break that very cycle of seclusion. I do not know the right words, I suck at ASL, I have my Audio dog who has kept me somewhat sane.

I have just started to write and be me. The me I am now, not who I was then. I know that person, that world is gone. Please recognize, not all of this is do to deafness. The vertigo is my worst enemy. I try to have hobbies/life/friends............but it does not work out really. Reading here helps me understand more, if that make sense.

That's it I guess...........If I can answer questions I will. I hope what I wrote is ok and in theme with this thread.
 
Which bring me to the deafness, MSHA had red tagged a piece of mining equipment from one of the hydro-static drives not having proper tension on the deadman brake. The brake is designed that when you lose pressure or if the operator lets go of the controls, the machine stops. This is done with a HUGE thick beveled washer. I had a 10 ton (20,000lb) three jaw hydraulic gear puller pushing down on the washer housing as I removed the 16" dia snap ring that held it in place. I had my face over the gear puller when one of the legs snapped in two. I was struck in the face with the gear puller, brake, and just about everything else. When I came too I was in a pool of blood. I could feel the bones in my face though all the soft tissue damage. I went to the hospital, they sewed me up, did some rather "rudimentary" tests, I guess they did anyway. Pretty much they just dealt with the lacerations and facial damage. (leaving allot of boring details out)


Ouch.....sorry to hear about that. Sounds very painful.

Thanks for sharing this story. We have another member here that suffered a head injury and lost her hearing for a few years.

I am not an expert at closed head injuries, so forgive me if this is a dumb question: You say the hearing loss came after the accident, is it caused by the brain swelling and cutting off blood flow to certain areas?

In keeping with the theme of this thread: Even though many members here tout that learning ASL is one of the best things...and I agree, however, I am a strong advocate for lipreading. I became deaf at 4 and made it to 18 on lipreading and limited hearing only. I was the only deaf kid in all the schools I went to until I went to college. There were no services available outside of institutions for kids like me back in the '70s. Learning how to lipread takes some practice, and comes in handy when you are the only deaf person around.

Hope you will make progress with the vertigo.
 
@ Green427,

The hearing loss is in association with the TBI, the vestibular damage/concussion or a combination of both. It is fixed and stable, sorta makes it sound like it is okay, but that just means that it will not change from what it is.

I have worked on my lip reading and my speaking, which seems somewhat taboo in the deaf culture. I am just looking for methods to communicate. I do believe if there were a larger deaf culture in this area I would be able to hone my skills more. But from what I have found is that people choose to not recognize the choices they make in communicating with me effect me in my ability to communicate with them. Even in the medical industry. Hence, the lip reading, conversation conjecture, minimal interaction.

I am a fledgling within this world, still sorting it all out and really working on where I fit.

Not certain if this answered your question ?
 
Hi Tube T3...I lost all of my hearing overnight last May. I was really sick with a serious blood infection, brain swelling etc. I was in ICU for 10 days and the hospital for 30 days. It was a very close call, but I made it. I did loose all of my hearing tho. I can totally relate being thrown into the world of deafness, with no warning. I like you am struggling with communication. Lipreading is ok for a short period then my brain goes crazy. I also Have this horrific noise that sounds like an air compressor a foot from my head and it is there 24/7. Being deaf for me is not peace and quiet its brutal!!! Good luck to you!!!!
 
Good morning Angle1989,

Lip reading works fairly well for me, ASL can trigger vertigo in me. I wish I had a stronger deaf culture around here to interact with.

I can do ASL if I go horribly slow. I know this would frustrate anyone versed in it.

Thank you for your reply and best wishes.
 
Lip reading works fairly well for me, ASL can trigger vertigo in me. I wish I had a stronger deaf culture around here to interact with.

I can do ASL if I go horribly slow. I know this would frustrate anyone versed in it.

If it makes you feel any better, there are a lot of deaf people like myself that have never 'belonged' to any kind of culture....not deaf enough to be part of the deaf culture, not hearing enough for the hearing culture.

I've lived and worked in the hearing world without feeling like I was part of it (still don't to this day). College at RIT was the best time I've had socially, now it is back to the daily hearing life. Once every two months I get together with my old college buddies and go biking. All of us live and work in the hearing world and go through the same old crap.

Sounds depressing, but it is the truth: No matter where you live, being deaf in the hearing world is lonely at times. I have suffered from depression most of my life, but have found ways to push it back and try to enjoy the things I do. If you have hobbies, concentrate on them as much as you can.
 
I am sorry most of you who feel so lonely or depressed. try to think positive and do your best to learn ASL and search for someone who are the same experiences as you do.

i dont have your experiences. but i really wish that most of you who learn ASL with no trouble because you won't feel lonely when you hang out with other ASL users, like me. I always thought that anyone who can speak fine would have good life but im wrong about it.

try to think positive and search for your own interest with someone who are the similiar experiences as you do.

good luck.
 
Thank you Green427,

I am truly working on this life. My life, now. For too long I was looking back, not forward. I truly kept trying to get back what was gone, done, destroyed.

This a journey for me, I have a rudimentary map, but it is I that must find my way. The hobbies help. My audio dog, Zeus, he is a life saver. Always there. ALWAYS. Even on my bad days, he is there. That will either make sense or it will not.

I completely understand your feeling of not being in either world. I profound deaf, but we seem to lack deaf culture in these parts. I feel adrift at times. Not in a "pity party" sort of way, but just not quite sure what to pursue and what not too.

The circles in which my social agenda were base have evaporated. The downside is that I am still looking for the way fill in the gaps. I do allot of stuff alone. I'm ok with that.

Being on here helps. Not that I was ever so naive as to believe I was the only one dealing with a transition in their life, but reading here, the daily life, challenges, triumphs of everyone is good, very good.

Thank you for your response.
 
If it makes you feel any better, there are a lot of deaf people like myself that have never 'belonged' to any kind of culture....not deaf enough to be part of the deaf culture, not hearing enough for the hearing culture.

I've lived and worked in the hearing world without feeling like I was part of it (still don't to this day). College at RIT was the best time I've had socially, now it is back to the daily hearing life. Once every two months I get together with my old college buddies and go biking. All of us live and work in the hearing world and go through the same old crap.

Sounds depressing, but it is the truth: No matter where you live, being deaf in the hearing world is lonely at times. I have suffered from depression most of my life, but have found ways to push it back and try to enjoy the things I do. If you have hobbies, concentrate on them as much as you can.

:gpost: X2!

I've always felt, ever since I can remember, as being "culture-less", if you will. As a young child, I had my cultural identity stripped from me, and another one forced upon me that didn't fit me at all. (Not referring to hearing vs. deaf; this is different. LONG STORY...) I was left with not much to live on. I am now finally starting to figure out who I am, who I'm supposed to be, and where I belong in this world. It's hard, it's tough, it's agonizing.

I live surrounded by the hearing world - but I've never felt like I'm a part of it. I feel trapped in a world where I don't fit, if that makes any sense at all... I blame my sense of being "non-cultural", if you will, on the people who did not encourage me as a child and now to be who I really am.

I have more thoughts on this, but I gotta jet now...
 
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